


Stand Alone

by Marie_Fanwriter



Series: Until the End [1]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Archangel - Freeform, Drug Abuse, Emotional Sex, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Gangs of Omega, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Multi, Rape/Non-con Elements, Recovery, Rescue, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-30
Updated: 2017-06-07
Packaged: 2018-11-06 17:04:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 11
Words: 89,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11040489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marie_Fanwriter/pseuds/Marie_Fanwriter
Summary: Two years is a long time. Long enough to change someone. What would have happened had Shepard not rescued Archangel in time? Adjusted timeline where Archangel is not immediately under attack when Shepard arrives on Omega, because that was just too convenient....Skip Chapter 1 to avoid the long list of warnings. You'll understand what you've missed without needing to read it.





	1. Chapter 1 - Fate

Stand Alone - Chapter 1

 

The bridge had been a killing ground. It’s narrow width funneling witless idiots into the scope of Archangel’s rifle for two days straight. Two days of emotional agony and physical distress. Ten of his men lay dead under sheets, one was missing. He hoped he was dead, anything else would have been much worse for the purple marked turian; Archangel knew what the mercs did to prisoners. He shuddered to think what would be happening if Sidonis wasn’t dead. Alone and afraid and tortured by the filth they’d set to cleanse Omega of. 

Scoped and dropped. Another merc hit the ground beyond the barrier, the shot was a little sloppy but it still took him out. Brain matter and shattered bits of helmet coated the ground behind the downed man. The rest of the mercs hid in cover, trying to regroup after this shattered wave. In the brief seconds of quiet he provided himself with the vigilante tore into a ration bar and drank deeply from his water bottle. 

_ “Stay alive,” _ Erash had said in between bloody gasps,  _ “Take as many of the bastards with you as you can!” _

Archangel clasped his helmet back into place and surveyed the empty bridge. It was too quiet. He flicked through his visor’s settings with a few twitches of his eye, thermal imaging allowed him to see that the mercs were amassing in force behind the makeshift barriers they’d set up the day before.  _ Damn it! They had to use their brains eventually... _ He thought bitterly. A sniper could only take so many shots before reloading; it was too slow for a rush of them. His assault rifle wouldn’t be accurate enough to take them all. His pistol wasn’t even an option. 

An idea quickly formed and he actually had Erash to thank for it, proximity mines. Quickly he levered himself up from his nest and rushed to the crate at the end of the salarian’s bed. It was supposed to be used for personal kit but Garrus knew better than that, the former STG operative had no use for personal gear, just bombs. 

He’d already rigged the door to the rest of the base with an explosive, if even one man was able to get past his defenses while he was occupied then he was done for. These extra mines he was able to drop on both sides of the balcony. Thankfully they were sturdy and required a code to arm; else he might have set a few off with the impact. 

He’d barely gotten back into his sniper nest before he heard the rush start. A solid fifteen men ran at the bridge and without a second thought three were down. He’d only shot two of them but a third tripped on the first dead body and with a yelp fell to his death from the bridge. Archangel picked off two more, the ones furthest from the central gaggle. He could see the excitement of their faces before they disappeared under the bridge only to scream as they activated the mines and were incinerated. He had to hand it to the salarian, he really knew how to make a bomb!

There was only one loose end left to tie off. Garrus pulled up his omni-tool and punched in his father’s code... a voice came over the com, _ “Hello?” _

“Dad.” 

_ “Garrus? Is that you? What’s that noise?”  _ Obviously the senior Vakarian was shocked to receive a call from his son; it had been over a year and a half since they’d spoken. And much longer than that since they’d gotten along.

Garrus let off three shots before responding, “Just a little target practice.”

A sigh,  _ “Then call me back later.”  _

Garrus swallowed, “I don’t think I’ll be able to do that then, too many targets.”

The pause before his father responded was deafening, _ “I see.” _

“I just wanted to hear your voice. Wanted to know how retirement was treating you. You good?”

_ “I’m fine. Forget about that.”  _

Garrus could hear the strain and cut him off, “Listen, I don’t have a lot of time I wanted to say... you were right about things. A lot more than I gave you credit for. And I’m sorry we butted heads so much.” His confession was his last good deed, he needed his father to know that this, all of this, wasn’t his fault.

_ “I said forget about that.”  _ The senior’s voice was stern but Garrus could hear the concern, he usually reserved that tone for Garrus’ mother. _ “These targets that you are practicing on – They’re moving fast?” _ Shots hit Garrus’ cover and he responded in kind, the sound of his shields fizzling made the com hiss.

“So far, not fast enough. But they’re learning.” The junior took a shaky breath.

_ “How are your thermal clips?” _

“You know how it is, Could always use a couple more.” More like a couple more stims, he mused.

_ “Work with what you’ve got, then. You don’t stop pulling that trigger until it clicks, son. No matter how bad things are falling apart around you, as long as you have at least one bullet left, you can still get the job done. Understand? You finish up what you have to do there, and then come on home to Palaven. We have a lot to talk about.” _

Garrus was silent for a moment before responding. “Yeah, we do. Thanks dad for everything. I have to go now.” The call was too short. The call was too late. He risked squeezing his eyes shut for just a moment and he cut the line.

He had time to pop a stimulant before he heard mouvement again. The stims were keeping him sharp, it was the only way to survive after being awake for nearly 64 galactic hours straight. Although, his strength was starting to wane by this point, the stims were becoming less effective and he was starting to run low. He felt around in the armor compartment, very low. 

_ Well Shepard, looks like I’ll be joining you soon enough, _ he thought to himself. He hadn’t thought of her much in a long time, but now, about to join her, he couldn’t think of anything else. He sighed and brought his scope to his eye once again. 

And that’s when he saw it…

“Spirits…” he mumbled as a heavy mech dropped from behind the wall. It set itself up and started shooting, bullets and missiles aimed directly for his perch. He lept out of the way as the beast tore into the concrete where he’d been perched, chips of concrete flying out at all angles and dust obstructing his view. Within seconds his scope was back to his eye, a well-placed shot jamming the main source of bullets and shrapnel.

Eclipse soldiers and light mechs tumbled over the wall next and started trying to make their way across the bridge. Garrus took out a few of them but was surprised to see the heavy start swinging its large arm around, trying with little effect to get its gun working again. The machine actually ended up shoving a few men off the bridge and knocking a few others to the ground. He couldn’t help but laugh as Jaroth himself appeared over the wall, and had to manually control it to get it attacking the proper target again. 

Another missile hit the balcony and Garrus had to move quickly, he stood and lined up his shot on Jaroth. Just as he released his shot the mech released its own. Both marks hit their targets, Jaroth fell to the ground dead, a bullet through his head. Garrus was thrown backwards by the force of the rocket. A wretched sound tearing from his throat as parts of his helmet and shoulder pauldron were torn off. The heated metal burning into his bleeding right side.

The room spun and swayed above him, nausea and dizziness setting in. His ears rang with the sound of the firefight. A wet gasp left him as he struggled to move to cover. It was no use, within moments his world started to grey out. Only the power of strong stimulants kept him from blacking out completely. 

Even the sound of many pairs of boots in the hall couldn’t force him to move. The bomb on the door exploded when the mercs finally pried it open, Archangel would be taking a few extras to the grave with him.

Garm was in the second group entering the room, the first group had cleared and secured it before allowing their boss to enter. The vorcha scattered like rats as the hulking krogan stomped towards the broken turian in the middle of the room. With one hand he reached down and pulled the vigilante up from the floor by the front of his armor. Garrus wasn’t able to stop the pained moan and that turned out to be his downfall. Garm’s face lit up. The smile was enough to make anyone afraid, and for once? That included Garrus.

Garm laughed, “The bastard’s still alive! I knew that sorry excuse for a salarian couldn’t handle it.” He shoved the limp turian against the wall, holding him by his throat with his feet off the floor. He was about to send a bullet through the gaping hole in Archangel’s helmet when Tarak entered the room.

“Not yet Garm! He hasn’t suffered enough. I want to see what he looks like with that helmet of his on.” He paced across the short distance and beside the krogan who was easily a foot and a half taller.

“Fine.” Garm grunted. With his free hand he tore the remains of the helmet off. The Archangel’s head fell forwards, blood flowed freely from the damaged side of his face, he was only kept from bleeding out by the cauterizing effects of the scorched metal. The turian’s eyes were closed and his breath laboured. “Happy?” the krogan asked, frustrated.

“A Palaven boy? Wouldn’t have guessed that.” Tarak mused before answering the other leader, “I’ll be happy once we make him scream a little for all his good deeds. Don’t you want to hear it, Garm? Feel him spasm around you as you destroy all he has left?”

The smile was back and he laughed low in his throat. “You batarians! Always wanting to play with your food. Fine, we’ll do that first. On the condition I get to kill him when you’re done.” 

Tarak nodded and the sound of their laughter was the last thing Archangel would register before he was slammed into the wall and grey became black.

 

-+-+-

 

Garrus came to with a start. He opened his eyes but could see nothing but inky blackness. He tried to move but found his arms bound behind his back. He took a few breaths trying to calm himself, trying to take stock of the situation. He was in some kind of dark room, lying on his side on a metal floor. Everything hurt but not as much as it should have.  _ Drugs _ , he assumed. He listened but nothing stuck out, he could still be on Omega or worlds away by now. Without being able to see or hear anything the last step was to sort out his injuries and determine how he was confined.

Starting with his feet he moved each joint and muscle as best he could. His legs were bare but unrestrained and seemingly unharmed. As far as he could tell his arms were the only thing bound by restraints at the moment, his fingers were numb from lack of blood flow. His chest ached, Garm must have broken a rib or cracked a plate when he shoved him against the wall. Well that and he had a couple of gunshot wounds that were still fairly fresh; none bleeding at the moment, which he took as a good sign. 

His shoulder and face were what really concerned him. There was a numbing ache emanating but the muscles wouldn’t respond to his attempts at moving them. He would have attempted to get more information with his visor but seeing as it had been removed, with the rest of his armor and clothing, that wasn’t an option. 

Without any way to tell time he wasn’t sure how long he lay there before the door opened and light flooded into the small cell. It burned his eyes and he had to close them in retaliation. He heard whoever opened the door call out to his coworkers, “Bastard’s awake! Someone tell the boss!”

_ That doesn’t sound good…  _ he had time to contemplate before being hauled off the floor by two sets of hands. He grunted at the sudden movement, his captors uncaring as they dragged him from the room. The agony of moving was almost as blinding as the light but Garrus forced himself to open his eyes and try to determine where he was. Now, outside of the dark room, he could tell he was still on Omega, the dim red light that always plagued the station told him so. Through the building’s windows he could make out other structures but nothing so specific as to tell him where they were. Even the sounds were generic, he couldn’t hear mining operations or the beats from Afterlife, though he doubted the mercs were stupid enough to go within spitting distance of Omega’s queen.

_ Or maybe they were and just didn’t care? _

The walk took maybe five minutes from start to finish, had he been cooperating it would have been shorter. He was thrown down onto the floor at Garm’s feet in a large interior room. The guards moved back from the turian, allowing the krogan room to pace a full circle around him. Garrus didn’t move from his position on the ground, at this point he knew any motion would be considered hostile and he wasn’t keen on starting his torture session prematurely. 

He wasn’t left there long before Garm leaned down in front of him and with one large hand he pulled the turian to his knees. “I’m going to enjoy this.” he said, licking his massive lips. 

The turian chuckled roughly, “Of course you’d enjoy this.” His voice didn’t even sound like his own, it was pained and oddly slurred as his right mandible wouldn’t move properly, “Though you should really learn to buy a fella a drink first.” He still had his wit and as long as he could still speak, even improperly, he’d continue to use it.

The krogan growled and with a flick of his free hand a guard was at his side, a piping hot rod in his gloved hands. Before Garrus had time to think about what they were going to do with it, the spike was roughly stabbed through his chest keel. He had planned to keep his screaming to himself but as the rod pierced his plates he screeched. Garm only laughed as he held him still by the throat. 

The rod only needed a few seconds to burn through the the thin wall of plating and shooting out the other side. The rod was removed quickly and a metal D-ring attached into the piercing. The heat had cauterised the wound and ensured that the hole in his plating would never have the chance to heal. Garrus’ head lolled to the side, his weight dead in the battlemaster’s hand. The only reprieve from the pain was for his body to shut down and that’s what it did.

 

-+-+-

 

Something sharp forced him back to consciousness. His eyes flew open and he was wide awake in seconds. A needle was pulled from the soft tissue exposed at his waist and discarded off to the side,  _ a stimulant… fuck _ . The turian’s arms were still wretched behind his back and the D-ring was still painfully in place. This time he was face down on a metal table, seemingly in the same room as before. 

“Oh good, the guest of honor is awake,” came a gruff batarian voice from behind him. Garrus would know that voice anywhere, Tarak. He couldn’t help the growl that left his chest. “Still some fight left in him I see. We’ll fix that.”

“You’ve made me wait long enough batarian. My blood demands vengeance.” Garm’s form appeared in front of the Archangel. 

“You’re right Garm,” the batarian said, crossing the short distance to stand directly behind Garrus. The sound of snapping fingers spurred the footsteps of another man, this one crossed the floor to stand beside Garm, some kind of device in his hands. “Put it on Tohma.”

The guard mumbled an affirmative and suddenly Garrus’ mouth was forced open and whatever the contraption was, was shoved inside and secured behind his head. The metal bit into his injured mandible and forced his jaw to remain open uncomfortably. He tried to yell profanities at the mercenary leaders but the sound came out garbled and slurred. Laughter filled the room and as Garrus dragged his eyes around the walls he could see they were lined with the leader’s men. All shapes and sizes of them, mostly batarians and vorcha but there were a few turians, humans and krogan in the mix too. Eclipse colours were missing which meant no asari nor salarians for the moment. 

The sound of armor being undone behind him pulled him back to the present. He quickly realised the extent of their plan and he immediately steadied his feet on the ground before attempting to pull himself upright. The D-ring clanked against the metal lead attached to the floor on the other side of the table. The turian was only able to pull himself a few inches off the table before the chain reached the end of its slack. He was trapped. 

He’d known what getting captured would mean but this… it was too much. He had been expecting pain beyond his wildest dreams and humiliation but the thought of being defiled hadn’t crossed his mind. Even now as he was shoved back down onto the table he knew saving those lives was worth it. It had to be worth it and that was all he had left to cling to.

Garrus wasn’t exactly a stranger to sexual activity. It has been a while since he’d been with another male, and if he was honest it had even a while since he’s had a female. Turians weren’t nearly so picky about their preferences as some other species were. But this wasn’t anything like any of those experiences. This was hell. 

Without preamble Tarak had forced himself past the tight ring of muscle and deep into his prey. Garrus bit down on the gag to stifle any noises he might have wanted to make. Tarak forcing himself into him over and over again while a room full of people watched was beyond humiliating. Forcing himself to stay quiet was his only respite from the act. 

Just when he thought it couldn’t get much worse Garm started unbuckling his groin plate. Garrus had guessed that the krogan would be next but seeing him prepare wasn’t something that he wanted. Not at all. “Get that ass ready for me yet?” the krogan grunted as he released his member.

Tarak, who was still busy pounding away, spoke between thrusts, “His mouth is primed and ready for you already, Garm.” He moaned as he pressed fully into the turian, using the captive’s hip spurs to emphasise his thrusts. “Fuck yes!”

Garm looked a bit skeptical and Archangel’s eyes widened ever so slightly… there was a reason for the device in his mouth after all. “It’s your game batarian… let’s see if this was worth it.” 

The Battlemaster took a step forwards and with one massive hand took that back of the struggling turian’s head and held him in place while he entered the gagged mouth. This was a totally new perspective for both of the involved parties. Garm had never had a turian and Garrus had never given a man oral, only one of the two was enjoying the experience. 

With his free hand Garm clamped down like a vice on the turian’s damaged shoulder. He began thrusting deeply into the gagging mouth around him and his grip tightened in his pleasure. Of course Archangel had partaken in rough sex before, nearly all of his experiences had been with turians during his military and C-Sec service, as such he’d had more rough sex than not. But again this was a totally different experience. It was agony. Especially the hand digging into the abused flesh of his shoulder where a plate had been burned off.

His struggling only caused the hand to clamp down harder and the krogan to force himself onto him a little more. He coughed and sputtered around the member, gagging as it slammed into the back of his throat time and time again. Garm roared out in his pleasure, “You were right Tarak! Uhg, this is what I needed.”

His jaw was forced open to its fullest extent in order to accommodate the intrusion. He could force his jaw to close slightly but the gag stopped him from biting down. If anything the additional tightness only increased the krogan’s pleasure. 

Garrus’ vision greyed around the edges as his air supply waned. For this he was thankful, a slight reprieve from the pain could only help. He wasn’t keen on being choked to death in general, let alone by the Battlemaster’s cock, but at least that would make this humiliation stop. It didn’t take long for the batarian behind him to finish off, no sooner than he pulled out a second man was behind him, thrusting into his abused flesh. All he could do was grunt around Garm as he was forcibly taken again. 

The second man didn’t last nearly as long as Tarak had. The already prepped, hot body below him caused him to come within just a few minutes of entrance. Although he did prefer digging his armor covered hands into the soft flesh of the turian’s waist. He gripped hard enough that there would definitely be bruised later if he wasn’t already.

With a roar the krogan shoved himself all the way into the turian’s mouth and came. Milky orange fluid burst forth from the member buried deep in his mouth, it painted the back of Garrus’ throat and there was so much of it that it overflowed and dripped onto the floor. Garm took nearly ten seconds to fully unload and all Garrus could do was cough around the cock still buried deep down his throat.

When the krogan finally pulled out a large amount of semen followed. There must have been half a gallon of cum in his quad and he didn’t hold anything back. Garrus tried his best to cough up as much of the fluid as he could though it was difficult as he didn’t have control of his jaw. 

Garm let out a satisfied grunt as he resettled his armor back in place, “No smart ass remarks now Archangel?” He laughed and a few of the vorcha joined in, their chattering laughter echoing in the room. Garrus didn’t respond, he refused to play into this game that Tarak and Garm had built. This earned him a hard smack across the side of his skull and the audible sound of a cracking facial plate, “I’m talking to you turian.”

Again he didn’t attempt to say anything and even turned his head to look away from the beast looming over his head. It was a great sign of disrespect to look away from your opponent in krogan clans. The mercenary leader brought his arm back and was about to make a swing that would probably kill the turian but was stopped by Tarak’s hand grabbing his wrist. The krogan shook him off, “What the fuck batarian? You said I could kill him once you’d had your fun.”

The Suns’ leader ignored the insulting growl. “I’m not done with him. He hasn’t suffered enough for his crimes. You can kill him when I say so.” 

Garm pulled his arm away and ground out his next words, “Fine. But if this takes too long you’ll be next after Aria.” 

“All in good time. I want to enjoy this first.” 

“I’ve got work to do. Have your fun. I’ll be back later to finish him off,” Garm said before he stalked off, taking his vorcha contingent, and a the few krogan, with him. 

The batarian walked out of sight and around the table. Garrus could hear the annoyance in his voice as he order his minion to remove the gag. The same guy that had placed the harness onto Garrus’ head was back and he removed it just as quickly as he’d put it on. 

The relief he felt was palpable as he rolled his jaw and flexed his working mandible. He was still concerned with the lack of feeling in his right side but at least now he could throw insults at his captors. “That all for today Tarak?” he said quietly, his throat so raw it hurt to speak. “Going to run off to fuck with your new krogan pet instead?” he forced a laugh out.

There was only a swift whoosh of air to prepare Archangel for his next humiliation. A whip struck his back leaving an angry line in its wake. The implement came down a few more times, each strike just a little harder than the last. Tarak was breathing heavily again by the time he stopped, “We’ve only just begun, Archangel.” He trailed the whip up one side of the turian’s back and down the other. “That was just for fun.”

“You’re sick.”

The batarian laughed long and hard, “I’m sick? No. You are. Coming here to do nothing but kill. I’ve got a business to run, I’m doing something here! Method to the madness, but you? Oh you? You’re the sick bastard who came to Omega to kill as many mercs as you could get your hands on. Now you’re nothing but a slave who has information I need. I’ll use you as I see fit.”

Tarak circled around to the front of the table and leaned down to look directly into Archangel’s eyes. “Now, what’s your real name?”

Garrus spit in his face. “Fuck you.”

The Sun’s leader wiped himself off, disgusted with the sticky cum wad that hit him. He clenched his fist around the whip’s handle and slashed it across the vigilante's face, “Tell me your name, slave.”

The turian scoffed, “Haven’t you heard? I’m the Dark Knight of Omega.” The whip came down hard on his injured right arm but he fought the urge to cry out.

“Just tell me what your real name is and this can stop.”

“Omega’s Guardian.”  _ thwack _ , “The Vigilante,”  _ thwack, _ “Spirit’s Messenger,”  _ thwack _ , “Gabriel!” 

Garrus waited for the whip to come down again but this time it didn’t. Instead Tarak laughed and he could only imagine the sneer on his face as he rounded to the other side of the table again, “Gabriel eh? Got a clan name to go with that?”

It was the turian’s turn to chuckle, the batarian was a gullible bastard, but he had to tread carefully as he had a damn good arm. “Or was it Michael? These humans have so many names for their gods. I find Archangel is a little more encompassing, don’t you?”

“STOP FUCKING TOYING WITH ME TURIAN!” he raged and brought the whip down hard enough to split a plate down its centre, the crack audible enough for the other turians present to cringe. The batarian was seething, “If Jaroth hadn’t blown half your face off we’d just trace your colony paint. But no… the idiot had to disfigure you with his last breath and make this more difficult.” He struck once more with the whip before throwing it to the ground, “Jedore, get over here!” he yelled at his human second in command. “Make him talk.”

With that Tarak stormed out of the room.

The human female circled the table, “I think it is time for a slightly different approach, don’t you?” Garrus said nothing. “Men don’t understand that pain isn’t enough to break someone like you, no we need to mess with your head a little more.” She waved over three of her goons.“Help him into position won’t you boys?” 

Garrus couldn’t only assume they nodded as one came to each side of him and hoisted him off the table. The flipped him over and forced him to lie down on it instead. He hissed as his abused back and arms hit the table. A second chain was clipped onto the D-ring on his chest and attached to the floor on his other side. His legs hung off the end of the table to accommodate his spurs but they chained down his ankles so he wouldn’t have the opportunity to gain leverage.

Jedore reappeared in his line of sight, “Now, isn’t that more comfortable?” The smile on her face was sickening.

He shrugged as best he could in his chained state, “Sure if you’d just grab me a cup of kava I’ll be all set.”

“Tsk, tsk. Still so cocky…” she reprimanded, before she did the last thing Garrus expected her to do. She ran a bare soft hand up his pubic slit. He gasped and flinched away from her touch. “Oh! Hit a nerve did I? Silly me.” 

One hand kept running from the bottom of his slit to the top. He couldn’t see what she was doing with her other hand but he knew it wouldn’t be good. One of her men passed her something but he couldn’t see what. Without his consent his body began to react to the stimulus ever so slightly. Jedore seemed pleased, “That’s it Gabriel.” she giggled, “Such a strong name. It’ll be fun to break you.”

“Thought batarians would be more your style. Seeing as you’d have had to suck Tarak’s cock to get this high in his ranks,” Garrus grunted as he tried to pull back from the witch touching him. He could tell he’d hit a nerve with her. “Oh! He fucked you then when you got too old he lost interest. I would be more his speed then, I’m at least ten or fifteen years younger than you.” 

Her caressing stopped and she slapped him in the face, “You leave him out of this.”

Even as he saw stars Garrus laughed, “Why should I? He’s the one who’d rather rape me then let you willingly touch him. He just leaves you with his spoiled seconds while he goes off to find another bitch to fuck.”

“Shut your mouth.” she demanded.

“Make me,” he bit out, knowing immediately that he’d regret egging her on.  

“Fine!” She yelled as she jabbed a needle into the newly exposed softer flesh between his pubic plates. 

Garrus tried to keep from crying out but a small gasp escaped as whatever she injected into him forced his cock to spring forwards from his plates semi-erect and without lubrication. He was raw and whatever the drug was left him feeling hyper sensitive. He gasped in pain as she dragged her pointy little nails over the exposed skin.

“Someone go get Ta’Roth before I kill the bastard myself…” She turned back to Archangel. “You’re in for a treat. Ta’Roth is Jaroth’s namesake and more than a little pissed that you killed him.” She gave him a few rough strokes, combined with the drugs that was enough to cause him to get a little harder. “You are a big guy aren’t you?” she cooed. 

He flinched away from the hand, “Don’t touch me.” He demanded in the most menacing voice he could muster.

She just laughed, “Once the asari is done fucking with your brain you’ll wish you just told Tarak who you are.”

It didn’t take long before the aforementioned asari entered the room; facial markings a perfect copy of those that were on the salarian counterpart. Harsh white lines down cheekbones and chin contrasted starkly with reddish-purple skin. “So this is the great Archangel?” Ta’Roth laughed. “I can’t believe that. Something this...  _ pitiful  _ could never have killed my boy.”

Jedore took a few steps away, “Oh this is him alright. He’s been a mouthy bastard too.” She took something from one of the guards before returning back to the table. “He’s not going to like this one bit though. Maybe it’ll make him a little less mouthy and a little more chatty? What do you think?”

“I’ll get the answers that Tarak wants. Don’t worry about that. Just know that there won’t be much left by the time I’m done.” The asari’s smile was just as vicious as Jedore’s. “Whenever you’re ready darling.”

The human nodded and took whatever the implement that she’s grabbed from the guard and set it down near his exposed anatomy. She slid a band under his abused lower back and dragged it down the torn flesh of his arms until it sat under his hips. That initial pain was more of an annoyance than anything but the real treat was about to come. 

Three solid metal hooks were forced into the exposed skin along the left side of his pubic plates. They weren’t sharp enough to pierce the tender flesh but it was a very sensitive area and he had to grind his teeth together to keep from crying out. As it was he was keening but the longer he denied them a scream the better. When the band under his hips grew taught he realised that the set of hooks on the left was about to be connected to a matching set on the right. He attempted to move away from the pain inducting object but he wasn’t able to slide more than a few inches on the table.

“Isn’t it wonderful? Now you won’t be able to close your plates even if the drugs wear off.” She pulled the band tighter and the hooks on the left caught on his abdominal plates. She gave it a sharp tug and forced the right set deep into his unprotected core. Garrus kept his mouth closed but the beginnings of a scream escaped the sides. His tormentors only laughed.

“What is it Tarak wants to know?” The asari asked casually as though she were talking about the weather. Jedore passed a datapad. “Name, hidden traps, associates… hideouts… it’s all pretty standard fare then.” Ta’Roth seemed bored with the whole affair.

What happened next was rather... unexpected, the asari dropped its skirt to the ground and climbed onto the table above the chained turian. This definitely grabbed the interest of their guards more than the rape that took place earlier. With a little effort the blue skinned alien was positioned over his forced erection and was able to press down. “Oh, you really are a big guy aren’t you?” the coo’s tone the same as the one the human woman had used only moments ago.

Garrus attempted to force the bitch off of himself but was unable to get any leverage against the blood slickened table. “Get off!” he roared throwing his head from side to side in an attempt to do anything that might dissuade his attacker. All he ended up doing was hurt himself more, his aches making themselves more apparent.

Ta’Roth ignored him and continued thrusting, seemingly enjoying it. A loud moan preceded a taunt, “That’s it, struggle. Makes it so much more fun for me.” The bounce became a little harder as he was slicked with the asari’s fluids, he wasn’t turned on in the least so his own body didn’t produce any of its own causing the initial fucking to rub him raw. 

Breaths started coming in raspy gasps, “Now… tell me your name, pet. A big guy like you ought to have a strong name…”

Archangel stayed quiet so he was slapped hard across the face, “I said tell me your name.” He saw stars and kept his face turned away. Ignoring the questions seemed to piss off the asari even more than his lack of answer alone. A surprisingly large hand clamped down on his throat as the mercilessly fucking continued. The asari seemed to be nearing orgasm, clamping down hard on his aching member. “Fine. Have it your way. Embrace Eternity!” 

The asari’s eyes dropped into inky blackness as the meld was forced. An orgasm slammed into the attacker as their nerve systems forcibly connected, mind whipping against his barriers. Ta’Roth cried out in pleasure while Garrus screeched at the invasion. This was officially the most painful experience of his life, this wretch of an asari forcing into his head. “Tell me everything!”

Garrus couldn’t even think straight enough to know what was wanted. He would have been willing to do anything to make it stop, but couldn’t. Someone was yelling something at him, prodding deep into his mind but all they found was white hot agony. After what seemed like hours it finally stopped, the lithe body falling limp against his ruined chest.

The asari’s breaths came in ragged gasps until finally slowing and the remnants of the meld were gone. One fist was brought sharply down on his broken shoulder. “Bastard!” Ta’Roth yelled and heaved out a few breaths before climbing off of him, “I couldn’t get anything. The meld was too strong and all I got was white noise. Use your own methods until I return. I need a rest before I go at it again.” 

With that Ta’Roth left the room, leaving him alone with Jedore and her small group of lackeys again. Garrus hadn’t even moved at the brutal hit to his shoulder, he would have been content to pass out. Although, Jedore didn’t seem content to let him as she shoved a stimulant into the soft flesh of his waist. “Wakey, wakey Gabriel.”

He was wide awake again with a small groan of protest. “That’s no way to greet me…” she said grabbing his chin and forcing him to look at her. “I guess we’ll have to teach you some manners.” She waved over one of the guards, “Make it hurt.” 

The grin on the batarian’s face grew wide as he positioned himself in between the Archangel’s knees. He thrust into the abused body without preamble. Forcing himself balls deep into the tight ass of the chained turian over and over again. Armored hands gripped his hips and pulled him into each thrust, rubbing his raw back against the table. The longer they fucked the easier he slid in his own blood. 

Once the batarian finished a human entered him. Then after that a turian and another batarian. The quartet of guards kept switching off, one would get near to climax then they’d switch. Once one was ready to pop, he would and stay out of the sick rotation for a while. They’d all spent their loads once before Jedore held up a hand. Fucking him like this was no longer getting a reaction.

“Maybe I should call Garm back, eh? I’m sure that ass of yours is plenty lubed up for him by now.” Her smile was sickening. “Or maybe some vorcha would be better? Huh big guy? Would you prefer I let those little bastards get in there with their barbed junk and ruin you for everyone else?”

Garrus didn’t react. A reaction is what she wanted and it was the only semblance of control he had. “What about a varren, Gabe? I hear they knot after they cum.” She forced a laugh, the guards joining in with her. “I suppose I could fuck you. A big guy like you might do me some good. But then again, I can’t quite do it as well as Ta’Roth, can’t meld you see. Hmm…” she rounded the table taking her time thinking about what to do next. “I suppose since you aren’t talking much we could put that mouth of yours to better use?” 

She dug her fingers into the ruined flesh of his right mandible and that forced his mouth open enough for her to put the gag in place again. He coughed around the torture device and let himself have a groan of discomfort before his orifice was filled again.

“Better clean that dick off well Gabriel.” She said before grabbing the back of his head and forcing him down onto the member. The sickening taste of the combined cum filled his mouth and melded with his own metallic blood. The human’s head fell back in bliss as he hit the back of the turian’s throat and it didn’t take long for him to cum. Garrus barely had time to choke down the fluid before another cock was forced between his lips, the first batarian.

For a few minutes the only sounds in the room were gags as Garrus was choked half to death by the remaining three men. When he eventually did pass out from lack of oxygen as the third man came Jedore just forced another stimulant into him and it brought him back in time to realise that it was just the turian left. The turian had the longest cock by far and the bareface wasn’t shy about making sure Garrus’ nose was shoved into his slick plates.

“Fuck! Yes. Jedore, remind me to always try to get into your unit. Mmm… you do give us the most fun.” He gave one final thrust and finished deep down Archangel’s throat. 

“Haha, no problem Zarek. My pleasure is yours.” 

He pulled out and removed the gagging device allowing Garrus to cough up a wad of cum and blood. His ragged breaths were interspersed with another coughing fit where he brought up more blue than white. 

The human second waited for the hacking to subside before she moved into his line of sight, “So Archangel. Are you ready to talk? Or should I bring your asari lover back in? Hmm…”

He stayed quiet again, still trying to grab his bearings. “Let’s try this. If you won’t tell me your name then how about the name of one of your associates.”

“Fine…” he ground out. “Water first.” 

“Well well... “ she waved to one of the men. “Still enough fight left to make demands then.” The batarian returned and forced his head back so he could pour water into the turian’s mouth. At Jedore’s nod he did until Garrus coughed and the water spilled onto the table. When he finished swallowing she spoke up, “Now, you were saying?”

“Commander Shepard.” he wheezed out, still trying to clear his throat.

There was only silence for a few moments… then she laughed… and then got angry. “You take me for a fool!” She yelled and slammed a fist into his unprotected abdomen. “Shepard’s been dead for years! Even if she weren’t, why the fuck would she associate with a little cum slut like you?”

Garrus chuckled, “Cause I’m a good fuck.” Keeping his answers as truthful as possible was the best course of action. Even in a stupor he’d still say Shepard’s name if they asked and Gabriel was close enough to Garrus to make it believable. And being a smart ass didn’t seem to be changing how she reacted... much. 

His voice was deep and ragged, almost primal, when he cried out next. Jedore seemed intent on making him scream until he woke all of Omega as she tightened the band keeping his plates apart in his most sensitive area. 

“Let me see what else we can do? Having you raped was great for morale but not much else, whipping you didn’t force you to talk either. Forced confinement, general mistreatment, a solid beating and agonizing injuries left without proper medical attention. Hmm… not much else left to try other than electricity.” She circled the table, “Although maybe one more attempt at melding will do?”

She patted his cheek, “We just need to get you a little more water first. Zarek, go get Ta’Roth. Vince grab the buckets.” The turian quickly left the room while the human grabbed the buckets that were sitting by the main doors. When he returned he wasted no time in dumping the frigid liquid over Archangel. 

He immediately tensed up when the water hit. Garrus was like most turians, he did not like the cold. The water hitting his bare plates was nearly as painful as the beatings had been as it was quite a shock against his cut up skin. A damp cloth was pressed over his face and then came the second bucket, much slower than the first. This time it was poured deliberately slow onto his face, the water was quick to fill his mouth and Garrus tried to cough up the waters filling his lungs. They were going to drown him if they kept this up.  _ I guess that’s the point.... _

They let him catch his breath. It took a great deal of effort but he managed to clear his throat even as he shivered dripping wet on the table. “That enough water for you?” Jedore asked in that awful singsong tone of hers. 

Garrus didn’t answer her, he was still trying to get over the shock of nearly drowning. Turians didn’t use water for torture, not that he’d ever heard of. It must have been a human thing. Like the rape thing was more typical of batarians than any other species, and with Tarak being the leader of the Suns it made sense why he was subjected to it. Krogan didn’t really do torture beyond beating their prey and asari preferred cleaner methods like forcing melds or electricity. The salarians just played mind games. 

In all Garrus’ time at C-Sec and on Omega he’d never seen this method and he hoped he wouldn’t experience it again. It had been just as bad as the melding earlier, maybe worse. Considering turians didn’t and couldn’t swim water deaths were rare and feared. Now he truly knew why, drowning was agony because of how long it took.

He heaved in a breath and Jedore seemed to be done waiting, “Now Gabe… just tell me what I want to know and the pain can stop. I’ll end it with a quick shot to the head, no fuss.”

He finally managed to get his bearings and though his chest was still heaving, trying to pull in vast quantities of air he managed to reply. “You know what… I could use another drink.” She lashed out again and wrenched his head back by the fringe. 

“Enjoy your water break!” The human began the slow torture again. This time keeping the stream going until his thrashing stopped and she’d managed to knock him out. Another quick shot of adrenalin later he shot awake gagging on the frigid liquid. 

Once his airway was clear he chuckled roughly. “What’s so funny?” she sneered.

“That one of the last things you’ll ever do is serve me a drink,” his dark laugh filled the room. With only wit left there was nothing in the way of his humor. “Stupid, stupid merc.”

“One of the last things I’ll ever do? Why the fuck would that be? Last time I heard you were still strapped to a table.” Her guards laughed along with her. “Now you peice of shit, tell me who your associates are.”

“They’re all dead.”

“Your squad is dead. I want your associates. Who supplied your weapons, supplies, intel? I want names!”

“May as well kill me. My name is Gabriel, my associates are dead, my hideout is in ruins,” he paused a moment to take a ragged breath. “If there are any traps left then it is too late to save your men.” 

Water came down on him again, just enough to make him start to thrash before it stopped and he cleared his lungs. “LIAR! GIVE ME NAMES!”

“Bought all over Omega,” he heaved in a breath, “Harriot’s shop, Aria’s dealers, weapons and creds from raids.” It didn’t matter anymore, they’d have to kill half of their own suppliers if they wanted to take out Archangel’s. “We split up and used aliases to buy directly from Suns and Eclipse. Pack traded explosives for sand.” Garrus moaned.

“What about the intel?”

“No inside men. All my team.”

“There had to have been a mole, give me a name.”

“There wasn’t! Just kill me already!”

The cycle continued. Just enough water to make him start to grey before it stopped and they shoved another shot of adrenalin into him, if they kept this up much longer his heart would probably explode. His throat was aching, his lungs and eyes burned. “Tell me more! You must have had moles.”

“There’s no one else!” he keened.

And again.

“Fuck you!”

And again.

This time he was silent until another stim was jabbed into his ribcage. He couldn’t stifle the scream any longer and he cried out. He panted even as he shivered in the pool of water around him. The drugs were going straight into his bloodstream and fucking with his nerves. He was jittery and couldn’t see straight. 

Jedore was yelling at him again but he couldn’t make out what she was saying. All her efforts fell on deaf ears. He didn’t even register it when Ta’Roth came back into the room and mounted him again. The witch rode him and after what might have been a few minutes or a few hours forced into his mind again. 

The pain of it took him for another round and he screamed. When it finally ended he had fallen quiet and still. Very slowly his vision started to come back to him, figures turned from gray blobs into somewhat recognizable beings. His hearing too started to return, though whatever his captors were saying he didn’t know. 

There was some yelling going on, then loud bangs. He didn’t really comprehend what was happening. The asari was suddenly off of him and he felt something wet and warm splatter on his bare chest. A salarian appeared over him a few moments later, which was odd because that was the first salarian he’d seen in this hellhole. 

The newcomer spoke too fast for Garrus to pick up on the words. Maybe it was another one of Jaroth’s kin. The asari seemed pissed off enough for a whole family but hey, what did he know about family? The salarian looked him over and was staring at the hole in his face, his expression indiscernible. He called someone else over, a human woman. 

They spoke to each other in hushed tones. A third person came over but quickly was shooed away towards the doors. A bright light was suddenly in his left eye, his good side if you could consider one side  _ good _ . Garrus groaned and flinched back from the brightness which seemed to please the salarian as he moved the light to the other eye. His reaction was about the same. It figured that they’d try sensory overload next. He was just waiting for the electricity to start.

What happened next however was unexpected. Instead of another attempt at drowning him or another bout of pain he felt the cool sting of medigel being spread over his right side. Once there was a liberal coating on his neck and shoulder the human woman moved onto his face while the salarian worked lower down, checking for shrapnel in his chest and sealing the holes he could, leaving the ones he couldn’t. 

Maybe five minutes had passed before the fog started to lift. He could finally make out what they were saying and determine a few more details of their features. Neither of them wore mercenary armor he recognized, though a quick glance at their weapons told him they weren’t cheap hires. They were professionals. 

“Need to keep the Commander out. Will do no good for her to see this. Mm… yes… need to remove this... device as soon as possible. Grizz, radio back to entrance and tell Zaeed Commander should stay there.”

Someone on the other side of the room affirmed the directive and he assumed that they departed. The word Commander stuck in his head and though he didn’t much trust his voice he attempted, “Commander?” The word was garbled but recognizable enough. 

“Yes, we’ve come to recruit you for a mission,” Miranda answered smoothly. “You’ll meet the Commander later, for now just rest.”

“Who?”

“That’s not important right now. Just try to relax, we’ll get you out of here.” Miranda was nearly out of bedside manner, she worked much better with a comatose patient. 

He looked as though he was about to ask something else when Mordin started checking the integrity of the device keeping his plates apart. Gritting his teeth to stifle his scream was about all he could manage. 

“Apologies, Archangel. Need to remove this.”

“Who… are you?” he ground out. 

Miranda didn’t really want to answer that question, Cerberus, probably wasn’t going to be something he wanted to hear. She was saved from answering by Mordin.

“Friends. All you need to know. Now, deep breath. This will be unpleasant. Ms Lawson, hold him.” Without further ado the professor pulled the left set of hooks tight so he could release the right side. Miranda pressed his shoulders down in an attempt to help stabilize him. It didn’t do much though as he writhed on the table.

The scream was deafening. 

Removing the first three hooks took no more than fifty seconds but it was a half minute of pure agony. Those plates weren’t meant to be forced at all, let alone repeatedly. He couldn’t move more than a few inches but the damp table provided ample lubrication for him to slide away as much as he could. 

“Worst part done. Just breathe.” Mordin looked up at Miranda, both were rather stressed and they still had one side to go.

The salarian was talking but Garrus couldn’t make out was he was saying again. Not with the ringing in his ears. His speech was slurred, “Too late to save your men.” He heaved in a breath, “Explosives set on ships….”

“You’re safe Archangel. No one needs any information, try to relax.” Miranda tried to coax him. Though he was awake he obviously wasn’t in possession of his whole mind. She raised a hand to her communications unit, “Joker, how far out are you?”

He came back almost immediately, “We’re ten minutes from touchdown. Any instructions for the doc?”

“Get her on the line, the list is extensive.” She turned to the professor, “Mordin, give her the rundown?”

“Chakwas here.”

“Right yes. Ahem… severe burns to right shoulder, neck, face. Dislocated right mandible. Obvious signs of torture and malnourishment. Expect levo-amino acid based allergic reaction. Overdose on some kind of stimulant. Severe trauma to pelvic plates. Numerous gunshot wounds. Various other lacerations and burns.” He stopped to take a breath, a rare thing for the salarian. “Require stretcher, medigel, specialized medical omni-tool and basic blood kit. Need to test to see if we can administer sedative.”

“We’ll be there as soon as we can. Is he responsive?”

“Affirmative. But not coherent. Patient is very confused, in sensory overload. Will do what we can.”

“Understood, Chakwas out.”

Garrus had gone quiet again. His breaths were laboured but he was still fighting the stimulants as his body wanted to shut down. They had to remove the second set of hooks, however unpleasant. Mordin gestured for Miranda to get back into position. As soon as she was ready he quickly made the adjustment.

These hooks were stuck deeper into his flesh. And the second the salarian began to move them Archangel screeched. It was louder than the last time, earsplitting even. Slowly they came loose and he was just about done dragging them out when a distraction showed up. Mordin and Miranda both looked up,

“Garrus!” Shepard yelled as she burst into the room.

The Commander had arrived….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 1 of Interlude fits in nicely here if you're reading along with the companion!
> 
> FanFiction recommendation: Ghost by theherocomplex, https://archiveofourown.org/works/825044 . Some of the squad's inspiration comes from their depiction of the characters especially Weaver.


	2. Chapter 2 - Rescue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The rescue mission.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That first chapter is painful but hope lies at the end, here's where hope started.

Stand Alone - Chapter 2

 

“What can you tell me about Archangel?” The Commander leaned back into the couch rather relaxed as she listened to the pulsing music and watched the asari dancer out of the corner of her eye, a cool glass of scotch on the rock in her hand.

“He’s turian sniper, and a deadly shot. Or... he was at least.”

Shepard cocked an eyebrow, “Was?”

“Seems as though the Blue Suns and Blood Pack succeeded in bringing him down last night, although the Eclipse have been rather quiet since he took out their leader.” Aria shrugged, “He was holed up in his base for nearly half a week, heard the gangs killed his squad before cornering him.”

Shepard leaned forwards on the couch, her elbows on her knees, “Damn it. Guess I’ll have to find a new sniper then.”

“I wouldn’t be too hasty, might be worth taking a look through his base.” she purred.

“Is that a suggestion or an order?”

“I would never think to order you around  _ Commander _ . Not after you’ve been so helpful with clearing out the Quarantine Zone and putting Patriarch back in his place.” Aria raised a hand and waved over her turian guard, “Grizz, take the Commander to Kima.”

“Of course, Aria.” Grizz turned and started for the door, he was at the bottom of the stairs before he stopped, “I’ll be out front when you’re ready.”

The human groaned and took one last look at the dancer before downing her drink and standing up. “I’ll be back. And when I am I expect a dance,” she gestured to the lilac maiden on her right. Aria gave her a slight tilt of the head and went back to her drink.

Without another word the Commander descended from the throne, her crewmates falling into step behind her. She was completely dwarfed by the young krogan, as was the heavily tattooed woman walking astride Shepard. Although Aria didn’t doubt that of the three, the krogan would be the easiest to take out.

The pirate queen stood up and turned away from the trio, looking out over the dance floor from her perch. She liked Shepard. The human was undyingly loyal to the Alliance but she saw reason and unlike many others to come through Omega she wasn’t deluded enough to think this place would be better off without its Queen. She understood that Omega needed her in charge and was willing to help her keep the peace. An unattached third arm, if you will.

Although this Commander Shepard seemed so different from the one in the news vids. She was a harsh woman, much like herself if she thought about it. The deep scars on her face and arms had begun to fade but the red gleam in her green eyes still held strong. She also favoured bringing along members of the underworld rather than her sparkling examples of humanity from Cerberus. The ex-convict, Jack, was nearly always at her side.

Though, this time she wasn’t helping Aria out so much as Aria was helping the Commander. She’d gotten word that Tarak and Garm were holed up deep in Omega’s underbelly with a prisoner. A prisoner that could only be Archangel. From the description her spies gave her it was likely that Archangel’s identity might be one of interest to Shepard. 

A young turian male, no more than forty years old, probably younger, striking blue colonial markings that were nearly the same colour as the blood the mercs spilt. Since he was a sniper and showed up just after Shepard died it seemed too convenient for it not to be him. Tall, strong, a natural leader, tactician and brave warrior fighting for justice. It fit too well. Archangel had to be Garrus Vakarian.

Too bad no one put it together earlier. 

+-+-+-

Shepard and Jack hopped into the transport with Grizz. Grunt looked at the back seat and glared at it for a moment. “Not gonna fit Shepard.”

The Commander shook her head, “I suppose not. Head back to the Normandy, this is just a recon mission so you’d be bored.”

“I’m hungry anyways. See you later Shepard.” He turned and began lumbering off to the ship.

“Ready?” The turian asked as he fired up the car. Shepard only nodded and looked out the window watching him go. She liked having Grunt around, a little extra visible muscle never hurt. She and Jack sure packed a punch but you’d never know it looking at them. 

The ride over was silent. Grizz drove, Shepard stared out the window and Jack sat quietly with her feet on the centre console picking at her nails,  _ or was she filing them?  _ Shepard couldn’t tell. When he set the car down the women were on their feet with pistols drawn before they finished hopping out of the vehicle. “Wait here,” the Commander said. Grizz didn’t argue and closed hatch behind them.

They swept the area quickly and quietly. There were a couple of scavengers that ran the second they heard someone coming and a few vorcha that needed to be taken out, other than that the place was empty. Well, empty of life anyways. Bodies were strewn all over the place. There was a whole room of corpses festering, some looked like they’d been there for at least a few days.

They found a decent number of credits and replenished their medigel stores before they even got to the start of the bridge. The only other item of interest was a datapad with plans to eliminate Aria after they’d finished with Archangel. She slid that tidbit into her pocket, it was always good to bring an offering back for the Queen.

The bridge itself was painted every colour of the rainbow. If rainbows were made of blood that is. Orange, blue, purple, red. It was a nightmare. Jack’s nose was scrunched in disgust as they waded through the bodies, it was obvious that many people had been dragged back behind the barricades and others shoved off the edges of the bridge to clear it. A number of mechs lay in ruin as well, a YMIR was mostly intact except for the gaping hole in its matrix.

Inside wasn’t much better, it looked like a number of mines had gone off since chunks of dead merc were spread everywhere. A quick omni-tool sweep determined that all of the explosives had been detonated already.

“Archangel sure took a lot of them with him, didn’t he?” said Jack. She filled up her thermal clip stores and passed a couple spares to the Commander. “Booby trapped the main floor and killed from his perch. Pretty smart for a vigilante.” 

Shepard hummed an agreement as she walked up to a few tarps in the livingroom. When she knelt down and lifted the corner of one she was assaulted by the smell of old blood and the beginnings of rot. Each tarp had someone underneath it. Obviously these weren’t mercs that Archangel had killed. Some were in full combat gear, others partially or not at all. This was the vigilante’s team.

Those who had armor on each had gold paint on their bicep plate or shoulder pauldron. The one she could make out clearly showed it as a bird like symbol. This must have been his callsign. Something to distinguish each other in mismatched armor. “They really did get his whole squad…” she whispered to herself.

Jack called out, “There are more in the kitchen, Shepard.” She shuddered as she came back into the main room, “Don’t look under those sheets. I’ve left people in nasty shape before but never like that.”

The Commander put the tarp back in place before crossing the room to the stairs, “Come on, one more floor and we’re done here.” They were up the stairs quickly and checked out the room on the left first. It was probably Archangel’s, Shepard mused as she paced the bedroom. It was sparsely decorated, only had the essentials if she really thought about it. Two pairs of civi’s in the closet, old rifle mods, extra weapons, spare parts and cleaning supplies, a few datapads which she copied the data from to read later, a few thousand credits in the safe. Not a single personal item she noted. 

The only thing out of place was that there were another two squadmates under tarps in the corner. It was looking rather bleak for the vigilante. The sleeping quarters at the other end of the hall were in shambles. There was only one tarp covered teammate here, by the looks of the rifle poking out from under his sheet he was the other resident sniper. A large chunk of the overhang was missing and the furniture and ceiling were riddled with bullets shot from the bridge. It was a wonder he survived as long as he did.

“Looks like he got hit by something big,” Jack assessed as she ran her hand across the crumbling railing and pointed out the dried blue streak on the floor stretching away from the balcony. 

“Yeah, might’ve been a rocket from that YMIR on the bridge. Or a gunship for all we know. Damn.” She walked over to the blue helmet on the floor, the visor was cracked and a large portion of the right side was missing. She held it up to Jack who was busy raiding the storage lockers at the foot of one of the beds, “Looks like they got him good.”

The convict looked up from her treasures, “Hope it was quick at least.”

“Mmm…” Shepard mused. If she was being honest with herself she was a little taken aback by the amount of concern her tattooed teammate was showing. The Commander followed the blood trail to the wall. A couple more pieces of charred blue armor were strewn about. There was something about that particular shade of blue that was giving her pause but she ignored it. 

She wasn’t sure what drew her to it but there was a small grey piece of tech laying on the ground and when she picked it up her stomach dropped. Her hands shook as she ran a gloved finger across the turian letters etched into the metal. 

“What’s that?”

Shepard jumped when Jack touched her shoulder and leaned in to see the object that had captured her attention. “Shit! Don’t sneak up on me like that!”

Jack only shrugged, “Looks like a combat visor, there something special about it?”

Instead of answering she put it up to her own eye and clicked the interface on. Surprisingly it booted up immediately and instead of turian characters appearing on the screen there was a message in human common…

_ Welcome Commander Shepard, ready to stream message. _

Shepard passed the visor to Jack who held it up to her own eye, “What the shit?” She asked inelegantly. She passed the visor back, “Fuck. Who the hell was this guy and why did he code his visor to you?” When the Commander continued to stand silently stunned, Jack gave her a shove, “I’m not one for sentimentality but come on, you gotta listen to this. Then we’ll go back to afterlife and get hammered, Aria’s treat.”

“Fine. Let’s get this over with.” Shepard place the visor back over her eye and hit the play key. There was no visual, just an audio feed. And as soon as the speaker started talking she felt as though her heart had dropped through the floor. He sounded older, worn down but the crisp dual toned vibrations of Garrus Vakarian couldn’t be mistaken for anyone else.

_ “I know this is stupid because I know that you’re dead… but it’s an age old tradition to leave a message for your family before you die and well Shepard? It’s just about over for me.  _

_ My squad is gone, all of them. Erash, Monteague, Mierin, Grundan Krul, Melanis, Ripper, Sensat, Vortash, Butler, Weaver, Sidonis. I got them killed because I wouldn’t stop until we’d cleansed Omega of it’s sins. Took out the last of the rot that plagues this rock.  _

_ “This wasn’t how this was supposed to end. I need you Shepard, Jane… but just like I wasn’t there to save you, you aren’t here to save me. Fuck… why is this so hard? You’ll never hear this… this is stupid but I need to say it out loud. Even if it is only once. _

_ “I couldn’t stay in Spectre training after you were gone, everything reminded me of you. Throwing myself into my work at C-Sec didn’t help either, all the red tape holding me back and forcing me to let criminals walk…. Then they started calling you a delusional, overworked Spectre, brushing everything about the Reapers under a rug. I couldn’t take it anymore so I left, came here and…” _

There was a loud noise in the background, followed by the telltale sounds of a firefight beginning. Garrus swore and fired a few shots, the boom of his rifle causing static in the microphone and screams from afar.

_ “They’ve reached the base. I don’t have much time left so I’ll leave you to rest Shepard. I’ll be there soon, save me a seat at the bar.” _

The recording ended and the interface went blank. For a few seconds everything was quiet, just Omega’s constant pulse in the background. 

And then she screamed.

Jack jumped backwards, almost falling ass over tea kettle when she tripped on a dead merc. “What the fuck! What was it?” The biotic took a few steps forwards to her frozen Commander. Shepard’s biotics were flaring and she was shaking, a look of pure rage on her face. “Shepard, whoa. Calm down, tell me what happened.” Jack knew how dangerous she could be when she flared out of control, and Shepard would probably explode in a similar manner.

After a few tense seconds and placating gestures from Jack, Shepard started to calm down. “Archangel is… he’s… fuck Garrus what did you do?”

“Who’s Garrus?” Jack asked.

Shepard looked as though she was about to respond when Grizz appeared in the doorway, his assault rifle drawn, “I heard a scream. Everything alright?”

“Take me to Aria.” Shepard demanded.

Grizz looked from the Commander to the Convict and back again, “I’m not going to argue with that, come on.” He started off towards the stairs, the women jogging to catch up with him.

They hopped into the air car and Grizz fired up the engines immediately. They sped back to afterlife, this time Shepard just stared down at the visor in her hands and Jack sat tense in the back, hands between her knees watching the Commander. Just before touchdown Shepard brought a hand up to her com unit, “Normandy. This is Shepard.”

Joker responding filtered in over Jack’s com as well, “Hey Shep, Joker here. How’s the party?”

Shepard ignored him, “Assemble the team, full gear. Have them wait in the briefing room. We’re going hunting.” Without waiting for his response she cut the channel. 

Grizz cocked his head to the side as he set up the landing sequence, “Something I should know?” he asked. 

Shepard jumped out of the vehicle as it touched down, “Get ready for war, Grizz. This is going to get bloody.” She turned away, heading back into afterlife.

Jack shared a look with the turian before getting out of the car herself. “Don’t look at me. I just blow shit up.” She jogged to catch up with the commander and Grizz followed closely behind. 

By the time they got into the club the Commander was already half way up the stairs to see Aria. They stopped on the landing and could only watch as the Commander unloaded on the Queen.

“You knew!” She almost yelled. Her tone was ferocious but her volume kept low enough to cover her words. “You knew who he was and you said nothing!”

Aria sat on her perch looking calm as ever but anyone who’d spent time around her would notice the subtle changes in her posture. The stiff line of her shoulders, the tightened grip on her glass. “My suspicions were correct then I assume.” Shepard nodded. “Archangel’s identity is confirmed. This might also be of interest to you, he’s still alive, though barely.”

“Where?”

“A factory near the abandoned ezo mines. My informants tell me they brought him there last night. I can arrange an escort to get you there if you like.”

“Fuck an escort, I want a battalion.”

Aria laughed, “And why would I risk my own men for him? Or for you for that matter?”

Shepard pulled out the datapad she’d stowed earlier and tossed it over. She gave her a second to read it and watched the slight twitch of anger before speaking again, “Because you are their next target. You might be able to stand strong against one gang, but all three and you’ll take losses. You won’t lose but it’ll disrupt your business and maybe others will come while you’re licking your wounds.” 

Shepard slammed one fist into her open hand, “Crush them now while you have the advantage and before reinforcements get here from the other branches. Strike now while you have my team.”

Aria seemed to think on it for a moment, taking a small sip from her ever present glass. “Well, well Shepard. You’ve become quite the tactician. Fine, you can have your army. But you take Archangel off this station when you find him. He never steps foot here again without being shot on sight.”

“Agreed,” She nodded.

The asari turned to her ever present batarian guard, “Anto, call the troops. Assemble them in location 787-09. Be ready within two hours time, full weapons array. They will be dust before the next cycle.”

“You got it.” He said before heading off, a hand already on his com unit barking orders.

“There you go, Commander. An army fit for a Queen at your disposal.” Shepard was just about to leave when Aria stood up and crossed the small platform, she took the human’s arm in her hand so she could pull her close. “I was only just able to confirm his identity, until the mercs got him I could only confirm he was a turian male. He’s strong but he might be better off dead Shepard. Put a bullet in his head and end it,” she whispered low enough so only the Commander heard. 

Shepard made to pull away, a sharp protest on her lips. Before she uttered more than a few syllables Aria cut her off, “I know turians better than you. They don’t take to torture well. Their culture frowns on defeat and he may never be accepted back into the hierarchy with the scars he’ll come out of there with. Do him a favor and end it quickly.”

Her brows were knit together in worry, “Garrus is tough. If anyone can come out of this it's him.”

Aria nodded and released her arm, “Good luck Shepard. I hope you’re right for both your sakes.”

With that Shepard left quickly, Grizz and Jack on her tail as they exited the club. The short trek back to the Normandy was thick with angst. Jack didn’t say a word and neither did Grizz until they reached the airlock. “I’ll wait for you here. I need to get my gear sent to the warehouse. Aria’s troops will be ready to deploy on your order. Your contact once we arrive will be an asari, Lota the Wolf.”

Shepard only nodded as she stepped into the airlock. Jack followed and gave him a thumbs up as the door closed, “Thanks birdy!” 

The second the decontamination cycle finished the Commander was out of the airlock and waving Joker off when he spun in his chair at her abrupt entrance. Jack took the second to stop and fill him in, “We’re going after Archangel. The merc groups captured him in Omega’s last cycle and Aria sent us to check out his base. Shep found this visor and there was a message coded into it for her. Made her freak out, like fuck, she panicked!”

“Did she say who it was?” Joker asked as he stood up and started ambling towards the briefing room with Jack.

“She said a name, Garrus? I think.” 

Jeff stopped in his tracks, “Garrus? Garrus Vakarian?”

Jack turned around to face the pilot, “Fucked if I know, I’ve got no idea what his family name is but she definitely said Garrus. And something like, ‘what the hell did you do?’ I don’t know anymore than you do. What’s so special about him?”

Joker resumed walking, “Garrus is, was, her best friend before she died. He was her right hand man on the fight against Saren and the Geth. No one knew where he was, not even the Illusive Man, he disappeared a couple months after Shepard died. God damn it, this is bad….”

They entered the briefing room just in time, Shepard had just gotten to her place at the head of the table. Apparently Miranda wanted a pre-briefing and Shepard didn’t seem too inclined to provide one. With a quick sweep of the room it seemed like all squad members were accounted for: Miranda, Jacob, Zaeed, Mordin, Kasumi, Grunt, and Jack. 

She raised a hand and everyone quieted down. “I need everyone ready for this mission, we only have one shot at this. We, along with a small army of Aria’s men, are going to eliminate a large portion of the remaining gang presence on Omega.”

A chorus of interjections from ‘Finally a real fight!’ to ‘Implications problematic,’ assaulted Shepard. Though Miranda was the one to stand up and quiet them, “Commander, we can’t do that. Upsetting the balance of power on Omega when we are trying to get through the Omega-Four Relay might not be a good idea.”

Shepard glared at her, “I wouldn’t suggest this without a damned good reason, Miranda. It seems as though the Blue Suns and the Blood Pack took down Archangel last night. But not before he killed the head of the Eclipse branch on Omega. The balance is already upset and Aria is what’s best for this station, you know that.” 

She sighed deeply, “Our mission is to rescue Archangel. We will take out as many mercs as we need to, to make that happen. What Aria’s men do after we get to him is none of our concern. Zaeed, we’ll be coordinating with Aria’s contacts Grizz and an asari names Lota, do you know either of them?”

“Yeah, Lota’s been around almost as long as Aria herself. And Grizz is one of the only turians I can stand. They won’t be a problem. I’ll whip her men into shape as long as I can take Grunt?”

“You’ve got him,” Shepard nodded. “You two will likely see most of the fighting. Grunt, you got that? Listen to Zaeed and he’ll let you kill my enemies until that blood lust of yours is satisfied.” 

Grunt chuckled darkly, “You got it, Battlemaster.”

“Miranda, you’ll lead a second fire team you’ve got Mordin and Jacob. When we arrive we’ll leave Aria’s men to do most of the heavy fighting and infiltrate the facility. We’ll keep in radio contact and head in opposite directions.”

Jacob was next to pipe up, “How do we even know he’s still alive?”

“Aria’s informant. And I know him, he won’t give up so easily.” She stared down at the table, her fists shook with barely contained rage, “If he isn’t then god help those bastards because I will slit their fucking throats one by one until not a single merc remains alive on this godforsaken station.”

“Shepard…” all eyes turned to the ship’s pilot, who until now had been silent. “You’ve got to tell them.” He hobbled to the opposite end of the table and rested his palms flat on the surface. “They need the whole story, he wouldn’t have wanted them to go in blind.”

She looked up and right at Joker, her gaze intense. She grit her teeth and nodded before speaking, “Archangel is Garrus Vakarian.” This time there was only silence other than a gasp from Miranda.

“Shepard... “ she whispered, “I didn’t know. I promise you that.”

“I believe you Miranda. Maybe I wouldn’t have a month ago but now I know you wouldn’t be so cruel.” She took a deep breath, “Joker, fill them in. I need to get my gear and talk to Chakwas. Airlock in fifteen minutes.” With that she was gone.

Jeff stood up in front of the squad, he closed his eyes to steady himself before speaking. “Garrus was, is, Shepard’s best friend. He was with her in the fight against Saren and left the Normandy after the battle on the Citadel. He returned to the C-Sec with a glowing recommendation for the Specters, and in the interim went back to work as an investigator. He disappeared a few months after Shepard died and hasn’t been seen or heard from since. Apparently that’s because he came to Omega and started fucking with the gangs. Finally taking the stick out of his ass and evidently beating people to death with it.” 

Jack stepped up beside Joker, “Aria told us that Archangel’s squad was killed and they’d been trying to get Archangel himself for a few days. He had holed himself up in his hideout in the Kima District and was taking them out from a perch on the second floor. By the looks of it he’s badly injured.”

“Shepard has done a lot for all of us. It’s time we do something for her,” said Jacob standing up. The rest of the squad all nodded along with him. “My father, Mordin’s protege, blowing up that facility for Jack. And I know she’d go the extra mile for any of us.”

“Shepard sacrificed herself for me,” Jeff said quietly. “I wish I could help now.”

Jack gave him a slight shove, “Someone has to pilot the shuttle, dumbass. She needs an extraction team. You’re it.”

“Huh… well then. Let’s get our asses in gear!”

+-+-+-

Shepard stepped onto the crew deck and headed straight for the medical bay. Karin was at her desk typing when she entered. When the door slid open she turned in her chair, “Commander?” When Shepard shuffled into the room and leaned against the desk beside the doctor, arms crossed across her chest the doctor gave her a moment before she probed, “Is there something wrong? You usually need me to drag you in here, your coming voluntarily concerns me.”

“It’s Garrus.”

The doctor flinched back, she hadn’t mentioned the turian since their first day on the new Normandy. Shepard had asked if Karin had known what happened to the turian, unfortunately she hadn’t known any more than Jeff or Cerberus had. She waited for the Commander to continue.

“He’s on Omega. I don’t even know if he’s still alive but if he is he’ll definitely need your expertise.” She ran a hand over her face and pinched the bridge of her nose. “I need you to prepare a kit as fast as you can and get to the shuttle. I need you ready for extraction.”

“Do we know the extent of his injuries?” It was best to speak as though Garrus was still alive.

The Commander shook her head, “No. Burns and numerous bullet wounds at the best. But I don’t think we are looking at best case scenarios. I think he was hit in the face by a rocket. We, Jack and I, found his helmet. The right side had a chunk missing, the thing saved his life but I… I just… Karin, you have to be ready for anything.”

“Of course. I’ll get ready and rush order some extra dextro medical supplies from Mordin’s old clinic.” Shepard pushed herself off the desk and started for the door, she stopped when the doctor took hold of her shoulder. When she turned around she was pulled into a tight hug. “You’ll find him, Jane. He’s strong, if anyone can survive this it’s him.”

They stood in embrace for no more than a few second before Shepard began to shake in the beginnings of a sob. Instead she drew in a tight breath and pulled away, “No time for that now. I’ll see you in a couple hours.”

With that Karin was left alone and she rushed to order supplies and prep her surgery. Just over twenty minutes later her door opened again, only this time it was Moreau. He limped into the room, a combat vest on over his usual uniform and another in his hand. He held it out to the doctor, “You’ll need this,” he said. 

“Thank you Jeff.”

“No problem, l’ll be doing pre-flight checks in the shuttle when you’re ready. Time to see how the little bird flies with a master at the controls.” He forced a smile before he too was gone. Today was going to be a nerve wracking day.

-+-+-+-+-

Grizz led Shepard’s full squad through Omega’s streets. It wasn’t too far a walk to get to the warehouse, and the throngs of people parted for the heavily armed team. When they arrived their turian escort called the asari contact on his personal com, “Lota... Yeah, it’s Grizz... Yup, full team of 8 plus me… alright I’ll tell her, Grizz out.”

Shepard took a few paces forwards to stand beside him, “So?”

“They’re completely assembled. You didn’t quite get a battalion, even Aria needs more than an hour to get that. Instead you’ve got a company, 92 soldiers ready to do whatever you tell them. Plus Lota so 93.”

“What about you?” She asked as the cargo doors slid open.

“I’m number 94. Don’t tell Aria but I actually kinda liked Archangel. Killed off enough vorcha to double the quota every week. I’m not going to complain about anyone who makes my life easier, ha.”

A familiar looking asari finished barking a couple orders before she headed over to the newcomers. It took Shepard a few seconds to place her, it was the maiden she’d been eyeing at the club, only now she wore full combat gear and carried a nasty looking shotgun on her back. “Commander,” she purred. “Nice to see you again.” She held out a hand.

Shepard took it and shook it once, “Lota. I wasn’t expecting you.”

She laughed, “Oh no one ever does. I’m one of Aria’s many bodyguards and her personal dancer when the mood suits her. She doesn’t think having asari in armor does anything for the aesthetic of the club so I dance until she needs me to break some skulls. Don’t worry though, you’ll still get your dance.” 

Earlier her smile had looked so inviting... now Shepard could see the wolf who’d finally dropped it’s sheep clothing. The Commander huffed, “Hell if this is successful I’ll give you a fucking dance. Let’s get moving. Fill me in enroute.”

And the wolf merely agreed and led the Commander towards the fortress. Maps were loaded onto omni-tools and the twenty minute air car ride was wrought with tactics and heavy discussion. It turned out that Aria had hundreds of plans for nearly every building on Omega and every possible situation. Albeit not many included a rescue portion. With a few modifications for the addition of Shepard’s team of specialists they were ready when they landed at the nearest taxi stand to the ezo mines. 

Shepard hopped out of the vehicle with her squad, less Grunt and Zaeed and with the addition of Lota and Grizz. Each fire team would take one of Aria’s men with them, the turian with Miranda and the asari with Shepard. 

Quickly they made their way to warehouse’s entrance, the two small squads were easily able to sneak by the meager defenses the gangs had set up. Apparently they didn’t think anyone would be after them now that the Archangel was dead. They killed the patrols and got into position to wait for Zaeed’s signal.

And what a signal it was! 

A large explosion actually shook the ground and a large group of Aria’s mercs appeared and charged the building near the large hole in the wall. Four transport ships landed and more mercs piled out and onto the station ground. There had been a large group of Suns loitering outside the main entrance but they were decimated before they knew what hit them.

Shepard and Miranda’s teams had waited long enough and the Commander gave the order to proceed. They moved through the hordes of bodies gunning down each gang member they saw. There was a sea of corpses littering the grounds, blue and red armor on every downed man. Some Eclipse white and yellow was mixed in as well.

The first real resistance they encountered was the krogan leader of the bloodpack, Garm. He was massive even by krogan standards and with heavy armor on to boot. Aria’s teams held back and let Shepard’s take on this task.

Miranda and Jack worked surprisingly well in tandem using their biotics to bring down his shields. Shepard ensured her entire team was using incineratory rounds and along with Mordin’s incineration skills his armor was failing rapidly.  

“I will kill you all!” the Battlemaster roared as he charged Shepard’s position. 

Instead of backing down the Commander yelled back, “I’d like to see you try!” as she began her own charge, though hers was aided by strong biotics. The two warriors met in the middle and through sheer force of will it was Garm who fell. Shepard staggered a few steps but with a quick shake of her head she caught her bearings. Turning to her team she called her next command, “Alpha and Bravo let’s move!”

There was a chorus of affirmatives before they got into sequence again. Before they headed out Shepard ensured Garm was dead by putting a shotgun burst straight through his bleeding skull. “Regenerate from that you son of a bitch.” 

“Yeah, I don’t even think he could survive  _ that _ ,” Jack snickered as they began moving towards the building. She too emptied her clip into the hole Shepard had made in his face, couldn’t be too careful with oversized krogan.

By the time they made it to the front doors Aria’s men had already stormed the compound and sirens were blaring. Her highly trained teams mowed down all competitors. The gangs never did stand a chance Shepard realised as she moved with her team. Each and every dead mercenary was killed with the fewest number of rounds possible then they were each kill checked with a bullet through the skull. 

Aria never had anything to worry about with her latest threat, even if the mercs were stupid enough to try anything she’d have them killed in their sleep before they even had a chance. Shepard couldn’t help the small smile that spread across her features,  _ This was completely for my benefit, maybe she isn’t quite the hardass she makes herself out to be. _

The main entrance to the building was split into a T. Shepard merely had to nod left to Miranda to get the woman to take her team that direction. She pressed her hand to her communications unit, “Zaeed, we’re inside. Finish the job outside and cover our exit.”

A few seconds later he replied, “You got it Shepard.” There was a short burst of an assault rifle, “We’ve got it covered.”

Miranda, Jacob, Grizz and Mordin headed through the left hallway. Shepard, Jack, Lota and Kasumi down the right. They checked each room as they went meeting very little resistance since Aria’s teams had already been through securing the building. The sound of heavy gunfire in the distance had Shepard’s team running and Lota on her communications unit trying to determine the situation.

They reached a door into a small warehouse. Stacks of crates and boxes filled the bay and it didn’t take more than a tap on her shoulder to send Kasumi under her cloak and looking for more information. The rest of the team moved slowly through the aisles, coming across more dead mercs and, unfortunately, some of them were Aria’s men. Up until now they hadn’t lost more than a handful. Lota swore and ran a quick sweep of her omnitool over them to check for vitals. Finding none they kept moving.

Kasumi’s voice crackled into Shepard’s earpiece, “Shep. Tarak is here.” A large red blip appeared on her omnitool’s radar screen. “He’s got 15 guards left, all heavy troopers, couple of heavy weapons too. They are behind a shield generator, like the one on Purgatory. Tell me when you want me to kill it.”

“Understood.” She replied, “Hold until I give the signal, I want to get him talking. Jack, I need you to have a shockwave on standby, the second Kasumi drops their shields I want them knocked off balance.”

“Shit Shepard. Not playing any games today are you?” She asked, apparently trying to lighten the mood. It didn’t work.

Shepard, flanked by the two other women, stepped into the open. “Tarak! We need to have a chat.”

All of his guards rifles turned to the trio and the batarian snarled back at her, “Who the fuck are you?” His guards didn’t start shooting right away, that was their last mistake. 

“I’m Commander Fucking Shepard. That’s who.” She held her pistol tight in her hand and pointed it up towards the ceiling, “I’m also the one who initiated this little coupe.” She tilted her head in the batarian way to show her disrespect.

He twitched with anger. “Now why would the Saviour of the Citadel take the time to come to Omega? Aren’t you supposed to be dead?”

“I got better. Oh, and I’m just doing a personal favour for a friend.” She looked pointedly at the white clad asari beside her. “And I hear you might have some information I want.”

The batarian took a closer look at Lota, it was obvious he didn’t recognize her face but when his eyes trailed down to her white armor with a wolf’s head the chest she noticed that he flinched. “What does Aria want with me? Must be important or she wouldn’t have sent her pet out.”

Lota laughed, “Oh Tarak. Just because she wouldn’t loan her Wolf out to you doesn’t mean she wouldn’t loan me out to anyone. You wanted Aria to kill Archangel for you but she said no. So instead you put out a contact for her? You are a fool to think she wouldn’t find out.”

“Shut up!” He yelled, “Maybe there is another arrangement we can make then. What information is it you need?”

Shepard raised an eyebrow, he was running scared now. “I hear you have information on Archangel. Where is he?”

His attitude changed drastically over the course of a few seconds and he laughed, “You want the turian?” He had to hold onto the edge of one of the crates nearby to stay standing up straight as he laughed, “If there is anything left of him you can have it. He’s nothing more than a corpse with a heartbeat by now. He’s broken merchandise, and he was fun to break.”

Shepard’s grip on her pistol tightened and her biotics flared, “Where is he!” she yelled.

Tarak sobered up at the vicious tone, “He’s in chains on the other side of the base. Turns out he was good for something in the end, he was a damn fine fuck.”

It took a few seconds for the implication of that statement to settle in, Shepard’s eyes widened ever so slightly in horror and disbelief. Her stomach dropped through the floor. “You…” she whispered then yelled, “YOU SICK BASTARD!” and charged the merc leader. 

Thankfully Kasumi was quick on the draw and she hit the kill command on their shield generator. Jack threw out an enormous shock-wave and knocked a number of the guards into the air, Lota was quick to hit those remaining with a singularity and followed up with her shotgun. The women made quick work of the guards while Shepard beat Tarak into submission with her fists.

She’d knocked him to the ground and climbed on top of him in standard grappling fashion. From there she sat back on her haunches and pummeled him senseless, by the time she was done his face was nothing more than a bloody pulp. His brain matter leaking from his ears and his eyes bulging from his ruined skull. In a last act of disrespect she wrenched her combat knife out of its sheath and stabbed him in each eye. Since batarians generally believed that the soul left for the heavens through their eyes doing this was the most drastic form of defilement you could commit.

The commander sat there on top of the corpse unmoving, her breaths ragged and uneven. Jack looked from her to the other women, in an uncharacteristic move she took charge. “Lota, kill check the bastards. Kasumi, contact Mordin and Chakwas to let them know what to expect.” They both nodded and moved away from the platform. 

Jack stepped up behind the silent Commander, her breathing was back under control now even as tears trailed down her face. She placed her hand on Shepard’s shoulder, “Let’s go get him Shep.”

She shook her head vigorously, “What if Aria was right? What if he’s better off dead?”

“What the hell are you talking about? ” Jack asked as she pulled Shepard to her feet. “There is no way he is better dead, you need him. Fuck, Your friend needs you! Stop being a pussy and come on.”

“Aria… she said I might be better off putting a bullet in his head and ending it. I… I can’t…” she stopped when the biotic slapped her hard across the face.

“Pull it together!” She turned and started jogging away, “Move your ass Shepard!” she yelled. Kasumi and Lota met up with Jack at the door and they waited expectantly for the Commander.

Jane discharged the remaining ammo in her clip into Tarak’s dead body. Satisfied only when the weapon overheated with a sizzle. She crossed the room in seconds and they were soon back in the main entranceway. Zaeed and Grunt were waiting there with about a quarter of Aria’s troops. There was a faint screaming coming from the far side of the base but it was followed by gunfire so Shepard wrote it off as collateral damage.

Lota split off from Shepard’s group and met up with one of her point men when Zaeed held up his hand in greeting, “Right side of the complex and exterior are clear. I’ve got the shuttle making its way here. Miranda’s team is just finishing up, they’ll be back soon.”

Shepard nodded, no trace of her minor break on her face. “Did they find him?”

The grizzled merc hesitantly nodded, “He’s alive Shepard. But you’ve got to stay here.” The Commander looked at him as though he’d gone insane and tried to step around him. He stepped in the way, “You don’t want to go back there. Let the professor work.”

“Zaeed. Get out of my way.” Her voice was icily calm but pure venom dripped from the words. 

He took her shoulders in his hands, “Seriously. You do not want to see him yet. Just wait out here until the doc can work some magic. He’s in rough shape Shepard.” 

The Commander pushed his hands off, “I’ve seen more than you know old man. Now get off!” She stepped around him and took off at a jog towards Miranda’s team. Zaeed and Jack took off after her, Kasumi hung back with Grunt. Shepard managed to gain a little ground and Zaeed, being in heavy armor was falling behind.

“Don’t let her in that room Jack!” He yelled and the biotic took off at speed. She was damn fast when she needed to be and she wasn’t hampered by armor as the other two were. Zaeed slowed to a light jog and let the women get ahead. “Goddammit, I’m getting too old for this shit.”

Jack on the other hand was gaining rapidly now, as the Commander began to slow down near the room that Jacob was standing outside guarding. She leapt and tackled the Commander to the ground. “Damn it Jack! Let me up!”

“If Zaeed thinks you can’t handle it then what makes you think you actually want to go into that room? ” 

She struggled to get the tiny biotic off, for being so small she was sure feisty. “First you say go to him and now don’t! What the fuck?”

“The Cheerleader has him out of harm's way, let’s go kill some stragglers and blow of a little steam, ok?”

Jacob stepped in and helped his teammates get to their feet. Both him and Jack standing between her and the door. “Commander, you don’t want to go in there. He’s in critical condition.” Shepard glared at him and took in his placating posture and the paleness of his face. He was white as a sheet, and that was definitely saying something considering he was black.

It seemed as though she was about to acquiesce and stay in the hall until Chakwas arrived but all that changed when an ear splitting screech came from inside the room. She’d heard the same one just minutes ago only now she recognized it was Archangel. In the confusion Shepard pushed past them and ran towards the sound. “Garrus!” She yelled.

Inside it wasn’t a pretty sight.

The screeching turian was writhing in agony on a table in the centre of the large room. Miranda was holding down his shoulders as Mordin worked on something on his abdomen. At her yell both of her teammates looked up and Miranda yelled at Grizz who was standing near the door, “Get her out of here!”

The turian moved to intercept the Commander but was too slow as she shot across the corpse laden room. She was halfway there when the screeching stopped and Mordin dropped something to the ground. Whatever it was clanked loudly as metal hit metal. Shepard slid to a stop when she reached the table, her hands out in front of her as she wasn’t sure what to do.

Garrus was barely recognizable, half of his face was badly burned and healing poorly, one mandible hung loose. Some of the muscle and fascial tissue obviously had been destroyed by whatever had broken his helmet. She quickly pulled off her gauntlet and placed the bare hand on his forehead, flinching when she found him damp and cold to the touch. It wasn’t as though she used to have a habit of touching him but she knew enough to know he’d never been like this. Even standing near him she should have felt the heat radiating. 

Mordin quickly detached the bottom section of his lab coat and carefully tossed it over the turian. Thankfully Shepard hadn’t looked anywhere but his face yet so she’d missed the mangling that had been done to the rest of him. Miranda relaxed only slightly, she wasn’t sure how the Commander would have reacted to the ring in the centre of her friend’s chest. 

“We need to get him back to the ship.” Shepard said quietly, her eyes unmoving from his face. “Miranda, help me get his arms untied.”

Mordin shook his head, “No Commander. Can’t do that. Unclear as to how long his arms have been bound. Risk of blood clots unless done in medical bay.” He took a sharp inhale, “Need stretcher from the shuttle. Also require sedatives, no way to tell how long he’s been awake.”

“He’s awake?” Shepard whispered.

“Might be. Was talking before minor procedure I conducted. Mostly nonsense. Very painful. Need to work on removing other restraints, stay there.” Mordin knelt down by the turian’s legs and with a quick adjustment to his omnitool he was able to start work on breaking the locks. 

Miranda took a step back, “Grizz. You can head back with the rest of Aria’s team. We’ve got it from here.” She then moved away to help the professor with the restrains 

The turian nodded, giving Archangel a quick once over. “Yeah. Right. I’ll have some extra supplies sent to your ship. You’ve got my channel if you need anything.” He turned to leave, “Good luck Shepard. Archangel’s going to need it.”

Shepard didn’t acknowledge the man as he departed. Her focus was solely on the turian in front of her. She was running one hand softly over his fringe in what she hoped were soothing circles. She couldn’t take her eyes off the damage on his right side, his colony marking were all faded but the burns completely destroyed those on that part of his face. “I’m so sorry Garrus,” she whispered.

The sound of one of the ankle restraints hitting the floor made Shepard jump and when she did Archangel’s eyes flew open, his gaze flew around the room looking for the source of the sound but stopped the second his eyes met the Commander’s, “Jane?” he breathed.

She didn’t trust her own voice, so instead she nodded. His voice was hoarse, undoubtedly from the screaming, “If you’re here that means I’m dead. Thank the spirits.” He tried to move and found himself still mostly strapped to the table, he struggled weakly against the bindings on his arms for a moment tensing as each tiny movement caused him pain. “Hurts…” he moaned, “why does it hurt? I’m dead. No. Not dead. Then why are you here? Supposed to be dead. You’re dead!” He finished with a yell. 

He began thrashing around on the table, the cloth slipped down slightly and Shepard saw the ring in his carapace. Her eyes went wide and she took a pace backwards, muttering an expletive and the word ‘ _ no’ _ over and over again. 

Mordin was on his feet and trying to calm the abused turian down in seconds. Miranda quickly moved around the table and stepped between the Commander and her friend. Jack had also entered the room and she moved to pull the Commander out, for once her and Miranda could agree on something. Together they were about to try and force the Commander to leave when Garrus began speaking again, his eyes searching frantically even though they were clouded with pain and drugs. 

“Shepard! Where are you? Let me see her again, I’ll tell you anything you want! Shepard I need you!” He interrupted himself with another cry of pain, “My… my name is Garrus Vakarian, C-Sec identification number D77 631 449. I… I rigged charges in eight different transport ships that left Omega a week ago, they will go off when they complete two standard jumps, the Naxus, Delfwego, Polic, Oteum, Lessius, Kalhoon, Apache, U bic wik.” 

He panted heavily from his assertion and coughed wetly before he continued, “Let me die! I gave you what you wanted. Let me die, please Jane….”

She brushed past Miranda, “I’m here Garrus. They’re all gone, the Suns, the Blood Pack, the Eclipse. They won’t hurt you again.” She ran her hand over the remaining colony lines. “I won’t let them hurt you. Just stay with me.” 

Shepard continued talking to him in quiet placating tones, never stopping her hand mouvement over his face. He began relaxing into her touch, his eyes fluttering closed as he stopped thrashing. 

What Shepard did next was unthinkable, she pulled her sidearm off of her hip and brought it to his temple. Jack was the quickest to realise what she was about to do and as the safety clicked off she grabbed the Commander from behind, her arms under Shepard’s in a tight hold. The shot went high and buried itself in the far wall. Miranda followed through by disarming her.

Words followed the women’s actions, “Not happening!” yelled the convict. “What are you thinking?” cried the XO. 

Jane struggled against Jack, tears streaming down her cheeks. “He… he asked me to. I can’t just stand here and watch as he begs me to end it.” She drew in a heavy sob, “It has to be me. I won’t make anyone else do it but it has to be done.”

“He’s your best friend…” said Miranda in disbelief.

Jack interrupted before the Commander could respond, “Let the doctors try Shepard. He only wants to die to get to you. Didn’t you hear him? The torture didn’t break him, he didn’t talk.” The ex-convict left out the fact that seeing her made him break but that little tidbit wasn’t important at the moment. Shepard stopped struggling and Jack let her fall to her knees. She removed the shotgun and grenade launcher from her back and passed them to Zaeed who’d charged in during the confusion.

Soon Chakwas entered the room and began her scans as Mordin and Miranda finished removing the chains. He was limp on the table, it seemed as though he might have finally become so exhausted that the stims couldn’t keep him awake any longer. The doctor had draped a proper thermal blanket over him and Mordin had reattached his, now stained, jacket.

Karin closed her omnitool program when Mordin stood up, “We can’t give him a sedative. If we throw any more chemicals into his body now his heart might not be able to take it.”

The salarian nodded pensively, “Understood. Will be an unpleasant procedure to move him then. Maybe use stasis field? Operative Lawson, Ms Nought? Either of you capable in maintaining controlled stasis?”

Jack shook her head, “Naw. I’m all power. I can manage a pretty good barrier but I’m not exactly one for the arts.”

“I’ll do my best.” Said Miranda stepping forwards. “Shepard, I need you and Jack to scout ahead to the shuttle, make sure the way is still clear. I need to be able to focus to do this right.”

Shepard stood up from her spot on the ground and took her pistol as Miranda handed it back. “Yeah. No problem.” She took one last look at Garrus before turning and heading back into the hall. Zaeed passed her the rest of her weapons and the two of them headed towards the shuttle. 

Jacob and Zaeed carried in the stretcher after the women were out of sight. Taylor was still paler than a ghost and Massani definitely looked like he’d rather be somewhere else. Dr. Chakwas was quick to take charge, “First we need straighten out his legs so we can roll him, slide that cargo crate over here please. Then I need you two to bring the stretcher right up against his side. Mordin and I will roll him and I you’ll slide the stretcher underneath him, Miranda do your best to stabilize as much as possible.”

“You sure doc?” the old merc asked standing at the turian’s feet. 

“It won’t be pleasant but that’s our only option.” The men quickly fetch the cargo crate by the door and carried it over. Now that he was lying flat it would be an easier adjustment. “On the count of three… one, two, three, lift.” 

Garrus gasped as they moved him, he was awake but not exactly coherent at this point. He’d clamped his mouth shut and it was obvious he was trying to stifle a screech. But that was a reaction that the doctors expected, what they hadn’t planned on was Jacob. The ex-Alliance soldier’s jaw had dropped and it looked like he was about to be sick. Zaeed only muttered, “Goddammit.”

As they put him down on the stretcher Mordin was the first to respond, “Apparent that additional injuries exist on patient’s back. Require report as rolling patient again is inadvisable.”

“The bastards didn’t just beat him and burn him and most likely rape him, they’ve flogged him too. I knew Tarak was a sick fuck but I didn’t think he’d stoop that low. On a turian no less. Goddamn monster he was.”

Miranda let her field drop and in an uncharacteristic move she showed her confusion, “Why does his race matter? Whipping is nasty no matter who receives it.”

Mordin cut in, “Turians are a plated species. Plates are notoriously hard to damage except from burning or repeated sharp impact. Sooner we get him in surgery the better. Ready to move?”

Jacob and Zaeed took up places on either end of the stretcher and Miranda nodded, her hands glowing blue as she prepared a stasis field again. They moved slowly through the old factory. Most of the bodies had been cleared from the main pathway to the shuttle. Garrus was awake throughout the journey back to the ship, although he obviously didn’t understand what was going on. Even though no one was directly inflicting pain, like Mordin had when he removed the pelvic clamps, the turian seemed to believe he was still in enemy hands. Miranda, Karin, Mordin and Zaeed had all crammed onto the shuttle leaving the rest of the team to find their own way back to the ship. Shepard and Jack were nowhere to be found. 

When they landed in the shuttlebay there was a small team of assistants ready to assist the professor and doctor. They helped complete the transport before they were dismissed, no one else needed to see what had been done to him, especially not Cerberus. Zaeed hung back in the shuttle with Joker and waited for the elevator to disappear before he spoke, “We’ll wait two hours.”

Joker limped over to him, “Wait two hours for what?”

“Wait two hours to see if he’ll live or not. Then we go get Shepard and Jack. Commander’s either getting plastered at Afterlife or she’s on a rampage killing any leftover mercs. Either way two hours will be enough to wear her out.” The old merc sat down on the edge of the shuttle’s main door one leg bent and the other hanging loosely down. He reached into a pocket on the chestplate of his armor and pulled out two cigars and a lighter. He lit them both and passed one to the pilot, “Been a hell of a day.”

Joker didn’t argue as he took the offered vice and sat himself down opposite the other man. “You said it….”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fanfiction recommendation: Trias by Kate_Shepard, http://archiveofourown.org/works/7806859 . My favorite depiction of FShep/Garrus/Victus that exists to date!


	3. Chapter 3 - Anger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anger blinds people, makes them rash and unsympathetic, but it can disappear in a second. Shepard returns to the Normandy and healing begins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Should be on a fairly regular update cycle for this one folks. Hope you enjoy!

“Please don’t! Please don’t kill me!” yelled the human in Blue Suns armor. “I didn’t do anything, just please don’t!” Shepard made him scream when she put a bullet through his kneecap.

“You put on that armor didn’t you?” she replied menacingly. “That’s enough.” Without another word she put a bullet through his skull and kept moving.

Jack had to jog to keep up with her, “I think that’s all of them Shep. I’ve run a couple scans and the only thing here is that group of Aria’s men doing cleanup. If you want more then we’ve got to head out.”

The Commander slowed to a walk and headed in the direction of the main entrance. The shuttle had left about twenty minutes prior and they had just finished a second sweep of the building finding eight more merc cowering in the shadows. “Fuck this. We’re going to Afterlife but if I see even a smidge of blue, red, or yellow armor they’re done.”

“Surprisingly enough, I’m good with that.”

The two-woman team moved through the alleys and main streets of Omega and gunned down each and every merc they saw. Jack didn’t bother keeping count, it would have been pointless. If anything a count would have made Shepard want to head out and kill a couple extra for good measure. Instead they spent just over an hour working the streets before showing up at Afterlife’s lower entrance.

Shepard obviously wasn’t in the mood to deal with the usual crowd and seeing as they were splattered with multi-coloured blood it was best to avoid the VIP section. They sidled up against the bar and the batarian bartender walked over to them with drinks already in hand. “On the house,” he said.

Shepard looked at the drink and back at the batarian, “If that’s on the house you drink it. I need a bottle.” She tilted her head in disrespect. She hated batarians on a good day, today she loathed the entire species. 

He glared daggers at her, “It isn’t wise to refuse a drink from Aria.”

The Commander slammed a fist down on the glass bar top and cracks splintered out from under her hand, “it isn’t smart to refuse a drink from me either. Drink it.”

A turian a few seats down laughed at the look of horror on the batarian’s face. “Come on Forvan, just humor the lady.”

He took a step back from the bar, “No.”

Jack piped up, “Why not? There something wrong with it, four eyes?” When he still refused the convict laughed, “Bad day to try that greeny.” She pulled out her pistol and aimed at the idiot across the bar.

“I’m fed up with this shit.” Shepard waved Jack off and pulled out her combat knife. She grabbed Forvan by his collar and dragged him close enough to whisper in his ear, “I don’t like anyone fucking with me. Especially batarians.” She drew her knife back and stabbed it into his lower right eye killing him in an instant. She dropped him and he crumpled to the ground.

Jack pushed the glasses off the bar and they spilled all over the fresh corpse. She then hopped over to the bartender’s side and grabbed the best bottles she saw. An asari honey liquor for herself and a human scotch for Shepard. She also tossed the turian another beer, “Thanks for the assist.”

He grinned, “Anything else you need just let me know. I’ve got a ship and a bondmate but I only brought one of them to Omega with me.”

Jack rolled her eyes and Shepard blew out an exasperated breath. No rest for the wicked apparently. Instead of replying she knocked the top off of her bottle and started working on it. Jack shrugged, “Thanks anyway birdy, but we don’t need a ship.”

“Can’t blame a guy for trying,” he said as he stood up and headed towards the other end of the bar before the stench of dead batarian started to bother him.

The young biotic grabbed two glasses and led the Commander to a secluded corner booth. It didn’t take long before two of Aria’s men came down to clean up their mess and a new bartender replaced the old one. Shepard was paying little attention to her surroundings and only started using the glass because her squadmate had replaced the bottle with it after she’d finished a solid third.

Another ten minutes or so passed. Shepard was still silent although she’d calmed down her binge on the bottle and was now only sipping at her glass, the obvious fog of alcohol laced with exhaustion working its way through her system. Jack had sent a message to Zaeed letting him know where they’d holed up. He’d come by in another half hour to escort them back to the ship if Garrus was still alive or help them finish another bottle if he wasn’t.

Grizz appeared with a datapad after some time, saying nothing as he dropped it on the table and departed. When Shepard didn’t move to grab it the biotic picked it up herself and pursued the message from Aria. “Want me to summarize?” Shepard tilted her head as if to say,  _ if you must _ .

“Ahem… Commander, the strike went off without a hitch… blah blah blah, lost fifteen men… we’re even… blah blah… drinks on the house. Dance from the wolf will have to wait until the mercs are purged from the station. Additional supplies delivered to Normandy… mmhmm… don’t kill anymore bartenders, but Forvan was an idiot… signed the Eternal Bitch of Omega.” She offered the datapad to Shepard who refused it, instead grabbing her glass and finishing it. “Anything you want to say back?”

Jane filled her glass again and swirled the liquid a few times. “Nope.”

“Well alright then.” Jack grabbed her glass and filled it to the brim. She downed half of it and sat back in her seat, eyes searching the bar for hostiles and friendlies and lingering a few extra moments on the asari dancers. She might not play for the girls’ team but that didn’t mean she didn’t enjoy looking a little.

Zaeed and Joker slid into the booth twenty minutes later with an extra two glasses. The grizzled merc locked eyes with Jack and he raised his shoulders in a slight shrug,  _ no news. Shit. _ Joker grabbed Jack’s bottle and filled his and Zaeed’s glasses, he knew better than to try and take any of Shepard’s, plus they couldn’t all get drunk.

The rhythms of the club were a little darker than usual, the vibe was almost desperate as the bodies writhed together on the dance floor. A human male’s, heavily synthesized, voice sounded over the speakers in the next song. A cover of an old club song,  _ Work Bitch _ . The man’s voice caused it to be much seedier than the original, much more violent.  _ Better get to work bitch, _ they weren’t the most elegant lyrics but they caused the dancers to work just a little harder for their tips. One dancer did come over to their table but with a minute shake of her head Shepard dismissed her.

It took nearly a full bottle’s worth of time for the message to come in. Zaeed, Jack, and Joker’s omnitools all buzzed with the same message.  _ He’s out of surgery. Bring her home. - Chakwas MD. _

“Alright then.” Zaeed shuffled out of the booth and stretched, “Time to head back, eh?”

Shepard’s eyes didn’t leave her half empty glass.

Joker and Jack pushed themselves up as well, Jack a little shaky on her feet from the booze and over exertion of biotics. Massani pulled a ration bar out of his belt and passed it over to the woman. She murmured a thanks as she tore into it. Jeff was next to speak, “Shep. Come on. Let’s get you home.”

She didn’t move still. “I’m fine here. You guys head back if you want to,” her voice was flat. She hasn’t exactly been the most friendly or enthusiastic person since her resurrection but the pilot couldn’t say that this was normal. Hell this was even worse than when Ashley died and Garrus wasn’t dead.

“Shepard, you need some rest. Let’s just head back to the ship, ok?” She shook her head. “Not going to make me and my glass bones drag you out of here, are you?”

When she still didn’t move Massani spoke up, “Shepard. Time to go. He’s still alive, alright?” She looked up at him as if to say  _ really? You are pulling that card?  _ He responded as though she’d spoken the sentiment out loud, “Yeah I am, now let’s get off this godforsaken rock before everyone realises two gang leaders were killed off today.”

With a huff she slid out of the booth, a little steadier than she should have been considering the amount of booze she’d ingested. The Commander led the way back up to Omega’s main floor, she scanned to room for anyone in mercenary armor but didn’t find anyone.  _ Too bad…. _

Aria was standing on her perch, high above the main club. She raised her glass to the Commander who nodded and turned away. They were out of the club and on the way back to the ship in minutes. Their pace was slow, Shepard seemed no worse for wear but she kept it slow enough for Joker to walk at a comfortable pace.

When they entered the ship the pilot headed back to his station and the other three made for the elevator. No one said a word, not even the usually perky yeoman. When the doors to the lift closed Shepard’s hand hovered over the crew deck before moving to her quarters and back down. She hesitated a second before hitting the button, best to get out of her gear first.

“EDI, set have Jeff set a course for Illium. I want off this station.”

“Of course Commander, is there anything else?” the AI replied.

“I want a full report on my terminal of the day’s events and any information you can get on Archangel.” She stepped out of the elevator and headed into the loft, her teammates descending down to their own quarters. “I don’t want to be disturbed unless the ship is about to go down in flames… I don’t give a fuck if the Illusive Man wants to chat, I’m not available.” As an afterthought she added, “If there are any changes in his condition inform me immediately. ”

“Understood Commander, logging you out.”

Shepard entered her private bathroom and hit the water controls. Steam began to billow out as she dropped pieces of her armor to the ground. By the time she was bare the water was as hot as she could stand it and she stepped under the spray. The heat helped to wash away her aches and the alcohol induced fog.  _ Damn these Cerberus Cybernetics! I can’t even keep a solid buzz going _ .

By the time she’d finished her shower the water was running clear again. For the first while it had been rather dirty as she washed off the blood spatter and grime. Back in her cabin she got dressed and began pacing the room. She wasn’t sure if she was ready to head to the lower deck or not. After a couple minutes hunger won out, being a biotic could really be a pain in the ass at times.

It was about an hour into the night cycle now and the halls were fairly empty. Her night skeleton crew was much easier to dodge than the day team. The mess hall was empty when she arrived. She opened the fridge door and found there was a container labelled for her waiting. Calorie dense spaghetti was the perfect comfort food and she tossed it into the heating unit. She sat down at the table facing the medical bay, her eyes on the darkened windows as she tore into her rations.

Chakwas exited the room a few minutes later. She looked even more exhausted than Jack and herself had a few hours ago when they left Afterlife. “Karin?” Shepard said, giving her an apologetic nod when she realised that she’d startled the doctor. “Sorry.”

“No, no Commander. It’s my fault.” She crossed the room and sat down across the table. “It’s been a long day.”

“There’s a container in the fridge for you too. Want it?” The Doctor nodded and ran her hands through her, already dishevelled, hair. “At least the food’s edible now that Gardner has better ingredients to work with.”

“True,” she said standing up. She moved to the sink to wash her hands as the Commander reheated her meal. When she finished she grabbed a bottle of water and sat back down, face in her hands. She looked up when Shepard placed the plate down in front of her and went back to her own meal. She picked at her food. “He’s sleeping now. Finally.”

Shepard placed her fork down on the table, the last few bites of her meal growing cold. “It’s a wonder he is even alive still. How the hell was he awake?”

Karin continued eating but explained between bites, “It’s the stims. It looks like he’d been overdosing on them for at least a few days before he was captured. Then the gangs were using them as a method of torture, forcing him awake whenever they managed to knock him out.”  She sighed and said more to herself than the Commander, “Damn them.”

Shepard reached across the table and took the doctor’s hand. She gave it a light squeeze, “Thank you. Without you he’d been gone by now. Although I’m still not sure what would have been worse… I almost pulled the trigger earlier, hell I did pull it but Jack, damn her, forced my hand and I missed. I don’t know if this is better. Is it?”

“I won’t lie to you Jane. It won’t be for the first while, he’s going to need some time to wrap his head around what happened and that you’re back. It took a long time for Jeff and I to come to terms with your return and we didn’t have anything like this in the way.”

They ate in silence for a few minutes before Shepard found the strength to speak again. The Commander seemed to steel herself before she asked, “How bad is he?”

Karin swallowed her last bite of dinner, “Very. The most obvious injury is his worst, the rocket to the face. We repaired most of the damage but we’ve had to implant cybernetics so that he’ll maintain functionality. Thankfully Miranda was around, her knowledge of implants combined with Mordin’s and my own of xenobiology was enough to save his mandible. The scars will be bad, not much we can do about that. He won’t have much if any feeling in right side of his face either, the nerves were too badly damaged to save.”

“We’ve implanted cybernetics into his right shoulder as well, if he’d had proper medical attention sooner we may not have needed them. According to those mercenaries a dose of medigel should be enough to stave off infection, ha... idiots.” Shepard could see the doctor’s frustration and agreed wholeheartedly. But she also took the  _ sooner _ comment to heart, just more proof that if she hadn’t ignored the dossier her friend wouldn’t be in this condition. “He has numerous other lacerations and burns but those just need time, they’ll be painful but nothing Garrus can’t handle.” Chakwas neglected to mention the numerous injured relating to his genitalia but she figured that information was better left unsaid.

“What I’m more concerned with is keeping the infection off. His immune system has taken a hit and he’s malnourished. Honestly Shepard, I don’t know for sure if we’ll be able to bring him out of this. I’d like to keep him sedated for a couple hours once the stims are out of his system. Until then it will be a rough go.”

“I understand. How long until he can have something?”

“I’d say by morning we should be able to give him a stronger painkiller and a sedative. If he wakes up before then we’ll weather the storm.” The doctor paused to yawn. “On that note, I should get back there.” She stood and took the empty dishes to the kitchen.

“Can I see him?”

Karin stopped mid stride to consider before she replied, “Of course.” She left the dishes in the sink and headed back to the medical bay, the Commander in tow. “Just sit quietly with him,” she said, voice low. “If he wakes up he’s going to be confused and in a lot of pain.” Jane nodded and they entered the dimly lit room.

Garrus was lying on the bed furthest from the door in a reclined position. Arms at his sides over the blanket, covered in bandages and full of IV lines. His damaged right side was away from her but she could see the beginnings of a bandage wrapped over his cheek. His head was supported by a pillow under his fringe. A large array of sensors were hooked up to his chest and some trailed down under the blanket.

Mordin was at the Doctor’s desk and he stood as they entered. He crossed the room to join the doctor and Commander, “See you are back Shepard. Excellent. Archangel will need time to recover but expect your presence may help. Must go wash up, Chakwas?”

“I still need to do that, but you go. You were on a mission today, least I can do is monitor our patient.”

“Understood, will retire soon. Hope you do too. Need rest for days ahead. Commander, Doctor.” He nodded to the women as he excused himself.

“You go too Karin. I’ll have EDI call you if anything changes.”

She looked from her patient to the Commander and then at the door longingly, her exhaustion obvious. “Alright… EDI, please send hourly readouts to my omni tool.”

“Of course Doctor,” said the AI at a low volume. Even the artificial intelligence knew enough to be as quiet as possible. “Logging you out.”

“I’ll be back in a couple hours. Get some rest Jane.” With that she was left alone in the medical bay. Garrus sleeping soundly along with the rest of the ship.

She picked up a chair and placed it beside his bed facing the door. Quickly removing her boots she curled up in the chair with an extra blanket from the other bed. She watched the slow rise and fall of her best friend’s chest. The tube in his nose providing extra oxygen for his system and easing his sleep. Shepard reached out a hand and placed it on top of his.

They stayed like that a long time before Jane fell asleep too. She was sideways in the chair, her feet over the armrest and her head curled into the chair back. Her hand still on top of the turian’s. A few hours passed like that, not a sound other than quiet breathing and the hum of the drivecore at full cruise speed. They’d be at Ilium in less than in two days at this rate.

The first sound Garrus made was enough of a contrast from the quiet hum to wake Shepard. She snapped awake as though her alarm had gone off full blast and all the turian had done is make a slight whimper. She turned in her chair and slid her feet to the floor, she stayed seated though. His eyes were still closed but she could tell he was coming out of it.

She took his hand in both of her own, rubbing her thumb softly over the rough skin on the back of his hand. She hopped it was soothing but it wasn’t doing much for her nerves as a quick look at her omni-tool showed the time was only 0423, that meant at least an hour until the doctor would even consider giving him something. “Damn it Garrus, not yet. Just sleep a little longer,” she whispered.

His eyes shot open at her voice, “Shepa…” he started but cut himself off with a groan. Even the simplest of movements seemed to cause additional pain. His frustration was heard as he keened loudly deep in his throat. It wasn’t nearly as loud as the the screech on Omega but it felt like it in the near silent ship.

Shepard stood up fast enough to send the chair crashing to the ground and Garrus flinched at the noise, his eyes locking with hers once they opened back up.  “I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere this time. Stay with me.”

His panicked gaze met her calming one, and the Commander’s hands moved to comfort him as well. Her left hand rested on his chest just under the thick bandages that covered his right shoulder while her right hand went to his face to hold his good mandible and run a thumb along his colony lines.

“That’s it. Breathe with me. I’ll explain everything later, I promise. For right now just trust me, deep breaths, fight through the pain with me.” Her hands continued soothing him as best she could and for a few moments they just breathed together.

“You’re... alive?” He forced out wincing. “Or am d… dead?”

Jane couldn’t keep her sad smile away, “Alive Garrus. We’re both alive.” At his questioning gaze she continued, “I was. Dead... I mean. But I’m back. You’re safe here. Doctor Chakwas will be here soon, just hold on a little longer.”

He looked like he might protest but another wave of agony shot through him and he had to close his eyes. He lifted his good arm and grabbed Shepard’s wrist. He didn’t try to push her hand away, it was more like he needed an anchor so she kept her soothing lines going until the door opened.

Karin stepped into the room, looking much better than she had a few hours ago, although a little sleep lagged. The doctor crossed the room slowly and made sure her presence was known, it wouldn’t do any good to spook two veteran soldiers. Especially not after yesterday.

She stepped up to the opposing side of the bed in the middle of the room and leaned in slightly so that he could easily see both herself and Shepard. “Garrus, don’t try to talk you’ll only make the pain worse just blink once for yes and twice for no, ok?”

He blinked once.

“I’m going to increase the lighting a little and check your wounds. Is that alright?” He blinked again so the doctor got to work. Shepard stayed right where she was, the doctor working around her. She changed the dressings in a few of the easiest places to reach leaving the blanket covering him from mid chest down. She wasn’t about to attempt moving him to check his back and with the Commander here she was hesitant to check the sutures on his lower abdomen.

Garrus didn’t seem too impressed with the ordeal, it was easy to tell he was in pain from the tightness in his jaw to the grip he held on Shepard’s arm. But not once did he cry out, he forced it down and only a grunt or two escaped. “Can you move your talons for me?” she gestured to his right hand.

Garrus cocked a brow plate but blinked once anyways. Shepard’s gaze left his face and moved to watch his other hand, it didn’t budge. “Very good Garrus, that’s enough. Try to keep your arm still, it needs time to heal.”

The Commander looked up at Karin slightly panicked, but at the doctor’s carefully schooled expression she forced her own to match. She wasn’t comfortable lying to him, not after everything he’d been through, but right now it seemed like the only option to keep him calm.

Karin turned away and started fiddling through one the drawers in the storage unit beside her, “I need to check your blood chemistry before we can give you anything. Ah there it is,” she said pulling a packaged syringe out. She slid on a new pair of gloves and unpacked the needle and the second Garrus saw it all hell broke loose.

The turian tried to get himself as far from Chakwas as possible in the least amount of time. That unfortunately meant he threw himself out of the bed and into Shepard who tripped over the chair she’d dropped earlier. They landed in a heap on the ground, with the Commander yelling in surprise and the Archangel crying out in pain. The medical monitors started going haywire at their lack of input and the IV’s that had been torn from their injection sites in his arm sprayed fluid all over the place.

Garrus scrambled off of Jane into the corner by the AI core, he didn’t exactly have a lot of other options what with there being a solid wall in this direction and a needle in the other. Jane forced herself into a sitting position and rubbed the back of her head from where she’d collided with the wall. “Ouch…” she complained opening her eyes, grabbing her bearings. The doctor had come around the bed and bent down to their level with her hands in front of her making placating motions. She’d never seen Garrus look so scared in her life, he was crying out in pain even as he tried to shove himself further into the wall. “Karin stop!”

The doctor froze for a second before backing away. “I… I wasn’t thinking,” she stammered, the calm mask broken. “Should have realised he wouldn’t react well to needles with track marks like that.”

“Go get Mordin,” Shepard ordered. “I’ll calm him down but you’ll need Mordin for the rest of the tests.”

For once the doctor didn’t argue and she backed further away, hitting the mute on the machines as she stood up. Without another word she was gone and they were left alone again. The silence in the room was almost deafening now that the incessant beeping was gone. Garrus was huddled back tightly into the corner, only a flimsy looking pair of shorts and the bandages keeping him covered.

Shepard slid herself backwards to lean against the wall level with the foot of the bed. She didn’t dare get any closer to him unless he wanted her to. She’d talked people off of cliffs before, hell she’d talked Saren onto one, but she hopped that this would be different. “It’s just you and me now, big guy.”

He flinched, “Don’t…”

She shifted her gaze back to him, “Don’t what?”

“Call me that… ah… just Ga… Garrus.”

“Ok Garrus,” she said his name deliberately. “I didn’t mean anything by it, that’s just what I’ve always called you. Or… I guess what I used to call you, I still forget it’s been years for everyone else. It only seems a few months for me.” She gave herself a self-deprecating laugh, “Damn, two years just gone. Everyone’s just moved on.”

“Not everyone,” he said quietly.

“Everyone but you that is. I heard your message. The one you’d coded into your visor. You didn’t even know I was back but you left it anyways, you still thought I was dead but in your last hours thought to record a message for a dead woman. Garrus… that’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me.

“Fuck, I’ve been brought back from the dead but that isn’t even for me…. I’m only here to save the galaxy from the Reapers. Without them I’d have been left for dead, to rot like the rest of the Normandy’s crew. The Alliance doesn’t care, the Council ignores me. I’m left to fight for the future of a galaxy that doesn’t give a shit about me. And then you show up…” the last sentence was no more than a whisper. Shepard finally had someone to talk to and all it took was finding the turian, her turian.

“Wasn’t the same without you,” he replied with a groan. He was holding his injured mandible with his good arm so the words came out a little skewed. “Need you.”

When Shepard finally looked up from the hole she was staring into the floor tears had started in the corners of her eyes. “If I’d just come after you first none of this would have happened. But I… I decided to leave the vigilante's file alone and go fetch the rest of the crew. If I’d just payed a little more attention…”

“Stop,” he said, voice firm. And so she did. He held out his hand to her and she slid across the floor to take it. His grip couldn’t have been more than a whisper on her skin but she followed him as he pulled her into a tight, one armed, hug. Shepard knelt between his knees and wrapped her arms around his neck. “Came back,” he whispered.

They stayed like that long enough that Shepard’s knees started to ache from hard metal floor. She pulled back gently and he released her willingly enough. Though he kept his hand on the back of her neck, talons intertwined in her hair. She sat back on her feet, legs bent in a way turians could only imagine, one of her hands mirrored his own and the other traced his remaining colony lines. The faded pattern was interspersed with burns and lacerations, some old and others new. The simple motion seemed to cause him to calm right down so she kept it up until he was nearly sleeping in her arms.

When she finally stopped he opened his eyes up again. His gaze intense as he stared at her. Without really thinking he pressed his forehead to hers for a few seconds before pulling back. “Sorry,” he mumbled.

“Don’t be,” she replied and pulled him gently into a second press. It was just as short as the first but it seemed to last minutes, not seconds. When she moved back again she pulled completely away and moved to his better side. “We’ve got to get you back up, think you can move?”

He nodded, not quite trusting his voice right then. His mind was swimming with so many thoughts and so much pain that he didn’t quite know what to do. He placed both his palms on the floor, or at least he thought he did until he looked down at his right which hadn’t moved. He stared intently down at his talons and his eyes widened when he wasn’t even able to make them twitch. He whined and grabbed his right hand with his left. Garrus pulled it up and it hung limply in his grasp.

Shepard stepped in, “Garrus, it’ll come back. The doctor will get your arm working again it’ll just take time.”

“I… I can’t feel it. Wha… what’s wrong with it?” he asked panicked. 

“I don’t know. For now though? We’ve got to get you off the floor, do you think you can stand?”

He released his arm and it fell back to his side, “Yeah,” he mumbled. Shepard wrapped an arm around his lower back. She was hesitant to put any weight on the bandaged areas but she didn’t have much of a choice as the expanse of his back was covered in large swaths of gauze that had been slathered in medigel. She pulled his good arm over her shoulders and slowly helped pull him up. He was a great deal lighter than she was expecting, although last time he’d needed help to stand he’d been shot in the leg and was in full combat gear.

Slowly they walked the four paces to the bed and Shepard sat Garrus down on the edge of it. He was obviously uncomfortable, but at least now he was off the floor. His face ached as did the rest of his body and he failed to stifle the groan as he rolled out his good shoulder. Shepard set about righting the medical equipment around him, quickly finding the off switches for the IV drips that were still making a mess of the floor.

He was shaking like a leaf in front of her but it wasn’t from the cold as far as she could tell. He must have still been coming down off of the stims. A cold sweat had broken out between his plates and his breathing was laboured and shallow. She knew none of those things were a good sign. 

When she finished with the mess she finally had a few minutes to make her own quiet assessment of his injuries. Karin was right, the rocket damage was by far the worst of it, the burns ruined the side of his face, neck and shoulder. The burns combined with the restrains had lost him use of his right arm until the nerves and muscles could be fixed. She’d seen the metal ring that the mercs had shoved through his keel but the fact it was still there with a few loose chain links attached was unsettling. Obviously it wasn’t his most pressing injury but it wasn’t doing much for morale.

From the long lines of gauze taped in various directions on his back it was obvious he’d been either hit or cut deeply. A long white bandage was wrapped around his middle and the bandages disappeared under his shorts. Angry veins escaped the top of the wrapping mainly on his left side, those must have been the track lines Chakwas mentioned. The only other items of concern were the wrappings on his upper arms, just like his back, and the heavy bruising on almost every inch of skin that was uncovered, the worst on his cheek where he had a fresh split in his facial plate.

Their silence was interrupted by the near quiet slide of the medical bay doors. Doctor Chakwas and Professor Solus entered slowly, it seemed like they had been waiting in the hallway for a while. Shepard moved to stand on Garrus’ left side so that the doctors could work. He allowed them to poke a prod him as they cleaned his injuries again but neither of them used anything but bandages and medigel near him, even the scissors were left on Karin’s desk.

When the finished their task Mordin spoke up, “Still require blood sample. Also need to reinsert IV cables, vital for recovery. Please get comfortable, need to rest.”

Garrus looked from the salarian to the two humans. He wasn’t thrilled with the idea of more needles. Though with a little help he did settle himself back down on the mattress, he gripped Shepard’s hand as tightly as he could manage, not very, to make sure she stayed. First the doctors reattached the sensors, nothing invasive about that part of the job.

Mordin seemed to be searching for a viable entry point for his samples. Ruling out his arms and waist immediately as the veins there were useless or over sensitized. He settled for on the back of his knee, the soft flesh on the rear of the joint was untarnished thus far.

Shepard tried to pull his attention away from the professor, “Garrus, hey, look at me.” She moved in to block his view of the man. “They aren’t going to hurt you, just look at me.” Jane brought up a hand and began to trace his colony marks for a third time that morning. She hummed a calming note and he started to relax with her, only tensing as the needle pierced his skin.

It didn’t take more than a few seconds but Shepard only relaxed herself when Mordin started walking away with a quick dismissal, “Finished.” She sat on the edge of the bed looking down at him never stopping her motions. Mordin reappeared after a few minutes and carefully inserted a second needle into his left arm before he could object. “Sleep should come easier now.”

Garrus looked like he might have protested or panicked but within five seconds of the needle leaving his arm he was unconscious. Shepard glared daggers at him as she rearranged the turian’s arms in a way that would be more comfortable. Mordin just shrugged, “Would rather I have warned him? No. Better this way. Now can reattach all equipment without injuring him further. Easier to find viable insertion points while patient relaxed.”

Unfortunately his reasoning was sound and that meant there wasn’t much else she could do. Karin approached her once they’d finished getting him set up. “Shepard, you should get some rest too. He’ll be asleep until we wake him. Gardner's just about done making breakfast get something to eat while you’re at it.”

With another look at the sleeping turian she nodded, “Call me if anything changes.”

“Of course Commander.”

With that she grabbed her boots and left the dim medical bay in favour of the brightly lit mess hall. She still wasn’t sure why Cerberus thought it best to use so much power on the lights, it was incredibly inefficient, not to mention annoying. Half of the crew were already eating their meals and Gardiner was quick to fill a plate and offer it to her when she walked up to the counter.

She thanked him and sat down beside Miranda who was managing to look elegant as ever while she stuffed herself with enough breakfast for a biotic coming off a hard mission. “Good morning Commander Shepard,” she greeted with a small smile. “Glad that you could join us.”

Shepard didn’t dislike Miranda, hell the operative had even asked for her help once they got to Illium. “Morning Lawson. Anything I should know?”

“The ship is running smoothly, we’ll be at Illium tomorrow morning. Our arrival has been arranged and a docking bay secured. I’ve confirmed that both the Justicar and the Assassin are still in the city. Also, Doctor Liara T’Soni has requested an appointment with you.”

Shepard hummed an agreement as she worked on her meal. She had been corresponding on and off with the asari since her return but Liara had been too busy to leave Illium to meet with her. It would be nice to see her again. “Thanks,” she said after she finished her bite. “And what about your contact, will she be ready for us?”

The woman nodded, “Yes. The move is set for three days from now which should give us enough time to recruit one of the aforementioned ground team members. There was one additional dossier that came in last night, a quarian Tali’Zorah. She was on your old crew if I’m not mistaken.”

Jane stopped mid-bite and put her fork back down. “She was…”

“She’s on a mission in the outer rim. If you’d like we can set course there next. None of our other missions are time sensitive at this point.”

“What makes you think she’ll be interested this time? She wasn’t too impressed to see yellow and black when we saw her on Freedom’s Progress, what makes you think it will be different?”

“I’m not sure Commander. Just a feeling. Maybe having Officer Vakarian on board and a few other aliens will help her see that we aren’t all like the splinter cell that hurt the flotilla.”

Shepard blew out a sharp breath,  _ as if _ . “Fine. We’ll head there once we finish our business on Illium.” They continued eating in silence for a few minutes until the yeoman sat down. “Morning Kelly.”

“Good morning Commander! Miranda!” She was entirely too perky for six in the morning. She dug into her fruit salad and looked longingly at the stack of bacon still on Miranda’s plate, being a biotic sure had its advantages. “I understand yesterday’s mission was a success, how is Archangel doing?”

Miranda’s eyes widened and she kicked Kelly under the table, a more physical version of  _ shut up _ . The Commander had tensed ever so slightly, anyone who didn’t know her tells would think she was unfazed but the XO could see the stiff line of her shoulders and the ever so subtle quirk of her mouth. “Recovering,” is all she said.

Kelly didn’t seem to get the memo when it came to Miranda’s kick as she continued, “I’d love to meet him once he’s feeling better! To have survived on Omega for so long doing what he did it’s a miracle, he’s probably got so much insight into the criminal mind!”

Shepard’s grip on her fork became so tight her knuckles went white but her face still didn’t falter from the calm mask, though it wouldn’t take much more for it to crack. “I will let him know that you would like to talk, but under no circumstances will you search him out regarding Omega or anything that happened. That goes for everyone on the ground team, am I clear Ms Chambers?”

The ice in her voice finally got her, “Of course Commander. I didn’t mean any offense.” The young woman shrunk back in her seat.

“Good,” she acknowledged as she stood. “Miranda, I’ll be in my cabin. Have EDI call me if anything comes up.”

“Understood, Commander.”

+-+-+-

Shepard had a quick shower to relax before heading to bed for a nap. Her sleep wasn’t restful but killing a few hours in the quiet of her cabin knowing that Garrus was alright helped her state of mind. Things had really changed over the past two years, even her, despite not being alive for much of them.

Her old crew was all too busy to help her on this journey. Well, other than Karin and Jeff. Wrex was uniting the krogan, Liara was a business woman, Tali was running her own team and Kaiden was an asshole that thought she was a traitor. Garrus had been the only one she’d been unable to locate. Though, if she was honest with herself, she hadn’t tried very hard to find him. She sent a few messages and asked a couple questions but hadn’t cared enough to track him, hadn’t even known he’d gone through Spectre training until she’d been told.

She’d become angry and jaded in her loneliness. Sure she still helped out her crew and made sure to leave the galaxy a little better than she found it but her methods were harsh now. She didn’t try quite so hard to save every life or ask questions before shooting. No… Shepard knew she’d changed.

Jack had actually been a big help for her morale. She was just as angry with Cerberus as the Commander and together they revelled in some of the more… volatile things the galaxy had to offer. Omega quickly became a safe haven, little had she known her best friend was the one keeping it that way.

She and Jack spent the downtime between missions in Afterlife, drinks and strippers for all. Grunt had even gotten a couple dances to try and settle his pubescent urges. There were bars in between in a few of the larger ports but Omega’s was usually the most convenient as they spent a lot of time in the Traverse and the markets provided ample supplies.

She had known the dossier for Archangel existed and heard the rumors about him showing up on Omega and terrorizing the gangs. But the new Shepard, the uncaring shell of her former self, just didn’t give a shit. He was killing bad guys. Good for him. So she left him to it and he managed to scare every merc on that rock within an inch of their lives.

When she’d finally had enough of staring at the ceiling and attempting to sleep it was nearly lunch time. She forced herself up and got dressed. Once her private terminal was checked she’d be right on time to get her meal before the rush showed up so she descended to the lower deck. She didn’t check EDI’s Archangel files yet, she wasn’t ready for that.

Nothing much had changed on the crew deck. Jack and Zaeed were already in the mess hall, they usually skipped breakfast in favour of sleeping late. Jack was mid-way through her massive plate of food and Zaeed was sipping slowly at his usual tar-like coffee. So strong you could stand a spoon in it, is how he described it.

“Hey Shepard,” Jack greeted once the Commander grabbed her meal. She kicked out the chair across from herself, “Looks like you’re just getting up too.”

“Mhmm. Late night.”

“I keep telling you that six is a stupid time to start the day, I’m all for the eleven o’clock starts.”

Shepard raised her eyebrow, “We’re on a starship. Times are arbitrary.”

“I keep telling her that,” Zaeed chuckled. “It’s more the principle of the matter I guess,” He shrugged. Jack rolled her eyes and called the old mercenary a nasty name. He ignored her and took another sip of tar. “Looks like you could use a cup of this.”

“Even if I hadn’t slept this morning I wouldn’t want a cup of that shit. I’m good.” Jack agreed wholeheartedly with the Commander when Zaeed offered her a cup in turn. They were quiet for a few minutes, all digging back into their meals as the mess filled up.

Miranda had been warming up to the rest of the crew and she took a seat beside Shepard. Her and Jack weren’t on the best of terms but they tended to put it aside ever since they’d blown up at each other after their trip to Pragia. She’d managed to get enough calories at breakfast apparently as her lunch was a much more reasonable size.

“I checked in on our newest team member this morning,” she said with all of the tact and grace of a brick flying through a window. “The cybernetics seem to be taking well. With a little time he should be back to full strength in his jaw.” She paused a moment to wait for a reply, when there wasn’t one she continued, “He’ll need to rest for at least a few more days before he can leave the medical bay. But if all goes well he should be combat ready by the time we reach Haestrom if you’d like him for the ground team.”

Shepard took a deep breath before responding, “Thank you Miranda.” She rubbed her forehead and sighed, “There anything else I should know?”

“Doctor Chakwas and I would like to wake him in a few hours to ensure that his wounds are healing properly. We’ve activated the cybernetics in his jaw, he should have full functionality once he gets used to the changes in his musculature. I’ve only done a basic assessment of his arm and repaired some of the pathways, we’ll do surgery today to complete the connections and restore motor control. I expect tomorrow we should start to see results.”

“Alright. We’ll attempt it after my rounds then.”

Miranda looked like she wanted to say a little more but Jack gave her a slight head shake and she kept her thoughts to herself. Surprisingly the biotic was a great temperature check for the Commander, they’d grown close in the initial few weeks aboard the Normandy and though the XO didn’t much like her, she was useful and a friend to the Commander. One that they hadn’t been able to procure or force as they had tried with Jacob.

The Commander was first to finish and stand. She dropped off her dishes and headed for the elevator, she always started her rounds on the CIC with the pilot. According to the extensive profile she had on Shepard that had always been her way. Once they were certain the elevator had gone Jack and Zaeed glared daggers at Lawson.

“Seriously?” asked Jack. “Yesterday he’s barely clinging to life and you want him to be on a mission in a week?”

“Well yes. After a more thorough evaluation and with the medical technology we can have him fighting fit much faster than we previously could. The same cybernetics we used to bring Shepard back from the dead were used on him. He’ll be fine.”

“You do realise what happened on Omega right?”

Miranda was a little stunned but she responded,“Of course. But the best thing for him is to get back into a routine, back on missions. He is turian after all.”

“Goddamn it, you’re cold.” Zaeed interjected. He then leaned in so he could say the next part quietly, “He just lost his whole squad, was kept prisoner by the worst band of mercs in the Traverse, and to top it off Shepard isn’t dead. Better give him more than a week.” He leaned back again and took a swig of his cold coffee, “If he lasts the week that is.”

Jack punched Zaeed in the arm, “Don’t talk like that. Shep needs him, you saw it just as plain as I did.” She turned back to Miranda, “You better fix him, else you’ll break her.”

Miranda regarded her teammates. Two of the most feared members of the team had become such unlikely friends with each other and their Commander. It was as though neither of them had ever had a decent leader in their lives and they were both thriving on the attention she gave them. It also helped that they bar surfed together in between missions. The Operative still couldn’t figure out why that habit appeared, Shepard rarely partook in extra curricular activities like that on shore leave before Alchera.

“Keep an eye on her then. I’ll do whatever I can with Vakarian. If I can get his arm back that should help.” She stood, “I’ll see you both later.” Miranda took her leave then and headed for her office, she had a lot of turian musculature to study if she was going to get him better.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fanfiction recommendation: Life Signs by tarysande. http://archiveofourown.org/works/409269 . A painful read with a happy ending. Another story of theirs is unfinished but amazing, Handful of Dust.


	4. Chapter 4 - Guilt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guilt seemed to be a prominent emotion. Garrus over his team. Shepard for Garrus. Miranda and Karen for... well you'll see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So happy you've stuck around for Chapter 4! Expect weekday updates for the foreseeable future.

After a couple of hours worth of work Miranda had a much better grasp of what would be required to bring Garrus’ arm back to full functionality. The cybernetics in his jaw had been an easy fix as the majority of the damage was cosmetic and the muscles there were relatively simple to work with. In fact it was simpler than a human jaw as turians could only open and close their mouths and push their mandibles outwards, they didn’t have the complex rolling motion to deal with. That and she’d learned enough about the anatomy of a turian mouth as it could be a weak point in combat, turns out battlefield damage tactics were rather useful for medical work.

Most of the nerves in the right side of his face had been burned away along with a large portion of his plating. Not that turians had many nerves in their faces to begin with, but he’d have trouble maneuvering his mandible until he got used to it. Chakwas would likely have to implant an auditory sensor eventually, but they wouldn’t know for certain until he woke up.

Vakarian’s arm would be a much different story. She didn’t know much other than to keep away from the talons. Her hours pouring over the books gave her a decent idea of what to do. With Chakwas and Solus they’d been able to muddle through the worst of it last night. Today she would hopefully be able to correct a few mistakes and finish the job.

The Operative stood up and exited her cabin. The mess was quiet as it was the middle shift, only Gardiner and Shepard were present. The former prepped for dinner. The later looked busy reading a datapad to the casual observer, but Miranda saw through that. The Commander was troubled and failed miserably at hiding it.

“Commander,” she greeted. “I’m ready when you are.”

She stood, “Let’s get this over with then.” Taking a deep breath Shepard led the way to the doors, she gave a gentle knock, the door slid open. “Karin, Mordin. What do you need us to do?” Her eyes drifted directly past the doctor onto the battered turian. He was still asleep.

“Just about to wake him,” Mordin spoke rapidly as usual, though quieter. “Think it best that doctor does so alone. He will be confused. Likely not going to remember yesterday right away. Won’t remember you are alive, Shepard. Knows Chakwas is. Best friendly face is what he sees. Someone he associates with safe place, first Normandy.”

Her eyes hadn’t left the sleeping form, “Alright. Someone should be in here with Karin though.”

“Agreed. May be hostile. Who is best though? Miranda or myself?”

Shepard pulled her eyes off of Garrus for a moment. “Miranda, you understand the cybernetics better than Mordin does. It’s best you stay in case they act up.” The pale woman nodded an affirmative, “Do you have a lab coat? He probably won’t like the Cerberus symbol.”

“I doubt he’ll notice, Commander.”

She gave a small smile, “Humor me.”

“I’ve got an extra,” Chakwas crossed the room and pulled one out of the closet. Miranda relented and shrugged the jacket on. “We’ll let you know when to come back. Don’t go far.”

Shepard didn’t say anymore, just turned on heel and left the medical bay. She headed straight for the place she’d vacated at the mess hall table. The seat was still warm and her datapad hadn’t even had time to go fully into standby mode. To his credit, Gardiner said nothing. Mordin joined her a few minutes later, stating he’d halted the sedatives before he left the surgery. Garrus would be awake within a few minutes.

Back in the medical bay Miranda leaned against the doctor’s desk. Her arms crossed over her chest as she watched the older woman work. Chakwas buzzed around the bed, disconnecting IV drip lines so that he couldn’t rip them out and setting the volume of the monitors to low so they wouldn’t spazz if he panicked.

He came to very slowly. Although, she supposed that was on purpose, slower awareness meant less panic. He was obviously completely unaware of where he was at first. She watched his nose sniff the air and crinkle back, the antiseptic smell was strong even to her. His eyes opened a crack, just enough to let the dimmed light of the medical bay in.

Slowly he forced each of his appendages to move, his feet wiggled below the blankets, his left hand tightened and released on the railing, but to his apparent dismay his right hand did nothing. Miranda’s mouth quirked at that, her job had been shoddier than she expected. That or his injury was much worse than originally assessed, he should at least be able to twitch a finger.

Before he could become too engrossed in trying to figure out why his arm wasn’t moving the doctor stepped in. “Garrus?” she questioned quietly. “It’s Doctor Chakwas, can you hear me?”

His eyes snapped open and he stared at her, “Chakwas?” he croaked, voice rusty.

“That’s right. Focus on me.” She smiled down at him, “Nice to have you back. How are you feeling?”

“Where?” he ground out instead.

“You’re on the Normandy. Well... the second edition of her. That’s a long story but I’ll explain everything soon. I just want to get a basic assessment done, can I do that?”

“Need answers,” he huffed and started to force himself up with his good arm. “You said Normandy… how?”

“You need to lie back,” the doctor pushed gently on his shoulders until he acquiesced. “This is the Normandy SR-2. We’re on a mission to find out what’s happened to the missing human colonists. Lieutenant Moreau is here as well. Now, how is your pain level?”

“Why am I here? Why the Normandy?” He groaned and held his face. Even with most of the nerves gone it still hurt like a bitch.

Miranda took that as her cue to enter the conversation. She stepped into his field of vision, “Archangel, my name is Miranda Lawson. I’m the Executive Officer of the Normandy. You were chosen for this mission for your technical expertise and strategic brilliance. Not too many people can survive on Omega for as long as you did, especially considering you were deliberately attacking the gangs.”

His eyes narrowed and he seemed to snap to awareness, “If Chakwas is here that means you know who I am. Vakarian is fine. That coat’s not hiding the logo very well, Cerberus.”

Miranda looked down at her chest and noticed the corner of the yellow and black symbol was just barely uncovered. It wasn’t quite enough to really make out but she knew her surprised facial expression wasn’t schooled enough to hide her affiliation from the investigator’s eyes. Instead of trying to deny it she pulled off the jacket and tossed it over the chair. “Very good Vakarian. Good to see your mind is still in top form.”

“So what makes you think I’ll work for you?” He scoffed, “I remember the sick shit you guys pull.”

He held it together pretty well for someone who’d been tortured and had half his face blown off, Miranda had to give him that. “Human colonists are being taken by the Collectors, I’m sure you’ve heard of them?” He nodded slightly. “Well we know that the Collectors are actually working for the Reapers. If that doesn’t peak your interested, then maybe you’d be interested to know that we rescued you from the gangs?”

He shakily forced himself into a sitting position, “Should have left me to die. I’m no use to you. My  _ strategic brilliance _ as you call it got my squad killed and me captured. I’ve been shot and burned, tortured, nearly drowned, oh and if that wasn’t enough my shooting arm is dead.” He flicked his right arm with his opposing hand for emphasis.

“Now be a dear and bring me a pistol?” Miranda and Karin were both quite taken aback at his clinical description of events. “I’d go get one myself but then again an airlock wouldn’t be so messy, do you have one of those available?” he deadpanned.

A few moment of silence passed.

Karin regained her footing first, “Garrus that… that doesn’t sound like you. You’re alive, and we should be able to restore function to your arm.”

His voice was harsh when he responded, “With all due respect Karin? You knew me for a year, it’s been more than twice that since I last saw you. I think it sounds just like me. Now Ms. Lawson, do you have a pistol for me or not?”

Finally the XO regained her senses, “I think you might want to meet the Commander of this vessel first.”

Garrus rolled his eyes, a very human expression, “Unless you’ve got a ghost on board this ship I don’t think that much matters.” He looked around the room as he slid his feet off the bed, wincing as he pulled at his stitches. “A large dose of Dextratophine would do it. Feels like you’ve already got a decent amount of that in my system, eh doc?”

“Commander Shepard isn’t a ghost, Vakarian. She’s alive.”

The turian turned his head to look at the woman, his eyes narrowed in anger. “She’s dead. She died over two years ago. Don’t bullshit me, I’m not in the mood,” he snapped.

“I’m not bullshitting you, Cerberus brought her back. She’s just outside the medical bay.” She could hear the beginnings of a growl emanating from him.

“Liar.”

Karin butt in, “She isn’t Garrus. I didn’t believe it at first either. Just calm down a little first then I’ll go get her. She’s been worried sick since she found out you were captured.”

He didn’t move from his place on the bed, nor did his growling stop, “If Shepard was alive then why didn’t she try to contact me?”

“She did. But you dropped off the radar. No one knew where you were, she thought you were dead already.” Karin tried to soothe him but it didn’t seem to be helping.

Miranda spoke up, “The Commander hasn’t been herself since she came back. We need your help to bring her back to what she was more than we need your gun.”

He scoffed, “A tool, that’s all she is to you?”

“I didn’t say that!” Lawson defended.

“Ah, but you did imply it. You don’t deny it either.” He winced but continued, “That’s all you need me to be as well. A tool to fix her so she can save the galaxy yet again. Should have left her dead, should have let them kill me. Now I’ve got to do it myself,” he forced himself to his feet. His growl deepened and the XO couldn’t help but take a step back from the menacing alien.

“Garrus, you’ll tear your stitches. Just wait a few minutes, sit back down. If you still feel the same way after you see her I’ll overdose you myself.” Karin was grasping at straws, trying to convince him to live just a little longer. She’d feared he wouldn’t take well to torture, generally turians didn’t, but she hadn’t planned on him so calmly requesting a means to commit suicide. This wasn’t the awkward, hot-headed C-Sec Officer she once knew. This was Archangel.

“If it’s not her I’ll know,” he tossed an accusatory glance at the Operative. His growl started to subside, though he didn’t sit back down.

“It’s her. I give you my word.”

“Doesn’t mean much,” he muttered under his breath as he slowly sat back on the bed. “If this is some kind of sick joke I’ll kill your clone and then everyone on this ship before I take us into the nearest star. Got that Cerberus?”

Miranda was seconds away from exploding but she held her composure long enough to agree to his terms. Shepard was herself so she had nothing to worry about. “I want to see her alone.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” said Karin.

“My terms are not negotiable. Now get out.” Miranda turned and headed out first, Karin hung back a moment waiting for the door to close before speaking,

“I may not have known you long, but this? This isn’t you. What happened to you was terrible but she needs you. Jane’s been through enough already.” Without waiting for a reply she turned on heel and headed for the door.

Garrus watched the doctor leave, a deep sigh escaped him but the whoosh of the door hid the sound. He ran a hand over his face, feeling the beginnings of a bad headache building in his sinuses. When he looked up again the door was open and in it stood the Commander.

He blinked in disbelief, his eyes travelling over her as she silently stepped into the room. The door shut behind her and the lock glowed red. She said nothing as she crossed the room to stand between the two beds, not five feet in front of him. He felt his Archangel mask cracking, it was about to shatter to pieces unbidden.

The walk was all her, slightly more weight on her right foot than her left. Her hips swayed only slightly, nowhere near as much as a typical human female. She walked like the soldier she was. When she stopped his eyes took her in, from the boots up. Everything was as it should be, even the way she rolled out her bad shoulder… he wondered why they hadn’t corrected that particular ache if they’d spent all that time bringing her back from the dead.

After a few minutes of quiet observation Shepard took a few more steps forwards, stopping just in front of the seated turian. “Garrus?” she questioned, her voice was perfect, her inflection on the single word impeccable. He took in her scent, lavender and spices mixed with a smell that was unmistakably Shepard.

“Shepard?” He asked, thankful his voice didn’t crack. “It can’t be…” he started shaking his head in his disbelief. Archangel crumbled completely.

“You don’t remember last night?” she asked and he shook his head once giving her a confused look.

“Alright. I know this is a lot to take in, but it is. I’m right here.” She reached out a hand to touch him but he flinched back. Her eyes softened a little more, “I’m not a copy. It’s really me. What can I do to prove it to you?”

He stared into her eyes, his hand coming up to cup her cheek against his better judgement. He rubbed his talon across the new scars on her face, “What happened to your eyes?” his voice was barely a whisper.

“Cybernetics hadn’t taken fully when they brought me back. The red glow should apparently fade overtime. Same with the scars, they took my old ones.” She blew out a slow breath, “What happened to you?”

“That should be my question. I thought you were dead. Was your mission so classified that you couldn’t even tell me you were alive? You couldn’t trust me with that?” his tone wasn’t accusing like Alenko’s had been, just sombre.

“I wasn’t on a mission, Garrus. I was spaced. Cerberus got to my body first and they rebuilt me. I was…” she hesitated over the word, she didn’t like talking about it, “dead.”

His hand slipped down to his lap and he looked away, but Shepard didn’t move. She stood directly in front of him, bent slightly so she looked directly into his eyes. The Commander took her previous subordinates chin in her hand and pulled his face to look at hers. “Garrus please, I need you to believe me. I… I can’t do this without you. Nothing is the same, everyone else turned their backs on me. The Council, the Alliance, Tali, Liara, Wrex… Kaidan… none of them can help me. I… I need you.

“Out of everyone you were the only person who missed me. I don’t know how much you remember but I heard your recording, that’s how I knew who Archangel was, where you were. I thought I was too late but then we found you. You’re still alive and I need you Garrus.” She wasn’t sure when the tears started but they slowly leaked down her face. She closed her eyes a moment to force them to stop, then pulled back to wipe them away.

When she looked back at Garrus he seemed to be at war with himself. When she reached for him he pushed her back and stood up, he took a few stiff paces obviously causing himself pain in getting away from her. “Shepard, I’m no use to you. I got my squad killed, I can’t fight. I’m useless…” He was visibly shaking in his frustration. It was as though a faucet had been left open as he began to speak. The words poured out of him, each syllable quicker than the last.

“I was supposed to die. I was waiting for death for years, I’m a failure at even that task. C-Sec, Spectre training, vigilantism… being a member of your team. I’m a failure. You don’t need me. You  _ can’t _ need me.”

“You’re no failure Garrus.”

He laughed darkly, “How can you say that? I left C-Sec, I quit Spectre Training. I got my squad killed and got captured. I left you alone and you died Shepard…” the last bit was so quiet she had barely heard it.

She took a moment to process it but realised he blamed himself  for her death and immediately she tried to fight him on it. “You didn’t leave me alone. Even if you’d been there you wouldn’t have been able to save me, no one could. I got spaced after I forced everyone into the evacuation pods.There was nothing you would have changed.”

“I WASN’T THERE!” he yelled back at her. “I could have done something, helped you, forced you into an escape pod, something…”

She took a pace towards him, “No Garrus. There was nothing that you could have done. Kaidan and Liara were there. Joker and Chakwas too, there was nothing anyone could have done. If anything you’d have died along with me.”

“Did it ever occur to you that I’d rather have died with you than live without you?”

She was stunned to silence and slowly turned to sit on the bed. Garrus paced slowly in the space between the AI core and Shepard’s back. Each step was agony but he couldn’t keep still. He’d crossed the space three times before Shepard turned,

“You don’t mean that,” she whispered.

He stopped pacing and faced her. He took a deep steadying breath, and began his tale:

“When I heard you died it felt like my heart was ripped out of my chest. Like there was something empty inside me. I tried to stay in Spectre training but it was useless, everyday I got angrier and angrier until I couldn’t take it anymore. My trainers tried to force me to stay but I fought my way out, they said if I didn’t accept Spectre status then they’d eliminate me. I knew too many secrets.

“So I disappeared, just like they taught me. I went to Omega to drown myself in alcohol and let the varren have me. I was just planning to take a couple mercs out with me and what better place than that hell hole?

“But then they didn’t kill me. I just kept fighting. Turns out all you need is to point and shoot on Omega to find someone dirty. So I did that, kept shooting. Started getting mercs pissed off, the locals gave me a name, people started wanting to join up. Soon I had an army. We hit shipments, slavers, drugs… it didn’t matter to us. Everyone had some kind of vendetta to fill, the team got close, I kept my distance as much as I could… fuck Shepard… I tried.”

He stopped for a moment to take a few ragged breaths, he was exhausting himself. Shepard stood up and forced him to at least sit on the bed, even if he wouldn’t lie back down. He was raw and hurting but after a moment he continued.

“I was out on a job, Sidonis needed help with his usual route. Said there were more mercs than he’d planned for on his smash and grab. I suited up and raced to help, by the time I got there the mercs were gone. There was evidence of a firefight, some turian blood on the floor, I started to trace his suit’s signal when I got a transmission from the base. They were being attacked. I got back but I was too late, they were all dead but Butler and Erash… even little Weaver was dead… she was just a kid.

“Fuck, I held Butler as the light left his eyes. He had a wife Shepard. Was there with Erash too, that damn crazy salarian, told me to take as many out with me as I could. So I did. With everyone else dead and laid to rest as best I could I let the mercs come back. I didn’t run. There was no need, I’d come to Omega to die, now was as good a time as any.

“Nearly three days later they finally got to me. You know the rest… I just… I don’t know what to do Shepard. I’ve been accepted death a long time ago. I really should be dead.”

They sat in silence for a full five minutes before Shepard pulled him into a hug. She had no words. So she hoped it was enough. Garrus had always been an open book to her but right now she couldn’t get a read on him. He was afraid and hurt and confused and there was nothing she could do about it.

There was a light knock at the door, Shepard pulled away from Garrus. “Is it alright if they come back in? Miranda needs to work on your shoulder.”

He nodded, “As long as you stay.”

“I’m not going anywhere.” She looked up at the door and called out, “Come in.”

Miranda, Mordin, and Karin filed into the room. They busied themselves preparing the room for surgery while Shepard found herself a chair to sit in beside the turian. She made it quite obvious that she wasn’t leaving. When she turned back to Garrus she immediately noticed his demeanor had changed again. His face was schooled into a mask, not unlike her own Commander’s one.

For someone who’d been under duress for days he was suddenly completely pulled together. The shaking turian of minutes ago was gone and a stoic killer was in his place, this was the Archangel she’d heard so much about. For someone sitting in a hospital bed covered in bandages and IV hookups in his arms he looked rather menacing.

“Garrus?” She questioned as she sat down. His eyes fell on hers and she flinched, whatever happened in the last two minutes she didn’t like it. There was no trace of him left.

“Shepard,” he replied, voice flat. Steady.

Karin apparently sensed the tension and stepped in to break it, “Garrus, we have to work on the tendons and nerve endings in your shoulder. The best way to do it is with you awake but we can put you out if you’d prefer.”

His eyes snapped to the human doctor’s, “Awake.”

She nodded, “That’s fine. But I warn you reconnecting your nerves is not going to be pleasant.”

He gave a slight dark chuckle, “I took a rocket to the face doc. I think I’ll be fine.”

“Also need to restrain arm. Any movement could cause misconnection. Should not delay procedure further. Risk loosing viable tissue,” Mordin piped in. If Shepard hadn’t been sitting so closely she wouldn’t have noticed the slight jerk of his good arm and tension rising in his neck. Solus took his silence as an agreement and pressed the bed’s controls so that the back was on a 45 degree angle. “Lie back please.”

Garrus did as asked, he forced himself to remain calm as the salarian started working the straps into place. The first ones were along his right arm so he couldn’t feel the leather bite into his skin. One at the wrist, elbow and upper arm at the base of his deltoid muscle. The fourth strap though needed to go from under his arm vertically along his damaged cowling to hold him down. Once that was in place however he lost patience with this portion of the procedure, “That’s enough.”

Miranda spoke up, “I’d prefer one more. The procedure for attaching the cybernetics is very delicate with live nerves. Even reactivating Shepard’s required restraints and she wasn’t conscious at the time.”

But Garrus was adamant, “Just start already.”

She sucked in a tight breath, “Fine.” The Operative moved up to his bad side as the professor placed a small privacy screen between his shoulder and head. Miranda began her work. The screen was a flimsy barrier but it worked well enough to ensure he couldn’t watch as she cut into the thick tissue between his plates to expose the muscles she needed.

The room was awkwardly quiet as she worked, only asking for assistance as required. A professional “Pass me the scalpel,” or “Suction here,” were the only sounds in the room besides the tools. Mordin watched the procedure with a critical eye, helping the human work with the unfamiliar musculature while learning how the cybernetics needed to be placed.

Chakwas for her part assisted in making sure Garrus was kept comfortable and properly medicated. She’d reattached his IV’s and set up a fresh blood pack. The saline solution worked to keep him hydrated as the slow drip of pain medication kept him sedate. Shepard waited calmly at his side, her hand in his. This was the only deviation from the Archangel mask. Every so often Miranda would touch a nerve ending and he’d twitch and hold Shepard’s hand a little tighter until the dark haired woman pulled away from it. At least the pain meant his arm wasn’t completely dead.

After about two hours of hard work Miranda stood up and stretched, “I need to let those pieces set for a few minutes. Then comes the hard part, I’ve got to attach the nerves to the implants.” She looked at Shepard first then back to Garrus. “Commander, maybe you should leave for this part.”

“No, I should be here.” She said standing up to be level with her XO.

Lawson’s eyes stayed on the turian, “I’m not sure how well you will react to the part Shepard. It’ll be worse than when we picked him up on Omega.” Her top priority was the Commander’s ability to perform on this mission. Her mental state was fragile enough without making her subject to the raw agony she was about to cause her best friend. The procedure was for his own good and the only way to give him full function in his arm within the mission’s timeline. Other methods wouldn’t perform nearly as well and would take months or maybe years of painful rehabilitation. They didn’t have that kind of time.

Garrus took in the pleading look in Miranda’s face, the expression didn’t suit her. “You should go get some rest Shepard. I’ll be fine.”

The Commander spun to look at him, “Are you sure? I’m not tired, I can stay.”

He took a steadying breath, “Go.” He turned his head to force her eyes off of his. “See if you can’t find me a new rifle. Mine’s gone.”

“Yeah, ok.” She replied quietly. She squeezed his hand one last time before turning to leave, “Have EDI call me if anything comes up.”

Once the door closed Miranda deflated a little, “Thank you, I know that was difficult.”

Garrus scoffed, “I didn’t do it for you. Someone needs make sure she’s off the deck before you start, I’m pretty sure this isn’t something she needs to hear.”

Chakwas agreed and headed out after the Commander. She returned after a few minutes, “I’ve asked Jacob to keep her busy for at least an hour in the armory. Jack is on her way up to guard the doors in case he fails.”

Mordin was busying himself with additional restraints, forcing his good arm down and fastening it like he had the right. “There, shouldn’t be able to lash out now. Archangel, please test.”

Garrus tried to curl his left arm in and flex against the bonds but couldn’t get more than a centimeter of play. “It’s fine. Let’s get this over with.”

Miranda moved back to her seat on his right, “Looks like the grafts should hold.” All the prep work had already been done while Shepard was still in the room so she said, “Get ready,” and gave him one last look before she made the first connection of nerve to the cybernetic hub implanted in his nervous system.

The scream was loud enough to alert the entire deck to their activities. It felt as though every part of his arm was on fire. The air was wrenched from his lungs and he struggled to catch his breath. He went from not being able to feel anything to the most intense sensation of pain, it was like thousands of needles were piercing straight through his plates to hit the bone and muscle underneath. His eyes shut tightly and he struggled against the bindings, his talons digging into the flesh of his palm. The metal railing creaked as he pulled against it, threatening to bend if he tried any harder.

Through the ringing in his ears he heard a female voice trying to placate him. Telling him how to breathe again. It took a few minutes but slowly awareness came back and he opened his eyes to a blurry doctor reminding him where he was. “That’s it Garrus, come back. Deep breaths. In… and out…” his head was pounding but he swallowed and worked to breath at the pace she was setting.

“What the ever living fuck was that?” he ground out.

“That was the worst one,” said Miranda, he’d almost forgotten she was there. “The radial nerve controls most of the movement in a turian hand and wrist. I won’t lie the others will hurt, just not quite as bad as that one.”

He blew out a tight breath before grinding out a few more words, “Fuck. Just keep going.”

“First try to move your fingers.” With a little effort and a groan of pain he managed to make his thumb twitch. “Excellent. Two major nerves and eight branches to go.”

“Fine. Don’t tell me which you are doing just keep going.”

She nodded and got back to work, this time doing a smaller nerve branch responsible for the feeling in his upper arm. This time he didn’t scream, only tensed and grunted. So Miranda kept working slowly but surely fixing each part of his arm with metal and silicone.

 

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Jack stood outside of the medical bay. She’d arrived just before the first muffled scream, the so called soundproof doors weren’t quite as tight as advertised she mused. That screech was worse than the ones he’d made on Omega. She shuddered as she remembered what the doctors used to do to her on Pragia. She hoped they were giving him the good drugs.

With a quick shake of her head she pushed the memory away. He wasn’t being experimented on, nor was he being tortured. They were fixing the damage he’d been dealt, giving him back his arm. She pitied the turian, whatever they were doing didn’t sound too pleasant.

Jack looked up at the ceiling, it was completely unnecessary but she felt better doing that than talking to the air. “Hey, EDI. Did Shep hear that?”

“Negative. She and Operative Taylor are test firing weapons in the armory. Blank rounds to test the recoil for Archangel.”

The young biotic let out the breath she was holding, “Good, don’t let her call the elevator until this is done.” The last thing they needed was the Commander spazzing again and trying to take him out of his misery.

“Understood, logging you out.”

It was quiet for a few minutes. The ship’s cook had paused in his work when he heard the scream, unsure if he should do anything about it. Jack had waved him off and he’d resumed his work on dinner after turning on some music to cover the sounds.

Another scream came through the door, this one a little quieter and shorter than the last. It sounded like he was trying to force it down. Jack sighed and leaned back against the wall beside the bay doors, “Fuck. They don’t pay me enough for this shit.”

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“Just hold on a little longer Garrus,” said Karin after the ninth adjustment. “Only two more.”

The turian gasped for breath, his chest heaved and sweat gathered between his plates. His hands were limp in the restraints, blue dotting the leather from where he’d rubbed his flesh raw against it. His keening had stopped but a rumble of discomfort still emanated from his chest. The railing on his good side had almost given way after the third major nerve connection, it now had a defined curve to it. They’d had to stop a few minutes to reinforce his bindings before continuing. If he could bend the steel railing then he’d cause a sufficient amount of damage to any of them if he got loose.

Miranda pressed on a pressure point in his elbow and the joint twitched, “Looks like it took. finally.” She stepped back a few paces to stretch out, they’d been at it just over an hour. The turian version of the ulnar nerve, responsible for elbow movement and feeling, had been particularly tricky as it lay on the exterior of his arm where the burns had been the worst. Fresh grafts gave it additional strength where it had been damaged.

“Can we give him a break Ms. Lawson? I’m not sure how much more he can take.” Karin dabbed a cool cloth against his neck.

“No, even if we could stop midway through the procedure I doubt he’d let me try this again.” Garrus had stopped responding about ten minutes ago. He was still awake but only just. The doctor had wanted to sedate him but Miranda refused, his muscles wouldn't react the same way if he was a under anesthetic. “Two more then we’re done.”

She sat down and worked her tools back into his abused muscles. The last two were both in the uppermost part of his arm, typically that section would have been covered by a plate but it was missing. Apparently blown, burned or ripped off over the last few days if the rawness of the tissue was any indication. She dug into his trapezius muscle with her tools, ignoring the turian as he tried to pull away from her.

The first nerve was easy, buried as deep as it was there wasn’t much to do other than reinforce it with a synthetic graft and attach the cybernetic mechanism into it the hub she’d built into his nervous system. She ensured he reacted to stimulus before moving on to the last nerve.

This one would require a little finesse as it needed a large synthetic graft to replace the missing pieces. When she finally plugged it into the hub he whined but didn’t cry out. “There. Done.” She stood up and stepped away to let Mordin see her work.

“Excellent form. Amazing this cybernetic implantation technique is so versatile! Works for burns, crush injuries, lacerations. Fascinating to watch, thank you.” He began the cleanup work, settling vat grown patches of skin into place with medigel. Synthetic plates would be added later once they’d confirmed the cybernetics wouldn’t be rejected. Although, since his immune system was shot they didn’t expect issues.

A loud knock echoed in the room. Shepard was back on the deck. Miranda crossed the small room and dismissed herself, stating she’d intercept the Commander so that Karin and Mordin could finish. It was meal time again, so she’d attempt to force her out at least a few more minutes. It would be best if Garrus had a rest and was cleaned up before Shepard saw him.

Karin cleaned the blood off of him and addressed the new injuries he’d caused himself by trying to pull himself free. Mordin finished his work and removed all of the restraints other than the ones at his wrists and upper arms. The turian needed to remain still until the cybernetics settled and his new skin adhered. The best way to make sure that happened was to keep him immobile. But Shepard wouldn’t be impressed with it, thus he removed as many as he could. That included the ones holding his chest down. The ring had been a sick form of torture but it had served them well to keep him in place for the procedure.

They were just about finished when there was a second knock, shortly followed by the door sliding open to reveal a very pissed off Commander and a surprisingly apologetic Jack. Shepard made her way across the room without preamble. Once she was at his side she seemed to relax slightly, “Miranda said it went well.”

“It did. The task is finished and he’s got feeling back. With some physical therapy he’ll gain control as well.” Chakwas stepped back from his injured side, she’d just finished adhering new bandages. “He needs rest Commander, maybe you should grab something to eat then come back.”

Shepard gently rubbed her hand over his fringe and was surprised to see his eyes open. Half lidded but open all the same. His left mandible moved into what she knew was a small smile, “Shep…” he tried to speak but his voice was so quiet it was hard to make out. His throat was raw again from the screams Miranda had pulled from him.

“I’m here Garrus. I didn’t realise you were awake,” she said to him before turning to the doctors. “How about you both get cleaned up and something to eat first? I’ll stay with him.”

“Fine Shepard. Call if you need us, won’t be far. Do not remove restraints, must remain still for at least a few hours to heal. Can flex hand and arm if uncomfortable, but no gross movements. Understand?”

Garrus grunted an affirmative and the Commander agreed to the salarian’s terms. She walked the doctors to the door and dismissed Jack from her post as well. She returned to her chair at the turian’s side and let out the breath she was holding. “Hey… are you ok?”

Vakarian blew out a small chuckle, “Been better.” He looked down at his right hand and moved his fingers with a great bit of effort. He winced as he let his half fist go and his hand moved back into a relaxed position. He cleared his throat, “Doubt I could pull a trigger, but at least it moves.”

“It’s great Garrus. You’ll get your strength back, it will just take some time.”

“Tell me about the mission,” he said and turned his head to look at her.

“There will be time for that later, just rest for now. Your top priority should be getting better, the mission can wait until that happens.” Her smile was gentle, he would have described it as reassuring but that didn’t help his state of mind.

Carefully he shook his head, “Better to hear now. Need the full story. Something to focus on.”

Suddenly she understood, “Alright. But feel free to drift off, it’s a long story.” Garrus agreed as Shepard settled into her seat. She placed her hand in his and began to recount the last few weeks, from when she woke up and onwards.

By the time she’d covered Freedom’s progress and each of the squad recruits he was starting to fade. She talked him through blowing up the defunct Cerberus base for Jack. When she got to Horizon he was fast asleep but she kept talking, it was comforting to finally get it all out even if he wasn’t listening anymore. It was liberating to have someone there as she talked about how much it hurt to be called a traitor.

By the time she finished her mouth was dry and she was tired. The smell of food from the mess was still drifting in but she knew it wouldn’t be long before Gardiner cleaned up. The door opened to admit Karin dressed in a clean uniform. Shepard placed a finger to her lips and the doctor acknowledged her with a nod.

Quietly she crossed the room and checked the sensors. Everything seemed to be in order and he was improving steadily now that he was in a deep sleep. With the stims out of his system and not being subjected to any further procedures he finally seemed to exhaust himself.

Shepard left to get herself some dinner and do her evening rounds, promising she would return for the night when she was done. Karin busied herself with her charge, administering a sedative to ensure he remained asleep. She cleaned up the tools and tidied the surgery. They wouldn’t need to open him up again for at least a few days, even then it wouldn’t be nearly as invasive as the last two.

The Commander was gone just over an hour. She appeared dressed in a pair of fatigues she’d picked up on the Citadel. They were generic in make which suited her just fine. Karin had left an extra pillow and blanket out on the other bed for her. She knew better than to argue with the Commander.

In the quiet of the medical bay Shepard fell asleep. The soft sounds of Garrus breathing steadily alongside her dragging her into a dreamless place.They arrived in the Tasale System early the next morning. Shepard awoke to the gentle vibration of her omnitool alarm clock about a half hour before breakfast. She brushed a hand over Garrus’ fringe before leaving to get ready for her day, she would be meeting with Liara in just over three hours. She met Karin in the hallway and let her know that the turian was still sleeping soundly.

She headed up to her cabin to get into her gear. Armor wasn’t exactly the most appropriate attire for a meeting with an old friend but she knew she’d feel more comfortable in it. That and they would likely be heading out to find the assassin after they finished with Liara and she knew she would need her gear for that.

With the familiar weight settled onto her shoulders she checked in with Joker as he brought them into a private docking bay. The pilot looked a little worse for wear than usual, he mustn't have gotten much sleep with their arrival being scheduled so early in the cycle. They did have a relief pilot on board but Jeff preferred to be in the pilot’s chair whenever he wasn’t eating or sleeping. Although… he was in the chair doing those things too, relying on EDI to wake him if needed.

“Nice docking procedure they’ve got here Commander…” he whistled as he brought the Normandy through the standard instrument process. “Not sure how but we’ve got priority over nearly every other ship in the pattern. Didn’t even need to mention your Spectre status.”

The Commander laughed, “Really Joker? You use my status to get us docked quicker? Nice to know that years of covert operations are good for something.”

He flicked the brim of his hat upwards, “Well it’s good for getting drinks too… women if you’re feeling like it.”

Shepard was about to respond when he held up a finger. “Yeah, Normandy here… Roger, bay Gamma three for Normandy.” When he flicked his eyes back to her and nodded Shepard knew he was done with the controller.

“So serious Mr. Frigate Pilot.”

“Yeah well, someone on this bird has to be.” He throttled the ship back and hit a few controls, “Nice to see you’ve relaxed a little.”

She raised an eyebrow, “What do you mean?”

Without taking his eyes off the approach he shrugged, “You’ve been wound tighter than Udina waiting for a Councillorship, Shep. Honestly ever since you woke up you haven’t been yourself, maybe having Garrus back is all you needed?”

The Commander was a little taken aback, “Maybe I have been a little...tense.”

Joker huffed a laugh, “Well that’s an understatement if I’ve ever heard one. You do have every reason to be a little tense Commander but I’m glad you’re starting to get back to normal. Now we just have to get Garrus to come back. I’m all for him getting the stick out of his ass but maybe he didn’t need to start beating people to death with it, eh?”

Shepard winced, “Too soon Jeff. Too soon.”

 

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fanfiction recommendation: Suddenly, Ecdysiast by Lamia-Kuei. https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10003095/1/Suddenly-Ecdysiast . Rarepair heaven! Spartacus X Hannah Shepard


	5. Chapter 5 - Illium

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Normandy arrives on Illium to find old friends and meet new ones.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting in deeper friends. Hope you enjoy this instalment!

Shepard stepped into the asari’s office. Liara hadn’t noticed her yet, she was talking to someone over the com. Her voice was stronger than she remembered, the meek asari of two years ago was gone in her place was a ruthless business woman, “I’ll make it simple. Either you pay me, or I flay you alive. With my mind.”

She hung up on the man and after a few seconds she realised that the Commander had entered the room, “Shepard!” she exclaimed before dismissing her receptionist. The asari pulled Shepard into a tight hug.

When they released each other Liara rounded around her desk to take her chair. She offer a seat to her old Commander on the opposing side, which she took. “It’s so good to finally see you Shepard. It has been too long. Welcome to Illium.”

“It’s nice to see you too Liara. But to be honest this isn’t quite what I was expecting. I know you said you had a business but  _ flay you alive _ doesn’t sound much like you.”

The asari blushed, “Well I’m not usually so crude but sometimes buyers need a little push to make good on their word. Enough about that, how have you been?”

Shepard brushed her hair out of her face and sighed, “Honestly I’ve been better. As if the Reapers weren’t enough, now I’ve got to deal with Cerberus.”

“They aren’t all bad. They did bring you back after all.”

“Oh believe me they are that bad. They only brought me back for their own sick agenda. The sooner I can cut ties the better, it’s only a matter of time before their resources stop. Until then I’ll take advantage. How about you? Still too busy here? I sure could use another friendly face.”

Liara smiled sadly, “I can’t come with you Shepard. I’ll do everything I can to help you from here but I have a business to run. If anything I’m more valuable to you here.”

“I figured. Can’t blame me for trying,” the human forced a smile. “There is some information I need before I leave.”

The asari pulled out a datapad and passed it across the table, “All of the information you require reference the drell assassin and the asari justicar is here. They are both in the city and these leads should bring you straight to them. Or was it something else?”

“Thanks, but that is what the mission needs. What I need is a little more difficult… I found Garrus.”

She couldn’t stop the gasp, “Really! That is wonderful, I’m sorry my network couldn’t find him. I even tried a few other brokers on the station and in the hierarchy, no one had anything. How did you find him? Where did you find him?”

“We more happened across him than actively set out to find him. Aria actually gave me the tip a few days ago on Omega.” 

Liara’s eyes widened to the size of saucers, “You can’t be serious. I’d heard there was an upset in power on the station these last few days but I never imagined that you had anything to do with it! What on Thessia happened?”

Shepard took a deep breath, “Garrus was, or is, Archangel.” Liara gasped out an uncharacteristic expletive but let her continue,  “When he dropped off the map it turns out he went to Omega and started shooting. It took all three merc bands teaming up to take out his team and they almost got him too.”

In the slight lull Liara butt in, “Almost?”

“Yeah, he’s still alive though badly injured. He’s on the ship recovering now. Aria had her suspicions about who he was and in her own way led me straight to him. The mercs had taken him prisoner and with Aria’s help the squad and I mowed them down.” 

Shepard stood up and paced to the window, “He’s in a really bad way. Chakwas and Doctor Solus, the salarian I mentioned in my letters, have done what they could and Miranda’s implanted cybernetics like mine into his right side so he’ll maintain functionality but he isn’t the same, something’s changed him and I can’t even figure out if it’s the two years or the last few days that made him so cold. One minute he’s talking about what happened, the next his shut tighter than a quarian’s suit seals.”

The young information broker stood up and placed a cool hand on the back of the Commander’s neck, it was the only place there would be skin contact. “I’ll find someone discreet that knows turians better than Karin. She’s amazing but that doesn’t mean she’s the best person to treat him. How long are you here?”

“A week. We’ve got some basic repairs, two squad members to recruit and a few personal errands to run.” She sighed,  “There’s so much to do Liara.”

“I know there is. Let me at least take care of some of the arrangements here in the city. Does Garrus need anything? If he’s as bad as you say then his gear probably isn’t much better.”

Shepard couldn’t help but bark out a sharp laugh, “Oh my god. I didn’t even consider that! He’s got nothing Liara. Absolutely nothing. I mean I recovered his visor but that is literally all he has.”

“I’ll make sure some basic necessities are brought over then and have Nyxeris find him an armorsmith to build some new gear. We’ll get him through this Shepard, it will just take some time.”

“I don’t know how you can be so sure about it.”

She smiled, “He’s with you. That’s all I need to know.”

-+-+-+- 

It was late afternoon before Karin woke her patient. Again he was a little disoriented upon waking but even quicker than the previous times he regained his composure and harsh attitude. He was rather unimpressed to find he was still lashed to the hospital bed and went so far as to threaten to free himself if the human doctor didn’t remove the restraints.

“Honestly Garrus, this really isn’t you. You don’t need to bring Archangel in here,” she sighed as she finished with the metal clasp on his good arm. After a quick stretch and a roll of his shoulder he began to undo the other side. “I know what happened to you was horrific but you’ve got to stop bottling it all up like this.”

The turian rolled his eyes in a distinctly human way, “This is who I am Doc. If you don’t like it then maybe you should get Shepard to dump me somewhere.” He forced himself into a sitting position and swung his legs off the bed. On the opposing bed was a fresh set of turian standard fatigues and a small bag. 

“I figured you might want to clean up.”

He eyed the bag for a few more seconds before turning back to the doctor, his eyes had softened a smidge. He stood and turned his eyes away from the doctor, “Thanks,” he said quietly. 

As he began to make his way to the door the doctor stopped him, “Hold on a minute. EDI, is the deck cleared like I asked?”

A feminine synthetic voice filtered into the room, “It is Doctor. But the elevator has just been called to the CIC.”

“Hold the doors until Officer Vakarian is in the restroom and ensure he isn’t disturbed.”

“Of course Doctor, logging you out.”

Garrus raised a brow ridge to the woman but before he could ask she replied, “Artificial Intelligence, we call her EDI. The showers are straight out the door and turn right, men’s and women’s specific this time. We’re not co-ed like on the original Normandy.”

“An AI huh. That’s… interesting.”

“She most certainly is but we can discuss that later. The bandages on your face, back and shoulder are waterproof, they’ll need to stay on for at least a few days or weeks respectively. Leave the IV entry port in your arm too, it’s been capped so you won’t have a problem with it. But the rest of them can be removed as needed, the water should help loosen the adhesive. If you need anything just let EDI know and she’ll call me. There are no cameras installed in the restroom but her intercom works just fine.”

Garrus only nodded and headed for the showers. Chakwas was right, the halls were empty as was the mess. Although he didn’t much appreciate the harsh lighting outside the medical bay, turian ships tended to run darker than human ones, more akin to the original Normandy. He stepped into the restroom and the door closed behind him, the lock turning red as it did. He set down the bag and new clothing on the edge of the sinks and got a first look at himself in the mirrors. 

He was surprised they didn’t crack. 

He’d once thought himself rather dashing, not anymore. The turian brought a hand up to his face and traced the new scars and cracked plate of his left cheek, he knew the plate would heal but it would likely leave a nasty line through his colony paint. He doubted that his right side would be much better once the bandage was removed, in fact it would probably be much worse. 

When he opened his mouth he could see the dim blue light of cybernetics through his skin and he could tell where the flesh and muscle had been burned away to leave a larger than normal gap in his maw. With a little effort he was able to get his abused mandible to move outwards but it felt wrong and forced. The turian supposed he’d get used to it.

As per the doctor’s instructions he left the heavy weave bandages in place and slowly started working to rid himself of the gauze and pads covering most of his chest and arms. He seemed to be healing well as the bandages mostly came off clean. His right arm was still nearly useless so he had some difficulty removing a few of the coverings. New skin and fresh plate material had begun to grow over the gunshot wounds and shrapnel holes.

He couldn’t see the worst of the damage as the weave on his right arm covered from elbow to shoulder but he knew underneath it wouldn’t be a pretty sight. With his nerves back in working order, even through the pain medication, the arm still stung like when Miranda had first added them into the hub. It was white hot flame and it left him feeling weak in his knees.

Now that he was bare of almost all his coverings he ran the water as hot as it would go. Immediately steam billowed in the room. He watched the water for a moment and was thankful that it didn’t invoke a reaction. He definitely wouldn’t be putting his mouth under the stream any time soon but the sight of steamy water didn’t bother him.

He tested the temperature before stepping underneath the flow. It felt hot even to him, it probably would have burned a human standing under it with their soft flesh in lieu of hard metallic plates. 

On Palaven it wasn’t common to clean oneself like most other species did. They had adapted to Citadel life well enough by making soaps and ointments but generally they used a combination of oil and sand to clean and buff their plates. Water was only used to remove layers of dirt and grime before the oiling. An average turian wouldn’t even need the water, only those with dirty jobs did. Right now Garrus felt he needed the water.

He couldn’t stop the groan that came out, nor could he stop himself from leaning against the wall, his head in the crook of his elbow as the water beat down his back. It was a solid five minutes before he gained the strength needed to force himself to stand again. He looked down to the sodden pair of shorts he was wearing and the bandages around his lower abdomen. With a deep breath he steeled himself and cut them from his body with still sharp talons. He threw them into the pile of other bandages.

He’d known what to expect. His memory of events a few days ago was fuzzy at best but he remembered the... distress... when that wretch had pried his plates apart. Three deep gouges lay in each side and his seam was slightly open, unable to close properly. He had to turn the temperature down some so he didn’t injure his pelvic region further.  

Garrus shut his eyes and took a few steadying breaths. He wanted to be clean and that meant opening his plates. Generally it wasn’t difficult to do, genital plates opened either by arousal or requirement. But right now it wasn’t going to be pleasant. His mind began racing as he swept his good hand over the slit, he tried to focus on something arousing but his mind kept pulling up faces of his tormentors. 

He slammed his fist into the wall and growled at that. The mercs were all dead. Shepard had killed them. He was safe on the Normandy, far away from Omega. But then again… was she actually alive? Or was this just another trick? Some sick elaborate joke they’d cooked up after he broke and told them his name. 

His shoulders heaved as he keened in the turian version of a sob. Before long he couldn’t force himself to stand any longer and he dropped to his knees. He palmed the water off and sat on the cool metal floor for a long time. Long enough for the water to become cold on his plates and the steam in the room to dissipate. The young Vakarian wore himself out with his whimpering and it took starting to shiver to get him to move again.

Garrus wasn’t a fan of the cold, especially cold water these days. So he got up and turned on the spray again, the heat soothed his sore muscles and warmed him back up. Now that he’d had some time to process he was able to detach himself enough to open his plates and get clean. It hurt, but that self inflicted ache kept him from dropping to the floor again. With a quick application of soap that stung his wounds he was finished. 

This time when he turned the water off he dried himself and dressed in his new clothing. It wasn’t quite the armor that he was used to but right now it made him feel more secure than even his heavy armor ever had. The plain black fatigue pants hung loosely from his waist, held up only by the belt, but the boots, undershorts and gloves were a perfect fit. He carefully pulled the tunic on over his abused torso, clasping only three of the buttons as Chakwas would need it off in a few minutes to apply bandages and check how he was healing. 

The turian looked at himself in the mirror one more time before leaving the restroom. He looked much better but nothing like his old self. He glanced down at the rest of the hygiene supplies and decided against applying colony paint, he didn’t want to smell the acidic lacquer nor did he want to feel the burning twinge as he applied it. That and it wouldn’t look right if he applied it with his left hand.

He did take advantage of the mouthwash and teeth cleaning supplies, using more of the kelica root than he should have but at this point anything to get the lingering feeling of those men out of his throat didn’t seem excessive. From there he tidied up the mess of bandages and threw them down the garbage chute. With a last look around the room he was done.

By the time he exited the restroom the mess hall was a little busier. Three humans sat at the table relaxing with hot beverages in front of them and the cook was in the kitchen. Their conversation stopped immediately as he walked by, Garrus could feel their eyes on him. He could smell their fear of him.  _ Good, let them be afraid, _ he thought to himself,  _ at least someone still is _ .

Karin was sitting at her desk when he entered the medical bay. She stood up on his arrival and ushered him back onto the clean bed. “That must feel better,” she said her tone mild. “I’ll redress your wounds for you then we’ll start working on some basic exercises. Is that alright?”

“Mmhm.” He mumbled back, in a bit of a daze. He pulled the loose tunic off and let the doctor get to work.

She ran an omni tool scan before moving to her desk to grab fresh gauze. “You’re looking much better than I was expecting. The new skin seems to have taken well. Lift your arms for me,” she asked and he complied holding his bad arm up enough for the doctor to get the new wrap around his middle.

“When can this all stay off?” he asked.

The doctor continued working but responded, “The compression bandage here needs to be on for at least another week, I want to make sure the bruising goes down before we remove it all together. Like I mentioned the weaves will be there at least a couple weeks, maybe two months? You’ve got to regrow plates and there isn’t much we can do to speed that process up. The rest of them should be gone with the compression bandage or sooner.”

She stepped back and passed him a long sleeved shirt which he struggled to pull on as it clung to his muscled figure. She would have helped but knew it would be unwelcome so instead kept back until he was done. “The cybernetics will take some getting used to but I expect you’ll take to them well enough, we’ll start with some stretches and large movements and get to grip strength and fine motor control later.”

Garrus grunted as he stood up again and shakily raised his arms up above his head to stretch them out. His arm wasn’t too keen on responding so he forced it with his good one. He felt the new skin stretch but it held. So the vigilante slowly followed the doctor through on her motions, gritting his teeth and bearing the pain. It wasn’t going to be pleasant but it was just one more thing that had to be done.

-+-+-+-

Shepard and her ground team arrived back on the ship in the middle of the night cycle a drell in tow. She kept her debriefing to the point and dismissed them quickly, she was exhausted considering she’d been up a little over 16 Galactic Standard Hours. Standard Alliance gene mods be damned, she needed her bed. Jacob showed Thane to his room and that was the end of the team’s night.

The Commander had a quick trip to the shuttlebay planned to drop off her weapons before she headed up to the loft. In the elevator she decided to make a second stop in the mess for a ration bar, she’d used up a lot of energy in the past few hours and needed something to satiate herself. She had expected the shuttlebay to be empty but when the door opened she heard the tell tale thump of fists hitting the heavy bag.

Quietly, as to not disturb the person working out, she unloaded her gear onto the workbench. She was about to head into the lift but curiosity stopped her and she moved around the crates blocking the gym space on the starboard side of the hangar, opposite the kodiak. A lone figure clad in black was working away on the heavy bag, open hands working through a slow series of hits before backing off.

Garrus had obviously been at it a while, Shepard could tell from the rounded curve of his shoulders and the way his hands were slowly and deliberately hitting the bag. He was more exhausted than she was. He’d regained use of his arm apparently as his right hand slammed into the bag and made it waver on its base.

She stepped out into the open, “Hey, Garrus.” 

The next thing she knew she was on the ground the air ripped from her lungs after the impact. The turian shaking with rage above her, eyes narrowed and teeth bared. Her eyes widened in surprise and she tried to suck in a breath but it was difficult with his weight pressed down on her chest on top of her armor. “Garrus… it’s me… get off…”

It was maybe five seconds later that awareness came back to him, it was all over his face. His mandibles went slack and his eyes became fearful. Almost as quickly as he tackled her he scrambled backwards until he ran into the heavy bag with a thump. 

The human recovered quickly, she sat up and held her stomach until she caught her breath. Garrus was breathing hard across from her, dragging in ragged breaths more from his workout than from the recent excursion.

“Hey Garrus,” she repeated with a small smile. “Been working hard I see.” 

“Shepard… I… I’m sorry, I didn’t realise you were there. I just…”

She cut him off, “Don’t worry about it. My fault for sneaking up on you. Should have known better than that. How are you doing?”

“Fine,” he said and looked away, unable to hold the Commander’s gaze.

“What are you still doing up? It's pretty late.”

“Couldn’t sleep. Figured I’d put the time to use.” He gave a single shouldered shrug then winced. 

“Chakwas know you’re here?” He responded too quietly for her to hear so she prompted, “Say again big guy.”

“DON’T CALL ME THAT!” he spat before standing up and backing further away from her. “Just go away.”

Shepard stood up but kept her distance, “Garrus, don’t be like that. I didn’t mean anything by it, it’s just a hard habit to break. If you really want me to go I will but I want to help you if you’ll let me.”

He seemed to think about that for a moment before speaking, “You should go. I can’t control myself right now. I don’t want to hurt you.”

The Commander smiled and knocked on her armor, “Pretty difficult to hurt me while I’m wearing this. Plus, you need to rest. You’re going to burn out if you keep at it like this.” Tentatively she took a pace towards him, “It’s late Garrus, let’s grab something to eat then head to bed. I’ve got nowhere to be for another ten hours.”

He drew in another breath before deciding that, yes, a break was in order. “Alright. Fine. Let’s go then,” he gestured for her to lead the way. And she did, she walked straight to the elevator and held the door for him. Garrus took a few minutes before he followed, he’d replaced his tunic although he left the clasps undone. A sling was in place to help support his bad arm, a stark white against the black clothing he wore.

Gingerly the turian stepped by the Commander and placed his back against the far wall. He hadn’t limped into the elevator but the effect was the same as his feet had dragged along the deck. Shepard sighed and pressed the button for the crew deck, watching him out the corner of her eye. He was completely worn out. She didn’t think he’d even be able to put the Archangel mask on if he tried. Now was the time to talk to him, while everything was quiet.

“Wait here,” She said and stepped out when the door opened. She grabbed a handful of ration bars, both dextro and levo, along with two bottles of water. Garrus had raised a brow plate but listened and stayed in the lift. Before long she was back and they were on the way up to the loft. “May as well be comfortable while we eat.”

Garrus followed her into her room, eyes widening in surprise as he realised this was her cabin. Despite being so closed off only moments ago he voiced his shock, “Wow. Guess Cerberus didn’t cheap out. Thought your bunk was where it used to be.”

Jane couldn’t help the small laugh, “Yeah. Spared no expense. Even gave the woman who got spaced a view of the void. Maybe they thought it would keep me in my place?” She headed to her armor locker and started pulling off pieces. 

“Shit Shepard. I didn’t even notice it.” He was still standing at the top of the stairs.

“Don’t worry about it, Garrus. Grab a seat, I just want to get out of this gear.” When she was down to her under armor she grabbed a clean sleep shirt and pair of pants. “I’ll be back in a sec, please eat something.”

Garrus was left alone in the oversized cabin, his eyes travelled around it but he avoided looking at the wall length fishtank. He could deal with the showers, but the aquarium was unsettling just looming there on the opposing wall. In his head he knew that it wasn’t going to spontaneously burst, it was probably transparent aluminum and at least an inch thick. However that didn’t mean he was comfortable with it.  

Shepard was back within two minutes and he saw her frown when she realised he hadn’t gone for the food yet. She sat on the opposing side of the angled couch, facing the bed, and tore into her own bar before taking a long drink from one of the bottles. Tentatively Garrus reached out and grabbed one of his own bars, they ate in silence.

Once they’d finished the Commander finished her water and passed the unopened bottle to Garrus. He didn’t reach for it. “Remember to stay hydrated,” she said with a laugh, “Isn’t that a turian battlecry? I remember you using it when we picked up Liara.”

“Ha,” he forced. “Not really a battle cry but yeah. It was damn hot on that planet. Needed to remind you mammals to drink.”

“Well now this mammal is now making sure you have something. I saw how hard you were working down there. You need to keep your strength up.” She held the bottle out to him.

Reluctantly he took it. 

When he just sat and stared at the bottle Shepard slide a little closer on the couch until she was beside him. She took the bottle back and cracked the cap open for him, his grip was getting better but maybe that had been the issue. He just hadn’t been able to open it. She held it out to him again, “It’s ok if you need help Garrus. I’m here.”

She took his hand and wrapped it loosely around the bottle. With him she lifted it to his mouth and was suddenly soaking wet as the bottle was thrown back at her. She yelped in surprise as Garrus whined and slid away from her. He drew his knees up and wrapped his hand around the back of his fringe. “What the hell?” she yelled at him, frustrated.

Garrus didn’t respond he only keened and shook his head. His shoulders began to shake with his sobs. Shepard’s anger immediately fell away and it was replaced with the utmost concern for him. She threw the nearly empty container away towards her bed. “It’s gone Garrus. Take a look and see, it’s gone. You’ve got to let me in, what’s wrong?”

When her friend didn’t respond and kept tightly curled up in a ball she started to get scared. She was hesitant to touch him again, lest it cause another outburst like the one in the workout room. She wasn’t armored this time and those talons could do real damage if left unchecked. Her mind raced a mile a minute, should she call the doctor because she was the one that caused the break or would that only hurt her chances of calming him down?

She moved further away until she was sitting in the corner of the couch. It didn’t leave her many escape route but maybe feeling like he had a tactical advantage would help. Shepard waited a few minutes, taking calming deep breaths to both relax herself and with the hope that Garrus would follow her lead. 

It seemed like an eternity before she noticed a change. He stopped shaking and the sounds stopped emanating from his chest. His breath was ragged and uneven but just as sure as Shepard was still breathing that normalised as well. “That’s it,” she said. “Come back to me.”

When he spoke his words were laced with exhaustion, “Can’t take it… just can’t.”

When he remained quiet she prompted him, “Can’t take what?”

“The w...water. Can’t.”

She nodded, “That’s alright. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. As long as you’re with me I’ll make sure of that. But you’ve got to talk to me Garrus. If I don’t know I can’t help you. Ok?”

“I’m a wreck. Can’t help me. Should have left me on Omega.” He curled in further on himself, his bad arm was tight to his chest and his good one was wrapped around his fringe. 

Shepard swallowed her retort before she got angry with him again,  _ you aren’t better off dead! I need you _ , because that train of thought was selfish and she doubted it would help matters. She waited a moment to choose her words, “You’re better off here Garrus. This is going to be hard. I know that just as much as you do. But I want to help. Be here for you. Let me do that, please?”

He shook his head, “Enough to worry about without me.”

She actually laughed in her disbelief, “Is that what this is? The only one I actually want to worry about is you. Fuck the Reapers, the Alliance, the Council, Cerberus. Fuck them all.” She reached out a hand and left it on the couch between them, waiting for him to reach back. “It won’t quite be like old times but we can make the best of it.”

He uncurled slightly, just enough to look up at her and see the outstretched hand. He seemed to think on it for a few minutes before reaching out for her. Ever so slowly he began to relax and when he gave her hand a gentle tug she came willingly to his side. “What can I do?” she asked. 

“I don’t know,” he replied. “Maybe just stay with me awhile?”

Shepard smiled, “My oversized cabin is your oversized cabin.” She moved a little closer until her shoulder butted up against his. He tensed at first but then relaxed into her, even going so far as to nuzzle against the top of her head. 

“Thanks,” he mumbled through a yawn. It was contagious as Shepard yawned in quick succession. “Think I should go back down, let you sleep.” He started to get up but the Commander didn’t drop his hand.

“You just asked if you could stay…” He turned around and raised his brow to her, “I did say my cabin was yours.”

“There’s only one bed, Shepard.”

“Is that your way of telling me you’re a bed hog?” She smiled and stood up. “It’s not like we haven’t slept next to each other before, remember before Ilos? You and I fell asleep on the couch together in my quarters watching a grainy pirated copy of Blasto’s newest vid.”

He actually smiled at the memory, “I seem to remember you being rather sore afterwards.”

“Of course I was! Curled into your armor like that. This time we’ve got a bed big enough for half the crew. Just let me get changed again, I’d rather not go to bed damp.”

Even as she laughed it off he flinch, “Sorry about that.”

“Like I said, my fault. As long as your boots are off by the time I get back, all is forgiven.” Shepard grabbed a fresh shirt and disappeared into the bathroom again. When she returned she smelled lightly of mint. “Bathroom’s all yours.”

Garrus carefully made his way up the stairs and when he exited the washroom his friend had already climbed into bed. He’d removed the sling along with his boots, pants and tunic. Leaving him in a fitted pair of shorts and the long sleeved shirt he’d worked out in earlier.

He hesitantly crossed the room and slid into the bed. The turian hissed as his back hit the mattress. Obviously still hurting from the past few days and it wasn’t made much better by his workout. He rearranged the pillow underneath his fringe and settled. 

For her part Shepard was curled on her right side facing him. One arm under her pillow and the other on top of the blankets in front of her. “This ok?” she asked.

“Yeah,” he replied sleepily. 

They lay in the quiet for a few minutes. Shepard listening to Garrus’ breathing ease and slow down. She was about to ask another question but when she looked up at his face she realised that he was already drifting off. Instead she slid a little closer and nuzzled up to his good arm. Following him into sleep just minutes later.

-+-+-+-

 

Doctor Karin Chakwas woke up to her silent alarm just a few hours later. She checked her omni-tool and noted EDI had been sending silent reports throughout the night. She only checked the most recent one which looked excellent, Garrus was sleeping soundly without sedatives. He’d refused to be put under after his exercises the previous day and she’d acquiesced after a short argument. 

Once she was up and completed her morning routine she headed to the mess hall for a cup of tea. The doctor had gotten a decent night’s rest herself and would quite happily have her breakfast at her desk while she ran through the rest of the night’s reports and checked on her patient. She stepped into the medical bay and almost dropped her mug when she found it empty, the bed untouched. Fear immediately hit her, they had been docked all night. If he’d slipped off the ship he could be anywhere by now!

“EDI! Where’s Garrus? Is he alright?” she was frantic.

The avatar appeared by the door, “Officer Vakarian is currently in the Commander’s cabin. His vitals show that he is stable, would you like me to inform him you require his presence?”

Karin relaxed and crossed the room to her desk where she unceremoniously plopped down into her chair. “No, no. That’s fine EDI. I just expected him to be here. Where is Commander Shepard?”

“She is asleep in her cabin with Officer Vakarian.” Karin quirked an eyebrow and EDI seemed to realise that statement garnered further explanation, “After the mission concluded last night Commander Shepard found Officer Vakarian in the cargo bay. He had disobeyed your order to rest and continued working to improve his arm’s function.”

“Why didn’t you inform me?” Karin asked, not in an accusatory way but it did border on annoyed. 

EDI sounded furious when she replied, if an AI could sound furious that is. “Officer Vakarian released a small virus into my system that affected my transmission abilities within the Normandy. I was unable to send messages for a period of two hours. By the time normal functionality was restored Commander Shepard had already found Officer Vakarian and informing you would have been against the Commander’s wishes. I apologize doctor.” By the end she was deflated as though this security breach was an enormous failure.

“That’s quite alright EDI. No harm done. I’ll have to convince Vakarian to give you a copy of that tech so you can build countermeasures against that kind of attack.” She smiled and started going through her reports, “Oh and EDI, please don’t mention the Commander’s sleeping arrangement to anyone else. I am going to consider that confidential medical information that does not need to be reported back to Ms Lawson or the Illusive Man. Am I understood?”

“Of course, doctor. Logging you out.”

-+-+-+-

Garrus was the first to wake. He did so with a groan, his medication had worn off. His arm burned and his chest felt like a krogan was sitting on it. He tried to relax and go back to sleep but soon the lightheadedness started as did the familiar dizzy feeling from the past few days.

He pulled in a few gulps of air which did nothing but upset his stomach further. The turian was on his feet and made it into the washroom before collapsing to pray to the porcelain gods. He grimaced after he’d emptied the remainder of his stomach contents. That was never a pleasant feeling. 

Just after he’d deposited himself on the floor he heard a quiet knock at the door and Shepard’s voice, “You alright in there?”

“Fine, need a minute,” came his gruff reply. 

Her muffled one followed, “Should I get Karin?”

He leaned his head back against the cool metal wall and shivered despite himself. “Just come in.”

Shepard did as asked and the door slid open. She took in the sad little scene of Garrus on the floor, yet again. “We need to stop meeting like this,” she tried for humor and got a slight smile before he winced.

“Yeah. Not good.” His voice was strained and muffled as he tried to speak without moving his mouth. “Meds wore off. Ah… Fucking hurts. Feel sick.”

Slowly she stepped in front of him and knelt down to his level. She pressed a warm hand to his brow and he closed his eyes breathing in her scent. “You’re cold again,” she said absentmindedly. He hummed an affirmative. “You’re usually so warm.”

“Turian have problems with temperature… ahh,” he hissed and held his jaw, “regulation when immune system is compromised.” 

Her brow was knit with worry, “Stop trying to talk so much. You’ll only make it worse.” She looked down at her omnitool and noted it was just after breakfast time, “Want to walk down or should I have Chakwas bring it up?”

He thought on it for a minute before opening his eyes, “Help me up?” Shepard moved to his side and braced like she had the other night in the medical bay. This time it was a little easier as he wasn’t just dead weight. She couldn’t see his face from her position at his side but she was sure that he didn’t look good. 

When he was ready to start walking she tried to help shoulder his weight but he wasn’t having any of it. He stood tall on his own as they exited the washroom. He stopped at the desk and leaned heavily against it grabbing his pants. “I can go down,” he said.

“Alright, probably best I get dressed too.” She turned and headed to her wardrobe, bounding back up to the washroom a minute later. Once she made herself presentable she called the AI, “EDI? Can you ask Doctor Chakwas to be ready when we get down there?”

“Of course Commander, will there be anything else?”

“No that will be all. Thank you.” The AI logged out and Shepard turned to see Garrus was staring at something on her desk. “Everything alright?” Her eyes swung from him to the desk landing on the object in question. 

His voice was quiet, “Yeah,” he reached out and stopped just short of his visor. It was as if he couldn’t decide whether or not he wanted to pick it up.

“I found it.”

“You’d mentioned that. Didn’t realise it was still in one piece.” He picked it up and brushed his thumb over the names carved into it. After a silent moment he replaced it in its rightful place over his left eye. The interface began to reinitialize and when he turned towards Shepard he looked a little more like his old self. He forced his right arm up to try and activate his omnitool but after a slightly closer inspection he found the subdermal implant had been removed. 

“I didn’t want to assume you still had your bluewire model, figured you’d want to pick out a new one yourself. Liara said she’d find you an armorsmith and since we’re on Illium it shouldn’t be too difficult to get a tool in stock.”

Garrus nodded as he began to refit his sling, his right arm shaking at he maneuvered it. He hissed when he finally got it settled. “You ready?”

Shepard shook her head as she was pulled out of her reverie, “Yeah. Let’s go.” They descended the elevator in silence. Shepard was feeling much better this morning, a solid couple hours sleep had really helped. Garrus looked better too even with his brow knotted with lingering pain. The bruising was fading and the fissure in his faceplate was starting to close.

When they stepped out onto the crew deck it was alive with the morning rush. Most were already finished their breakfast and headed to their stations. As they stepped out of the elevator the small crowd parted to let the Commander and her companion through. Though, Shepard noticed they left a wider berth than usual.

She felt their eyes on them as they rounded the corner and was thankful when they entered the medical bay. She’d received the same stares when her scars were fresh and time hadn’t changed how little she liked it.

Karin was already at her desk and turned to greet the pair as they came in, “Commander. Officer. Nice of you to join me.” Garrus made his way directly to the bed and sat down, he rolled his sleeve above the IV port and shrugged off his jacket that was only loosely draped over his shoulders. “You can go get your rounds done Shepard. We’ll be a while this morning.”

“Of course, I’ll be going shoreside this afternoon. I’ll stop by before I leave,” the Commander waited for Garrus’ nod before departing.

Karin wasted no time in getting his shirt off and she began checking his bandages. It was immediately apparent that he was dehydrated and she hooked a saline line up to his arm. Pain medication followed not long after in pill form, it was time to start getting away from intravenous treatment where possible. 

She was just about finished when EDI’s voice filtered over the speakers, “Doctor Chakwas, there is someone at the airlock for you.”

Garrus watched her mouth quirk in question, “I’m not expecting anyone. Who is it?”

“He identified himself as Doctor Mephran and indicated he was sent by Doctor T’Soni.”

“Please ask Operative Taylor to escort him to the briefing room, I’ll be there shortly.”

“Understood Doctor. Logging you out.”

Karin finished settling a fresh swath of bandages over his upper left arm. “Rest for a while until I get back, after that workout yesterday your body needs it.” Garrus looked like he might object but she cut him off, “I saw your readings even with that little stunt you pulled on EDI. You’ll need to give her a copy of that, she’s no good if you can compromise her systems for the better part of two hours with access to a basic terminal and an access panel.”

He shrugged with one arm, “She refused to let me leave without telling you. I made sure she couldn’t.”

Karin sighed and disconnected the IV so he could pull on his shirt. “I didn’t tell the Commander this time but if cracking the ship becomes a habit I will have to inform her.”

Garrus blew out a breath, “If we’d gone to alert status the virus would have evaporated. Nothing to worry about, doc.”

She rolled her eyes, “Well this time I mean it, stay here and let your fluid levels get back up. Dehydration kills turians faster than most.” With that she turned and left with a quiet swoosh of the doors.

He settled back onto the bed, his left hand moving to his visor to mess with his settings. It was currently running through a furious set of updates as it connected to a com bouye. His cracked hardware was able to piggyback on other signals to send and receive real time updates, that’s how he’d remained in the know on Omega and how he’d called his father just a days ago.

Since Illium was a major hub even his C-Sec account synced and two years worth of old messages filtered in. After about ten additional minutes he was able to actually use the interface without it bugging on him. Being shut off for days and flying to a different system had a way of messing up your update cycle.

He started sifting through the information, realising that Shepard had indeed heard his message but looked at nothing else. He also checked some of his Omega accounts, there was a wealth of information to sift through but what immediately caught his eye was the tracking information for Sidonis. 

He sat up a little straighter and his eye followed the tiny map of Omega on the visor. His squadmate had been taken directly to the docks after getting caught by the mercs. That meant he could still be alive! The tracker wasn’t FTL capable and as such Garrus lost track of him at the relay. But he’d been alive when he left that hell hole.

Garrus was about to get up and… well he wasn’t sure what he was going to do, but he needed to do something! And that’s when Doctor Chakwas entered the room with a visitor. He forced himself back to calm and under his mask as they strode in and the door closed. He’d talk to Shepard when she came back, Shepard would be able to get him an omni tool. Then he could find Lantar, that small glimmer of hope kept his head clear.

“Garrus, this is Doctor Mephran. Doctor Mephran, this is Garrus Vakarian.” Chakwas walked to her desk and fetched his chart. “While we are on Illium the doctor will be your primary care physician, he came well recommended from Liara.”

The turian stood about a head taller than his human counterpart, but was still on the shorter end of average for their species. His stature was leaner than average too, it lent itself to being an office worker rather than a soldier even though he had a slight limp when he walked that spoke of a battlefield injury. He had the typical white colonial paint of a colony born turian. Judging by the sweeping asari like lines, Illium was where he was birthed. 

“Officer Vakarian, a pleasure to meet you.” The doctor kept his distance in lieu of making a proper greeting, _ smart man _ .

“Doctor,” he replied shortly. 

Karin looked between the two turians, seemingly out of place in her own medical bay. “Doctor Mephran is a specialist in post-traumatic care. Your mission remains classified as do the exact circumstances of the trauma. You are free to disclose the information you deem appropriate and he has access to your medical records. I’ll leave you to get acquainted.” With that she hurried out of the small room.

Doctor Mephran waited patiently by the doctor’s desk, reading through the file and allowing Garrus to get more comfortable. A full three minutes passed before he made a move. “Would it be alright if I sit down and we talk?”

Garrus merely nodded and looked to his left to indicate where he should sit. Instead of rolling Karin’s chair over he walked over and sat on the other bed, much like Garrus was, leaning against the headboard. “Much better,” he said with a sigh of relief as he adjusted his right leg on the mattress with his hands. 

Garrus’ visor continued its analysis and pulled down articles for him to skim through later. From the headings it looked like the good doctor was well respected, about 60 years-old, veteran of the first contact war with a commendation.

He spoke up again, “By now you’ve got a decent enough read on me, I see that visor scrolling wildly and those eyes following my every move Vakarian. I may look like a civi but I’ve been working with vets since I was forced to retire from the Hierarchy Milita about 30 years ago.” He pulled back his pant leg to show the prosthetic. “Even if we had such advanced cybernetics and a full medical suite they wouldn’t have been able to save it. I was bitter for a long time.”

When Garrus said nothing he continued, “Was a medic, it was my first battlefield posting. Prior to that I’d only been on ships, basic stuff, skirmishes with pirates and such. When I heard we were actually going to war with the humans on Shanxi I couldn’t pass it up! I wanted it, needed it, being the stupid kid I was. Thought my military service wouldn’t be complete without a true battle under my belt.

“Well, I got my one battle. Humans were damned smart for a bunch of pyjaks, cornered my squad in a cave, laid mines and left us. Leg was mangled below the spur in my stupidity,” he huffed out a short laugh. “Spent the next three days hobbling around in the cave tending to the rest of them. I was the one who’d set off the mine but the rest of the squad they didn’t care about that. CO blamed himself for not stopping me in fact.”

His sighed and rubbed the back of his fringe, “Leg got infected so I lost it from the knee down. The Hierarchy has no use for one legged soldiers so I was discharged after the war. Came home to Illium, got a job at a hospital. Found out I had an affinity for work with soldiers who’d lost something. So… now you know my story. Anything else you’d like to know?”

For the first time since Doctor Chakwas left Garrus replied, “Telling me your history isn’t going to make me tell you mine.”

“Didn’t think it would. But it’ll lay the groundwork for you to start trusting me a little, I know it has to be earned. We don’t have a lot of time so I figured getting it all out up front might help.”

Garrus shrugged with one arm as was becoming habit. “Fair enough.”

“So, we can continue to shoot the shit if you like or I can start with an examination. I realise that the ship’s doctor has been taking excellent care of you but I’d prefer to assess the damage myself if you don’t mind. I specialise in turian medicine so I might have a better idea of how to work with your injuries.”

“I’d prefer that you piss off.”

Mephran laughed, “I figured. But your CO wants you back in the fight so that’s where I come in. By the sounds of it Commander Shepard gets what she wants, even if she’s gone so far undercover that her cover story entails her death and state funeral.”

“Even after Shanxi you’re fine working for humans?”

“You are, aren’t you?”

Garrus huffed, “Fair enough.” He rotated his left arm and held it out the the doctor, “Unclip the IV and you can get started.”

The doctor stood carefully and unclipped the line. “Any reason she’s got a semi-perm line here?” His patient didn’t reply verbally, instead he pulled off the shirt and Mephran was left with an eyeful of faded track lines on his waist and underarm. “Ah,” was his only acknowledgement. He reattached the saline into his arm. 

The next hour he meticulously went over each and every cut, scrape, crack and burn on Garrus’ body. He was silent in his work, only asking questions where necessary or to apologize when he pressed too hard or made Garrus move in a way that made him uncomfortable. The scarred turian made a note never to play cards with this man, he showed so little emotion even as he assessed the gouges in his pelvic plates.

Once he was finished he detached the line again and handed Garrus his shirt. “You’re healing well all things considered.”

Garrus rolled his eyes in a distinctly human expression of annoyance. “Tell me something I don’t know.”

“Your plates need to be set.” Garrus’ eye twitched, that almost imperceptible change didn’t go unnoticed. “I wish I wasn’t serious. That procedure is very… unpleasant. But if I don’t set them you won’t be able to get a seal which can cause a whole host of other problems. The most obvious being infection, but it’ll make intercourse nearly impossible to enjoy.”

Garrus looked away, “Honestly, I’m more concerned with infection.”

“I figured you might be. But your body is going to need to relieve tension somehow, sparring and firefights won’t do it forever.” Mephran sat back down on the opposing bed, “How long’s it been?”

His jaw clicked as he mulled over the question, “Consensually? Long enough.” His eyes stayed at the foot of his bed. Garrus wasn’t sure when it happened but he felt comfortable around the old doctor. Maybe it was the care he used, the way he opened himself up, or it was just that he had another turian to talk to. Talking without the Archangel mask slowly became easier. “Too long if I was being honest.”

“There’s a reason turian ships are so lax with fraternization rules Garrus. I know it’s the last thing on your mind right now but you’ve got to find some relief once your plates have healed.”

He laughed, “And who would want this?” he gestured to himself. 

“I’ve heard some women find scars attractive,” Mephran tried for humor.

“And most of those women are krogan,” Garrus shot back. At the doctor’s shocked laugh he continued, “Not like there will be much time for  _ that _ anyways. This mission is too important, and by the time I’m healed enough the opportunity probably won’t present itself.” His gaze moved the intercept the doctor’s, “Let’s get that procedure over with then.”

The turian shook his head, “We’ll need to go to my office. I’ve got a proper medical team and equipment there. I’d also like to fit you for a couple of synthetic plates, those holes in your shoulder and chest won’t heal properly, there isn’t enough plate left to mend it completely. In your line of work synthetics are probably the quickest and strongest way to go.”

“When?”

“I can have everything ready by morning. That should give your specialist enough time to ensure the cybernetics are synched properly into your nervous system before I fit the plates.” He stood up, “Until tomorrow then?”

As Garrus responded the door opened to admit Commander Shepard, his eyes looked straight through the doctor to land on her. She was a little surprised to see the second turian and a quick glance at Garrus told her the newcomer was friendly. 

The older turian turned to leave, “Commander Shepard I presume?” At her nod he introduced himself. “Doctor Mephran, my services were contracted by Doctor T’Soni. Officer Vakarian will be under my care until you are ready to depart Illium.”

Shepard put on the smile she used with politicians and people she wasn’t quite sure about, “A pleasure to meet you. If there is anything you need please let the ship’s medical officer know.”

“Thank you Commander, your doctor has been more than accommodating.” He turned back to Garrus, “I’ll send instructions along for your visit tomorrow.” With that he was gone.

As the door closed Garrus relaxed back into the cushion, more exhausted than nauseated now. Shepard walked further in and sat on the foot of his bed. She knew better than to ask how he was feeling so instead she chose a different question, “How was that?”

“Fine.” She waited a moment and he filled the silence, “Uncomfortable. But Mephran wasn’t too bad, he actually seemed to care.”

“Mm. And what about tomorrow?”

“He’s going to fix my plates,” he responded simply. 

Shepard raised a brow, “Karin can’t do it?”

He shook his head, “No. Mephran’s a specialist in turian combat trauma. Best he does it.” Garrus forced himself up and to the edge of the bed. “We’d better get a move on if you want that armor to be ready by the end of the week.” He stood up and pulled his jacket over his good arm, letting the sling take the weight of his right arm under the open jacket. “How do I look? no one will give me a mirror.”

She smiled, “Hell Garrus, you were always ugly. Slap a little face paint on there and on one will even notice.”

Garrus chuckled before he winced, “Don’t make me laugh. My face is barely holding together as it is.”

The Commander laughed right along with him and headed for the door. Maybe her Garrus would come back after all….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is a chapter each weekday working? Do you want more all at once or is it nice to wake up to a new chapter in your inbox? Let me know!
> 
> Fanfiction Recommendation: Sound the Clarion by AmberPenglass. http://archiveofourown.org/works/7265335/chapters/16496725 . FShepXGarrus but AU where the first contact war is ongoing.


	6. Chapter 6 - Truths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The truth hurts sometimes, but isn't it better knowing?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 6! Halfway there folks. This one's a doozy with some more enjoyable action then we've seen thus far.
> 
> Couldn't keep you waiting any longer for this one. ;)

Shepard and Vakarian headed out into the streets of Illium in civilian gear. Shepard had her service weapon with her and they had stopped in the armory before departing for an additional one for Garrus. The added weight of the weapon helped to calm his anxiety. Illium was essentially Omega with a good PR team and a police force.

The crowds parted here just like they had onboard the Normandy, only here they weren’t keeping their thoughts to themselves. Try as she might, Shepard constantly heard whispers and scoffs and gasps. Garrus seemed to be faring well enough but she didn’t know how long that would last. When they arrived at the taxi hub she programmed the location in and they were off. 

The drive wasn’t long but the tinted windows definitely made her less self-conscious and she hoped it worked for her partner too. She tried to start a conversation but every attempt ended in one word answers. When they arrived at their destination Garrus was quick to exit the cab and head in the right direction.

“Have you been here before?” she asked.

“I think so, only been to Illium once and I remember this ward.” Garrus began to lead the way and Shepard had to pick up her pace to catch him, “The name is  _ Panoplia _ right?”

The Commander nodded, “Yeah. That’s right. Is that where you got your heavy armor built?”

He stopped outside a shop, the sign very discreet at the top of a stairwell, “Mmhmm. Best custom shop aside from Palaven. I had him working on another set for me, just incase I needed something less recognizable.”

“That’s great. I’ll just have Cerberus settle the bill then,” she followed him down into the shop. The main room was very dim, akin to the lighting on the first Normandy, and it was rather warm. “Hello?” she called out when no one made themselves apparent.

“Just a minute!” a female, dual toned, voice replied. True to the words a few minutes later a female turian came out from the back room. She wasn’t the first turian female Shepard had ever met but she was definitely the smallest. “Oh!” She exclaimed, “Mr. Gabriel We weren't expecting you. Let me grab papa,” she spun and scurried off at speed.

Shepard turned to Garrus, “Gabriel?”

“It fit,” he shrugged with his good arm only. Before Shepard could make a rebuttal another turian entered the room, and this one was bigger than Garrus. “Sensat.” Garrus greeted. 

“Gabriel. I heard what happened, thought you were dead with the rest of them. Should have known better. Didn’t bring that damn brother of mine back from the dead too did you?”

Garrus looked away, “No. The team’s gone, Vex with the rest of them. I’m sorry.”

The larger turian just shrugged, “Told you idiots the mercs would get you eventually. And as for Vex, probably living on borrowed time anyways, the Corpalis was starting to eat at him last we talked.” He took a longer look at Garrus, “What’s up with that arm?”

As of yet Garrus had kept his injured side facing away from the other turians. The young female had returned to the room and looked like she was trying to hold back tears, or the turian equivalent, for her late uncle Sensat. “Took some damage in that last fight. Didn’t think I was going to make it, hell didn’t want to make it.”

“Going to have to give me the story later. Who’s this?” 

Shepard was a little startled by the question but recovered quickly, “I’m Jane.” She said, unsure if Garrus wanted to share her true identity with these people. 

“It’s alright,” he said. “Archangel is dead, it’s about time I start acting like it. This is Commander Shepard, and my real name is Garrus Vakarian.”

Sensat made a low whistling sound that was similar to what a surprised human would make. “Well I’ll be. Pleasure to meet you Commander, call me Tex.” He turned to his daughter, “Lena, I think this chat warrants some tea. Take the Commander with you, I’ve got some asari brands she can pick from.”

Lena looked from her father to Shepard to Garrus quite bewildered but did manage to scurry away again. Shepard took a quick look at Garrus and waited for his nod before following the girl. 

Tex moved around the counter and locked the shop’s door after he flipped the old manual  _ closed  _ sign. He stepped up behind Garrus and took his good shoulder to spin the smaller turian around, “Let me see those scars.” The older turian had poor eyesight, a milky film coated his left eye making him nearly blind in it.

“Best you don’t,” he replied taking a step back. “Best Lena doesn’t either.”

“I’ll be the judge of that,” He grabbed Garrus roughly and pulled the jacket off his shoulder, with a quick jerk of his hand he forced the injured turian’s face to the left so he could get a good look at him. His look more tactile than strictly necessary. “Spirits, you are the master of understatement. What were you, naked? Shouldn’t look this bad if you were wearing that suit I made you.”

Garrus let himself be manhandled by the older turian. If it were anyone else or he wouldn’t have stood for it but letting the other man get a look at his scars was the least of his worries. He needed the new set of armor to hold up to similar abuse. Sensat didn’t understand the concept of personal space and proved his superior strength as he forced the younger back against the counter and began pulling at his shirt.

“The armor saved my life,” he tried to pull away but was held in place.

“Then where is it? Maybe I can fix it.” Sensat tugged the sling off his arm and began working at his shirt. Garrus fought him but wasn’t able to get anywhere as the armorsmith overpowered him. 

“I don’t know where it is, it’s gone.” 

“YOU LOST IT!” Sensat growled as he finally finished wrestling the shirt off of Garrus, with one arm he picked Garrus up and slammed his back onto the flat of the counter. “How could you? You know how hard I worked on that! What happened?” Even as he held the injured turian down he was looking over the new scars and bandages, his free hand following the track lines up his waist.

Garrus could do little more than wheeze out his reply, “Heavy mech. Don’t remember much after that.”

Before Sensat could make further demands Shepard and Lena came rushing into the room, in less than a second the Commander had her weapon trained on the larger turian. “Back up!” she demanded.

Without complaint he took his hands off Garrus and backed away, her gun followed him and her eyes didn’t waver even as Garrus regained his footing and slid down to the floor. As he gasped for breath Shepard didn’t take her eyes off the other turian. She slowly paced over to her friend’s side. When she reached him he spoke up, “I’m fine. Tex is just passionate about his work, you can put that away.”

At his request she lowered the pistol but didn’t put the safety on just yet. Shepard was at a loss for words but apparently Sensat had already regained his better faculties, “Sorry. Got over excited. Never had a suit fail like that, need to get a solid look at the damage to figure out how to fix it.”

Garrus stood up, back to his full height. With a smooth hand he pushed the muzzle of her gun to the floor, “Shepard, I’m fine.” He looked back at Sensat, “I’ll let you look but you’ve got to keep it together. I took a rocket to the face, when I woke up my armor was gone. It saved my life.”

“Damn it. A rocket?” When Garrus nodded he continued, “Spirits help the bastards that left you alive.”

“Nothing left for them to help,” said Shepard nonchalantly as she put her pistol away finally. “Now let’s all go sit down and you can fit that new armor, ok?”

Lena was the one to reply, “We should use the shop, light is better there.” She led the way and Sensat followed in behind. It obviously wasn’t the first time she’d seen her papa at gunpoint and judging by his short temperedness it wouldn’t be the last.

Shepard grabbed Garrus’ shirt, tunic and sling before following the turians into the other room. She had to squint as the lighting was vastly improved in this room, it was near daylight. Garrus had told her, back on the SR-1, that ships were kept darker to help keep his species calmer in between missions, the brighter the ambient lighting the more active turians became. A bright light in the shop made sense in that regard whereas a darker light in the small shopfront promoted calmer interactions with customers.

Shepard put the clothing down on the chair’s back and sat down. Lena passed her an asari styled mug of tea and then kava to both the men. Garrus had taken a seat on the workbench and Sensat stood in front of him, a critical eye following his scars. 

The youngest turian then pulled out a measuring tape which she used to check his sizing. Her eyes were wide as she moved around him but she didn’t make a sound even as she noted the size and position of the lashings across his back. 

Sensat’s evaluation was a little more tactical than strictly necessary. He didn’t stop in his motions until he came to the centre of his keel. There he pulled at the bandage and eyed the metal ring critically, “It’s a steel alloy. I’ve got bolt cutters. Want that off?”

“Be nice. Yeah.” 

He moved to his tool chest and grabbed out a nasty looking tool with a long lever arm and sharp blade. He took a long swig from his mug before passing the tool to Lena. “The plate wall has healed already so you’ll have to get a synthetic filler. But it is strong enough to withstand moderate wear until you get that done.”

Lena had switched places with her father, Sensat took hold of Garrus from behind keeping his arms well out of reach of the tool. She slid the blades into place and rotated the tool so it was flush against his good shoulder. She stood to his left and with force greater than a small turian should have she pulled the lever closed and the ring sheared off. Garrus managed to hold his tongue but jerked and pulled against Tex.

When the other turians backed off Garrus let out the breath he was holding and swore loudly. At Shepard’s quick glance towards Lena he shook it off and chuckled mildly, “She’s heard worse than that Shepard, probably says worse than that too. Right Lena?”

The girl smiled, showing off her teeth, “Damn right.” 

“Yes my daughter’s spent too much time around me and her uncle I’m afraid. It also means she’s the second most skilled armorsmith in the system.” He turned to her, “And that means she still has to listen to her papa and get the suit out of storage.”

Her mouth quirked in agitation, “Fine. I won’t be second most skilled for long though! I’ve got a few years left to figure it out!” With that she scampered off towards the back room and came out a few moments later with a box on a dollie. “Here it is! Papa let me built it.” 

“It’s her first heavy suit Gabriel, so it will need some adjustments once you’ve got it on.” 

“You’re going to be wearing an original Sensat product,” Lena stated proudly. “Strong, lightweight, built in monitoring system, medi-gel delivery, it’s fully syncable with your visor too.”

Tex started unpacking the case and Garrus began the process of armoring up. Shepard sat quietly sipping at her tea as the turians worked. She’d seen Garrus gear up numerous times but never really watched him do it. He was meticulous, even without proper use of his right hand. The boots and pants went on easy, they fit nearly perfect against his legs and required only minor adjustments. 

The chestplate was a different story though, the bulky piece needed to be settled into place by Sensat and immediately Shepard could tell it was uncomfortable. It was on hardly more than a minute before Garrus couldn’t handle the weight. Tex lifted it off and the relief was immediately apparent. “Thanks,” he mumbled rolling out his shoulder.

Lena didn’t let that change her pace though and she continued her work with his gauntlets and left arm. “I’ll attach the right side, let me know if you need me to stop. Ok?” she asked gently. With his nod she kept working, ignoring the tremble of his injured limb. “I’ll add some reinforcements into this side during my final adjustments. Are they grafting synthetics or waiting for new growth?”

“Synthetics.” He replied shortly, suppressing a wince as she tightened the shoulder pauldron on his right side. “Sensat, any recommendations?”

He looked up from where he knelt checking his daughter's work, “Depends, why are they using synthetic? Time or injury?”

“Combination... ahh, fuck,” he hissed. Lena squeaked an apology and started to remove the piece of armor she was trying to get settled on his lower back. “No, keep going. We’re only here a week, need to get this done.”  

“That’s enough to keep her busy until you get those plates fitted. Come on back the day after surgery and we’ll fit the rest.” Tex turned to the Commander, “That alright with you?”

She nodded, “That’s fine. I’ll make sure he gets here. Garrus?”

The turian’s eyes were closed and he was leaning heavily against the workbench on his good arm. He took a moment to respond, “Yeah. Fine.” He cleared his throat, “Just get it off.”

Shepard had never seen a turian become unarmored so fast. Each item was removed and stowed back in the crate at high speed with Garrus doing little more than turning around. She tell the second the relief set in, as his shoulders relaxed and the tension dropped from his face. He sat heavily on a nearby stool and grabbed his kava, the beverage seemed to calm his nerves too. “Is there anything else you need before we head out?” Jane asked.

“Naw, you’re good to go. Looks like Gabriel… I mean Garrus, here could use a little downtime. Make sure they give you quality plates, eh? Don’t let them do the  _ plastikos  _ shit on you. It’ll look nicer but it breaks easier than a kid’s plates.”

Without removing the mug from his mouth he responded, “Got it.” Shepard knew he was hiding a grimace behind the cup. So she brought the attention back onto herself.

“So... think I could make a couple more orders?”

+-+-+-

They took the trip back to the Normandy slowly. There was little else to get done today so they had the time and it seemed like Garrus could use it. She could see the light sheen of sweat on his neck and would bet good money that it had also started pooling in between his plates. She knew how uncomfortable he’d be even though he wouldn’t say a word on the subject.

When the arrived at the taxi stand she called the cab then turned to him, “We can head back if you’re ready.”

He shook his head, “Need a few things first. Is that alright?”

“Of course,” she smiled at him and hopped into the waiting cab. He followed her and typed in an address before sitting back. “You seem to know your way around here quite well.”

“Not really,” he tapped his visor, “I just have a solid extranet connection.” He settled back into his seat a little further, not quite relaxed but at least he was letting the tension bleed off. “Need to get an omni-tool, a few supplies, nothing special really.”

Shepard readjusted in her seat, seeing as Garrus was relaxing she might as well. The trip was obviously going to be a ways and seeing as they were in civis it was easier to get comfortable. Her thigh pressed against his and when he made no move against it she left it there, it felt good to be close to him, whatever they were to each other. 

After a few quiet minutes the turian stretched out and left his good arm over the seatback behind the Commander. Without really thinking about it she nuzzled in closer to his chest, pressing into the warmth he provided. Her arm slid into the space between his lower back and the seat in order to make herself more comfortable. He tensed slightly but didn’t object.

“Is this ok?” she mumbled quietly. 

“Yeah…” he breathed. “It’s nice.” Slowly Garrus slid his arm down to sit over her shoulders and he pulled her a little tighter to his side. “It’s good.”

“What about this?” Shepard asked as she ran her free hand up his chest to trace soft lines across his neck and face. His eyes closed as her fingers traced the lines of his faded colony paint and proceeded to melt in her hands. “Or this?” she said as she turned to place her knees on the bench seat, one between his knees and the other outside his thigh so she straddled his left leg. 

He leaned forwards and pressed his forehead to hers. She applied the same pressure back and her eyes closed while her hands found their back of his neck. Fingers started to massage the ache away and he groaned. His free hand pulled her hips in closer and he dropped his mouth to her neck, ever so gently he nipped and licked at the junction of her neck and shoulder. The human moaned and tilted her head to allow him better access. He greedily took advantage and caused her to apply her massage a little rougher. Against her will her hips reacted and she jerked against him. Garrus didn’t seem to mind though as he didn’t waver.

His hand grasped her hips and she could feel the talons through her shirt and his gloves. He wouldn’t rip through his gloves, she knew that, but it didn’t change the slight edge it added to the interaction. That slight bit of danger, the thrill. 

The young Vakarian soon grew impatient and tried to pull his arm from its sling, it was definitely a two handed job and he was stuck. His growl of frustration was met with her laugh and she unclipped the silly thing for him. Without warning he wrapped his bad arm around her back and with a flip of his hips she was left on her back on the seat. 

Shepard’s undignified squeak aside their situation was becoming heated quickly. Garrus leaned over her and continued his work on her throat while pulling at her tunic with his free hand. For her part Jane had wrapped her legs around his waist and pulled him closer, one hand helping with her buttons, the other untucking his shirt. 

Everything was going so well until her hand touched the bare skin of his waist, he froze up immediately. Shepard froze a half second after he did and for a solid minute the only sounds in the cab were their panting breaths. Carefully he pulled back and Shepard released his waist, pushing herself up in her seat. 

“Garrus…”

“Jane...”

They both said at once. She gestured for him to continue, “I… I want to… I want this.” He motioned between them, “I just…”

She smiled a little sadly, “I do too, but when you’re ready. This is a lot to process. We’ve got time.” 

“Fuck! I’ve wasted enough time already. I want this. I want you. But I just can’t, damn it!” He growled low in his throat and slammed his hand into the seat cushion. “I don’t want to waste any more time.”

“Hey,” she placated and moved to sit beside him. “I’m not going anywhere this time. Let’s just get through this week. I’ll do some… research. And we’ll find a way to make this work.”

“Didn’t know you had a thing for men with scars,” he responded a little lighter than before.

She laughed, “I have a thing for you Vakarian. There’s no one I’d rather have at my side going into hell all over again.”

“You realise this has me walking into hell too right?” he laughed. Then more seriously said, “There is nowhere I would rather be.”

 

+-+-+-+-

The next few days passed in a flurry of activity. Samara was brought onto the team, albeit through a difficult series of events and a caveat that Shepard didn’t exactly want to agree to. Miranda’s sister was transferred to a new home far away from the clutches of her father and the sisters even had a chance to meet for the first time.

Garrus had his appointment with the turian doctor, his plates were set and new ones added to cover the healing flesh of his shoulder and chest. Even a non turian would be able to tell that they were synthetic plates by the look of them but they were as strong as his own and that meant more than aesthetics for a soldier. Not that he was much to look at now with half his face and his arm mangled.

With his new omni tool setup he was able to garner a little more information about his old teammate. He ran through the turian’s vitals before he left the station and noticed he hadn’t been in distress, nor had he been knocked out. With a bit more scrolling he realised that all of his financial accounts had been cleared out just after he’d made his distress call to Garrus.

The longer he stared at that information the angrier he got. No longer was Sidonis the victim. Quickly he became Judas… the traitor… if one were to continue with Archangel’s chosen lore. He pulled up a few messages from his contacts, all pointed to the same thing, Sidonis was alive and he’d betrayed them.

Unknown to Shepard, this was the main reason he was keeping more distance from her since the cab incident. Garrus slept in the medical bay and Shepard alone in her cabin. They still stole moments together but the turian was reluctant to let the human in. Reluctant to talk. He was content with fleeting touches and Shepard allowed him to take the lead on this. 

The day before they were scheduled to leave the port Vakarian had received a call from Sensat that his armor was ready for his final fitting. He and Shepard departed the Normandy early in the morning, him in civi’s and her in armor. They planned to make a stop on their way back to see Liara, the asari needed help with some kind of tech job and Shepard figured that Garrus would have a better time with it then she would.

“Jane! Mr. Garrus. Nice to see you both,” Lena greeted as they entered the shop. The young turian was practically bouncing in her anticipation. “It’s all set for you, I just need you to suit up and I’ll test it.”

“You go Garrus, I’ll settle up with Ms. Sensat while you get ready.” He nodded and headed towards the workshop where Tex was waiting. The women quickly completed the hefty credit transaction, Shepard adding on a little extra for the rush making the young turian’s eyes grow big. “That armor saved his life. This is the least I can do, I owe you and your father his life.”

She rubbed the back of her head and smiled shyly, “You don’t owe us anything. Gabriel… I mean Garrus gave my uncle a second chance. He was sick but Garrus took care of him, gave him a purpose. In the end that’s all that matters.”

“You’re mature much too far beyond your years,” Jane complimented. “Now about my other orders, will you be able to manage?”

“Oh yes. It will be done next time you come back to Illium. That or we can deliver it to the Citadel like we did for Lantar.” Shepard’s eyebrow rose in question and the young turian continued, “One of Mr. Archangel’s team contacted us yesterday and asked us to send his order to the Citadel. Papa thought it was a little strange since we thought they were all gone but apparently he survived too. We thought you’d know.” 

Garrus appeared in the doorway from the backroom, pants already on and a piece of his new shoulder pauldron in his talons, “know what?”

Lena looked at her feet, “Lantar contacted us. Said he needed his backup suit sent to the Citadel.”

Tex stepped up behind Garrus and clasped a massive hand over his good shoulder, “I spoke with him, he said he needed it and I wasn’t one to argue with the man. Sounded tired. Maybe even a little afraid. He wouldn’t say much just that he was sorry for what happened to Vex.”

Vakarian was quiet for another moment before he found his words, “Does he know I’m alive?”

“As far as I know? No. he thinks you’re just as dead as the rest of them. He didn’t sound right Garrus. Something you know that we don’t?”

He let out a breath, “He’s a traitor. Sold the rest of us out to save his own skin.” 

Shepard couldn’t contain her gasped expletive, “Fucking hell. That can’t be…”

“Oh it is Shepard. He lured me away, cleared out his accounts and fled Omega. Left the team to the mercs and me to be ambushed upon my return. I thought he’d been captured, not that he’d given us up willingly.” His hands clenched into fists at his sides, “I’ve got all the proof I need to know that barefaced bastard betrayed us all and now I’ll make sure he pays. He owes me ten lives and I plan to collect.”

“Want me to cancel his armor shipment?” Tex asked.

“No. I need his location, can you give me the tracking information?” 

“Of course, Lena pull it up for him. He may as well have killed Vex with his bare hands, spirits. I’m sorry Garrus.” He squeezed the shorter man’s shoulder once more before he released it, “You’ll get him back for this.”

Lena cut in, “He wanted it to be inconspicuous so it’s on a long haul transport with three stops before it reaches the Citadel. Estimated arrival is in twelve standard days. I’ve sent the information to you.” 

The young Vakarian closed his eyes and took a deep breath, “I can’t believe he’d continue to reap the benefits of being on my team after he fucked us over…” he slammed his empty fist into the doorjamb and roared with frustration. “Damn it!”

Shepard moved to stand in front of him, she placed a hand on his chest and pressed lightly. “Sensat, can we use the workshop for a moment?”

“Of course,” he gingerly stepped around them and moved behind the front desk with his daughter. “Take the time you need.”

Garrus turned on heel and stormed into the empty workshop. Shepard followed and closed the door behind herself. She sat herself down on the main workbench stool and let him pace for a few minutes. She’d known him long enough to know he wouldn’t stop until he was ready to. 

Finally he came to a halt just past her, his back a solid wall between them. “I was going to tell you,” he said. “Didn’t find the right time.”

“When did you find out?” 

He deflated a little, “I didn’t know what had happened to him until I got my visor back. Even then it was just a possibility that he was still alive since his tracker bugged out when he left the system. I found out he betrayed us once I installed my new omni tool. His accounts were cleared, his vitals were stable, I got reports he left on a Blue Suns transport voluntarily.”

“Maybe he was coerced?” she tried.

“Coerced my ass. He made me a promise Jane.” He rounded on her, the look in his eyes an unreadable mess of anger and fear and sadness, “He was the first to join up, he knew the risks, hell he ASKED to join. Damn it. I should never have let them join me it was my fucking suicide, it shouldn’t have been their murder.”

Jane’s face fell a little, her expressive human face having trouble hiding her sadness. She was about to say something but stopped. There was nothing she could say. Not really.

“Don’t pity me Shepard. I don’t want it,” Garrus said with a vicious edge to his voice.

She shook her head, “You mistake me. I don’t pity you Garrus. I could never do that. I feel badly, yes, but don’t ever think I would pity you. You are the strongest man I know, nothing will ever change how I feel. You couldn’t have seen this coming. This is his mistake, not yours. The team knew the risks...”

“Of course they knew the risks, they knew they were all going to make Omega their graves but that doesn’t mean they should have died like that. You didn’t see them Shepard, I was there. I watched as the life drained from their faces. The mercs mangled them. I wasn’t strong enough to save them.”

She stepped up in front of him again and pulled him into a hug, he was thrown a little off balance by it but after a few stunned seconds he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. “Killing Sidonis won’t bring them back Garrus. But if that’s what it takes… we’ll get him.”

“I know it won’t. But a clean death is more than he deserves but my team deserves that last bit of justice.” He pulled away and headed to the workbench with his remaining armor pieces. “I want to get off this planet. Can you get Sensat?”

She hesitated a moment but eventually went to the door and ushered the other turians back in. This conversation wasn’t over by a long shot but it was obvious they needed a break. So she sipped quietly on a cup of tea while Lena and Tex suited her partner up and adjusted the custom suit to fit his needs. 

Garrus held the armor well this time, not hesitating over parts or wincing when something settled onto his shoulders and back. The Sensats were quiet as they worked. Only breaking the tense air when required. When he finally settled the helmet over his face he turned to her, “What do you think?” he asked, his voice coming out distorted from the suit’s speaker. It was obvious he was a turian male but his particular tone was lost as the octave dropped and the gravelly inflection was increased.

“Looks good. But can you turn that distorsion off?”

He flicked a few keys on his omnitool, “Better?” he asked in his normal voice.

She smiled, “Much. Ready to hack some terminals?” Shepard tried for levity.

“Yeah, I’ve got your six Shepard. Thank you Lena, Tex.” He patted the girl on the head before clasping arms with her father. “I’ll update you when I can.”

Lena spoke up after, “Send me notes about it’s performance will you?” At his nod she smiled with all her teeth showing and Shepard laughed.

“You come back if something isn’t to your liking. That or we’ll come to you if you need it.” The elder turian paused a moment before choosing his words, “You give that bastard hell for me when you see him.”

“You know I will.”

+-+-+-

 

It turned out that the  _ Observer  _ was Liara’s assistant. The little blue bitch had been leaking information directly to the Shadow Broker and Liara didn’t hesitate to take care of the problem. By the time the doctor met up with them in her office there wasn’t a trace of the woman left. The only hint that she’d even had an assistant was an empty desk outside.

“Thank you for the help Shepard. I couldn’t have done that without you,” she said sitting down at her desk.

The Commander shook her head, “It was actually Garrus. He’s a bit more of a tech head than I am, and hacking isn’t exactly my forte.”

“I’ll say,” the turian mumbled and Jane threw him a mock glare.

“Well then, thank you Garrus.” Her tone was pleasant but dismissive towards her former teammate. “I’m glad you are doing better, Shepard mentioned what happened on Omega.” He stiffened but didn’t rise to her bait, she hadn’t been too impressed to see Shepard had brought him along and was being rather curt with him. 

“Enough about that,” he said before changing the subject. “How is it an archaeologist becomes an information broker?”

“Oh many of the skills are quite transferable. That combined with my mother’s influence was enough to get me started and well,” she gestured around her office, “It seems that I’m good at it.”

Garrus huffed a laugh, “Except for the spy.”

The asari rolled her eyes, the human expression cemented into her from her year on the Normandy. “Yes except for that.” She turned to the Commander who had been watching the exchange with a keen eye, “I actually wanted to discuss something with you, do you mind if we speak in private?”

She shrugged, “Anything you can say to me you can say to Garrus too. He’ll just hear it from me later.”

Her mouth quirked into a frown, “Really Shepard. It would be best if we could just discuss this alone.” Her eyes drifted from the Commander to the vigilante, “It’s a private matter.”

He shook his head, “I’ll be waiting outside Shepard.” He stood to make his leave, “It was nice seeing you Liara. Thanks for that referral.”

“Of course.”

Garrus left the women to their conversation and headed out into Nos Astra. He figured now was as good a time as he was going to get and he headed to the nearest Sirta Foundation stall. After a quick negotiation he managed to get access to some of the less than legal items the vendor offered. He completely refilled his stimulant supplies and ensured he had enough painkillers to get through some of the worse nights. 

Thus far Chakwas had been supplying him with enough pain medication to keep him from needing to self medicate but he didn’t think it would be long before she started cutting back on him. He wasn’t too sure how he was going to administer stims seeing as he could barely keep his hand from shaking as he took the package from the asari shopkeeper. But he could almost guarantee he’d need them once the missions started. 

Living on Omega for over two years would do that to you.

He was on his way back to Liara’s office when he caught the flickering light on his visor informing him the com channel had been reactivated. Without a second thought he flicked it on and was about to respond when he realised Shepard was in the middle of a sentence,  _ “...between you and the Shadow Broker?” _

T’Soni’s replied,  _ “Did Cerberus ever tell you how they recovered your body?” _ She paused and he stopped at the foot of the stairs, Shepard apparently wanted him to hear the conversation but didn’t want him to interfere.  _ “I gave it to them. I gave you to them, Shepard.” _ His jaw dropped and he had to lean against the wall to keep from dropping to the floor. He tuned back in,  _ “said they could rebuild you and to do that I had to take it from the Shadow Broker who was going to sell your corpse to the collectors.” _

_ “Why didn’t you tell me about this before now?”  _ he wasn’t sure what Shepard was feeling at the moment, he couldn’t tell from her voice as her Commander’s mask was firmly in place.

_ “Because I screwed it up Shepard.” Fuck yes you did _ , he growled to himself.  _ “I barely escaped with my own life. And when I gave you to Cerberus I told myself that I was doing it for you, for a chance to bring you back.” _ She paused to take a breath, _ “But I knew Cerberus would use you for their own business. I let it happen. Because I couldn’t let you go. I’m sorry.” _

Silence permeated the com line for a stiff minute. He couldn’t hear anything save the Commander’s breaths. 

_ “Shepard, talk to me?” _

Jane huffed,  _ “Why should I? You gave my body to the enemy Liara. You do remember those sick experiments they were conducting don’t you?”  _ Her anger started to show through,  _ “You realise that now  _ **_I’m_ ** _ one of those experiments now, don’t you?” _

_ “But… I just wanted… I didn’t think….” _

_ “That’s right. You didn’t think, did you? Couldn’t just leave me dead. Fuck.”  _ She took a few deep breaths. When she finally responded her voice was much more civil, _ “No matter how fucked up it is I guess you did the right thing Liara. My mission is too….” _

Garrus couldn’t listen to it anymore and he fingered the off key. He needed a stiff drink, maybe something more, but for now a drink would do. There was a club nearby and he headed straight there. Shepard forgave Liara, just like that, as if she hadn’t given her body to those twisted bastards. He couldn’t take it.

The Darkstar lounge had a quiet enough corner for him to sit in peace. He’d barely sat down before a waitress appeared and took his order. Her eyes lingered a little too long on his scars but he ignored her, the asari either had a thing for krogan or was playing her morbid curiosity off as attraction. His cheap drink arrived and he downed it without tasting it, she immediately took the glass and his order of something a little nicer. He didn’t mean to get drunk, he just needed to take the edge off. 

Garrus wasn’t too far into his second drink by the time Shepard entered the bar. She looked tired and concerned. It didn’t take her more than one solid scan of the bar for her to find him, he wasn’t hiding from her. He just needed a minute to gain some perspective. The Commander ran into his waitress of the way to his table and ordered something he couldn’t hear. 

As she slid into the booth her drink order arrived. “Vakarian.”

“Shepard.”

“So when did you close the channel?” she asked.

“After you forgave her. I couldn’t listen to it. Spirits… it’s just...” he let out a frustrated rumble. 

Jane sighed, “Yeah. I feel the same way. But it’s over now. No use harbouring ill feelings, I am alive because of her stupid decisions and fucking creepy obsession I guess. Plus we need her resources.” She shrugged and chuckled slightly, “I attract all the crazies.”

He couldn’t help the slight lilt of his good mandible, “I resemble that remark you know.” Shepard slid a little closer to him, “It’s just a lot to take in.” They were quiet for a moment before he spoke again, “I saw her once while I was on Omega.”

“Oh?” the human asked around a sip of her equally strong beverage. 

“Yeah. She was with a drell and was in some trouble with a bunch of Blue Suns Mercs. It was just after I’d arrived on the station, I just happened to be in the right place at the right time. I doubt she even knows it was me but I took them out and let her escape. I don’t know why… It seemed like something fishy was going on but I never pursued it.

“I’m sorry Shepard. If I had paid more attention then maybe it wouldn’t have gone down like this.” He closed his eyes and pinched the plate between his eyes to try and stem the growing headache. “If I had talked to her maybe I could have convinced her to let you stay dead, give your body to the Alliance or just give you a proper burial. But knowing what I know now? I don’t know if I would have stopped her. Shepard, I’m sorry,” he said again.

He looked up as she placed a hand on his and pulled it away from his face. “I know exactly how you feel. I didn’t want to die but once I woke up I didn’t want to be alive. Fuck, it’s complicated. Let’s just leave it there? I don’t know if I’ll ever really forgive Liara, and I don’t expect you to either but let’s maybe enjoy what came of it, yeah?”

“Yeah. I’ll drink to that.” He raised his glass and clinked it with hers. “Now let’s get the fuck off this planet.”

Shepard laughed, “Sounds like a plan. Just one thing I need first. I owe the good doctor a bottle of something expensive.”

+-+-+-+

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If only we had self-driving taxicabs now! It'd be so much less traumatizing for my cab drivers...
> 
> Fanfiction recommendation: Super Psycho Love by ninalanfer . https://archiveofourown.org/works/1995147 . Kryterius!


	7. Chapter 7 - Midnight Attention

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A quiet night on the Normandy turns out to be a little more breathtaking than originally planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one gets a little more and then a little less steamy. Hope you like it.
> 
> Loving the comments, please keep them up! My editing goes so much faster with encouragement. ;)

When they arrived back to the ship the CIC deck was quiet again, the evening shift was just about finished and many crew members had already headed down to dinner. Joker greeted them from his ever present location on the flight deck and EDI confirmed that everyone was aboard. “We’re ready to depart whenever you give the word, Shepard.”

“Thanks Jeff. Begin the disembarkment procedure, it’s time to go get Tali.”

“You got it.”

Garrus waited in the elevator for the Commander. He caught the Yeoman, Kelly, sneaking looks at him but he wasn’t sure if they were because she was curious or afraid or just intrigued. It was uncomfortable to say the least. She finally snapped out of it as the Commander passed, “No new messages for you Commander.”

Shepard sighed, “I told you Kelly. I can check my own mail.”

“Of course Commander,” she deflated a little but the taller woman ignored her and stepped into the elevator beside him. She hit the key for the crew deck and leaned back with a groan. 

“I keep telling that girl to find something more productive to do but she always let me know when I’ve got messages. As if I can’t see that damn flashing light on my omni-tool.” She shook her head, “Anyways. Dinner then maybe you can come up tonight?”

He hummed in response, “Yeah. I could do that, you sure you want me up there?”

“Of course. I’ve missed you these last few days. Plus…” she drifted off before finishing with, “nevermind.”

Garrus cocked his head to the side, “What is it Shepard?” His hand settled on her shoulder, “Spirits know today was hard enough.”

“We’re just heading back into space. That’s all. It makes me a little edgy these days.” She shrugged his hand off and stepped up to the door as the elevator doors began to open, “It’s stupid but the void got me once and I’d rather it not get me again.”

Vakarian followed Shepard out into the mess and as he passed her on the way to the refrigeration unit he said very quietly, “I’m here this time,” then went about making his meal.

They ate in near silence with the late comers to dinner. Quiet conversations passed between the remaining crew members but no one attempted to engage either the Commander or her silent, intimidating meal partner. Shepard finished with her usual military efficiency and made herself a cup of tea and him the dextro equivalent while he finished his own. He was still getting used to his reconstructed jaw and that tended to slow him up.

Shepard had found that he could handle warm liquids just fine and immediately stocked up on all of the required ingredients for a few different turian tisanes and kava combinations. It was a silly little gesture but he seemed to appreciate it as she saw him making beverages for himself once he realised they were in the cupboard. Chakwas had even removed the intravenous line the day prior since he’d finally hydrated himself properly after nearly a week of daily fluid injections. He stood up and crossed to the kitchen, disposing of the packaging from his meal and taking his mug, “Ready?” she asked.

“Just need to grab a few things. I’ll be up soon,” he replied and passed her the mug as he headed for the main battery where he’d stored his things.

She smiled and headed for the elevator. He wouldn’t be long if he gave her that mug, Shepard had made what she figured was his favorite flavour of tisane considering there were a number of packets missing from the cupboard. When she arrived in her cabin she placed the mugs on her coffee table and quickly removed her armor, she hadn’t needed to do any fighting today so she stored it directly in the case by her bedside.

After that she pulled on some comfortable pants and plopped herself down on the couch with a datapad, sipping at her own drink. She went over the dossier that Cerberus had provided them with for both Tali and the planet she was currently working on. It sounded like a nasty place.

Garrus appeared a few minutes later, still in armor but he had a small bag settled over his good shoulder. He’d dropped the sling two days prior but he was still tending to favour his injured side. “Hey,” she greeted with a smile, “you can use the desk down here for your things, I have no idea why Cerberus thought I needed two but anyways, might as well use it.”

“Thanks,” he descended the short staircase and crossed to the smaller desk, picking up his mug on the way. Slowly but surely he began to remove the metal and ceramic coverings. He meticulously checked each piece as it  came off before settling it on the desk. 

Shepard went back to finishing the dossier until she heard a sharp intake of breath and a grunt of pain followed up the sounds of metal clanging as it hit the edge of the desk and settled onto the floor. In seconds she was up and had moved to him. Before she could speak he brushed her off, “I’m fine.” The still injured turian turned away from her, “Just give me a minute.”

“Garrus let me help you.” She insisted. He ignored her and threw off his gauntlets with a growl. “Today was hard; let me take some of the weight. Please.”

He sighed and turned back to her, “Yeah ok.”  As Garrus turned he took a breath and closed his eyes, he didn’t need to see the look on her face to know she wouldn’t be impressed with the sticky blue blood clotting under his shoulder guard.

She whistled low, “That doesn’t look so good big g… I mean Garrus.”

He shrugged with a single arm as had become habit and opened his eyes. “Good news is the medigel dispenser works. I didn’t feel a thing until that pauldron came off.”

Shepard shook her head and helped him lift the last few pieces of his armor off of his torso. When she was done she took a step back and pulled the desk chair out, “Sit down for a minute and I’ll grab the medkit.” He looked like he was about to protest so she threatened him with Chakwas and that shut him up fairly quick.

When she returned he’d removed his boots and had opened the closures on his undersuit, the black fabric hung open, loose at the waist and over his left shoulder. “Need help to pull the damn thing off,” he said tugging at the loose fabric.

“Of course,” she left him to take the lead and he pulled it up over his head with his good arm and she took it from him when he reached the end of his flexibility and slid the sleeve off of his bad arm. The blood seemed to be coming from under one of the newly installed prosthetic plates. “Maybe I should get Karin…” Shepard began.

“No,” he responded a little too quickly. “Mephran said this might happen, its superficial damage. She won’t do anything over what I’m doing now. Just give me the medigel and I’ll be fine.”

Shepard reluctantly agreed and took a damp cloth to the mess. She ignored his muffled groan, knowing he wouldn’t want her to bring attention to it. Once it was clean she took the medigel container from him and carefully applied a thin layer over the wound followed by a gauze bandage. “There. Better?”

“Much. I just need to get used to it, that’s all.”

“I understand. But are you sure you didn’t feel that at all? It looked pretty gnarly.”

He seemed to think for a minute before finding his answer, “It hasn’t stopped hurting Shepard. I didn’t notice it got worse, that’s all. It isn’t important.” He lifted his good mandible in an approximation of a sad smile, “I’ll get there Jane. It’s just taking longer than I want it to.”

“You need to tell me when you’re hurting Garrus. I need you, and I can’t have you hiding things like this from me,” she gestured to the bloody undersuit before turning her gaze back to him and his suddenly very naked chest. All of his bandages were gone. Shepard’s eyes traced the scars from his prosthetic plates to the uneven gouges left on his lower abdominal plates. Her eyes stayed there are narrowed slightly as she tried to figure out what could have made them. His arms quickly moved to cover himself. “Garrus…” she started.

But the turian shook his head, stood up and tried to back away only to be stopped by the chair which toppled over. He half tripped but caught himself on the edge of the desk. “Give me back my shirt,” his voice wavered, “Just give it to me.” He reached out and grabbed the bloody garment before backing into the corner. He slid down the wall and clutched it against his chest. The scars covered once again.

“Garrus…” she tried but he shook his head and sequestered himself into the corner, drawing in further. “You don’t have to tell me what happened. But if you want to I’m here.” Shepard lifted the chair back up and keeping a decent distance between them she sat down on the floor kitty-corner to him to him against the bed. “They are just scars Garrus. It’s ok.”

He was quiet for a minute before he seemed to gain his bearings back, “These ones aren’t just scars Shepard. They’re a reminder.” Her head cocked to the side in question and he continued, “Of what they did. Of what I let them do. They’re sign of my own weakness.”

“Maybe they are a reminder, but not of weakness G. Think of them more as a map of the things you survived, a badge of honour.”

He let out a sharp laugh and it made her jump. His voice dropped an octave and it was rougher as he replied, “There is no honour in what happened. For me or them. Fuck. I don’t know how long I can keep doing this.” He shook his head vigorously.

Jane still didn’t quite understand what had happened but she did understand he felt like it was his fault and that what he wasn’t sure he could do much longer was live. She needed him, but she needed him at full strength. Not like this. Like this he was a danger to her and her team. Shepard wasn’t sure how she was going to do it but she needed to get Vakarian out of this dark place. Needed to convince him that he hadn’t deserved what the mercs had done to him and that it wasn’t his fault that his team had died.

“Let me see,” she said gently.

He looked up a little stunned, “What?”

“Let me see,” Shepard repeated. “I want to see you.” She slowly moved across the floor to kneel in front of him until he relaxed a little. “It’s just you and me. You removed the bugs and cameras yourself; you know it’s just us now. Let me see you Garrus.”

Reluctantly he moved his knees apart so she could slide forwards in-between them. She took his face in her hands and pressed her forehead to his like he’d done in the cab and medical bay. His eyes slid closed and he relaxed into her, the tension dropped from his shoulders as her thumbs caressed his face. When he seemed to have calmed enough she pressed her lips to his in a human kiss, though she didn’t linger long or push for more it lit a bit of a spark under her.

His eyes were glued to her face as she took stock of him. Her eyes meticulously drew down the length of each scar on his face and neck. Soon her hands followed behind. Touching each and every mark on his plates and skin. She was gentle over the ones which were still raw but didn't leave them out. Even over the large bandage she drew her fingers down and he flinched away. 

"It's ok Garrus. I'm not going anywhere. Just let me see you. You can't scare me off." 

Shepard eventually finished with his good side and slid her soft hands over the synthetic plates covering his right side. The sensation was odd, nearly non existent really. He could feel the light pressure but not her hand on him. It was strange. Eventually her persistence wore on him and he dropped his guard. His hands falling between his legs to only cover those odd gouges on his lower abdomen.

Shepard took this as an invitation and began to trace the lines of his chest. Over the slightly off colour filler that covered the awful piercing in his chest before drifting lower to the top of his sensitive waist. The track lines there were nearly gone but she drifted over them lightly as to leave nothing out. When she reached his bloody shirt she carefully extracted it from his grip and placed it behind herself. 

By now his breathing was shallow, as though he was some kind of beast coming down from an adrenaline rush. He breathed his words more than said them, "Shepard. It's bad." He tightened his grip on his stomach. 

Jane's hands ran across the exposed skin at the top of his hips, "I know. But you have to trust me." She gave him another moment before continuing her movements and taking a gentle hold of his hands. "Look at me," she said and paused until he did. "I'm not going anywhere." 

That finally did it and he let her move his arms as he shut his eyes tight and looked away. He couldn't bear to watch her face drop. He couldn't bear that shame too. 

Her face did drop but it wasn't in pity or disgust. Just sadness and regret as she finally had all the pieces come together in her head. 

Her best friend had been raped.

That morbid little light bulb in her brain finally lit up. Shepard had figured it out. Why he flinches when she touches him. Why he is so jumpy. Why he cannot bear to let her see the scars. Why he freaked out over being called his old nickname. How the fuck could she have been so stupid?

"Garrus..." she began.

He cut her off, "I told you before I don't want your pity. Now you know." He pulled himself a little further into the wall causing another wince of pain as he put too much pressure against the wounds on his back. "Let me go." Jane didn't move, instead she placed her palm against his face. He didn't like it one bit. "Get off me," He demanded although he didn't make a move against her. This time pinned by her gaze instead of chains.

It took another minute before Jane realised what she was doing and backed off. "I'm sorry Garrus. I just don't know how to help you." 

He deflated again, as though the effort of getting her off had taken all his strength. "I wish I knew. Maybe I needed that. At least now you know my shame. I don't have to worry about you finding out because now you know. You know that I'm tainted."

"Garrus there is no shame in this, you survived. You aren't tainted or soiled or anything like that. Something horrible happened to you and that's the end of it. It doesn't change how I feel about you." 

He looked up and she took his face into her hands again. This time her eyes were wet with tears she held back. "Jane..." he whispered. 

"I think I love you Garrus," she said finally. He pulled her to his chest and let her cry into his shoulder as he keened into hers.

He pulled back enough to let his forehead press against hers. The tears stopped and soon her mouth was on his. The kiss sloppy at first but soon Garrus, ever the quick learner, picked it up and kissed her back. It was more a caress of tongues than a real kiss but it got a clear message across. They both needed a little relief. 

Garrus' hands were soon at the bottom of her shirt and he pulled it off. Now they were on a level playing field as she was just as bare as him from the waist up having not replaced her bra when she changed. His mouth moved to her shoulder like he'd do with a turian woman and he began to lick and nip at it. Ever so slowly increasing the pressure until he heard her moan out loud. He could feel the vibration in her throat and continued his work there while his hands held her close.

Shepard's hands moved around behind the turian’s head like she had done in the cab. One dug into the softer and more sensitive flesh there until he groaned against her skin. Her other hand traced a random pattern down his good arm where he could still feel the sensations. He began to get a little more frantic when she tried his chest instead and slowly moved down to stroke the skin on his waist. 

Her collarbone got the brunt of the bite and she gasped as he broke the skin. His teeth were like little needles but it didn't hurt terribly. In fact, in her hyper aroused state she actually moaned and tilted her head away to provide him better access. Once he realised she didn’t mind he continued his ministrations, albeit a little more gently than before. When her hands squeezed his waist he groaned low in his throat and held her tightly against himself. She took that as a good sign and worked her fingers into the tense muscles she found there.

“Ah… Shepard… mmm…” he moaned into her shoulder. He took a few breaths to try and steady himself but only wound up letting Shepard work him up even more. His hips thrust forwards against hers, “Shep… please...” 

She licked the sensitive skin on the side of his neck where his scaring edged out from under the bandages, “yes Garrus?” she mumbled against him.

“Stop. Please.”

Immediately the human commander stopped all her advances and pulled back, she tried to hide her hurt feelings but it seemed that they showed through a little too much as his face dropped upon seeing her mood darken. “What is it?” she asked after a moment.

He tried to steady himself but his words were still strained, “I want this. I want you. But I can’t… I… I can’t. Not yet. Too fast.”

“Of course,” she nodded. She was still upset but more for him than herself. She was pent up but could wait a little longer. She just hoped that he was alright. Shepard began to pull back out of his arms but he stopped her.

“Can I touch you?” he asked tentatively. 

She shook her head, “You don’t have to do that Garrus.”

“I want to. If you want me to I mean. You deserve a hell of a lot more than me but if you’ll have me I want to make you feel good, maybe make sure I still can.”

Her frown had slowly turned around as he spoke and she changed her tone almost immediately. “If you’re sure?” He nodded so she pulled back and moved to the bed, sitting down on the edge she beckoned him over. “Just tell me what you want me to do. I trust you and I’m not exactly the most subtle when I like something so you’ll know.”

That brought a laugh, “You could never be subtle Shepard.” He knelt down in front of her and drew her into another kiss. This time a little slower, a little more deliberate. His hands began to move on their own and he passed them over the bare skin of her shoulders, down her arms and up her back. He took note of the little shiver she gave as his talons left tiny white lines on her skin and the near silent hum she made when he brushed over the darker skin at the peaks of her breasts.

Garrus was as quick a study as ever as he honed in on her nipples, one he licked and very gently nipped while he pinched the other between his thumb and forefinger. He took heed of her quiet instruction, _not too hard_ , and had her panting within minutes. The skin of her waist was enticing and he couldn’t help but run the pads of his palms across it a few times before pulling at the waistband of her pants and panties. 

Shepard lay back on the bed and lifted her hips so he could pull the offending garments off to leave her completely bare. “Is this ok?” he asked her.

She nodded, “That’s what I should be asking you.” Her breaths came in shallow pants from the exertion, “Is there anything you want me to do, or not do for that matter?”

Garrus began licking his way down to her centre and hummed as he thought about it. “Just relax,” he said with a smile. Then he paused and more seriously said, “Just don’t hold me. I need to be in control of this.”

The Commander held her teammates gaze for a moment and nodded her understanding, her hands moved from the back of his head and good shoulder to wrap into the sheets. “I think I can manage.”

Instead of responding with words he made a slight grunt of acknowledgement as he began work on her left hip. His mouth nipped along the bone, slowly moving downwards towards her. His good hand rubbed the silky smooth skin of her thigh and slowly worked closer and closer to her centre. His bad arm he used to steady himself and Shepard took advantage of it after a particularly good tongue flick and took his hand into hers. 

“Ahg.. Oh… Garrus. Like that!” she whined. He couldn’t quite contain his smirk as he flicked the same spot again with his tongue. Whatever that little nub at the top of her opening was she seemed to like it when he played it it. “Don’t stop.”

He continued his work, his jaw started to cramp up a little but the little noises she made were worth every second of it. Soon he needed to use his good arm to hold her hips in place while he ate her out. His long dexterous tongue worked into her entrance, so much more open and willing than a turian female would be. Her fluids tasted sweet to him which was a welcome change from the last time he engaged in any sort of activity akin to this.

“Garrus, I’m… Oh yes!” she cried out and her hips rose against his arm as she came over the edge. Her right hand fisted into the sheets and she squeezed his hand right tightly with her left. When she came down Garrus was gently lapping at her clit again, eyes on hers, helping her ride out the last waves of her pleasure. “That was… wow.”

He pulled back and wiped his chin on the back of his hand. “Yeah.”

Shepard pulled herself into a sitting position and rested a hand on his good shoulder to steady herself. She looked at him, took in his expression, his body language. Every inch of him was screaming both exhaustion and pent up sexual frustration. His mouth hung open in a slight pant, his right arm quivered in anticipation, a light sheen of sweat had developed in between his plates. Everything was pointing to both of the most basic requirements, sleep and sex.

“Can I help you out now?” She asked. 

Garrus slid back, “No. I’m fine.” He carefully rose from his kneeling position on the floor only to need her help to stay upright as he wavered on his feet. Her look questioned him without words and he looked away from her gaze, “Stood up too fast, I think.” He took a few steadying breaths and tried to pull back from her but didn’t get very far before he stumbled over the dropped clothes on the floor.

“Garrus, sit down please.” This time he complied and let her guide him to the mattress. He leaned back against the wall and shut his eyes, “Maybe I should go get the doctor.”

“No. No more doctors, just need to sleep a little that’s all.” Garrus rested his head back against the headboard and within a few seconds his breaths started get a little shallower, a little more laboured. His head fell forwards as he tried to catch his breath, his hands moving to his chest as he tried to cough. “Can’t… can’t breathe,” he finally managed to wheeze.

“Oh god. Oh god! EDI!” the Commander yelled and barely waited for the little blue orb to appear before she all but yelled for the Doctor, “Get Chakwas, medical emergency. Garrus can’t breathe.”

“Right away Commander,” the AI responded. A moment later she appeared again, “The doctor is on her way…” after a few moments pause she added, “The Doctor has asked if he has ingested anything.”

“No. Nothing,” Jane responded as she pulled on her shirt and pants in no time flat and tried to remember what her first aid courses had said to do in these kinds of cases. Give her a bullet wound any day, but this wasn’t exactly her forte. “Try to take deep breaths for me, just like this in…. and out…” she tried to take a few breaths with him but he shook his head vigorously and wheezed out another breath and pointed to something on the floor behind her.

“What is it?” she asked a little stupidly before turning and seeing the open first aid kit from earlier. “Fuck, right.” She grabbed it and placed it on the bed beside him and he rifled through it throwing anything he didn’t need onto the floor. “The doctor will be here any minute, just hold on Garrus.”

He didn’t seem to be finding what he needed and whined loudly through his wheezing. “What can I do?” she asked. He seemed to suddenly got another idea and grabbed her shoulder, pulling her closer to himself. Once she was in arm’s reach he pointed to her shoulder then his mouth and back to her shoulder. It took a second but he saw the recognition on her face, “Oh fuck. My blood. You’re having an allergic reaction.” 

Garrus nodded once and through his panicked wheeze he tried to say something but it was lost as the translator couldn’t quite pick out what he was trying to say. Her door slid open to admit the frantic doctor who was across the room and at her patient’s side in seconds. “He ingested some of my blood,” Shepard said as she moved back to give the doctor room to work.

“He’s going into anaphylactic shock Commander. Get his attention and keep it on you, understood?”

Shepard quickly agreed and moved to sit on Garrus’ other side while the doctor prepared a shot of epinephrine. “Just focus on me, right here Garrus. Look at me, deep breaths. There we go, in and out.” She took his face in her hands to ensure that he couldn’t look at what the doctor was doing and forced him to breathe with her. She slid halfway in front of him so he didn’t need to turn so far, “Put your hands on my shoulders.” 

He did as asked and the doctor caught Jane’s eye and she nodded. She was about to inject the stimulant into him and all Jane could do was try to pull his attention away. “Look at me. It’s just us Garrus. Breathe for me.” He tensed up as he felt the needle pierce the skin of his waist but he made no move against the doctor. Karin pulled back and gave them a little space. “There, that’s it. You’ve got this under control now. Just breathe.”

A few more seconds of wheezing passed before he caught a full breath. Shepard saw the change when the stimulant hit his heart and spread through his system. His eyes widened and he jerked against her. His bad arm trembled and he pulled away. “That… that’s better,” the breath he held flowed out gently and he took a deeper one to try and pull more oxygen into his abused lungs. “Thanks,” the turian mumbled as his head fell back again, his eyes closed.

“I’m sorry. I don’t know what happened. One minute he was fine the next he couldn’t breathe. I didn’t know what to do,” the Commander admitted.

The doctor just shook her head and smiled a little sadly, “I should have warned you two. Garrus, your immune system was severely impacted during your incarceration. According to your C-Sec files you had a very minor Levo-Amino Acid sensitivity, nothing to worry about normally but you’ve had quite a big shock to your system and this adverse reaction is fallout from it. I expect that your body will readjust but not until you finish the course of anti-rejection medication for your synthetic plates and the antibiotics I prescribed.”

Karin turned to the Commander and explained that he’d need to rest for a few hours under supervision to ensure the symptoms don’t return but other than that he should be fine. “You’re going to be a little wired for an hour or two until the stimulant works into your system.”

He’d barely seemed to be paying attention during the doctor’s explanation but looked up, “Yeah. I know how these things work doc. Will you leave an extra? No need to wake you up again in a panic.”

“Yes, of course.” She pulled a second vial out of her medical bag and placed it on the bedside table. “You’ll need to inject it near where I did earlier. It’ll get to your heart faster and those veins are stronger than those in your neck and arm.” The explanation was a little unnecessary, he’d obviously used the drugs before but she did her due diligence nonetheless. “Until you test clean of the levo allergy I suggest you avoid oral contact with ah… bodily fluids.”

Jane’s face turned redder and she looked away. Garrus just shrugged and hummed an agreement. Karin moved to leave. “Thank you,” the turian said as she arrived at the bottom of the stairs. She paused and nodded once before heading out.

“Take care of each other,” she said as the door closed behind her.

Meanwhile Jane had knelt down to clean up the mess of medical supplies on the floor. “That could have gone worse,” she mumbled to herself.

Garrus laughed and tugged at the tag on the outside of her shirt, “I think this is supposed to be inside your shirt Shepard.” He chuckled a little louder at her expletive. “Oh come on Shepard. She knows I’ve slept up here. It isn’t much of a stretch to think that we might actually be ‘SLEEPING’ together too,” he used the air quotes like Spartacus had all those years ago.

She shoved his thigh, “Ass…” she whispered. 

“And you love it.”

Jane rolled her eyes, “You are right about that.” She closed the lid on the medkit and stood up to place it on her desk. Garrus followed her and took up a place at her back. He pressed against her and dropped his mouth to her shoulder. Around her moan she said, “Did you hit your head or something? You are allergic to me Garrus.”

He ignored her and pulled her shirt off again, pressing his naked chest against her back. Now free of obstruction one hand ran across the hem of her pants and the other lightly held her throat. “I’ll be more careful,” he purred into her ear. “Plus this time we’ve got a stim ready.” Her hips snapped back to his as he applied a little more pressure to her shoulder and she moaned. 

“Garrus…” she breathed. Then a little steadier she said, “You need to rest.” But she made no move to get him to released her. In fact her hands moved to touch him, one on the back of his head and the other on his still armored hip. Her pelvis ground into his.

“Won’t be able to sleep for a while,” he mumbled around her skin. “Need to do something productive. Do you want this?” he slipped a single talon under her pants and brushed her already aching centre.

“Oh fuck… yes Garrus I want you.” She writhed against him and he held her tight to his chest and stroked her clit slowly with the pad of his finger. “Mhmmm… Oh like that.”

He could feel his plates aching to part but he kept them closed. This was about making Jane feel good. Not about him. He wasn’t sure if he’d be able to perform anyways, and that was only if he didn’t panic which he couldn’t guarantee. 

He could feel her getting closer to her end and so he redoubled his efforts, one knuckle slid into her while he worked her with his thumb. She was so tight and warm and wet. He couldn’t stop the groan as she clenched around his finger. He could almost imagine how good that would feel around his member. It almost made him lose his calm but he held on through her second orgasm of the night.

Shepard fell limp against him, the flush across her cheeks a bright red. She let out a long sigh of relief, “That was amazing.” After a few moments she forced herself to take her own weight again and moved away from her friend. “Wow. Have you done that before?”

“Not quite like this,” he said. She turned to face him and pulled her pants back up from their location around her knees. “Mind if I use your shower?” She was a little thrown by the question but hesitantly agreed. “I just need to warm up a bit,” he tried to explain.

As he turned away she placed a hand on his arm, she could feel the tremor working through it. His plates were cooler to the touch now than before and at her questioning look he explained himself further with a sigh, “It’s the stim. It wasn’t much but now that I’ve worked off some steam I need to warm up.” 

“Of course,” she nodded. “Want me to join you?”

He had been removing the last of his armor but at her question he paused, “Sure. Give me a few minutes then come in.” Garrus headed for the stairs but stopped again at the top, “That helped Shepard. I don’t know why, but it did.”

Before she could respond he disappeared behind the bathroom door. Shortly after the water turned on and she could hear him move under the spray. At a loss for what to do she organized his armor on the desk and tidied up her things. When she figured it had been long enough she headed for the bathroom and knocked softly on the door, “Garrus, can I come in?”

“Yeah,” his muffled voice replied after a few tense seconds.

Shepard opened the door and immediately a large amount of steam billowed out. She stepped in quickly and shut the door to keep the heat in. He was standing under the stream, his back to her as he leaned against the wall and let the water hit his bowed head and shoulders. Through the mist she could see his smooth, slow breaths as his chest expanded and contracted. She felt like she was intruding. Like this was his quiet place and she’d stormed in on it.

“The water will be too hot for you still Shepard,” he said in that low voice that made her blood run a little hotter. He brought his hand back down to the temperature control and turned it down to a more reasonable temperature for her sensitive human skin, “Try it first.”

The Commander pulled her clothing off again and tossed it into her laundry shoot before touching the flow. It would still be a little hot for her but she could manage so she stepped closer to him, partly under the water. He seemed to get the strength to move again so he stood up and moved aside so that she could rinse. 

Tentatively she touched his chest, his plates almost too hot to touch now. “Is this ok?” she asked, “I don’t want to intrude.” His eyes were closed and he just nodded as he threaded his talons through her damp hair. 

She couldn’t stop the light moan of pleasure as his hand carded through her hair. “It’s darker than before,” he mumbled absentmindedly. “I don’t think I’ve seen it this long before.”

She smiled, “I haven’t had a chance to get it cut since Cerberus brought me back. You can’t really notice when it’s up.”

“I like it like this.” 

“I’ll leave it then,” she moved to her tiptoes and pulled him to to press her forehead to his. Without her boots on they were fairly varied in height, about a foot between them. “Can I help you at all?” she asked with her eyes shut as she moved to kiss him.

“Not like you want to help me I don’t think,” he kept his voice light but pulled back slightly. “I’m not ready for you to…” he stumbled over his words and she stepped in.

“Maybe I could help with your back?” she supplied. “I remember after the battle on the Citadel it was a bitch to reach my own and I’m more flexible than you.”

He was a little thrown but nodded, “Actually yeah. That would be good.” He reached over to the small shelf and grabbed a strange looking spongy pad of some kind. He showed her how it worked and passed it to her. Very carefully Shepard began to scrub over his shoulders. Carefully applying less pressure over the various healing scars. By the time she reached his mid-back he was almost purring he was so content.

It was such a small thing to her but maybe there was some kind of cultural significance to him. She just hoped she wasn’t screwing it up. When she finished he took the pad back and put his back under the spray to rise. Shepard grabbed her own soap and lathered herself up. 

The quiet was pleasant this time. Maybe that was all these two warriors needed, just a little de stress time before hitting the showers. An intimate moment to finish off this strange and wonderful night.

Maybe Garrus was finally getting back to himself. Maybe she was too.

+-+-+-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Garrus, he can't seem to catch a break!
> 
> Fanfiction recommendation: Barefoot, in Blue Jeans by ThreeWhiskeyLunch. https://archiveofourown.org/works/2614106 . The unshippable made to ship, Zaeed/Garrus.


	8. Chapter 8 - Mission Ready

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Normandy heads for Haestrom and Garrus' first mission post-Omega.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back on the battlefield with some extracurricular activities back on the ship, what's not to like?

The coming days gave Garrus a chance to calibrate the main gun back to factory specifications and set up an order with some old contacts for an upgraded cannon. It wouldn’t do them any good to head up against the Collectors without a better weapon than the last time the Normandy encountered them. Haestrom was quite the distance from the rest of the system so now was the time.

It also gave Doctor Chakwas enough time to medically clear the turian for active duty. With his new suit of armor and his shooting arm getting steadier by the day it was time to give him a little more freedom back. Thank the Spirits for advanced cybernetics, modern medicine and standard gene mods for military personnel. 

Shepard was nervous about having him out in the field so soon but Miranda seemed optimistic about it. The Operative seemed to think he would be an asset not only against heavy Geth resistance but also in recruiting their old quarian teammate. Having an additional tech on the team meant they were well rounded. Garrus tended to fight from a distance, Miranda mid range and Shepard up close and personal. It should be a good squad combo so it was time for a field test.

The team sat in the shuttle on the way down to the planet’s surface. The sun was apparently strong enough to fry their shields so Shepard ordered helmets on. Zaeed and Grunt were to standby in the shuttle in case of heavier than expected resistance. Well, that or Garrus having a breakdown but that was better left unsaid.

With boots on the ground they started to hit the Geth hard, falling into an easy rhythm with each other. It was as though they had never been apart, Vakarian knew exactly which targets Shepard wanted him to hit before she even knew it. The sniper rifle was at home as it rested against his shoulder, his omnitool sent out constant overloads and he switched out ammo effortlessly. 

The last two years had not been kind to the turian but they had lent him a few new tricks. He likely wasn’t back to full strength yet but even so he was mowing down the competition.

Miranda, having never fought Geth before, followed the pair’s lead overloading shields and keeping the hoards back from the resident sniper. Shepard, as per usual, moved directly into the fold. She was ferocious as always in battle and she trusted her team to work around her and keep them off her back. The Cerberus operative couldn’t help but notice that Shepard was taking a few less chances this fight, she couldn’t tell if it was because she had her best friend back, thus having something to live for, or if it was because she was afraid she was going to lose him and needed to keep her strength if he faltered. 

“Incoming drop ship!” Garrus called out from his perch. “This should slow them down…” he’d pulled his assault rifle out and started pounding shell after shell into the Geth as they dropped. This unfortunately meant he was drawing all their fire. 

“Vakarian, get down.” The Commander ordered smoothly as she pulled her heavy weapon from her back and took aim. The shot took out the majority of them, “That’s five less to worry about.”

The turian chuckled, “Just like old times Shepard.” He then took the last one out with well placed sniper round. “Scratch one,” he added without the usual enthusiasm but it got the point across.

“Yeah… I guess it is,” she replied before standing from her place behind cover. “Let’s go get Tali.”

The moved through to the next area, finding a few dead quarian soldiers and some communications equipment. The log system was on constant repeat, “Anyone who gets this, find Tali Zorah she and that data are all that matters. Keelah Selai.” It seemed as though the marines were out of their league, or at the very least outmanned. 

When they finally got in contact with a living quarian they had been on the surface for nearly an hour. It was the lead marine, Kal'reegar. He seemed adamant about keeping Tali alive and safe in the observatory. That data must have meant a hell of a lot to sacrifice an entire squad. Shepard’s main issue now was that they needed to fight off Geth and find explosives to clear their route as another drop ship got in their way.

The Commander took the left side and Miranda the right. Garrus found a perch above the main battlefield to cover both women but in the middle of the chaos he managed to let a hunter get too close, his voice rang out clear over the comms, “Having serious issues with my shields!” he yelled as he was forced back into the sun.

“I’m on my way,” Shepard replied as she put the barrel of her shotgun into the face of the nearest Geth. “Damn it! Hold on!” she called but unfortunately was getting bogged down. 

The turian grunted as his shields dropped completely after a close range shotgun blast. His armor began to rapidly heat up in the sun and there wasn’t much he could do about it as the Geth Hunter was nearly on top of him. “I’m taking too much fire!” He was out of options so he hit the adrenaline shot command on his omnitool, the stim flooded straight into his bloodstream. 

“Miranda!” Shepard yelled, “Get your ass back there!”

“Already on it!” 

Vakarian was out of space to reload his sniper rifle so he dropped it and pulled his combat knife. He pushed forwards stepping inside the Geth’s reach so the shotgun was useless as anything other than a battering ram. Evidently the Geth knew that and managed to hit him hard in the left side before it was more or less decapitated by the knife as the turian cut through the metal cables keeping it’s flashlight head attached to its body. 

Miranda reached him just as he shoved the synthetic body back, “Are you alright?”

“Fine.” He managed as he hunkered down into the shade and pulled his assault rifle out. Shepard was just working over the last Geth when he peaked out from behind the wall so he left her to it. Miranda moved to cover beside him and handed the sniper back his gun.

“Did it hit you?”

“I’m fine,” was his non answer.

“That’s not a no, let me see it.”

He moved slightly further away, “I said I’m fine. The medigel is working, it didn’t pierce my armor so it’ll just be a nasty bruise.”

She rolled her eyes, “Keeping Shepard happy means keeping you alive and healthy. Unless you want to spend the rest of the mission on the ship you’ll let me check your side.” Miranda couldn’t see his expression through his dark visor but he relented and unclipped his chestplate. Over the com she address the Commander, “Shepard, I need to check something. Can you keep the area secure?”   

The Commander paused a moment but replied in the affirmative. “Is everyone alright?”

Garrus replied first, “Fine Shepard. We’ll be down in a minute.” She reluctantly accepted her fate and began her search for the explosives they would need to break the concrete blocking their path. He hissed as Miranda prodded the freshly bruised plate, “Careful!”

The Cerberus Operative ignored him and pressed a medi-gel covered bandage over his waist. “You aren’t plated everywhere you know,” she admonished.

“Yeah, I got that.” When Miranda pulled back he replaced his chest plate. “Thanks.”

She stood up and started heading back down through the shadows, “No problem.” He followed her down slowly, flexing his bad arm and shoulder to try and get rid of the ache. The constant recoil of his rifle causing him some pain.

Shepard had managed to find enough explosives and had started getting them setup at the base of the ruins. He holstered his rifle and joined her where she was crouched in the shade. “Quarian architecture, there’s two words you don’t expect to hear together.”

She ignored his quip, “You alright?” she then asked without looking up from her task.

He nodded, “Fine. Need help?”

“Naw, I’m just about done anyways.” She connected another wire and glanced up at him before looking back down. “If you need to head back to the shuttle I can call the others in.”

He looked away, “I said I’m fine. Let’s just get to Tali.”

She shrugged as if to say  _ whatever _ before standing up and moving back. He followed her back behind a concrete barrier and pulled his sniper rifle out to aim it at the impending opening. After the blast they didn’t meet any more resistance as they moved through the building. 

A voice was coming from one of the computers in the main room,  _ “Tali Zorah to base camp, come in base camp. Hello is anyone there?”  _

The Commander stepped up to the communications unit, “Tali it’s Shepard.”

_ “Shepard?” _ the quarian asked surprised,  _ “I’m not complaining but you show up at the strangest times. What are you doing here?” _ She paused a moment before adding,  _ “In the middle of Geth space.” _

“I’ve got a mission remember? It’s dangerous but you don’t seem adverse to high risk missions these days.”

_ “I’ll discuss the mission as soon as the gunfire dies down. Kal’reegar and what’s left of the marines got me into the observatory. From where you are it is through the door and across the field. I got to the data I needed and I’m safe for now but I’ve got  a lot of Geth outside.” _

“What is this research you’re after?”

_ “It’s about this world’s sun, it’s aging faster than it should. I can tell you more about it once we’ve got fewer geth shooting at us. _ ” She sounded frustrated. 

“Would it help if I brought in the Normandy?” 

Garrus shook his head and spoke up, “Doubtful, these buildings are centuries old. If you bring down heavy fire this whole place could collapse on us.”

_ “Shepard, who is that?” _

“An old friend,” she replied quickly while giving Garrus the hand signal for silence, “Are you alone or do you have people out there?”

_ “Right…” _ Tali responded letting the non-explanation slide for now,  _ “Reegar had a team of marines covering me when I ran to the observatory. At least some of them are still alive, I can hear them firing at the geth outside.” _

“It looks like someone sealed the door against the Geth. The console seems to be damaged, is there any way you can get it open on your end?”

_ “Let me see, yes I can do that from here. Be careful Shepard, and do what you can to keep Reegar alive.” _

“You’ve got it.” The Commander replied shutting off the com as the door opened to reveal the battlefield. 

They headed out and almost immediately found the quarian in question. It took a little convincing but he agreed to give them cover from the rear in case of reinforcements instead of running, or rather limping, head first into battle. There was a single Colossus to deal with and a horde of Geth troops.

Shepard and her team moved to action as quickly as possible. She ordered Garrus up into the higher, but less shaded, overhang on the right while she and Miranda worked their way up the left side of the battlefield. With his view from up top Garrus started to make quick work of the Geth in the Commander and XO’s way while they tore into the Colossus. 

The fight was going well, her and Miranda worked surprisingly well in combat even though they tended to not get along off the field. Garrus complimented them perfectly and it was a wonder that they had been doing so well without him. The fight seemed more effortless than it should have considering the scorching heat and dangerous radiation. 

Once the Geth cannon fodder were cleared out the team trained their weapons onto the Colossus together and made short work of it. They met up outside the observation tower where Tali had holed herself up, “That felt good.”

“Only… only you would consider this fun, Shepard.” Garrus admonished through quick breaths. “Damn it’s been awhile since… since we did that.”

Shepard leaned back into her hip and Garrus could tell she was smiling behind her helmet, “Aw come on bi… Garrus. You know you missed this.”

“You’re right, I did.” He tilted his head in his own masked smile. 

“Can you two go get Reegar? I’d like to chat with Tali by myself.”

Miranda nodded, “Of course. We’ll be up in a few minutes.” She turned and started heading back towards the quarian marine. Garrus left a little more hesitantly but relented and followed after a few seconds of indecision.

The Commander waited until they were out of earshot before heading into the observatory. She wanted to make sure that Tali said yes this time and that meant getting her alone for a few minutes. 

The young woman moved back from a console as the door opened and greeted Shepard warmly, “Thank you Shepard, if not for you I would never have made it out of this room.” She paused a moment before adding, “This whole mission has been a disaster. I wish I had joined you back on Freedom’s progress. But I couldn’t let anyone take my place on something this risky.” 

Shepard hid her pleased smile, it was going to be easier to pick her up than she had first thought. “A lot of quarians lost their lives here, was it worth it?” she asked. The Commander’s voice was stern yet she ensured she left a note of sadness for the team in question. 

“I don’t know Shepard. It wasn’t my call,” Tali wrung her hands in front of her. “The Admiralty board believed the mission here was worth sacrificing all our lives for. I have to believe they know what’s best.” It was like she was trying to convince herself of that sentiment.

“I didn’t ask was some admiral thought... I asked what you thought.” 

“A lot of people died here. Some of them were my friends. All of them were good at their jobs. That damn data had better be worth it.” Her resolve seemed to solidify at Shepard’s encouragement, “The price was too high.”

Shepard nodded, she needed to keep Tali talking a little, get back into the swing of things with her. It had been a long time. “What can you tell me about your research here?”

“Haestrom’s sun is destabilizing, back when this was a quarian colony it was a normal star. It shouldn’t change that quickly.”

In all honesty she didn’t really care but Tali talking about science had a tendency to calm her down. “Any idea what’s destabilizing the sun?”

“If I had to guess I’d say that it was dark energy affecting the interiour of the star. The effect is similar to when stars blow off mass to enter a red giant phase. But Haestrom’s sun is far too young for this to be natural.”  

“Well, whatever the reason I’m glad I could help.” She paused and decided Tali was calm enough ask her question now. And not a moment too soon, over her com she heard Miranda say they were almost back. “Once you deliver that data I could use you on the Normandy.” 

She nodded, “I promised to see this mission though. I did that. I can leave with you and send the data to the fleet. If the admirals have a problem with it they can go to hell. I just watched the rest of my team die.”

“Maybe not the whole rest of your team ma’am,” Kal’Reegar’s sense of timing was impeccable. He and Miranda had stepped through the doors just as Tali finished. 

“Reegar! You made it!” 

Now that was interesting, Shepard noted with a smile. 

“Your old captain is as good as you said. Damn colossus never stood a chance,” he said resting back on his uninjured leg.  

Shepard turned to him deciding the diplomatic route might be useful in this situation, “If need be the Normandy can get you out of here, Reegar.”

“Naw,” he shook his helmeted head. “The Geth didn’t damage our ship. As long as we get outta here before reinforcements show up we’ll be fine.” 

Tali put up a hand and rather shyly admitted the new plan, “Actually... I won’t be going with you. I’m joining Commander Shepard.” She looked away and towards the floor. Shepard’s eyebrows rose under her helmet, her suspicions were getting a little stronger about this pair.

“Oh…” Reegar sounded surprised, maybe a little upset. “I’ll ah... pass the data to the admiralty board for you and let them know what happened.” He turned to the Commander, his voice growing stern. “She’s all yours now Shepard. Keep her safe.”

It was Garrus’ turn to keep his timing as he stepped around the corner, “You’ve got nothing to worry about,” he said. “She’ll be fine with us.”

Shepard barely stifled a giggle as Tali rounded on the turian, “Garrus!?” she exclaimed.

He shrugged one armed, “Wouldn’t be the same without you Tali.” Kal had also rounded on the turian but where Shepard saw Garrus’ comment as he intended, brotherly love, the quarian male bristled at the perceived competition. The turian seemed to pick up on it though, “Keep your helmet on Reegar. We’ll bring her back when this is over.”

He nodded slowly, “Understood.”

Shepard decided it was time she broke the tension, “Reegar. Let us get you to your ship at least that way Tali can upload the data before we head out. Make sure you have everything you need?” He relented and together the team headed for the quarian’s ship. She pulled up the auxiliary communications channel. “Shepard to shuttle team.”

Zaeed replied back and agreed to head back to the Normandy. Grunt was disappointed he didn’t get to shoot anything so Shepard had to promise to take him out again soon. An hour later Reegar was on his way and the team, Tali in tow, was on the way back to the Normandy. 

In the shuttle on the way back to the ship everyone but Tali and Garrus removed their helmets. Miranda immediately pulling out a mirror to fix her hair while Shepard rolled her eyes at the woman’s vanity. When she finished she offered it to the Commander who rejected it.

“So Tali’Zorah, I’m glad you decided to join us,” Miranda began to break the silence.

“I don’t know who you are but Cerberus threatened the security of the migrant fleet. Don’t make nice,” she spat.

Shepard sighed, “You don’t have to like them Tali but we’re on the same side this time. The team isn’t so bad.” 

Tali huffed, “I assumed that you were under cover Shepard.” She turned to Garrus, “Maybe even planning to blow Cerberus up since Garrus is here too. If that’s the case? I’ll loan you a grenade. Otherwise I’m here for you. Not for them and I don’t plan to act like I am.” 

“If it helps check out the Normandy while you are here. We’ve gotten a few upgrades since you last saw us.” 

“I’ll get Ms Zorah the necessary security clearance to access our systems,” Miranda tried.  

“Please do, I can’t be part of your team if I don’t know how the ship works.” She turned back to Shepard, “Remember Shepard these people thought enslaving thorian creepers and rachni was a good idea.” She turned back to the sole turian occupant, “You were there too, you remember what they did.”

Garrus nodded, the movement slightly exaggerated since his helmet was still on. “I know Tali. Cerberus isn’t exactly known for their charity work…”

“Fine I’ll drop it for now,” the youngest woman shook her head in the quarian equivalent of an eye roll. “That suit’s voice filter is pretty good, you sound so weird Garrus.”

He shrugged with a single arm again, “You still knew it was me.”

“Only because you were trying to scare Kal!”

“Oh, so Kal is his name now?” he asked with a playful lilt to his voice.

She crossed her arms, “Oh take off that damn helmet! It’s been over two years since I’ve seen you and I still feel like I haven’t.”

He took a half step back and shook his head, “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” He pulled up his omnitool and when he spoke next the filter was gone, “better?”

Tali tilted her head to the side, “Yes… but why isn’t it a good idea? Don’t tell me you’ve got the immune system of a quarian now or something stupid like that.”

He rubbed the back of his head through his suit, it was more of a nervous gesture than a movement that actually accomplished something. “It’s just not, ok?”

Shepard stood up from her perch on the edge of the bench, “Garrus, she is going to see eventually.” The pilot was just beginning the docking procedure in the shuttlebay and Shepard had to grab onto the hand hold to keep steady. Garrus was doing the same while the other two remained seated. 

He looked away towards the doors and remained silent. Tali was about to object but Shepard stilled her with a steady hand and a quick head shake. With a look that  _ said we’ll talk about this later _ the conversation was over. The team was silent through landing and the second the engines started to spool down Garrus had the doors open and was heading for the elevator.

Shepard let him go and when he was safely behind the lift doors she let out a long sigh and leaned against the shuttle door watching after him. Miranda stepped up beside the Commander and placed a careful hand on her shoulder. “He did well today, don’t let this ruin it. Ms. Zorah is the first person from his past other than you, Chakwas and Moreau to see him since his injury.” She hopped out of the shuttle and headed for the weapon’s bench to deload. 

“Want to let me in on what the hell happened?” Tali asked from behind Shepard. When the Commander turned around Tali looked more insecure than angry and her arms were wrapped around her middle. 

“I guess I should yeah.” She gestured to the shuttle’s bench and sat down herself. They waited for the pilot to depart before starting the conversation. “How much do you know of what Garrus was doing while I was dead?”

“Keelah Shepard! Don’t say it like that.”

“What? I was.” She shook it off, “anyways. I need to know where to start.”

She thought about it for a moment, “The last time I saw him was after your… well… funeral. He was in Spectre training, had left C-Sec for it before word of the SR-1 came in. It couldn’t have been more than a few weeks into the start of his training now that I think about it.”

“I had a funeral? Wait… not important right now. Did you hear anything from him after that?”

“No. A couple of us had gotten together to say goodbye in our own way, without all the fanfare that your funeral had. We met at a bar in the wards. The whole surviving crew was there Wrex, Garrus and myself included.” She titled her helmet up to the ceiling trying to remember more details, “He wasn’t doing well. None of us were really, but I think Garrus took it the hardest. He stopped answering messages about three weeks later.”

“I think I can help fill in some of the gaps then. Have you heard of Archangel?”

Tali quirked her head to the side, “The human religious symbol? I remember Ashley mentioning it once or twice.”

“Ah, no. I mean Omega’s Archangel.” At Tali’s continued look of confusion she explained a little further. “A vigilante showed up on Omega after my death and started fighting the gangs. it turns out that vigilante is, or I guess was, Garrus.” Shepard stayed quiet a moment to let that information sink in. “He built a team and started attacking the gangs directly fucking with shipments, carrying out assassinations of high level mercenaries and generally disrupting operations.”

“Then what happened?” 

The Commander turned her head to look away from her quarian friend. She didn’t like discussing this topic anymore than the turian himself did, “One of his team betrayed them to the mercs. His squad was killed and he was taken captive. They weren’t kind to him Tali. I only found out where he was when it was already too late. He’d been badly burned in the assault on his base and then sustained a number of injuries while they,” she coughed and mumbled the words, “interrogated him.” She stopped when she felt the pressure of a hand on her shoulder. 

“I understand. But it wasn’t your fault. He knew what he was getting into and knowing him he was probably expecting it to end that way. He isn’t stupid Shepard. He took your death hard. I mean… we all did but him especially. He blamed himself for it I think.”

With a long sigh Shepard nodded, “I know. He told me that. I still can’t help but feel responsible knowing if I had of gotten off my ass sooner he wouldn’t have had to deal with everything he did. At the very least he wouldn’t have almost died. Even if he’d refused to come along with me.”

“I shouldn’t have refused you back on Freedom’s Progress. You needed a friend and I left you alone with these bosh’tets. I… I’m sorry.”

She shook her head. “Let’s just leave it there Tali. I’m just glad you’re here now.”

“Me too.” She stood up and hopped out of the shuttle, the Commander following closely behind her. They headed to the weapon’s bench to deload. “What should I be expecting when I do see him?” she asked hesitantly.

Jane rubbed the back of her neck, showing her own nervousness. “He tried to catch a rocket with his teeth so… the right side of his face and neck were burned and Chakwas had to implant cybernetics so he could maintain functionality. A bandage is still covering most of it but what you can see isn’t pretty.”

The quarian hummed in agreement. “I’ll do my best to ignore it then. Thanks.”

“I should go check on him, catch you at dinner?”

She nodded, “I’ll be in engineering first but yeah I’ll meet you there.” 

“Oh and don’t forget to introduce yourself to EDI, the ship's artificial intelligence.” Shepard said as she headed for the elevator. She turned back to see Tali staring at her with wide eyes under her helmet. “Whoops?” She added hesitantly. 

Tali just shook her head and turned back to the bench.

+-+-+-+  

Garrus had headed straight for the showers. He could feel the wet slide of blood on the inside of his helmet from where his wound had been reopened. He stepped into the bathroom and was thankful it was empty, a quick few taps on his omnitool had the door locked. He pulled at the clasps of his helmet and dropped it onto the bench. Blood had pooled in the base and spilled onto the bench and floor as he took a few breaths of clean air. He’d been cooped up in his helmet for much too long with the smell of his own blood.

It made him sick. 

It wasn’t as though there was much in his stomach to begin with but he evacuated what little was there. Soon after he started dropping his armor piece by piece until he stood naked save his bandages. He cleaned the sink quickly before stepping into the shower and letting the water do it’s job on the grime from the mission. He prodded his side carefully, it was still tender from where the Geth managed to hit him but as far as he could tell nothing new was broken. 

Thankfully the Cerberus’ ship’s hot water was near endless at this time of day. He was able to soak his plates through with water as hot as he could stand in order to force the chill of the stimulant out. He was crashing and he knew it but he had to hold off until he got back to the battery. 

When the water began to go down the drain clear he shut it off. Thankfully he’d left a clean set of fatigues in the bathroom with his hygeine supplies. He had to put on his armored boots but at least he didn’t need to get back into the dirty and bloodstained under armor. He applied a fresh coating of medi-gel to his face and side before dressing and heading for his den. 

The mess was busy with the evening rush by the time he exited the washroom. He’d collected his armor and carried it to the battery for a quick cleaning before he ate. He needed some time for his stomach to settle as it was and he didn’t like the constant stares he continued to get from the crew. It also gave the fresh stim time to settle into his system before heading out, his hands would usually stop trembling after about five minutes or so.

When he was done and could hear the noise level drop he headed to the mess to grab his own dinner. Gardiner had it set off to the side as per usual. He was originally planning to head straight back to the battery but when Shepard waved him over he reluctantly took his meal to sit with her. 

“Garrus,” she greeted with a nod to the empty chair across the table. Tali was seated beside her, and though he saw her flinch when she first saw the scars she hid it surprisingly well. “How’re you feeling?”

“Fine,” he replied quietly as he sat down in the offered chair. He was thankfully seated so their quarian friend was on his good side and didn’t have the opportunity to gape openly. “How’s the fleet Tali?”

“Oh.” She seemed surprised when he immediately threw the conversation onto her, “The fleet is doing well. They were able to use the data Shepard helped me obtain to our advantage. My father has been working with the other engineers trying to find ways to defeat the geth. I send him parts when I can.”

“That’s good.” He replied and started working on his meal. The rations had gotten a little better but his appetite hadn’t so he more picked at the food than actually ate it. Shepard caught his eye and gave him a disapproving look but he ignored it. 

Tali seemed like she wanted to start a conversation but seemed to fail to find the words. So instead the trio quietly finished their meals. Shepard was the one to finally break the silence, “Is the food alright Tali? It’s just the prepackaged stuff so we can buy a different brand or pick something else up when we get to the Citadel.” 

She shook her head, “No. No this is fine. Better than I’ve been eating recently anyways. Quarian marine units don’t tend to eat a lot of fresh food.”

“Garrus, is it still ok for you too?”

He had looked a little lost in thought but perked up at her question, “Sorry what was that?”

“The rations, are they ok?”

“Hm, fine Shepard. Better than the SR-1 anyways since Gardiner actually tends to heat them properly instead of just throwing them into the heating unit like we used to.” He smiled a little at Tali and she laughed. “Have you seen the engine room yet Tali?”

“I have, it’s amazing. The engineers seem nice enough but I’m still not sure about them.”

“Just wait until you meet the biotic that lives under the bridge.”

“The what that who?” she asked.

He was about to reply when the devil herself stomped around the corner, she looked at the trio at the table as they looked up at her. “What was that ugly?” she asked.

Garrus shrugged and sat back in his chair, “Just warning Tali that you live under engineering.” He shrugged single armed, “Tali meet Jack, Jack Tali.”

The biotic grabbed the plate that Gardiner had left out for her before plopping down beside Garrus. “Nice to meet ya bucket head. Don’t think I’ve ever met a quarian before.”

Shepard raised an eyebrow and laughed, “Really Jack? I thought you were a multicultural criminal.”

“Hey, just because I slammed a turian space station into a hanar moon doesn’t mean I’ve met a quarian.” She shrugged and started wolfing down her large plate of food, the biotic eating like she hadn’t seen food in days. “So,” she began around a mouthful of some kind of orange fruit, “You’re the tech that Shepard raved about from the first Normandy?”

Even though her face was covered the others at the table could tell she was blushing, or the quarian equivalent, as she nodded. “That’s me.”

“Hm. Maybe you can upgrade this baby a little more, those fuckers ripped through her last time. Ugly over there is working on some kind of cannon,” she gestured to the turian, “Heard the Cerberus prick brought up some armor upgrade.”

Shepard raised an eyebrow, “And now you’re quite well informed. Who are you and what have you done with Jack?” she asked with a laugh.

“Fuck you Shepard. If she’s as good as you say then she’s probably got something up her sleeve, or headscarf or whatever.” The biotic leaned back in her chair and shrugged.

“Don’t worry about it Tali…” the Commander began before Tali cut her off.

“Actually… I think I might have an idea for better shields. I need some time to research how it would fit into the ship’s systems and gather some resources but Multicore Shielding should be possible from my preliminary estimates.”

Garrus perked up at this, “Is that the new Cyclonic Barrier Tech?”

“It is!” Tali replied, her usual excitement poking through. She turned back to the Commander and Jack to explain, “It’s a rapidly oscillating kinetic barrier.” When Shepard shrugged she tried to explain further but the biotic cut her off.

“If it’s good enough to interest Scars over there and confuses the fuck out of me then I think it’ll work.”

The turian chuckled, “Nice to know you think so highly of me Jack.”

“Whatever… not like I’m the brains of this operation,” she mumbled as she went back to her meal.

Garrus was starting to feel a little better now that the stim had worked into his system. Maybe even a little pent up, so when Tali was taking her plate to the kitchen he caught the Commander’s eye. He looked from her to the ceiling and back down, with a suggestive tilt to his mandible.

Shepard smiled and nodded once.

Jack looked up from her dinner with narrowed eyes, eyes travelling from Shepard to Garrus and back. The Commander flushed when the biotic’s smile turned lecherous as she realised what was going on. She turned to look at Tali then back to the Commander who’s eyes widened slightly and she shook her head to indicate the quarian didn’t know. Surprisingly enough Jack nodded and remained silent.

Shepard pushed back from the table and took her plate to the kitchen, “Tali? Joker and Chakwas are going to want to see you, want me to give you a tour while we’re at it?”

“That sounds great Shepard. Thanks.”

As the pair began to leave Jack piped up, “We’ll talk about that  _ other thing _ later Shep.” The commander didn’t stick around long enough to play into the ex-convict’s game, she hurried the quarian into the relative safety of the medical bay. 

Garrus stood to leave a few minutes later, “Should I be worried?”

“Not this time,” Jack replied simply. The turian left it at that and headed for the elevator, he’d wait for the Commander there, maybe check her armor over or something to steady his hands.

+-+-+-+

By the time Shepard reached her cabin her favorite turian was already there waiting for her. He had her service pistol on the table in pieces, gleaming. He had always been proficient with weapon’s care but this was on another level. He didn’t acknowledge her as she entered but quickly finished the part he was oiling and reassembled the weapon in record time. She descended the stairs and came to rest standing beside him. 

He was the first to speak, “Tali settling in ok?”

“Seems like it. She doesn’t like the flag we’re flying but there isn’t much I can do about that right now.” Shepard let out a sigh and sank down to the couch beside Garrus to remove her boots. “It’s been a few days since you came up.”

“Mmm… you’ve been busy.” He ran his bare talons through her hair pulling at the elastic that tied it back. She let out a soft contented sound and leaned into that hand more. “I’ll take it as this is ok then?”

She nodded slightly, eyes sliding closed, hands moving to touch him. Her right sliding to his lower back and the left the front closure of his tunic. He allowed it and replaced the pistol on the table before moving closer to her, a hand snaking around her waist to pull her in. 

It wasn’t long before her lips found his. He’d improved drastically since they first started kissing, now it was sensual instead of hurried and sloppy like it had first been. He couldn’t help the slight moan as he tasted her, he was over primed and ready for a little more than just kissing. 

With a slight pressure to her shoulders she was laying on her back on the couch with him resting overtop of her. He held his weight on his knees as he reached to begin the process of stripping his Commander. His mouth found her shoulder and hands the buttons on her tunic. When it was undone he pulled her into a seated position so he could pull it off with her undershirt.

Shepard laughed at his intensity and obliged him by unclasping her sport bra and pulling it off as well. To encourage him a little more she pulled back enough to slide a leg onto either side of his waist, “This ok?” she asked as she wrapped her legs around him and squeezed very lightly. He groaned and shut his eyes as he shuddered. Another small laugh, “That good?”

“Definitely,” he said into her shoulder as he was on her again. A little rougher this time, less sensual and more needy. His bare hands trailed over her sides, talons leaving white trails in their wake. It was her turn to shiver as her nipples hardened to stiff peaks. One hand found the sweet spot behind his head and the other worked at the clasps on his shirt, turian buttons be damned. His voice broke her of her concentration, “There is time for that later, let me make you feel good.”

One of his hands grazed her sex through her pants and she moaned. “You did all the work last time...” Shepard began.

“And I want to do this now,” he replied mouth against the skin of her throat. She tilted her head away to give him more access, “Do you need release Jane?” he asked as his talons slipped under the trim of her panties, her uniform belt somehow already undone.

“Yes, I want you!” She cried breathless as her hips rose to meet his talons. She hadn’t been exaggerating when she told him if she liked it he’d know. Thankfully the loft was far away from the ears of the rest of the crew as she moaned again, the sound music to his ears.

“Good.” Garrus replied in a husky voice as he pulled her pants off and resettled between her thighs. One leg he hiked over his shoulder and the other he left on the back of the couch. He wasted no time getting to work on her centre, a quick lick down the inside of her thigh was all the warning she got before he pressed his tongue to her clit. 

The breathless gasp making it all worth it as he began to work a knuckle into her. He’d have to remember to cut his talons before their next encounter if he wanted to get some depth. Even so she seemed to be enjoying his ministrations. She held onto his fringe tightly with one hand while the other covered her face and her hips moved in synch with his mouth. 

The turian’s dextrous tongue easily manipulated the little bud that seemed to cause her the most pleasure. He started getting a little more adventurous and he pressed the skin around it back to get better access, the tiny hood opening up and making her overly sensitive as she nearly shouted when he flicked at it again. A lazy few strokes and he had to hold her hips down as she bucked into him. Her leg moved from the back of the couch to wrap around his shoulders with her other one, the need obvious as her body reacted to the stimulus. 

This made Garrus redouble his efforts. A second knuckle joined the first and he started pumping them in and out, the first two inches of her tightening around his fingers deliciously. It didn’t take long from that point and Shepard finally came. Loudly. 

He released her hips and removed his fingers as he licked the aftershocks from her, ensuring that she wasn’t left cold as she came down. When her legs fell apart he travelled back up her body, mouth caressing each of her pert nipples for a moment before he kissed her. “Have fun?” he asked, voice still deep and gravelly as it had been.

“Mmmhmm,” she moaned into his mouth. One hand snaked around his head and caressed the spot she knew he liked. Her tiny nails digging in until he sighed in his pleasure. With a roll of her hips she found him hard and restrained by his clothing. Her hands trailed down on either side of his waist gently, hands travelling to the closure of his pants, hips grinding upwards into his.

Thus far he seemed to be enjoying it as their kiss continued, his breaths picking up as she stimulated him. When she got the clasp undone he groaned, his erection finally having room to expand even though it was still behind his undershorts. He broke this kiss and fell forwards onto his elbows, his face landing beside hers to pant in her ear. 

Shepard smiled and started kissing her way down his mandible, teasing the sensitive flesh under it with her mouth and tongue. One hand carefully rubbed him through the shorts while the other skimmed the edge of them touching the skin of his waist. It was a little awkward considering she was underneath him but she wouldn’t dare interrupt this to get more comfortable lest he not let her continue. 

She said nothing as her hands started to get a little more adventurous, the one not busy stroking slid just under the protective cloth to touch his parted seam. The skin there wasn’t plated either, it was moist from his own bodily fluids and quite soft to the touch. It was no wonder he had been so careful touching her at first, he was just as soft here as she was. Garrus shivered but didn’t object so Shepard continued her exploration, she could feel the gouges, the scars left by his captors, but didn’t linger over them. By the time the Commander’s hand finally wrapped around him he was shaking all over and panting like he’d been running. 

The first thing she noticed was he was ribbed. She got wetter just thinking about how that was going to feel when they actually had sex. Spaced fairly evenly, about an inch apart, were small ridges. He was also slick with his own fluids which would make a coupling easier between them considering his size. 

Shepard’s hand halted as morbid thought flashed in her mind. THAT was the reason he didn’t like his old nickname anymore. His torturers had been commenting on the size of his penis.  _ Fuck, I’m an idiot, _ she thought to herself.

He seemed to notice her hesitation as he tensed up and began to pull back. Before he could get too far she grabbed at his waist, “Wait Garrus.” He flinched away from her hand, a pained sound coming from his mouth. 

Without thinking he shoved the hand away, “Fuck Shepard, get off.” She let him go completely and stared in open shock at him, he’d never actually sworn at her before. “I’m sorry,” he said immediately after settling back on the other end of the couch with a hand covering his failing erection and the other pressed to his side. “I didn’t mean that.”

She shook her head, “I shouldn’t have pushed. It’s ok.” 

“No it isn’t.”

“It is Garrus. You just need more time.”

“Spirits damn it! I don’t want more time, I want you.” He gestured between them, “I want this. Fuck. I just want to fuck my girlfriend. Why is that so spirits damn hard?” his face fell into his hands, knees drawn to his chest.

Shepard couldn’t help the little smile that appeared when he said girlfriend, no matter how inappropriate it was at the moment, “Girlfriend?” she asked tentatively.

He looked up, “Well… yeah, what else would you be?” he asked with a small quirk of his mouth. “Sounds a little nicer than human I’m trying to have sex with.”

She laughed, “True.” The tension seemed to leak out of them as he joined in with a light exhale of breath that, when stretched, could have been called a chuckle. When a few clear breaths passed between them she rose to her knees on the couch beside him, “Are you alright?” she asked seriously.

He looked away, “I’ve been better.”

“You were mostly ok until I grabbed your waist. Was that a trigger?”

“Trigger?” He huffed a laugh, “No. It’s just sore.” He pulled up the side of his shirt to show her the deep blue bruising that her hand had squeezed. When her legs had wrapped around him the pressure hadn’t been directly on the fresh injury and it was even over his skin, unlike the hand which grabbed that exact spot. 

“Shit Garrus,” she said her mouth turning downwards, eyes sad. “When did that happen?” She slid closer to him again and carefully pulled the shirt away so she could get a closer look.

“Haestrom… ahhh… careful,” he took a sharp breath in as she prodded the abused flesh. Shepard had lowered herself so she could brush her lips across the bruise and the intake of breath this time wasn’t from pain. She watched as his cock twitched, it had begun to recede but at her warm breath on his sensitive skin he started to come back. 

Her tongue came out to trace the lines of skin between his plates, with one hand she maintained her balance and the other joined her mouth in pleasuring her turian. “That’s it Garrus,” she said against his skin, her eyes coming up to lock onto his. “Relax. Let me make you feel good.”

He nodded once and let his eyes drift closed. He gently caressed her shoulder while she worked, all the tiny tenses and shakes gave Shepard clear indications of what was working and what wasn’t. He liked it when she trailed her nails in the grooves between his plates and used pressure on his waist, where he wasn’t bruised of course. He allowed her to remove his tunic and shirt this time, letting her settle on her knees between his thighs as she pulled it off and kissed him deeply. 

After a few minutes he was worked up again, standing at full attention for his Commander. Garrus bucked into Shepard’s waiting hand and this time she was ready for him. There was no hesitation as she smoothed her hand from tip to base easily. When she found he was ok with it after a few strokes she increased her pressure and speed slightly, relishing in his contented groan. He wasn’t nearly so loud as she so each tiny sound she pulled from his chest brought a smile to her face. 

She started to kiss her way down his chest but stopped when he pulled her back up. “Not today,” he said carefully. He pressed his forehead to hers and bucked into her hand. “Just this,” he clarified with a breathless moan.  

“Of course,” she replied setting her pace a little quicker again after the brief slow down. She knew he wouldn’t last long when he trembled and pulled her against his chest. Shepard was tempted to push this a little further as her naked chest impacted his but knew he wasn’t ready. Even if she was dripping wet and only inches away from sinking herself down on Garrus, she couldn’t. Not yet.

The warning came only a few seconds before the dam broke. He managed to press his own hand over his tip so the spray was more or less directed at his own chest and abdomen rather than splattering all over his partner. His release was fairly quiet, more a sharp exhale of breath than a moan of ecstasy but Shepard would take what she could get.

He relaxed back into the couch boneless it seemed, his eyes shut and breaths ragged. Shepard carefully extracted herself from his grasp to get a damp cloth for him to clean up with. He hadn’t moved a muscle by the time she returned. “Garrus?” she questioned as she settled herself back between his knees. 

The turian opened his eyes and blinked a few times to clear the fuzziness from his vision. “I’m alright,” he replied finally as he took the cloth and cleaned up. “Thanks. I needed that.”

She smiled and leaned into his chest, “Glad I could help.” She paused a moment before kissing his cheek, “The answer is yes, by the way.”

“Hmm?” he looked down at her, brow raised with the question.

“I’ll be your girlfriend.”

“Oh. Good. That’s...” he yawned, “good.”

Shepard carefully pulled herself back again, “Ready for some sleep?” He nodded once and forced himself to his feet. He was a little unstable so she supported him, his plates oddly cool to the touch. “You ok?”

He slid down onto his side of the bed and bent down to remove his boots, “Fine. Just cold.”

She pulled a sleep shirt on and crawled into bed beside him, “I’m not well versed in turian physiology, is it normal for you to get so much cooler after sex?”

“It’s just been a long day,” he half answered and moved to curl around her, already falling asleep. Shepard wanted to know what was up but there would be time for that later, for now? He was breathing evenly and smoothly and that was all that mattered. She relaxed into his arms and drifted off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fanfiction recommendation: Either Die a Hero by Kuraiummei. http://archiveofourown.org/works/7711198 . This is a few hundred thousand word epic with Nihlus/Saren/Garrus as the main event. 
> 
> Fanfic recommends have been added to all chapters! Thank you for the idea, Kuraiummei!


	9. Chapter 9 - Poison

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Old habits die hard, especially when the stakes are high and the pressure higher.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my favourite chapter! I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. 
> 
> If you haven't noticed it yet there is a companion story about Garrus' father. Little backstory to see what else is ongoing.

Nights like their last started to become more and more frequent. It seemed like after every mission Garrus would require a little release. First he would get Shepard off, quickly becoming adept at mapping the route to her release. Then Shepard would work on him, so far it always ended the same way fleeting touches and a hand job before he’d all but fall asleep on the couch and be led to the bed. 

Whenever they had a quiet day in transit he’d stay down in the battery working, when she’d approached him on it he’d blamed it on his calibrations. He said he wasn’t ignoring her but it didn’t change how she felt about it. So far she felt less like a girlfriend and more of a fuck buddy, without any actual fucking. 

Shepard had tried to escalate their adventures but it didn’t tend to go well. The day she’d attempted to mount him he’d all but thrown her off, thankfully onto the other branch of the L shaped couch, before he’d grabbed his shirt and left for the relative safety of the main battery. She hadn’t tried that again when the turian vigilante reappeared after an hour, an apology on his lips and a need between his thighs.

Time was starting to move quickly; they picked up a ground vehicle that kept them busy for a couple days in the terminus, completed a few odd jobs from various sources and they’d been back to Tuchanka to settle Grunt’s rite. The Normandy was about to head for the Citadel to help Thane with his son. Shepard had just finished with Joker on the CIC and was heading for her final stop of the night when she noticed something was off.

The mess was nearly empty even though it was in the middle of a meal hour. That alone was a sign of trouble, so she decided to ask the AI what was happening. “EDI, status report?”

“The status of what Commander?”

She narrowed her eyes at no one in particular, “The crew. The deck is empty.” As she finished her sentence Miranda stepped out of her office, “or nearly so.”

“The majority of the crew is in the shuttlebay.”

“Why?” Lawson asked, crossing the room to stand beside the Commander. EDI paused a moment longer than she should have, “EDI, I asked a question.”

“I apologize Operative Lawson, there is an altercation occurring in the shuttlebay between Grunt and Officer Vakarian. Ensign Donnelly seems to be taking bets.”

“WHAT!” The women yelled at once, Shepard more due to the fighting and Miranda more for the betting. 

“When did that start?” Shepard asked as they both hurried to the elevator. She pressed the button a few times even though she knew EDI was bringing it already. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Until now the information was not pertinent, it started off as a simple sparring match which is typical of both krogan and turian soldiers. It only escalated in the past few moments.” The elevator doors opened for the Commander and XO who stepped in and started their descent, “I would recommend caution, Commander.”

Shepard nodded and looked over towards Miranda, “Think you can produce a stasis field if required?” In answer her hands glowed blue. “Right, I’ll ask for it if needed.”

The lift stopped and they stepped out to find a sea of crewmen and squadmates; Jacob, Tali, Jack, Zaeed, Kasumi and even Mordin were standing watching. Jack seemed to be the referee as she stood closest to the action, watching intently. Shepard stepped forwards to assess the situation and didn’t quite like what she saw….

Both men were bare from the waist up, boots had also been discarded but Garrus’ gloves remained on. Said turian was on Grunt’s back, holding him in a tight lock as the krogan threw himself backwards into the wall. Garrus didn’t budge though and Grunt had to try again, harder this time.

The slip wasn’t much but it was enough to get his massive hand in between the arm and his throat. Once there, he grabbed his pursuer and threw him up and over his shoulder, letting him collide hard with the deck plating, the sound of plates on metal making a sickening crack.

Garrus wasn’t stunned long however and he rolled over, narrowly avoiding a stomped foot to his chest. He suddenly lunged back at Grunt, taking the hulking krogan down by the ankles. The speed with which he moved to hold the krogan down was astounding, he kept his balance as he pinned the bulkier alien even through a few hard hits to his sides.

The young Urdnot hadn’t quite learned how to spar with a teammate yet as most of his hits were dirty. Vakarian seemed to finally have enough and he punched his opponent in the face, not the cleanest of hits either but at least he avoided the eyes and still hardening plate on Grunt’s forehead. 

Garrus leaned in while Grunt was stunned to capture him in another choke hold. His tone was cold when he finally spoke, “Yield.”

“I AM KROGAN!” Grunt roared instead and forced Garrus back with a headbutt. Quickly the tables turned as the younger threw off the senior and reversed their positions, his punches were not so restrained as they came down at Garrus’ face. Most were blocked but a few got through and the crowd audibly winced for him as the krogan roared, finally stopping to catch his breath. His shoulders heaved as he chuckled. 

Shepard was about to step in when Garrus moved, his feet planted into the floor and his hips rose quickly enough to throw the krogan forwards onto his face with a yelp. Garrus escaped between his legs, twisting onto his own knees and moving to Grunt’s back once again. A fresh streak of blue on the floor and sliding down his face.

Vakarian immediately worked his way up and into another hold. This time he wrapped his legs around the krogan’s thighs, working his heel painfully into the soft joint of his hips. “Yield!” he demanded louder this time, snarling the word beside his ear canal. When Grunt continued to struggle he dug just the left foot in and forced him to fall flat. “Yield now krogan!”

“Enough.” Shepard said, stepping forwards from the crowd. Garrus looked up and caught her eyes, they held them for a half second, the conversation between the silent but thorough. He released Grunt’s throat and stood up, backing away a few paces.

Grunt moved to his feet a little slower, taking the time to catch his breath on his knees before rising. “Battlemaster” he said, an almost apologetic look on his face. Shepard looked from him to Garrus and back saying nothing for the moment.

“Everyone get back to work, Donnelly in my office. Now!” Miranda ordered sharply. “Shepard?”

The Commander nodded in agreement, “Ground team stays!” her voice left no room for quarrel. The crew immediately started to file into the elevator, the first load crammed full of everyone but the squad. Shepard turned to the spectators, “The next time something like this happens again you will inform Lawson or myself, am I clear?”

There was a quick handful of acknowledgements before the ground team was dismissed save Grunt and Garrus. The krogan had caught his breath by this time and was wiping at the smear of orange blood dripping out of his mouth. Garrus was still working on his own but he was also sporting a few extra blood spots. Nonetheless, he stood tall and let the blood ooze unhindered.

“Who started it?”

Garrus was the one to answer, “I did.”

“Why?”

“Grunt hadn’t been on a mission since his rite, he needed to blow off some steam and was starting to take it out on the crew. Gardiner specifically. I needed the same so it was mutually beneficial.”

“And the betting?”

He shrugged with just his good arm, “Can’t blame them for wanting to see a little action Shepard. Although I’m sure Ken was going to take his cut.”

She shook her head with a sigh, “Grunt, anything to add?”

“No Battlemaster. I am... better. Your turian is good for something.” He laughed low like he usually did after he’d found something particularly funny.

She stepped forwards and grabbed his chin like a mother would do. She turned his face to the side to get a better look at the already bruising cheek, “Then go get the doctor to check and make sure you haven’t broken a tooth.” He huffed but agreed and after grabbing his armor headed to the elevator. After a few moments of waiting the shuttlebay was empty and the pair stood alone, “What the hell got into you Garrus? You could have been seriously hurt, or hurt Grunt for that matter.”

Garrus shrugged again, “We both needed it. It wasn’t supposed to turn into a spectacle.” He paused a moment before deciding to explain fully, “I got word from Tex today. Sidonis just had his armor picked up and he’s on the Citadel under a new identity. Some forager has been hiding him, goes by the name Fade.”

Shepard’s look of concern turned to frustration. “Why not come to me then?”

“This wasn’t something you could help me with, I needed someone like Grunt who wouldn’t hold back and who I wasn’t going to hurt. It’s been awhile since I’ve needed to work out anger like that and we’re in space, no mercs to kill up here.” His breaths were steadier now, “We’re already headed for the Citadel, there isn’t anything else to do now.”

She moved forwards and placed a careful hand on his chest, his plates cold. “You were just fighting, shouldn’t you be warmer Garrus?”

He looked away, “It’s fine.”

“No it isn’t. I did some reading, you shouldn’t be cold after exerting yourself. If anything you should be too hot to want to be touched, let alone curl up under blankets with me. You’re dosing, aren’t you?”

“Shepard,” he warned as he stepped back. He didn’t deny it and that was proof enough. 

“That’s why you come up after missions and stay away from me when we’re at FTL. It’s a fucking cycle isn’t it? You dose on mission days and then crash.” She didn’t reach for him, instead choosing to cross her arms over her chest. “Damn it Garrus, why didn’t you tell me?”

He was obviously getting frustrated as he pinched at the bridge of his nose and tried to find words to answer her. “I just didn’t. It’s not like I want to do that anymore. I need a kick to get moving some days and my edge started slipping without the drugs.”

“Does Karin know?” He shook his head. “What the fuck are you thinking then? What if they reacted badly with your pain meds after Omega?” He looked away then and the realisation hit her that he was still on them, “How many drugs are you on?”

“Enough.” He said finally.

“That’s where your edge went Garrus, down the drain with your god damn integrity. You were fighting the gangs, getting the drugs OFF the streets.”

“Shepard… Jane…” he began.

“No, don’t Jane me. Not now. I’m pissed at you. You remember how I grew up, and you helped me talk through it like a cop. You’re a fucking cop Garrus.”

“I was,” he growled. “I was a cop Shepard. A failed one. So I went to Omega to play vigilante and I bent those hard rules when I needed to. I had to stay alive and stims were what did it for me. When I’d wake up with fucking nightmares about you getting blown into space screaming for help I’d pop a stim and head out into the night again. When I got hit I’d throw medigel on it and grab some pills before reappearing to fuck up some merc’s shit. There is a reason I pissed off all three gangs, I was everywhere.”

He’d advanced on her, hands gesturing wildly as he explained himself. “I was invincible. So much so that I had mercs pissing themselves at the sight of me. I was unbeatable until Sidonis betrayed me. Sold out my team. Royally fucked me over. So no, I’m not proud of it. But I did what had to be done.”

Shepard hadn’t budged through his explanation, but after a few tense moments she managed to find words. “What now then? You don’t have to be Archangel anymore. You have a whole team to lean on. Me, Tali.”

He released the breath he’d been holding slowly, the tension draining from him. “Maybe you’re right. I just… I don’t know how to do it without them anymore.”

“Let’s talk to Chakwas, ok?”

He nodded and wiped a trickle of blood from over his eye, “Yeah. Ok.”

Shepard looked up at him, finally uncrossing her arms and stepping forwards again. “You can’t even feel it can you?” she gestured to the fresh crack and when he gave a noncommittal tilt of his head she swore, “Fuck Garrus, this isn’t going to be easy.”

+-+-+-

The conversation with Karin went fairly well. She’d kept a good poker face when Garrus told her how much he was taking, he knew it was far too much as did she. But Shepard didn’t need to know that. She sealed the newest scrapes with medi-gel with nary a comment on his stupidity for taking on the adolescent krogan. 

“Full detox will take about a week from the Dextratophine,” the doctor explained. “The first three days we’ll reduce your dosage and then you’ll go cold from the fourth. From this point on, no more stims. Your reliance on them is too high already, if you don’t stop them now you might never get off them.”

Garrus’ sigh of defeat was palatable. “Fine doc. Anything I should be prepared for specifically?”

“Besides the pain?” he nodded. “Everything you typically experience when you’ve been off your medication too long but doubled. Expect constant nausea, tremors worse than you’ve been having, and a bad headache for sure. As for psychological effects? Insomnia, irritability, sensitivity to light and sound...”

“Good enough,” he cut her off. “How far are we from the Citadel Shepard?”

“Two and a half days. We should hit the Citadel in the early morning hours. I expect the upgrades to take about a week so you should have time Garrus.”

Chakwas was next to speak, “Commander? Could he stay with you in your cabin for the duration for his detox?”

“I’ll be fine in the battery,” the turian interjected.

But the doctor disagreed, “It’s not going to be a good week Shepard. Garrus, you are going to need privacy and there is no other place on this ship where you’ll get it.”

Before Garrus could argue further Shepard nodded and agreed, “Done.” The conversation was obviously over, he could tell from the tone of Jane’s voice. “Get what you need and head upstairs, I’ll be there shortly.” He excused himself and once the doors closed again Shepard turned to Karin, “It’s not going to be pretty is it?”

The doctor shook her head sadly, “No. He’s too thin already and this is only going to make it harder to keep him fed and hydrated. It does explain why he hasn’t been gaining any weight back though, probably spends half his off nights retching.”

Shepard closed her eyes and took a deep breath, “How did we miss this?”

“He’s not stupid, he’s fairly adept at hiding his addiction. I haven’t been taking blood samples because of his aversion to needles and his behaviour has been so erratic since Omega that I had attributed it to his injuries and the trauma.” She walked back to her desk and sat down, “I need to ask you something personal Shepard.”

“Alright. Shoot.”

“How far are your… night excursions going?” The question was just that a question, there was no heat behind it nor scolding.

The Commander paused, forming her answer before replying. “Never further than he’s wanted. Touching, kissing, he’s performed oral on me but won’t let me reciprocate.” Her words were steady but the blush on her cheeks went darker as she continued, “He’s particular about which positions he likes and is never on his back or lets me get behind him, even when we are sleeping he won’t let me be at his back.”

“That’s understandable considering the scars. Those walls of his are going to have to come down eventually.”

“I know. But what else can I do Karin? I don’t want him to relapse, go back into his own head and throw Archangel out in his stead. I don’t know how many times we’ll be able to drag him back from that.” She ran her hands through her hair in her frustration, dishevelling it. 

Karin sat quietly and let the Commander’s rant continue uninterrupted. “Give me a bullet wound any day but dealing with this? My best fucking friend afraid to drink water because he thinks he’ll drown? A man I knew to be just and true messing around with drugs and letting his anger at it all overtake him enough to not feel the sting of another hit? To bleed without knowing or even caring where it came from? I just… fuck.”

“I know Jane. This hasn’t been easy for you either.”

“Don’t even start with that, Chambers tried to shrink me too.” Her arms crossed over her chest, “We are discussing Garrus right now, not my fucked up zombie life.”

“I believe the two are fairly connected, don’t you agree?” At the Commander’s reluctant nod she continued, “You died and Garrus lost himself in his grief, his guilt. When you were brought back you couldn’t find him,” she held a hand up to still the argument. 

“Now you feel guilty because of what he endured. But what you both need to understand is neither of those things were the other’s fault. There is no blame to be laid. You wanted Garrus to be a Spectre as much as he wanted to be one, he left to pursue that goal. The only ones to blame for your death are the Collectors…”

“Fine but that doesn’t absolve…”

“I’m not done,” she said firmly. “Now as for Garrus’ injuries, the only ones to blame are those that inflicted the damage, the mercenaries that captured him. He didn’t have to go to Omega but he chose to do so, he chose to help all those people, he chose what he thought would be his resting place. None of those things could possibly be your fault Commander, you were dead.”

“None of that changes the fact I didn’t really look for him. I sent a few messages, checked with a contact or two, but I never really tried.”

“Did he want to be found?” The Commander paused to think about it and the doctor struck again, “Exactly, he was trained to disappear by the Spectres. He was a police officer so he knew every back door and loophole to exploit to ensure he was never found. He went to Omega to disappear into the abyss and almost succeeded.”

“Should I have left him then?” Shepard asked quietly, more to herself than the other woman.

But Karin shook her head and answered anyways, “No. You did the right thing. He might have gone to Omega to die but only because he’d lost you. Lost his purpose and his friend. He never intended to be tortured to death, he was hoping for a swift kill but his Spirits were not kind enough for that. Only kind enough to make sure you found each other again. Does that make sense?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I think it does.”

+-+-+-

The remainder of the trip to the Citadel was relatively quiet. Grunt was calmer now since his spar with Garrus. Ken had received a sufficient scolding for his bet taking but still managed to pay everyone what they were owed afterwards. Tali was integrating beautifully into the squad. It was all around a happy ship. Unless one were to look into the Commander’s cabin….

Garrus’ detox hadn’t been the kindest according to the dent in the hull plating in Shepard’s bathroom. He’d nearly broken his hand when he left that particular mark trying to control his retching. Two days of dry heaving had left him exhausted and able to do little more than attempt sleep. 

He’d refused to be sedated and only barely allowed Chakwas to install an IV so he’d stay hydrated. The immediate cut to half dosage wasn’t pleasant and at this point he wasn’t looking forward to going cold. She attributed most of the nausea thus far to the lack of stims but said it would continue through the lack of pain medication too.

His plates throbbed constantly, the deep burns on his face, shoulder and neck causing the most pain. It was only set to get worse before it got better though. Even now as he lay on the couch working on his omnitool he was uncomfortable. He’d managed to find a spot where the nausea was bearable and one that didn’t pinch his still healing back.

He’d set up a meeting with Fade as soon as they’d arrived at the docks. He had two days left to find a way to stand against the withdrawal symptoms. Chakwas wasn’t optimistic but Shepard had agreed to his request as long as he had backup. She and Tali would join him on his outing to meet with Fade and help if anything went sideways. Until then he would sleep and attempt to regain his strength.

Shepard had been out again for the day, helping Thane track his son down no doubt. So when he heard the doors open softly behind him he paid them no mind figuring it was the Commander back from her mission, a little early but no matter. Instead he heard the sound of two pairs of heavy boots on the floor, he didn’t move other than sliding his hand under the couch to take hold of the pistol he’d left there.

“Hey, ugly? You awake?” he relaxed a fraction as he realised Jack was one of the two newcomers.

He slowly sat up, leaving the gun on the floor. “Yeah… what are you doing up here?” he asked calmly, hiding his discomfort and unease behind the Archangel mask, still in easy reach.

She descended the steps, Zaeed following closely behind her. “Came up to see you, ya ungrateful git,” the grizzled mercenary replied. “Heard the scuttlebutt that y’er after Fade.” 

Garrus nodded slowly as the man dropped into the chair deeper into the room, Jack moved in closer to him and sat on the other side of the couch, her legs spread wide and a boot on the table in front of her. “Yeah. Zaeed here can speed up your timeline if you want. Shep doesn’t exactly seem too keen on letting us squaddies blow our old enemies’ brains out.”

The bounty hunter grunted in agreement, “I’d been chasing Vido for near twenty years and she made me let him go to save a bunch of factory workers. Then damn near left me to burn alive for not behaving how she wanted. Damn that woman...”

Garrus’ eyes narrowed as he mulled over the name, “Santigo?” Zaeed perked up, “One of the Sun’s leaders? Human male, fond of batarian enforcers?”

“Yeah, that’s the bastard. You got info on him?”

The turian chuckled darkly, “Not much info left on him other than where I left the body.” He flicked his mandibles in a cocky smile.

“Fuck! You killed the bastard?” Garrus nodded. “Goddammit. I chased him for so long and you get the kill.” He sighed “At least the fucker’s dead. Did he get what was coming to him?”

“Oh I think so…” the turian replied darkly. “Check with your contacts, they’ll confirm his death for you.”

“I’ll do that. I guess we’ll be even after this then,” he said more to himself than to the other two. “Fade’s got a front man that’ll see you within an hour of initial contact. If you want him I’ll call and we’ll go after him.”

“Why would you help me?” he asked, still skeptical.

Jack shrugged, “We’ve been through enough shit to know how much you want this guy.” She seemed to mull something else over before she spoke again, “Something similar happened to me, not the same extent but it was close e-fucking-nough. I had two partners, a couple, few years older than me, they used me then left me for dead. Took my share of the credits and whatever else they wanted. I couldn’t sleep until I put a knife in their backs and I figure you won’t be able to either. Shepard needs you. She helped us so now we help her by letting you deal with your demons.”

Zaeed nodded and added in a gruff voice, “I knew batarians were sick but that shit turned my stomach. There’s a reason I didn’t want those four-eyed fucks in my gang. Least I can do now is help you get rid of the evidence.”

“Alright. Call your contact.”

“Yeah!” Jack said slamming a hand into her open fist. “Anything you need? You’re.. ah... looking a little rough.”

Garrus turned to her, “Armor up, I’ll meet you in the airlock in twenty.” He stood up and escorted the other two to the door, stance firm even though his head was swimming with dizziness. The two humans left without another word and Garrus was left in silence. He had a shot now and he wasn’t going to blow it because his hands were shaking.

He headed back down the stairs and to the nightside table where his last dosage of painkillers was waiting along with the emergency stim Chakwas had left him weeks ago after his allergic reaction. Without a thought he downed the painkiller and shot up. He swore as the needle pierced the sensitive flesh of his waist, hand shaking as he forced himself to take the medication. After a few breaths he started to feel the effects, the nausea dissipating even as his dizziness grew.

Once he’d steadied himself he grabbed his service pistol and headed for the elevator. The deck was close to empty as he headed for the main battery, it was after dinner time and most of the crew was on shore leave after duty hours. His armor was cleaned and waiting for him, his stash of meds and weapons too. By the time he headed to the airlock he was feeling nothing, his plates delightfully numb.

Joker was sitting in the cockpit and he looked up as he heard heavy boots on the deck behind him. “Hey Garrus, nice to see you up and about,” he greeted with a smile.

The turian nodded to him, “Moreau.” The two still weren’t on friendly terms since Shepard’s death and subsequent revival. Garrus hadn’t blamed Jeff, he blamed himself, but that didn’t mean he enjoyed spending time in the pilot’s presence anymore. Gone were the days where they would shoot the shit between missions and try to oneup each other's bad jokes. 

“Did the Commander call for backup? I didn’t receive anything…”

“No. I’m just heading out for a bit, need some air.” Garrus turned away and checked over his pistol in typical pre-mission fashion. The elevator opened to admit Zaeed and Jack. 

He narrowed his eyes, the question,  _ where the hell are you three going in full gear? _ on the tip of his tongue. “Garrus… maybe you should wait for the Commander...”

“No need to bother Shepard with this,” he replied firmly as the other two stepped into the airlock. “This is something I need to deal with on my own. I’ve got back-up. Leave her out of it.”

“Yeah,” he dragged out the word and rubbed the back of his head. “I’m not so sure she’d see it the same way…”

“Jeff?” Garrus interrupted, the use of his first name rather than his last, or his rank or nickname stopping him cold. “If we were ever friends you won’t say a word to her.”

He nodded and the blue clad turian turned on heel, heading out with Jack and Zaeed hot on his tail. When they reached the security checkpoint at the Citadel docks they waited for the scan to complete. Zaeed turned to Garrus, “Is the cripple going to be an issue?”

“No,” he replied easily. “Moreau won’t say a word to Shepard until she asks him directly and that won't be till she gets back from her mission, that’ll be enough time to find your contact at the least. Maybe more.”

“Alright,” he nodded and pulled up the contact’s information on his omnitool. “So he’s meeting us in the warehouse district. Expecting the contact with two or three guards. Nothing we can’t handle.”

Jack laughed, “Two? Come on old man, that isn’t even a challenge!”

Garrus shrugged single armed, “Fine. But I doubt you’d get Fade personally out in the open. This has got to be a middleman. You don’t get to be the forger on the Citadel without layers of protection.”

“You're right of course,” Zaeed blew out a breath. “This guy is high enough to have direct contact with Fade proper though. I made sure of that. Should be able to give us a name… just depends on how far you’re willing to go. We play this how you want.”

"Fine by me," Garrus replied as the C-Sec officer at the security checkpoint waved the two humans through and put up a hand to stop the turian, “Is there a problem with my credentials Officer? I’m on a schedule,” he asked curtly. 

“You check out fine sir but there’s been a note added to your file. Would you come with me a moment?” the request was not optional as the customs officer gestured to the Commander sitting behind the desk. Garrus waved his companions off and complied.

“Detective Vakarian. I’m Commander Bailey,” he held out his hand which Garrus accepted with a shred of reluctance. “You’ve been gone a while, seems someone was worried. With good reason apparently,” he drawled while gesturing to his scars.

Garrus shrugged nonchalant, “Am I being charged with anything?” his temper was short and he knew the in’s and out’s of C-Sec still, they couldn’t hold him. “If not I’ll be leaving.”

“You haven’t done anything illegal as far as I can tell, although going missing for two years and having having a retired top investigator for a father might cause you a few problems just reappearing. Commander Chellick has requested if you show up that we call it in,” he turned to the officer who’d escorted Garrus, “Calla get Chellick on the line.”

“It’s late. Can this wait?”

“Nope, don’t make a fuss or I’ll hold you for a standard day.” 

Garrus sighed but nodded, “Fine but give me a room. Chellick’s going to be pissed enough if you wake him.” Bailey agreed to his terms and allowed him use of the office in behind him, Officer Calla had just managed to raise the groggy turian.

_ “Chellick here, what’s the problem? I’m not on duty tonight.” _

“This is Officer Chella, customs officer Zakara ward. You left a note on file to call you if Detective Vakarian came through customs. I’ve got him here sir.”

“ _ Garrus?”  _ he asked, flabbergasted.  _ “I left that annotation a year and a half ago…” _

The turian in question stepped up to the console and dismissed the officer. “Decian, it’s been a long time,” he said slowly.

_ “Holy shit. It is you!” _ Every trace of sleep was gone from his voice now,  _ “Where the hell were you? I thought you were dead. If your father hadn’t contacted me a couple weeks back I wouldn’t have believed it.” _

“What does Castis have to do with this?” he asked, ignoring the question.

_ “He said he’d heard from you, wanted to see if I had anything. He convinced me to leave that note on your file a few months after you disappeared. What are you doing back? Where in the Spirits’ names were you?” _

“It doesn’t matter, I’m on a mission and I’d rather not get my family's hopes up. If you would stay silent about this little encounter for now I would appreciate it. I’ve got to go Decian...”

_ “Garrus wait! What the hell are you up to? I want to help.” _

He sighed frustrated, “I’m working under Specter Authority but if you really want to help send me what you’ve got on a forager named Fade. My old address is active.”

The new C-Sec Commander hesitated a moment before deciding on his course of action,  _ “Fine. I’ll do that. Just call me when this shit is over, a lot of people want to see you home safe.” _

“I doubt it but yeah.... I’ll ping you when I can.” Before Decian could say anymore Garrus cut the line and headed out of the dimly lit office. He headed straight for the transit hub, his omnitool buzzing with an incoming message from Chellick a few seconds later. 

“What the fuck was that?” Jack asked as she shoved herself off the waiting cab.

Garrus shook his head, “Nothing. It’s dealt with. Let’s go.” Zaeed shrugged and hopped into driver’s seat setting the destination. The biotic eyed the turian a moment before rolling her eyes and climbing into the back. Garrus gave one last look towards the station before he sat down and shut the door, the car lifting off seconds later.  

They arrived not long after that. The warehouse was in Zakara, not far from the docks. Two krogan guards made themselves obvious as Garrus, Jack and Zaeed entered the storage bay. They kept their cool even as they sized up the three heavily armed companions that had come to see their boss. An average looking volus waddled out from behind some crates not a moment later. "So..." he wheezed, "which one of you wants to disappear?"

Garrus took a step forward, “I’d rather see you make someone reappear.”

“Ah,” the volus was thrown off for a moment, he took a deep, wheezed breath before finding his words. “That is not the service we provide.”

“Make an exception,” the turian pulled his weapon, Jack and Zaeed mimicking him. “Just this once.”

“Dammit!” the Fade stand-in exclaimed. “Quick shoot them!” But they were too slow and just as quickly as the weapons were drawn his guards went down, non-fatal shots, nonetheless they wouldn’t be a problem anymore.

“Too slow,” Jack laughed with a grin.

“Why do I even bother?” the volus asked no one in particular.

Zaeed took a pace forwards, “We need to find a client of yours. I suggest you cooperate, else you’ll end up worse off than your friends.” The smirk on his face leaving no room for bargaining. 

“Wait I’m not the one you want to talk to, I’m not Fade!” he cried as Garrus took a step closer to him.

“Obviously…” Jack said rolling her eyes and settling back into her hip. “Maybe you’d like to tell us where to find him?” she asked arms crossed over her chest.

“Yes! Of course! He’s in the factory district. Works out of the old refab foundry.” 

Garrus nodded, “Right. I know the place.”

The volus was wheezing almost constantly now, his fear obvious as he spilled more information without prompting, “Oh he’s got a lot of mercs there. Blue Suns. Harkin thinks they are protecting him, but really they are protecting their business.”

“Harkin?” Garrus repeated. “Bastard... he’s using C-Sec to help those scum!”

“No, no. Well not really… he got fired from C-Sec a while ago but he still knows the systems.”

Zaeed cut in, “What do the Suns have to do with this?”

The squat alien was more than happy to continue supplying information, “They use his services to help their people infiltrate businesses and various organizations here on Citadel.”

He nodded, “Well, let’s go pay Harkin a visit then. Shall we?”

“We’ll need to go to the transit station I can get us to him from there,” Garrus explained, all but ignoring the volus now.

“So uh… I can go?” he asked stupidly bringing the attention back to him.

The turian shrugged, “Sure but if we don’t find Harkin we’ll be back for you.” He turned to go, the other two hot on his heels. As they headed up the stairs he thought he heard a wheezed sigh of  _ oh… good _ . But he couldn’t be sure, and he didn’t care to find out.

This time Garrus took the driver’s seat and punched in the coordinates of the foundry that the volus mentioned. His companions said nothing as he set the autopilot and pulled up his omnitool to peruse the message from Chellick. It had been dangerous for him to send the data packet but even after two years Decian apparently felt some loyalty to the man who had once been his junior and friend.

By the time they arrived Garrus was fully briefed on everything C-Sec knew about Fade and was glad to have the heads up there would likely be mechs to deal with. He hadn’t fought against one, other than the Geth, since Omega and the missile to the face. Jack and Zaeed exited the cab first and Garrus paused a moment to inject a second stim, the first was starting to wear off and he didn’t want to take any chances. 

Seconds after exiting the cab he spotted Harkin with a few of his goons, just coming back to base it looked like. “There he is!”

“Garrus?” Harkin asked bewildered before realising that the turian had hostile intentions, “Don’t just stand there! Stop them!” He ran for the elevator, his guards taking up defensive positions.

With all the pent up energy running through his veins he couldn’t help but yell after him, taunting, “Run all you want Harkin we’ll find you!” 

They quickly downed the Blue Suns he left and entered the lift. He wasn’t exactly the smartest criminal that Garrus had ever encountered, his base of operations was fairly linear and the forces thus far weren’t much of a challenge for three highly trained combatants. Garrus and Zaeed tore through their ranks with snipers while Jack destroyed those that got in close with her biotics and threw hordes of mercenaries into the air with her shockwaves making perfect targets.

Even if he hadn’t been high as a kite this wouldn’t have been difficult. The turian couldn’t help but laugh as they cleared the rooms with practiced ease, Zaeed and Jack settling into support roles without difficulty. They entered a control room for the cargo bay and had a few minutes to catch their breath before they headed into the last bay of the complex. Harkin had to be hiding there. 

“So... “ Zaeed drawled slowly, “You got a history with this guy?”

Garrus nodded, “You could say that. He was always a pain in the ass but I’m in no mood for his games if he doesn’t cooperate I’ll beat him within an inch of his life.”

Jack laughed as she pulled an energy bar from her belt. “Little tense there eh?” she asked around a mouthful.

“Harkin may know why Sidonis wanted to disappear,” he snapped back. “If so he knows why we’re here and I don’t want him tipping that bastard off. From the info C-Sec sent over I should just shoot Harkin on site. But I need that information.... just need to do enough damage so he’ll loosen that slimy tongue of his.”

The biotic nodded sympathetically, “Yeah. Seems like a coward, you won’t have to hurt him much. Ready?” she asked. The men nodded and she was first out the door, biotics flaring. 

It wasn’t long before they found out what Harkin had been running towards. Two heavy mech’s dropped and armed themselves quickly. If it hadn’t been for a rough shove into cover by Zaeed, Garrus might have received matching scars on his left side. 

“Get down you idiot!” he yelled. “Fucking hell, stay down and figure your shit out. Jack, hang back a minute.” 

She didn’t argue and quickly jogged back a few paces to duck into cover with her squadmates, “What the fuck old man? I’m just getting warmed up.” She cracked her neck with a sickening pop and took stock of the men. “Oh… got it. Missile to the face right?” Zaeed nodded. “Alright birdy, man the fuck up and overload the shields of the one on the left then I’ll hit it with a warp.”

Garrus’ shoulders raised in a deep breath and he nodded once, getting back to his feet he waited until the next heavy artillery shell impacted their cover then he moved. His omnitool flaring orange as he hit the command code for overload. Jack, as promised, followed up with a warp and Zaeed, not to be left out, threw a grenade. 

A couple pot shots later and the first beast was a smoking ruin. The trio turned their sights onto the second mech and it quickly went the same way as the first. They weren’t really known for having anything but brute strength unless they had a dedicated controller. Garrus stood fully in the empty room, “Thanks.”

The grizzled mercenary shook his head, “We all have our problems, I refused to take my helmet off for damn near six months after Vido shot me in the head. Made eating pretty difficult.” He started towards the raised platform that held the only place left for Harkin to run, “Head around the back, we’ll take the front.”

The turian agreed and headed for the rear of the prefab. Zaeed and Jack headed in first and as expected Harkin started for the back door, “You were close but not close enough!” 

Garrus, however, had other ideas and he swung his pistol hitting the human square in the jaw before he grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and pinned him against the back wall. “So Fade... couldn’t make yourself disappear, huh?”

The look of fear on his face was replaced with a smug grin, “Come on Garrus, we can work this out. What do you need?” the fake charm dripping from his every word.

“I’m looking for someone.” Garrus replied shortly as he released the man.

“Well I guess we both have something the other one wants…” he began but Garrus cut him off with a quick knee to the stomach that dropped him straight down with a grunt.

“That had to hurt,” Jack taunted. “Maybe you should just tell us what we want to know.”

Still not quite beaten even as he held his bruised, possibly broken, ribs he spat, “Maybe but I still haven’t heard what you want!”

Garrus growled and paced a few times before replying, the pent up energy getting to him a little quicker than usual, “You helped a  _ friend  _ of mine disappear. I need to find him.”

He sat up, “I might need a little more information than that.”

The turian stopped and rounded on the human, “His name was Sidonis. Turian. Came here from Om....”

Harkin cut him off, “I know who he is and I’m not telling you dick all.”

It was Zaeed who stepped in now, lowering himself to the floor in front of the ex-C-Sec officer, “Is this information really worth all the trouble mate? Could get yourself hurt if you don’t spill.”

“I don’t give out client information!” He said firmly as he shoved himself off the wall and stood back up, expression indigent. “It’s bad for business.”

Garrus seemed to have had enough though as he threw all his weight into the human pushing him against the wall and subsequently back onto the floor. He pressed a foot down onto his throat, “You know what else is bad for business? A broken neck…” he hissed venomously. 

“Alright, alright!” he cried, voice muffled around the foot crushing his windpipe. “Get off me!” Garrus complied when Jack pulled on his arm. Harkin still hadn’t realised it was time to keep his damn mouth shut though, “Terminus really changed you, huh Garrus?”

He laughed darkly, “No but Sidonis opened my eyes. Now, arrange a meeting!” he ordered and shoved the human towards the console in the corner. 

He quickly made arrangements for them to meet up, stating an agent would meet him wherever he chose. It was a good enough cover. “He wants to meet you in front of orbital lounge, middle of the day tomorrow. So if our business is done? I’ll be going.” The man started skulking towards the exit but Garrus wasn’t quite done with him. 

“I don’t think so. You’re a criminal now Harkin,” he drew his pistol again.  

The human turned on him, eyes wide, “So what you just gonna kill me? That’s not your style Vakarian. What would your daddy say, huh?”

He growled at the mention of his father, “Kill you? No, but I don’t mind slowing you down a little.” With a slight downwards motion he took aim and shot out the man’s knee. “Maybe give C-sec a blood trail to follow….”

“Bastard!” Harkin swore as he hit the floor.

“You’re lucky,” Jack said even as the turian was already halfway to the exit, “I wouldn’t have shot you in the leg.”

Garrus paused at the door, “Sidonis better be there, or I’m coming back to finish the job. Fuck what C-Sec wants.” Without another word the trio left the man bleeding on the ground, the wound wasn’t nearly bad enough to kill him, Zaeed was even kind enough to drop a packet of medi-gel at his feet before leaving. No, he would be captured. The turian ensured that would happen as he send a ping to Chellick giving him the exact location of the base. 

“That’s it for tonight,” he said finally when they arrived back to the waiting cab. “Meeting isn’t until tomorrow, not much else to do until then.”

“You still planning to kill Sidonis when we find him?” the biotic asked.

He nodded as he settled back into the seat, “That’s the plan, it’ll be quick and painless. Unlike everyone he betrayed.” His tone took a darker turn as he closed his eyes, “He’ll be spared the agony of a slow death. It’s more than he deserves but as long as he’s dead I’ll be satisfied.”

“I get that,” she replied. “You know, killing him won’t make it all go away. It doesn’t change what those fuckers did. No matter how much you want it to,” her tone had gotten a little more sombre, maybe more introspective. 

But the turian scoffed, “Maybe. But I’ll pull the trigger and I’ll live with the consequences. Thanks for the help, both of you.”

“I’d do the same if I were you,” Zaeed said as he settled back into his chair. “I’d do the same.

+-+-+

Garrus dropped Zaeed and Jack off at the docks, he needed some space and he definitely wasn’t going to get that on the Normandy. Shepard had pinged him once already but he’d ignored the message. He needed time to think, time to work off his fading high without the woman he loved looking at him with pity as he retched. 

So Garrus went to the only place he figured he would be able to get some peace and quiet. There was a reason he’d kept his apartment on the Citadel after all. It was near the other Vakarian clan residences, his parents had kept a dwelling here since he was a child as had his uncle and grandparents. He hadn’t seen them in years and he didn’t plan to see them now so he kept a low profile on his way there, checking his corners. 

The code hadn’t changed since he left it two years prior and the place hadn’t changed either. There was a light coating of dust, telling of the last time his cleaner had come through to work. He paid that asari good money to come through once a month but he doubted she’d been by in about three. It was almost eerie being back here, seeing his old things and life all around him. 

It was a simple dwelling, open concept with a single bedroom and bathroom. The kitchen overlooked the living space, a neatly organized desk was positioned so he could look out the window and to the door at the same time. A couch and chair took up the rest of the space, an island with stools for sitting broke up the room. The calm blue grey of the walls contrasted with red accents and blended wonderfully with the black countertops and glass tiled backsplash. 

Garrus quickly removed his armor and placed it in the automated cleaning rack from his C-Sec days. He prefered cleaning it by hand but as an officer working long hours he hadn’t the time and his father had graced him with the luxury item when he’d been promoted to detective. He placed his weapons in the rack and headed for his shower.

Little did the young Vakarian realise he left tiny droplets of his own blue blood on the floor in the living space. He wouldn’t notice the wound that dropped them until he peeled off his under armor in the bathroom, the left shoulder saturated with sticky medigel residue and half dried blood. He’d taken a slug in the arm and hadn’t even noticed.

The turian cleaned up as well as he could with the old medical kit he kept in storage, some of the supplies dried up or expired but it was good enough for now. Afterwards he stepped into the shower to rinse off, finding he’d left enough oil and sand here that he could get truly clean. It took him a while but the soothing act of buffing his plates was worth it, he could feel the tension draining from his bones as he scrubbed.

Soon Garrus could barely force himself to stay standing, he dragged his feet on the way to the bedroom. Dropping into the turian styled bed felt like heaven itself and he was asleep in moments. Whether it was the exhaustion setting in, or the fresh dose of dextrophine he’d swallowed while treating his shoulder, or if it was just the comforts of home he didn’t know. 

That night though? The ex-vigilante slept soundly.

+-+-+

The night wasn’t so calm for others on the Normandy crew. Shepard paced the briefing room in a frenzy as she waited for more information. She’d arrived back on the ship an hour ago and gone up to her cabin to find Garrus gone. EDI had told her he left with Zaeed and Jack earlier in the night but that was all the information she had. 

All three of them had been cleared for shore leave, there had been no reason for the AI to question their intentions nor stop them from leaving. She was, on the other hand, upset that Jeff hadn’t said anything. When she confronted him he told her exactly what EDI had, her turian had gone out.

After sending a message out and asking EDI to start monitoring for any sign of them she’d sequestered herself in the briefing room to wait. Going out looking for them would be useless, the Citadel was enormous. She couldn’t ask C-Sec just in case they were doing something less than legal. As the clock ticked on she grew more and more pissed off. So when Jack and Zaeed finally did board the ship? She lost it. 

The squadmates even had the decency to look a little ashamed of their actions, maybe even sorry. “Shepard come on, we know you wouldn’t have approved but he needed this,” the biotic tried to appeal. “Harkin’s was a bloody menace. He needed to get put down.”

The Commander rounded on her, “I don’t care! Let C-Sec deal with Harkin, let them handle their own criminals!”

“Yeah, I suppose you’re right,” Zaeed mumbled under his breath. “But I’m not going to apologize for helping him. He deserves to make the rat bastard pay for what he did.”

“Had you two even thought this through? Where the fuck is he now? Going off on some bender because you two idiots convinced him to forgo rehab to become a murderer? Damn it!” she vented and began pacing again.

“There’s no turning back now Shep,” Jack grabbed the Commander’s arm. “We’ve done the leg work, now he needs your help to finish the job. Who’s going to bring that asshole to justice if he doesn’t? Who else cares?”

“What?” she asked more surprised than anything at the biotic’s grasp of the situation.

“No one else knows what Sidonis did. No one else cares. There aren’t any other options here Shepard. Give him the night off to sleep on it, alright?”

She nodded slowly, “Alright. You win.”

+-+-+

The morning came far too soon, Garrus woke as he usually did groggy and alone. Even when he slept with Shepard he tended to wake after she’d gone. Despite turians typically not sleeping as long as humans. He needed the additional sleep to heal and she tended to sleep less than most. Carefully he levered himself out of the bed and checked the time, he had about two hours until the rendezvous which left him plenty of time to get ready. He opened his closet and found a clean undersuit to slip into after he finished in the washroom. The wound on his good shoulder looked to be healing fine, just one more scar to add to his extensive web.

He leaned forwards against the sink, staring at himself in the mirror. His paint chipped and faded, all but gone on his right side. Garrus sighed, “If only you could see me now dad.” He rubbed a hand over his face trying to find the will not to shoot up. He was already shaky, already too cold and nauseous. If he was going to shoot straight he’d need the stim. 

The vial vibrated with the tremor in his hand. Carefully he extended the needle and held his breath as he watched in the mirror, watched the epinephrine drain into him. He grasped the sides of the sink to keep his balance, the fresh wave of familiar dizziness nearly sending him stumbling back. When the turian was able he opened his eyes and looked at the change in the mirror. Garrus still looked exhausted but his damaged plates seemed less severe now, his eyes were harder, the set of his mandibles firm. 

Archangel was back for one last fight. 

Without further reflection he geared up and headed out into the day. He took a cab over to the Orbital Lounge, while enroute he finally checked his messages. There was a thank you note from Decian along with a request to see him along with a couple messages from Shepard which he skimmed over without really reading. 

When he stepped out of the cab he wasn’t surprised to see her in place of Zaeed and Jack as his backup. “Commander,” he greeted shortly. 

“What the hell were you thinking?” she demanded, ignoring his greeting completely.

He sighed in response, “I was thinking that moving up my timeline gave Sidonis less of a chance to escape. Zaeed and Jack offered to help, you were busy so I accepted. What’s your problem?”

“My problem?” she laughed. “My problem is you snuck off the goddamned ship and relapsed, Garrus. My problem is you don’t trust me enough to see this through.”

He took a pace forwards, nearing her personal space, “I wasn’t aware I was confined to quarters. As for relapsing? What the hell was I supposed to do, I could barely keep a ration bar down let alone keep my rifle steady.”

“Have you thought this through? Do you even know what you’re doing?”

“Fuck Shepard, I’m not turning back now.”

“You aren’t thinking straight Garrus,” she shot back. “It’s not too late, you don’t have to go through with this.”

“I don’t see any other options,” he replied with a growl.

“Let me talk to him.”

“What?” he asked, surprised at her offer.

“I said, let me talk to him.”

“Fine, talk all you want, but it won’t change my mind. I don’t care what his reasons were, he screwed us. He deserves to die.”

“I understand what you are going through, but do you really want to kill him?”

“Do you?” Garrus asked, taking a step closer to the Commander. “I honestly don’t think you get it. He sold us out! The mercs slaughtered my men and ensured they died slowly. If it hadn’t been for your intervention I’d be a lot worse off than I am now, as it is I’m missing half my fucking face, I’ve got cybernetics holding my arm and jaw together…”

“Garrus…” she tried.

But he cut his hand through the air, “Enough. I appreciate your concern but I’m not you.”

“This isn’t you either.”

“Really? I’ve always hated injustice. The thought that Sidonis could get away with this? Why should he go on living while ten good men lie in unmarked graves. I’m sorry Shepard but words aren’t going to solve this problem. I need to set up. I can get a clear shot from over there.”

“What do you need me to do?” she asked dejected.

“Keep him talking and don’t get in my way. I’ll let you know when he’s in my sights. Give me a signal so I know you’re ready and I’ll take the shot. You better go, he’ll be here soon.” Without another word he turned on heel and headed for the fire escape. 

As he got into position on the catwalk he tried to steady his breaths but found they were coming too quickly. His hands were shaking more than usual, his body acting as though it needed another dose of stimulants even though he was far from due. “Spirits,” he swore as he knelt down. Garrus looked up to see Shepard was waiting in clear view and about 100 meters further out Sidonis was waiting, “Fuck…” he said under his breath. He just needed a few more minutes, then this would be over.

He shot up again.

A voice over his com broke his concentration,  _ “Garrus, can you hear me?”  _ It was Shepard. He looked down and noticed she was looking back to where he was perched, eyes scanning for him but he was well hidden in the shadows.

He cleared his throat, “Yeah. Loud and clear.” After a few solid breaths he refocused his scope and rested the weapon on the railing to steady it. “Alright, there he is. Turian on the bench. Wave him over and keep him talking.” 

The Commander did as requested.  _ “Let’s get this over with,” _ she sighed as she took a few paces towards the turian before raising a hand and waving. He looked just as he did on Omega, maybe a little thinner but those same light purple markings adorned his jaw. 

“You’re in my shot! Move to the side,” Garrus hissed. He wasn’t sure how long he could maintain his composure, the new dose should have been steadying his hand, not making it worse.

Shepard’s voice rang out over the comm unit,  _ “Listen Sidonis, I’m here to help you.” _

“What!” Garrus nearly yelled in reply. As the other turian yelped,  _ “Don’t ever say that name aloud!” _

_ “I’m a friend of Garrus’, he wants you dead. But I’m hoping that’s not necessary.”  _ She continued. 

_ “Garrus? Is this some kind of joke?”  _ Sidonis replied in shock. He took a few steps backwards but Shepard followed him, staying in the scope.

“Dammit Shepard! If he moves I’m taking the shot,” Garrus ground out as he started working out another way to hit his mark. The area was too crowded for a ricochet to work and he couldn’t shoot through Shepard, nor did he have enough time to climb down from his perch. In all senses of the word she’d fucked him.

When Shepard didn’t reply Sidonis seemed to have had enough, _ “You’re not kidding are you? Screw this, I’m not sticking around here to find out. Tell Garrus I had my own problems.” _

He made to flee but Shepard grabbed his arm,  _ “Don’t move!” _ she ordered firmly. He tried to pull away with a hissed demand of  _ get off! _ But she wouldn’t let go, _ “I’m the only thing standing between you and a hole in the head.” _

He stopped cold, “Fuck… look... I didn’t want to do it. I didn’t have a choice.” He took his eyes off the Commander to scan the space behind her, trying to find the sniper without success.

“Everyone has a choice!” Garrus ground out between clenched teeth. He was fading. His body wasn’t producing adrenaline on its own anymore, he was crashing badly. It took a lot of effort to focus back in on the conversation.

_ “They got to me,” _ he was saying.  _ “Said they’d kill me if I didn’t help. What the fuck was I supposed to do?” _

“Let me take the shot Shepard. He’s a damn coward.”

_ “That’s it you were just trying to save yourself?”  _ The turian took a few paces towards the balcony, Shepard followed closely keeping in Garrus’ shot. 

_ “I know what I did, they died because of me.”  _ Sidonis began explaining,  _ “I have to live with that. I wake up every night sick and sweating. Each of their faces staring at me. Accusing me, I’m already a dead man, I don’t sleep, food has no taste. Some days I just want it to be over.” _

“Just give me the chance…” Garrus panted.

The Commander rubbed her hand over her forehead,  _ “You’ve got to let it go Garrus. He’s already paying for his crime.” _

“That’s not enough,” he yelled in reply, voice warped with strain. “He still has his life!”

_ “Look at him Garrus, he’s not alive. There’s nothing left to kill.” _

But the blue clad turian wasn’t listening any longer, he’d fallen back from the edge of the balcony. His sniper rifle shaking in his hands, the muzzle pointed towards the deck. “My men, they deserved better,” he whispered defeated.

The conversation continued on the street down below,  _ “Tell Garrus... I guess there is nothing I can say to make it right.” _

_ “No, there isn’t.”  _ Shepard confirmed and took a pace towards him. She jabbed a finger into his chest,  _ “Because of you he lost his team. Because of you he was captured by the same mercenaries you helped! You are scum and if it weren’t for him? You’d be dead right now.”  _ Sidonis tried to cut in but Shepard didn’t let him,  _ “Listen closely bareface, you will find a way to make up for what you’ve done. You’ll never make this right but...” _

“Just go, tell him to go,” Garrus said over her rant. 

_ “He’s giving you a second chance Sidonis, don’t waste it.” _

_ “I’ll try Garrus, I’ll make it up to you somehow.”  _ He turned to leave, “ _ Thank you for talking to him.” _

_ “I didn’t do it for you,” _ Shepard replied as she watched him disappear into the crowd. She turned away and started back towards the cab, “ _ Garrus? _ ” she asked tentatively. When he didn’t reply immediately she picked up her pace,  _ “I know this didn’t go like you wanted… but I need you to talk to me.” _

He was quiet for another moment before rasping, “Help… need help.”

_ “What do you mean? What’s wrong?” _ she asked as she started jogging, “ _ I’ll be right there, hold on.”  _ When she reached the bottom of the fire escape he still hadn’t replied, there had been a few wheezed attempts at words but nothing came out coherent. 

She reached the top of the ladder and was at his side in moments, her breaths still fairly even through her sprint. He was sitting down, his back against the wall, head between his knees as he tried to breathe normally. It wasn’t going well.

“Oh shit, Garrus. What happened?” Shepard knelt down next to him and carefully removed the rifle from his grasp as she put the safety back on. With the weapon safe she could move in to triage and at the same time get the Normandy on the com, “Normandy, this is Shepard.”

“ _ Normandy here,”  _ Jeff’s voice replied a moment later, voice light. “ _ What can we do for you Commander _ ?”

“Jeff, get Chawkwas on the line.” He replied in the affirmative and the doctor was on the line in moments, asking for a rundown. “It’s Garrus.” She explained, “His heart rate and breathing is elevated, erratic, he’s freezing cold to the touch, shaking, conscious but not responsive.”

_ “Alright, it sounds like he’s going into shock. Did he start dosing again?”  _

“Yes,” she replied honestly. “I don’t know how much he’s had though. At least one stim this morning, and I see another vial used near him. I don’t know when he took it.”

_ “Keep me updated, if he starts doing anything that doesn’t seem right let me know immediately. Can you move him onto his left side?” _ When Jane responded in the affirmative she gave further instruction, “ _ Lay him down on the ground, one arm above his head, head resting on that arm.” _

“He’s there now. Is there anything else I can do?”

_ “If you have a waterpack try and get him to drink some, make sure the heating coils in his suit are on. Keep him comfortable and let me know if anything changes, I’m enroute to your location now with Doctor Solus.” _

Even though they kept the comm line open the next twenty minutes were some of the most anxiety ridden and lonely minutes of Jane Shepard’s two lives. She sat on the ground with Garrus’ head in her lap, her hand brushing over his fringe as she carefully dripped water into his mouth. When she’d tried to give it any faster than that he’d panicked on her so she held back. 

Where they were going to take him from here was up for debate, they wouldn’t be able to get him back to the ship like this… not through C-Sec’s enhanced security. Even with spectre status it would take too long and require too much forethought. They couldn’t take him to a standard hospital so she started wracking her brain for options. 

By the time Karin and Mordin arrived though they’d solved that problem. They had Tali with them and she’d gotten a hold of the french doctor Michelle. The woman that had taken care of Tali’s wound after she had a run in with Saren’s troops, and she was the same woman that Garrus had helped numerous times while he worked at C-Sec. Michelle was overjoyed to help, although that might not have been the choice of words considering Garrus’ condition. In any case she had a stretcher waiting when they arrived in the cab.

Michelle asked no questions and gave Doctor Chakwas full command over her small clinic. With Garrus’ armor removed they were able to treat his shoulder properly and his drug addled body. Overdosing on stimulants was becoming habit for the turian, this being the third time in as many weeks. Conscious but incoherent was the way he spent the next few hours, Shepard at his side and the doctors working him over. 

A decision was made the next morning, Garrus would be left on the Citadel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that's not good...
> 
> Fanfiction recommendation: The Mark by jhoom. https://archiveofourown.org/works/5878507 . A beautiful take on soulmarks. FshepxGarrus


	10. Chapter 10 - Recovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garrus manages to pull it together only to be caught in yet another web, this one unexpected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \\(^o^)/ 
> 
> Nearly 1000 hits! Thank you all for sticking with me. Just this chapter and one more after it to go. Hold on folks, it's about to get bumpy.... bumpier?

Days passed.

Once he was stable and the drugs left Garrus’ system clear enough, he was sedated. The turian spent the remainder of the week like that, this time Karin took no chances. He would get off the stims and the pain medication whether he wanted to or not. She called in Doctor Mephran from Illium, and Liara covered the expense without question.

The decision to leave Garrus in Doctors Michelle and Mephran’s capable hands wasn’t an easy one but the Commander and her crew had a job to do. The Normandy’s upgrades finished on schedule, she had dealt with Thane’s son and Kasumi’s partner’s grey box. It was time to move on.

By the time the turian woke up they’d be long gone.

 

+-+-+-+

 

Garrus woke slowly. Awareness coming over the course of minutes instead of seconds. The room was dimly lit, and he could smell antiseptic. Another day another medical bay apparently. He was chained down again, at the wrists and elbows. His head pounded, his face ached and his right arm was numb, the realisation he didn’t have any drugs other than the sedative flowing through his veins was sudden and jarring.

He opened his eyes fully and was surprised to find he was in a private clinic, he looked around for some kind of identifying feature and found a familiar face sitting at the desk instead. Doctor Mephran, the turian trauma specialist for Illium. This realisation sent Garrus for a loop, where the hell was he? How long had it been? Transport to and from Illium was a matter of days not hours.

His elevated heart rate on the surrounding machines alerted the man to his newly awakened state. Mephran spun in his chair to face him, unmoving from his seated position. “Officer Vakarian, welcome back.”

Garrus looked him straight in the eyes as he calmly replied, “Mephran.” He didn’t attempt to fight the restraints just yet.

“I’m sure you have a lot of questions,” he began waiting for Garrus to reply. When he remained silent he continued, “You’re on the Citadel. Doctor Michelle was gracious enough to allow us use of her clinic while she is doing a handful of shifts at Huerta’s emergency ward. Doctor Chakwas requested my presence as her treatment plan didn’t seem to be working.”

“And the reason for the restraints?” Garrus asked, voice cold, almost venomous.

“The last few times you’ve woken up you were rather violent. The restrains were a precaution for my safety as well as your own, what’s the last thing you remember?”

“Last few times…” he repeated. Mephran nodded and Garrus asked, “How long have I been out?”

The turian doctor slowly stood up and crossed to the younger man’s side, “It’s been six days since I arrived. Eight total since your overdose. I need you to answer a few questions for me, is that alright?”

“Eight days? Overdose? Where’s Shepard?” his questions got a little more frantic towards the end, his control slipping.

“The Commander left about four days ago. She said her mission couldn’t wait any longer but she would return for you once you’ve healed. Now Garrus think for me, what is the last thing you remember?”

He closed his eyes and took a steadying breath. The restraints clinked against the metal railing as he tried, unsuccessfully, to press a hand to his forehead. “I was with Shepard. We were… fuck… outside orbital lounge. She got in my shot. She wouldn’t move, wouldn’t let me get a clear view.”

“That’s good, just breathe now. Try to relax...”

“Relax?” Garrus shouted in response, “How the fuck do you expect me to relax when she fucking left me here?” As the young turian became more upset the monitors started reacting in kind. If the doctor couldn’t get his patient under control soon he’d need to be sedated... again. 

This was attempt number three. 

“Vakarian, I need you to listen to me. The Commander needs you at your best. You needed to heal and get over this drug issue. The best way to do that was to leave you out of the action for a few days. She’s been checking in regularly, the Normandy is fine. They’re safe.”

A few more minutes passed like this, back and forth between doctor and patient. Calming tones and subvocal cues followed by frantic breaths and words and the ever constant clanging of metal on metal. If this attempt didn’t work Mephran decided he’d need to get something that made less noise. 

Dealing with a panicking veteran was one of the most difficult parts of the doctor’s job. They were strong, both in physical strength and will, sometimes more than he could handle on his own. Especially when their fears were combined with drugs. Like Vakarian, actually. His system was completely clear from the stimulants and the painkillers now. He would be in a lot of pain and there wasn’t a thing Mephran could do to relieve him of it. 

Finally he seemed to make some progress, Garrus’ heart rate started to stabilize. It was still fast but not dangerously so. “That’s better, just a few more minutes. Let it pass.”

“Give me my visor.” At the doctor’s questioning gaze the younger turian gestured as best he could to the targeting visor on the table beside the bed. “You want me calm?” he nodded. “Then give it to me. I need it.”

At first he was reluctant to comply but after a few moments of indecision he decided there was no harm in it and he picked up the item. Ideally handing it to the other man would have been best but considering his cuffed state he fumbled to put it on him instead.

Garrus’ instructions were thorough, in less than a minute it was in place and powered on. A quick few twitches and flicks of his eyes had information scrolling rapidly across the screen. Surprisingly enough his heart rate slowed further and his breaths started to come even again. 

Mephran took a step back and watched him for a few minutes. The younger man’s eyes rapidly moving as he absorbed the information in front of him. When he finally slowed down he took the opportunity, “Vakarian,” he said garnering his attention. “It’s time for us to talk. According to Doctor Chakwas you haven’t been doing well since the incident, it’s my job to help you move past it. Do you think we can do that?”

Garrus looked away, his gaze focusing on the floor on the opposing side of the bed. He said something quietly, “What was that?” Mephran asked as he sat down in the nearby chair.

He looked up, eyes meeting the older turian’s again, “I’m not supposed to be here.”

“Let’s start there, what do you mean here?”

“I mean alive,” Garrus snapped back. “I should have died in that hellhole but I didn’t. I couldn’t offer my squad the decency of dying avenging them. I went to Omega to die and all I have to show for it is ten good men, dead, and one more still living because I couldn’t stomach killing him.”

Mephran took a deep breath, this was the most he’d heard the younger speak about his past, he couldn’t waste the opportunity. “Why should the eleventh have died?”

“He betrayed us.” Garrus took a deep breath with his eyes shut tight. When he opened them again he seemed a little less shell shocked, “The coward sold us out to the mercs and lured me away so that they could ambush the rest of the team. They’re dead because I wasn’t there.”

“That’s a lot of pressure to put on just one man, Garrus. They knew the risks, they were well trained.”

He scoffed, “Trained to follow orders, not to be slaughtered while their leader was off on a damn pyjack hunt! I had the barefaced bastard in my sights and I couldn’t pull the trigger. She wouldn’t let me. Then when she moved, I couldn’t do it.”

The doctor adjusted himself in his chair to lean forwards on his knees. “He was your subordinate, and seeing how much this affected you I’d warrant he was your friend too. I cannot imagine the pain you must be feeling but know that what he did wasn’t your fault. Obviously you and your team did a lot of good but now Archangel should rest and Garrus Vakarian should come back.”

His eyes snapped to the elder’s at his codename, “How did you…”

“It wasn’t too hard for me to piece together, I knew you were on Omega and had a team. Not to mention you’re a turian sniper and the timeline fits with when you arrived on Illium.” 

Garrus swore. Loudly.

_+_+_+_

It had been eleven days since the overdose and he’d just found out that Shepard wasn’t going to be able to make it back to the Citadel for another half a week. He was livid. Eight days unconscious, one more tied down to a hospital bed, then two under near constant supervision. And now? She was delayed. Delayed by Liara and some kind of lead on the Shadow Broker. 

Garrus was miserable to say the least. Mephran was set to leave the next morning and then the turian would be alone. He’d received a couple messages from Chellick requesting to see him and he’d finally agreed. It had actually improved his standing with the turian doctor when he’d mentioned it. Apparently interacting with someone from his past would be  _ helpful _ to his recovery. The younger man disagreed.

It was an odd feeling to say the least walking into a Citadel Security Precinct. The customs office in Zakera had been easy, but this? It was strange. His whole world had been inside these walls for years and now he was back. From the burnt ashy smell of human coffee to the standard cop chatter, it was all the same.

He wore a set of generic fatigues, his armor was on the Normandy as were his usual weapons. 

Instead he carried a simple service pistol at his hip, his open carry permit still valid. If not for the large bandage covering most of his face and the scars escaping out from under it he would have fit in just fine with this crowd. He was more muscled than the majority of the officers, thinner too, all lithe muscle from years of wearing heavy armor on Omega.

At first he caught no attention, slipping in unnoticed behind a small group coming in for shift change. He stepped up to the reception counter where a young turian officer sat, obviously on forced desk duty with a broken arm sitting carefully in a sling. Garrus got the young man’s attention with a gruff, “I’m here to see Commander Chellick.”

He was obviously startled when he responded, “ do… do you have an appointment sir?” eyes wide as he stared openly at Garrus’ scars.  

“Just tell him Vakarian is here to see him.”

The chatter began to die off, eyes moved to cling to his form. The mention of one of C-Sec’s prominent names garnering attention as much as his appearance did once they noticed him. Garrus had worked with a number of the officers here in the past, during his initial uniformed days and then again as a junior detective before being transferred to the Presidium Precinct. 

“Of course,” he replied after a moment before opening a com link and dialling. “Morning Commander, I’ve got a Mr. Vakarian here for you.” He paused, waiting for Chellick to respond, “yes sir. I’ll have an officer escort…” he paused then backpedaled, “But… Of course... Yes... I’ll just send him to your office.” He looked back up at Garrus, “You can head right in. Up the stairs and the third door on your left.”

The scarred turian only nodded and turned away to head up to the second level. Chellick’s office overlooked the bullpen as was typical of turian design. He caught a few nods and quite a few uncertain stares as he went. It wasn’t until he began to shut the new Commander’s door behind himself that the gossip started. If his father didn’t know he was alive by now, he would know soon.

“Decian. It’s been a long time.”

“Garrus, come on in!” Chellick greeted him without looking up from his terminal. “Just give me a second to finish… this… and done.” He looked up and whatever he was about to say died on his tongue. The younger man held himself up well enough, ignoring his old friend’s sobered look as he sat down opposite him. “What in the Spirit's’ name happened?” the older man asked finally.

“Tried to catch a rocket with my teeth,” Garrus replied dryly. “It didn’t go well.”

“Fuck…”

“Yeah well, I’m still here. Is that all you needed?” he made to stand but Chellick held up a hand. Vakarian settled back down, “I’m listening.”

“You’ve got to give me a little more to go on than that, Garrus. You disappeared for over two years and now you’re back and Shepard is back and suddenly you’re both working with some kind of human terrorist group.”

“It isn’t that simple Decian. But yes I’m working with Shepard. Cerberus is facilitating the mission, the council reinstated her spectre status if you want to check into it.” He paused a moment considering how he wanted to play it before continuing, “You already knew that though. Just how far have you looked into my disappearance?”

“Far enough to know how well you orchestrated it. Even the Spectres couldn’t find you, Garrus. I don’t know where you went or what you did but honestly? It’s good to see you, mostly, in one piece.”

He sighed and leaned back to stare at the ceiling for a moment, “I’m together enough now. It was a rough go for a while but I’ve got one or two loose ends to tie up before I head home.”

“Your mission?” Chellick asked and Garrus nodded. “That I understand, but you need to talk to your father. Let him know that you’re alive, at least for the moment. Your appearance on the Citadel will obviously get back to him, not to mention your involvement bringing down Harkin. Thanks for that by the way.”

“Felt good to help with Harkin, he always was a scheming little vorcha. And I will. I’ll contact them before the end.”

Decian’s mandibles quirked in a frown, “Sooner rather than later I hope. Your family has been worried sick about you. Your dad’s been pulling strings, calling in favours trying to find you....”

Garrus shrugged, turning his head so his scars faced away from his old friend. “Yeah.” He sighed and stood, “Take care of yourself Chellick.” Without another word he turned on heel and left. Ignoring the other man calling him back and the eyes of the precinct on him as he left. 

He headed straight for the docks. Mephran had told him to find what would give him closure. And there was only one place he would be able to get that. 

Omega. 

_+_+_+_+

Omega was exactly the cesspool he remembered it to be. The stale air and dim red lighting of the constant twilight permeated everything. He went unnoticed in the crowd exiting the public shuttle, just a badly scarred turian in plain black fatigues. He wouldn’t be bothered, the older model sniper rifle on his back and service pistol worn open on his hip ensured that. 

He’d managed a few fleeting hours of sleep on the shuttle that morning so he was rested enough to start his journey back to Kima. He didn’t know exactly why he was drawn back there but he quickly fell into the shadows and onto one of the many predetermined paths there. No one would be able to follow him, Archangel had made sure of that when he built the pathway system soon after founding the base.

As he neared the base his visor started giving him telemetry from those cameras that were still in working order. Surprisingly quite a few were still available. The makeshift barrier was still blocking the way so he had to hop over it to get to the bridge. Scattered bits of mech were all over the ground, all the important bits scavenged. The bodies had been cleaned up for the most part. There might not be keepers on Omega but the vorcha tended to take care of refuse rather quickly.

It was a little surreal looking up at the balcony from this position, the hole in the concrete from the first missile. His hand drifted to sit on his hip, just over his pistol. Not quite touching it but within a half second’s movement from his hand like when he was a cop.

A quick scan showed no lifesigns in the complex but he moved forwards warily anyways. His pace was slow as he cleared each room. He was hesitant on the stairs but managed to climb them and face the midnight blue smear of dried turian blood amid a few pieces of his old armor. He could feel his heart rate climb as he stared out at the bridge, the shear volume of destruction he and the gangs had caused. 

Garrus didn’t know how long he stood there but when he finally moved he felt as though his joints were rusted over. Each step was agonizingly slow as he moved around the building once more. He found all ten bodies of his team exactly where he left them. Two rows in the living room, one in the kitchen and three upstairs. It had been weeks and decay had set in, the smell permeated his nose. It was only set to get worse after what he had planned.

The morbid laugh that escaped him was unexpected, when he spoke to the empty room it sounded wrong, “Over the years I got used to the smell of burning bodies… that’s probably a bad sign.” He sighed and carefully carried his team one by one into the living room. It wasn’t quite a proper burial but it would have to do. 

None of his team’s bodies had been scavenged, apparently even Omega knew to let these dead rest. He took the omnitools from their arms to be gone through later. He’d asked each of them to leave a file with messages for anyone they would leave behind on them that were easily accessible in case the worst happened. 

The young Vakarian searched the base one final time, taking with him everything of value left behind by the scavengers. The safe in his room had been emptied and his spare weapons were gone but the secondary safe in the kitchen was still intact and he grabbed the credits and supplies he’d left there. 

After a quick few minutes he’d managed to gather up everything flammable in the building. He stacked it well in the livingroom and to ensure it all burned he checked the explosive charges he and Erash had rigged months before. Charges he should have used to kill himself instead of getting captured. 

He exited the building via the bridge and with one last look, and a quietly whispered prayer to the Spirits, he let off a single shot of his sniper rifle. The incendiary ammunition going to work immediately. He watched the flames spark until smoke started to billow out the open windows. Garrus turned away then and started walking, his pace steady but not rushed.  As he rounded the corner towards his escape route he felt the first explosion.

He didn’t look back.

Without delay he headed for Afterlife. There were two main reasons he headed there instead of some dingy bar in the turian wards. One, the gangs tended not to cause trouble in Aria’s domain. And two? One of the VIP guards owed him. He wasn’t setting out to get drunk, he just needed to take the edge off, without going back to his old vices. Alcohol he could control. He knew that.

Garrus was immediately waved in by the turian guard, the upper level of Afterlife buzzing with the usual activity. The mood was more mellow up here, the main and lower levels held a certain desperation in the air that didn’t transfer up to this floor. He moved to the bar and a bartender appeared within moments, he ordered a brandy from the top shelf and set up a tab. He’d be there for at least one or two more.

When his drink arrived he picked it up and swirled it around the glass, the blue liquid crystal clear. He sipped slowly, letting the cool beverage slide down his throat. It carried no burn like the cheaper stuff, only rich flavour. The nuance of Palaven ripened fruit undercoating the metallic tang from the barrel. He didn’t rush the drink, it was too good to be rushed and he was too tired. 

When he did eventually look up from the glass he surveyed the bar, his keen eyes searching for any signs of discontentment. Everyone was calm, the atmosphere subdued by the music and the crowd. He scanned once more and noticed only then that there was one unusual sight, Aria was on the upper level. 

She sat in a private booth, surrounded by a minimal posse. Her guards were posted at the rim, Grizz, the turian, and Anto, the batarian. Beside her in the booth was Lota, her secret bodyguard, also known as the wolf. By the time Garrus got to the queen’s face he realised that she was staring directly at him. They made eye contact and she only broke it to look at the empty place beside her and back up to him. The unspoken command to come over obvious.

He looked back to the bar, drink in hand. A short sigh was all he had time for as he looked longingly at the last half his glass. He shot the remainder, a waste of good alcohol if there ever was one, and stood slowly. Garrus made his way across the bar at an easy pace, when he stopped at the end of the table Grizz moved to the side and allowed him a seat across from the queen herself. The scared turian took the offered seat without question, he didn’t have a choice so he wouldn’t fight quite yet.

The music and the high-walled booth drowned out the sound from the rest of the bar, so when Aria spoke the words were clear, “I told Shepard that Archangel was no longer welcome on Omega. You’re lucky you haven’t been shot yet.”

He shrugged single-armed as had become habit, “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Archangel’s dead.”

“No need to play coy,” Aria all but purred. “You’ve been creating trouble again and as long as it doesn’t continue you’re free to continue being Garrus Vakarian.”

“Me? Make trouble?” he chuckled low in his throat, using that deep register that tended to evoke certain  _ reactions _ from other species. “Never.” 

To the untrained eye Aria was unaffected but he knew her tells from months of observation and a few insiders. The queen had a softspot for turians; she tended towards the female variety but would occasionally make an exception. “You’re telling me you had nothing to do with the explosion in Kima?”

Another single-armed shrug was his answer.

“You surprise me,” she stated simply. A quiet few moments passed where she sipped at her ever present drink. “So  _ Garrus _ what is it that brings you back to my domain?”

He tilted his head away from her, baring his throat in such a way that would be alluring in the right circumstances. “Well…” he drew out the word, letting the not so subtle nuance settle before he continued, “I had unfinished business.”

Her smile was vicious, “And? Did you accomplish your goals?”

“Enough that I’m... satisfied,” he drawled slowly. 

“You know Omega’s rule. As long as you follow it you’ll have no issue from, well…” she gestured around her small circle, “them.”

“I have no intention of fucking with Aria.” 

“Too bad,” she replied with a vicious smile before gracefully standing. “When you’re done playing pet turian for the Commander give me a call. I could use someone with your talents.”

He couldn’t help the low growl, “I’m no one’s pet.”

The queen laughed and halted a few steps away. “Careful boy,” She said over her shoulder, a brow raised in her amusement. “Shepard wanted you alive. I doubt the gangs will play with their food if they catch you again.” As she started leaving again she heard him say, more to himself than to her.

“I won’t give them the chance.”

He wasn’t worth a second glance and she didn’t afford him one. Instead Lota, sensing her request, flagged the bartender and indicated to the lone turian. She was barely gone from sight before a new glass appeared before him, the same liquor as earlier. He almost laughed. Instead he gave a nod of thanks to the bartender and lifted the glass to the dim light of the bar, crystal clear.

He was left alone in the booth for the duration of this second beverage, he took his time. Savouring it like the first, letting his head go empty and the thoughts nagging at his mind halt. He still wasn’t certain why, but the atmosphere in Afterlife’s upper level always did that to him, calmed him down. Let his thoughts go blank. Maybe it was the relative safety of the public location, one with numerous guards ensuring fights didn’t break out. Or maybe it was the clientele.

He’d probably never know.

Garrus looked at his omnitool when he finally finished that second drink. He’d lost track of time. It had been well over an hour since he arrived at the bar. He checked his messages and found the Normandy was docking right on schedule. Shepard was going to be pissed with him for coming back here alone instead of waiting on the Citadel like she’d asked.

He fired off a quick message with his location and the night’s codeword for the VIP room; Jaruut. Carefully he extracted himself from the booth and headed for the bar, one last drink to settle the night he figured. His face had started to ache less as the alcohol worked its way into his system. He wasn’t drunk in any sense of the word but to say he wasn’t feeling the effects would be an understatement. Tipsy would be an apt way to describe it. 

He took a stool near the end of the bar, it wasn’t busy so he had no trouble getting a secluded space. The turian bartender acknowledged him almost immediately and Garrus nodded his thanks as he placed the used glass down on the bartop. 

He’d closed his eyes a moment to centre himself, mulling over what he’d say to Shepard when she arrived. When he opened them he realised he wasn’t alone. An asari had just settled into the seat beside him, dressed in a black, skintight catsuit. Not too dissimilar from Miranda or Samara’s in its curve hugging appeal. The barkeep acknowledged her as well and grabbed an expensive bottle of asari liquor from the shelf before heading over to them.

Her voice was smooth as silk when she thanked the man, “Excellent service as always Reika. Put them both on my tab, would you?”

“Of course,” He replied, seemingly embarrassed by her compliment. She just smiled sweetly at him and he rushed off to fill another customer’s order.

Garrus turned to the women and raised his beverage in thanks, “Gratitude.” He made to stand but she held out a hand and he stopped.

“You’re welcome. But I thought in return you’d sit and drink it with me.” 

“Alright,” Garrus settled back into his chair, he had some time left it wouldn’t hurt to have a companion who knew nothing about him for a short while. Hell, Aria had probably sent her. It wasn’t exactly a cheap shot he was drinking and not many on Omega could throw bank like that around.

“My name’s Morinth. I’ve been watching you. You’re the most interesting person in this place.” She settled back on her stool, leaning against the bar, completely at home. “Some nights I come here and there’s no one interesting to talk to. Some nights, there’s just one person.”

Garrus tipped his head towards her, “Let me guess. Tonight? It’s me.” 

She laughed, “I know what I like. Tonight it just so happens to be you. You’ve got the attention of the Queen herself, a beautiful array of scars. What’s not to like?”

Unconsciously Garrus rubbed at the side of his face, “I’m far less interesting than you might have imagined.” He looked away and took a sip of his drink. He debated leaving then but didn’t. This asari had peaked his interest and he couldn’t put his talon on why.  

“I usually find myself drawn to dark, dangerous places. It seems like we share that.”

The turian looked back to her, drawn in and he wasn’t quite sure why. “Maybe we do,” he said. “Or maybe it’s just the music.” 

She leaned forwards, drawing closer to him as she spoke, “Dark rhythms, violent pulses. It stirs something primitive in me.” She placed her hand on his thigh, “What about you?”

He settled back a little deeper into his seat, the alcohol leaving him with a solid buzz now and the conversation enveloping his mind, “I have to admit Afterlife tends to have some of the best music, although I could handle something a little more rhythmic, maybe  _ Hurt Me Deeper _ or something.”

Her eyes widened slightly, “Wait… you’ve heard of Expel Ten?” she sounded excited and he couldn’t help but laugh at the change in demeanor.

“Of course. He tapped the side of his visor, can’t get much better than that for a good beat. The lyrics aren’t bad either, gets into your head...” he trailed off and she filled the space.

“And once they’re in they just tear it to pieces,” she sighed longingly. “There’s a concert soon; maybe we should go together.” The woman’s hand slid further up his thigh, the placement just enough to show she was interested in the turian without being too overt.

Garrus shook his head, “I’m leaving Omega. I’ll have to catch the next one.” He took another sip and she did the same. He watched her as she did, deciding only now that she looked familiar. He couldn’t quite place her but there was something about her eyes. The facial structure, maybe. But he had never been good distinguishing asari, it must have been a coincidence.

“We should make the most of our night then, you can just lose yourself in the music here. There are ways we could enhance that…”

“No.” 

His abrupt dismissal threw her for a curve, she pulled her hand back. “Alright I’ll keep that Hallex to myself then.” She took another long sip, her eyes tracing him as she did so. “Maybe you want to tell me some more about you, I don’t even know your name.”

“It’s Gabriel,” he answered without a thought. The easy cover story dropped into place just after, “I’ve just finished a contract, waiting for my pickup. I don’t know much about you either, Morinth.”

Her smile grew and she moved in again, more open about her touches this time. “Gabriel… such a strong name,” she purred into his ear as she leaned close. Her proximity was setting him on edge, not to mention the words were so similar to those used last time he was on Omega. He pulled away, Aria had to be behind this little charade. There was a hint of laughter on her tongue as she continued, “Little odd for a turian.”

“And Morinth is typical of asari?” 

She laughed again, then got closer. She leaned into his personal space, whispered right in his ear, “Do you want to get out of here?” My apartment is nearby, and I want you alone.”

He hesitated a moment, “If Aria sent you…”

The black-clad asari cut him off, “She didn’t. I just like you Gabriel.” She took the glass from his hand, her other dropped to his thigh as she nearly sat in his lap, “Just look into my eyes and tell me you want me.”

Garrus was completely compelled, he had no choice but to respond, “I want you.” The words felt wrong on his tongue. She stood and led him to the door, their drinks left nearly finished on the bartop. He couldn’t focus on anything but her, the rest of the bar was muted. It wasn’t like him. But he couldn’t help it.

By the time they’d reached her apartment he had come back to himself a little, upon entry he managed to get his bearings again. The unit was in one of the richer districts, large and well established. Various relics and gifts adorned the room, from old weapons to a krogan statue. 

Morinth wasted no time, she sat on the large couch. Her back to the floor to ceiling windows. Her voice was silk again, “I love clubs. people, movement, heat. I can still hear the bass, like the drums of a great hunt, out for your blood. But here, it’s muted... and you’re safe. Is that what you want, Gabriel?”

He sat down on the opposing side of the L-shaped couch, feeling slightly dizzy. “In my experience, people tend to feel safest right before they die. You’re never safe,” he shrugged, “Comes with the territory.”

The asari hummed thoughtfully, “I’ve never understood the fascination with safety. Some of us choose differently. Independance over submission,” she stood up and moved to sit beside him, “I think we share that, you and I.”

Garrus knew it was wrong but he couldn’t pull himself away, “You compare us, but you don’t know what I’ve seen.” Hands began to move across his chest and to the clasps of his tunic. He didn’t stop her but didn’t reciprocate either. 

Her smile grew, “So strong. I need this….” It happened so fast that he could barely understand what was happening, let alone fight back. Morinth was on his lap, one hand roughly pulling at his shirt and the other pressed to his scars. Her eyes went black and the white noise that had been nagging at Garrus’ brain took over completely, “Just look into my eyes and tell me you want me,” she repeated from earlier. “Tell me you’d kill for me. Anything I want.”

His mouth started moving before his mind could catch up, “I… I want you. I’d kill…” he fought the words even as they fell from his maw. “No... I don’t...” his shoulders shook as he tried to pull himself away. His own body rejecting his commands. 

He growled low and she hushed him, “Shhh, darling. Just relax and hear my words…” 

“NO!” he yelled and with every ounce of strength he had he pushed himself away from the asari, her sprawling back on the couch and him falling to the floor. His hands grabbed at his fringe, “Get out of my head!” 

“But you…” she started. Instead she was cut off by the sound of a shotgun destroying the apartment door.

“Get the hell off of him!” he heard someone yell behind him, the tone recognizable but his mind was still drawn to the asari in front of him. Someone else yelled, “Morinth!”

He caught her words easily, “The bitch herself found some little helpers.” She was thrown into the glass, “Mother!”

Garrus was bolted to the floor, unable to take his eyes off of Morinth. He could only hear her voice now, every pained word of her argument as she fought her mother. “I can’t choose to stop being your daughter,” the words harsh. They fought, biotics raging, “What choice? My only crime was being born with the gifts you gave me.”

Garrus could feel strong arms pulling him away from the electric blue lights, his eyes wide open and unblinking as he watched the fight. He heard nothing of what the person behind the arms was saying, it was all background noise in the wake of the battle. “I am the genetic destiny of the asari. But they are not ready to reveal this, so I must die.” Furniture blocked his view for a moment before Morinth pled to the newcomer near him, “I’m as strong as she is… let me join you!” His view of the woman was blocked for a moment, “And they call me a monster!” the maiden cried before she was flung to the ground. “Gabriel! Kill them… kill them for me!”

The attention of one of the newcomers was suddenly on him but he didn’t move. His hands shook as he fought the urge to fight. His predatory instincts screaming at him to do as his master asked… but he didn’t want to kill anyone. He’d done enough killing on Omega. 

His indecision ended up being a saving grace. As suddenly as it started, the urge stopped. The fuzziness started to fall away and light became dark as he slipped into unconsciousness once again. 

+_+_+_+_

 

The Illusive Man had given Shepard a lead for Liara. A lead that could show her where the Shadow Broker was hiding. It hadn’t helped her opinions of the man but it would help her pay Liara back for all her help. The Commander had instructed Joker to plot a course. Garrus would have to wait.  

Fighting through the city, killing a rogue Spectre, and eventually taking Liara to the Shadow Broker’s base had taken days. Feron was alive, Liara was the new Shadow Broker, and the Normandy had access to all of the resources they could have ever asked for. 

The problem was by the time she’d arrived back on board the ship a message was waiting in her inbox. Garrus wasn’t planning to wait on the Citadel. The Commander been furious, even though it made logistical sense for him to come to them, going to Omega alone? It wasn’t a good idea. 

The Commander had read the report from Chakwas on his condition, obviously there were omissions from the turian’s original transcript but it would have to do. Mephran had reported a vast improvement and Garrus was completely clear of all medications. He wasn’t over the PTSD, that would be a lifelong problem, but he had been opening up more. To go to Omega alone was just asking for it to flare up. 

Jane had rushed to the cockpit and immediately told Joker to plot a course for the asteroid. He’d done so quickly, as fast as they could possibly go while still in stealth. 

The next seventeen hours were spent on edge. The Normandy would arrive just hours after Garrus’ transport was set to but even so the Commander was terrified. Upon arrival in the system they picked up a wave of messages from the com bouye. A message from Garrus was sitting in her inbox waiting for her:

_ S, _

_ I know you’re pissed. But I’ve done what I needed to. _

_ I’ll be waiting for you in Afterlife. VIP section.  _

_ G _

_ -PS. Tonight’s codeword is Jaruut. _

 

The message didn’t help much but at least he was still alive when he sent it. She checked the timestamp, less than an hour old. She headed out, fully geared. There was no way in hell she was going to be caught on this station in anything less than full armor today, she even attached an extra pistol to her belt to give to Garrus when she found him.

She headed out alone. The rest of the crew confined to the ship until she got back, there was no telling how fast they’d need to leave the station if her turian had managed to get himself in trouble with the queen.

It was easy enough to get to the club, the VIP section entrance secluded and not well used. The turian at the door was a little reluctant to let her in considering her attire but he relented when Shepard had the codeword and a trigger happy finger.

As she entered the club she hadn’t expected to find Garrus so easily. Nor had she expected to find him with an asari in his lap. She was about to go over to him and give him a piece of her mind but then the new asari turned towards her and she stopped dead. Samara? No… the Justicar was on the Normandy. 

In seconds the resemblance clicked. Morinth. Fuck.

She flicked on her communications unit and slipped further back into the shadows of the entrance. Joker’s ever teasing voice filtered into her ear within seconds,  _ “Normandy here, are you calling for my stripper order?” _

“Jeff, not the time.”

“ _ Oh shit, you only call me Jeff when you’re pissed. What did he do?” _

“I need Samara, get her on the com now.” The pilot mumbled an affirmative and got the asari on the line in record time, her serene voice answering the call. “Samara, what does Morinth look like?”

Her surprise was obvious when she took a few seconds to reply,  _ “Quite similar to myself when I was younger. Same eyes and lips but her fringe was more similar to her father’s. Why, what’s happened?” _

“I’m standing in Afterlife and there is another you at the bar.”

_ “By the goddess. I did not think she would be so easy to find. Is there anyone with her?” _

Shepard huffed a laugh, “She’s with someone alright. She’s nearly sitting in Garrus’ lap.” Joker made a noise and the Commander turned her anger on him, “Moreau get off the fucking com.”

_ “Shit. Sorry Commander.” _

_ “I will come to you Commander. Stay in the shadows, she cannot know that she is being followed or she will go to ground again.” _

Jane scoffed, “You can’t actually expect me to let him be used as bait. He’s been through enough, Samara.” She watched as Garrus pulled away only to have Morinth move in closer, touching him as though she knew him well. The turian obviously uncomfortable until the asari said something. She ignored Samara’s retort as she watched his demeanor change, from wary to agreeable. Shepard cut the Justicar off, “Just what can Morinth do?”

_ “She controls people Shepard. She’s compelling. A seductrice with capabilities aided by her heritage.”  _ Her voice became unsteady,  _ “What is she doing?” _

“I… I don’t know. They’re leaving. Follow my com signal.” Garrus and Morinth passed by her moments later, him looking dazed and her like a cat that had caught its mouse. She maintained a safe distance behind the pair, nearly losing them once because of it when they turned a corner too quickly. 

When the pair entered an apartment building she watched from the window until the elevator reached their floor. Eleven. Samara was a minute out so she chanced waiting for the Justicar. When she appeared she was slightly out of breath, a surprising change for the usually demure asari. “They went in a few minutes ago, eleventh floor. We need to get up there now.”

Without waiting for a response Jane headed through the main doors, ignoring the armed doorman and leaving Samara to knock him back with a biotic blast. They took the lift to the correct floor, stepping off left them with six units to check. 

They were about to start checking them, unit by unit, when the correct one became obvious. “NO! Get out of my head!” Garrus yelled. 

Shepard responded with a yell of her own, as she blew the door open with her shotgun, “Get the hell off of him!” Samara followed the angry human into the room calling out to her daughter, “Morinth!” 

The ensuing fight ended in moments. 

It didn’t take long before all of her anger was gone and worry replaced it. Jane knelt beside Garrus, cradling his head in one hand and rubbing his shoulder with the other. “Wake up, please wake up…” she pled. His eyelids fluttered slightly and he grimaced at the bright overhead lighting as he woke up. She breathed his name lightly.

He stiffened and shot up into a sitting position, “Where… what?” he asked before he was pushed back down.

“Easy… easy does it. Just breathe for a minute. You’re safe, she’s gone.” He sat up again and pulled her to his chest, “Garrus? What...”

“I thought I’d never see you again,” he whispered into her shoulder. 

Shepard narrowed her eyes in confusion and looked up at Samara who nodded thoughtfully and explained, “Ardat Yakshi are terrible beings Commander, I believe Morinth may have forced herself on Vakarian and embraced eternity. For that I apologise, to both of you.”

“Garrus, look at me.” She said softly and he complied, pulling back just slightly. “What do you remember?”

“I went to the old base then Afterlife. Aria wanted to meet with me, after she left an asari showed up. I thought she was under the Queen’s employ so I let her stay, then suddenly I was here. And she was…” he took a breath to steady himself, “She tried to meld with me, I didn’t want to. I pushed her away and the next thing I know everything went dark.”

“It sounds like we arrived before any damage could be done,” Samara said cooly. 

Shepard was on her feet quickly, “More like with seconds to spare! Fuck Samara if I’d known what your daughter really was then I would have ended her on sight.” She might have gone on but a hand on her shoulder stopped her.

She turned to see Garrus looking down at her, curled in on himself a little, “Jane… can we go home?” 

He sounded so small.

“Of course.” She nodded once, a reassuring smile and sad eyes greeting him. “Come back to the ship when you’re ready Samara. We’ll set off once you’ve returned.”

“Yes, Commander.” The young pair turned to leave, Garrus hesitating a moment as Samara apologised for her daughter’s misdeeds.

He shook his head without looking back, “She can’t hurt anyone again. That’s all that matters.”

They took a cab back to the docks. Shepard didn’t want to spend any more time on this gods forsaken asteroid than necessary. It was a silent ride, only their breaths and the occasional shift of cloth and armor broke the silence. Their only contact was at Garrus’ insistence, his gloved hand covering hers. It was so unlike the last time they rode in a cab together. 

Not a soul bothered them as they entered the ship. In the elevator up to her quarters Shepard called on EDI, asking her to plot a course for Alchera once Samara was aboard. The Commander had a feeling that she and Garrus could use some closure considering the events of the day. They would make the time for it. 

They needed it. 

When the hunting pair arrived in the loft Garrus carefully lowered himself to the couch and Shepard quietly worked on removing her armor. Neither spoke until the Commander returned from the washroom, dressed in her standard fatigues sans tunic. “I’m not sure what to feel right now,” she said as she descended the stairs and sat on the table in front of him. 

Her turian remained silent, one hand rubbing his forehead and the other supporting his weight as he leaned forwards on his knees, shoulders rounded. “I’m not sure either. I was really pissed at you but now I’m just happy to be back.”

The human smiled, “I think we’re in the same boat then…” she paused a moment before adding, “I was pretty scared too. I thought I’d lost you.”

He looked up, questioning, “When?” 

“A few times. When you went down on the Citadel, then again when I found out you went to Omega alone. I was so scared Garrus. I mean watching Morinth lead you away? It was fucking terrifying. I didn’t realise you didn’t know what you were doing, if I had I never would have let her get you alone.”

She stopped when he reached out a hand to grab hers. “I’m sorry Jane. I was so angry and confused, when I woke up with Doctor Mephran there, without you, I… I thought you didn’t want me. That you’d finally given up.”

Shepard squeezed his hand, “I’ll never give up on you. I didn’t know what to do, you needed something that I wasn’t giving you and being on the ship wasn’t helping.” Garrus shook his head slightly and winced, “Are you alright? Should I get Karin?”

He smiled weakly, “Nothing she can do for a headache other than give me something, but I don’t want it. I’m clean and I intend to stay that way. No more stims. No pills. I’m done.”

“Is there something I can do then?” Shepard asked tentatively. 

Garrus looked up from the hole he’d been staring in the floor, “Dark, warm and quiet should help.”

“Why don’t you lay down for a while? I’ll get EDI to turn the temperature up a few degrees and leave you be.” She stood up but before she could walk away Garrus tightened his grip on her hand. 

“Stay with me. It’ll be a few hours before we hit Alchera and you need the rest as much as I do.” Shepard looked like she might have protested but the look of genuine need in his face was enough to delay her departure. He released her hand and took off his boots and shirt before lying down on what had become his side of the bed. 

The Commander crawled into bed on the other side and was surprised when he rolled to give her his back. She’d barely seen the scars there, he so rarely turned his back on her, or anyone for that matter, since the incident. Slowly she moved closer to him, eventually pressing her clothed chest to his bare back, curling her legs under his, while settling low enough as to not catch his fringe in her face. One arm supported her head and the other she trailed over his chest before leaving it resting on his hip. It wasn’t long before Garrus’ breaths grew slow and even, sleeping soundly unaided for the first time in a long time.

“EDI,” she whispered after a few minutes, “Alert me when we are an hour out from Alchera.”

“Of course Commander,” the AI responded quietly, “Logging you out.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't forget about Morinth! She's just such a peach and we all know she'd be more attracted the Archangel than Shepard, right?
> 
> Fanfiction Recommendation: Grind by Ahrk. http://archiveofourown.org/works/765540 . A fun little FshepXGarrus story, make sure you check out the music that goes along with it.


	11. Chapter 11 -  Release

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We come to the end of our story; injury, recovery, relapse and then...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We come to the final chapter of our story. But this is not the end! I've got another story in the works for you all, the story of what happens to our heros after ME3, the beam and the subsequent crash. I'm looking for a beta, send me a message or leave me a comment if you're interested! I'm hoping for about 100k words all told. 
> 
> Enjoy this one!

Jeff sat alone in the cockpit. Just like he did everyday. Only… it wasn’t like everyday, no. He was back in the place that created his worst nightmare. Orbiting the planet that killed his career, broke his arm and stole his best friend. Just weeks had passed since he’d been forced to face the ship that had done those things, and now he was back where it had happened. 

Eerie was the best word he had to describe it. 

He’d never admit it to her face, and he knew that she had better friends than him, but to Jeff Moreau? Jane Shepard was his best friend. She’d died to save him. Even before that she’d always been kind, chatting with him and always coming to check in on her resident pilot. The Commander had always been more than a superior to him and he’d repaid that friendship by getting her killed. 

EDI’s voice broke him out of his daze, “Jeff? Are you alright?” she asked. Her computerized voice almost sounded sympathetic.

“Since when do you call me Jeff?” he asked evasive. 

“Since you did not respond to my repeated attempts of Lieutenant or Mr Moreau.”

He ducked his head, “Oh… sorry. Something you need then?”

“No. I was…” she hesitated,  _ since when do computers hesitate? _ Jeff thought absent mindedly, “Concerned. I’ve detected an elevation in your blood pressure since we arrived in this sector, it has not dissipated. Are you alright Jeff?”

He paused a moment before deciding to abandon his silence, it wasn’t as though anyone would hear him besides EDI anyways, “No. I'm not alright. We're back here… the place where I killed her.”

“You haven't killed anyone Jeff. What happened to the Commander was an unfortunate accident. If you hadn't held the ship together as long as you did then more of the crew would have perished.”

He scoffed, “I don't even know why I told you. I don't need your pity… your reassurance.”

“From what I’ve read, what you are experiencing is normal. It's called survivors guilt.”  

“EDI stop. I don't need you to shrink me. Fuck… you're a computer. I don't even know why I told you.”

“I am an artificial intelligence, I may be synthetic but I learn from my experiences. I've learned a lot from you. Why shouldn't I be able to empathize?”

It was Jeff’s turn to hesitate. When he eventually found the words they were surprisingly sincere, “You should if that’s what you want to do. Empathize… I mean. It’s… nice actually.”

-+-+-+-+

Meanwhile, Shepard and Garrus had landed on Alchera. The turian set them down in the large open space near the skeletal hull of the original Normandy. Shepard had been sitting in her typical mission seat, not caring to cram herself into the cockpit for the short journey through atmo. He finished the post flights checks and powered the main engines down, leaving the auxiliary power unit on to keep the shuttle warm. It was a balmy negative 24 centigrade outside. 

He waited silently for the Commander to be ready, it took a few minutes but eventually she stood and secured her helmet in place. He merely nodded once to her before securing his own and depressurizing the cabin, the frigid air filtered in quickly. The whir of his hardsuit heating coils was audible as they kicked in at the sudden temperature drop.

She would be going alone but he’d be steps away if she needed him. He told her so as the shuttle door opened. It was calm, overcast with just a few flakes of snow falling. The grey skies fitting for this graveyard visit. The door closed behind her with an echoing clang, too loud, grating. 

Minutes ticked by. Had his nerves not been so frayed he might have dozed. Instead he waited silently, waiting for any semblance of movement, any hint that she needed him at her side. He scanned the radar, flicked through the com channels. Nothing. Alchera was a dead planet.

Garrus listened to her breaths, monitored her vitals on his visor. He could tell each time she found the corpse of an old crew member frozen in the snow. He wasn’t sure if he could hear the dog tags clang together or if it was his imagination supplying the sound.

Out of nowhere he heard a gasp followed by a spike in Shepard’s heart rate. The turian was out of the shuttle in seconds, “Shepard? Sitrep.” His weapon was drawn, eyes searching for her. The Commander had fallen to her knees a ways away from the shuttle. She was reaching for something that he couldn’t see. “Jane…” he started to make his way to her, fighting the urge to run to her in favour of checking for hostiles. 

She cleared her throat when he was halfway to her, “Meat and tubes… that’s what Jacob said.” Her laugh was bitter, “Fuck… he wasn’t kidding.”

“Jane, what is it? Talk to me.” He sped up, not quite running, not yet. She held up a black spherical object, it took him a few seconds to realise what it was and it stopped him dead in his tracks. “Spirits…” he breathed, “is that?”

She nodded and dropped her hand back down. It took him a few seconds but with a shake of his head he forced himself to Shepard’s side. She laughed bitterly, “Did it’s job I guess. Kept my head together enough for them to put it back together.”

He didn’t quite know what to say, instead he knelt down in the snow to her right. He reached out and pulled her close, despite the armor getting in the way she seemed to deflate. “You’re here now. Doesn’t matter how. I’m just glad you are.” 

She nodded, “Let’s get some distance. I found everyone,” she held up a hand full of dog tags. “Their families deserve these back. It isn’t much but it is all I can do for them.”

Garrus nodded and stood, offering his hand to her. She accepted but bent back down to grab the helmet. “Are you sure you want that?” he asked gently.

“I am.” 

The turian didn’t reply past that. Only stowed his rifle on his back and walked a pace behind the Commander back to the shuttle. He’d left the door open in his haste, stupid in retrospect but they needed it open to grab the memorial Hackett had given them to place here on Alchera. Together they heaved it out and carried it into view of the Normandy’s hull. A fitting space with the ship’s title half buried in snow. 

Jane stood a few minutes silently, head bowed like he’d seen the humans at Shepard’s funeral do during their moment of silence. Though there was no music this time, no trumpet singing a song of mourning. He joined her, standing still as a stone until she was ready to move. Together they walked back to the shuttle and Garrus closed the door behind them. 

He hit the environmental controls switch and fresh air filtered into the cabin, when the safety beeped at them Shepard couldn’t seem to get her helmet off fast enough. Her eyes were red, cheeks stained. Expression furious. She slumped into her usual seat while Garrus set course for the Normandy. After lift off he set the cruise control and went back into the main cabin.

After a few minutes of silence she looked up, “Why me?” Jane asked rhetorically, dropping her helmet onto the bench beside her old one. “Why should I have been brought back to life but none of them were?” She stood and paced the small space, only able to get seven steps before turning and pacing back. Her rage palatable. “Why Garrus? Tell me why!”

He shook his head as he removed his helmet, the air still frigid, “I don’t know.”

She scoffed, “How do I even know I’m actually me? I’m not just some copy…”

“That I do know, you’re you.”

“How do you? You saw my helmet. I fell from the gods damned sky Garrus! There’s no way I could have survived that. Actually, I didn’t. They can’t have actually resurrected me. It’s impossible.”

“When it comes to you, nothing’s impossible. You’re you,” he repeated. “I’d know if you weren’t.”

She stopped pacing, stared him straight in the eyes. “HOW!” she cried before starting to tear at pieces of her armor. “How can you know that I’m me when I’m not even sure? I don’t look like myself.” She peeled back the under armor suit covering her shoulder, pointing to where she’d once had a large burn from thresher maw acid. “Look here, I know you remember that day. We got ambushed by threshers when you were fixing the Mako. You remember that scar. It’s gone!” She pulled the arm of the suit off, “They’re all gone, Garrus. How do you know that I’m me if I don’t look like myself.”

“Because I know you. It’s not about your scars Shepard. It’s the way you speak. The way you walk, roll out your shoulder. Cerberus may have brought you back but they couldn’t have copied everything. They’d have gotten something wrong. I’d know,” he insisted again.

“They had access to everything there is to know about me. Military and public records. Even stupid little shit like my shoe size. They copied me. I’m some kind of fucking clone!”

“No you aren’t,” he said firmly. “You’re the best damn friend I’ve ever had and there is no way they could have gotten you right.” Garrus started pulling at his own armor and clothing, he was bare from the waist before he caught her eyes, “Look at me. You remember back on the SR-1, you remember when the worst scar I had was from that rachni tendril. Now look, I’m just as pieced back together. How do you know I’m me?”

Shepard huddled in on herself, arms wrapping around her half bare torso. “I saw you get put back together. You’re the same.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, I’m not the same. I changed.” He looked away, gathering strength. “Chakwas and Lawson might have physically put me back together but I wasn’t… I wasn’t me. I was just barely holding the pieces in. You’re the one who held me, you’re the one who wouldn’t let me go, got me the help I needed. Wouldn’t let me kill the last member of my team. That’s how I know. That’s how I know that you’re you.”

“Garrus…”

He looked up, expression sombre. “Even if your body is different it doesn’t matter. I don’t care. You’re you. I know you are.” He took a few paces towards her, enough so he could rest his hands on her shoulders, “Let me bring you back.” 

She stiffened at first before nodding and stepping into his embrace. He was so warm and the cabin so cold. Her arms wrapped around his lower back, his enveloped her pulling her into his chest. After a minute or so the tension started to leak out of her, she hugged back a little more fierce. 

The turian’s hands began to caress her back, his mouth moved to her shoulder where he mimicked a few kisses before reverting to nips and lavishing her with his tongue. Her initial surprise faded fast and she caressed the back of his fringe while allowing him better access to her throat. 

Eventually her lips found his and they kissed, slowly at first but Garrus grew more confident and soon he was exploring her mouth as greedily as she was his. He was more careful than last time, ensuring he didn’t draw blood. Doctor Mephran had assured him his immune system could handle levo proteins now but he didn’t want to chance it. Not when he was able to make Jane moan like she was. Not when she was letting go like this with him. 

Quickly the contact wasn’t enough and they began to pull at each other’s remaining clothing. The air had grown warmer but it was still cool enough for little bumps to appear all over Shepard’s arms and breasts. He couldn’t tell if her shiver was from the cold or his touch. He wanted to keep touching her, to hear her moan his name. And so he took her hand and dragged it to his sheath, she took the hint and began to massage and tease the ever growing opening. 

“Ah... Shepard,” he breathed his erection came into view. She stroked him a few times and the difference between the warmth of her hand and the chill of the air made him groan. He pressed two fingers into her, using his thumb to pleasure the little nun she so loved when he touched. “I want you,” he whispered after a few minutes.

She took a half pace back to look him in the eyes, “Are you sure?”

He smiled and backed her up to the wall, she hissed at the cold metal, “Let me show you how sure I am.” He picked her up by the backs of her thighs, encouraging her to wrap her legs around his waist. He teased at her opening with the tip of his cock, “Do you want me?”

Shepard kissed him deeply, tongues dancing together a few moments before she nodded, “More than anything.” Her back arched as he gave into her wishes and thrust into her. “Ohh… yes!” She nearly screamed as he hilted himself. 

Garrus pressed his weight into her, one arm supporting her weight and the other supporting his own on the handhold above them. He almost came right then and there. Between Jane’s moan and tight heat he barely held himself together. “By the Spirits you’ll be the death of me…” he groaned when he’d regained some semblance of composure. She laughed and rolled her hips, causing him to shiver. “No doubt about it,” he gave a tentative thrust before starting a slow rhythm. “You are you.”

“How do you know?” she asked around a moan, this time the question was light, more of a curiosity.

He pulled back enough to smile at her, taking her chin with the hand not supporting her, “Because there isn’t a damn way they could have perfected you. And you? Are perfect.” He kissed her then, passionate and needy as his thrusts began to gain momentum. When he pulled back for air he added, “That... and no one else could make me love them like I love you.”

Her smile reached her eyes, even as tears threatened to fall from them. “I love you too Garrus.” She pulled him back in and they kissed again, her hands pressing into the tender places under his fringe and her legs pleasantly constricted around his waist. 

It wasn’t long before they came, Garrus first, dragging Shepard over the edge with him. They slumped against one another, breathing heavily. After a few minutes they started to cool off and both began to shiver, without the heat of their lovemaking the air was too cold. 

“Maybe somewhere warmer next time?” Jane laughed as Garrus let her down. He nodded and passed her a towel from the supplies cabinet. 

“Definitely.” He pulled his shirt back on and looked at the temperature gauge, “It’s up to four degrees.” 

“Ouch, next time at least twelve or you aren’t getting my shirt off.” She pulled her pants back on. “Yup. Next time warmer.”

“If I remember correctly you’re the one who started ripping clothing off, not me.” He dodged the glove she threw at him, he might have had a better comeback but the com buzzed in the cockpit. 

“Shuttle-one this is Normandy,” Jeff voice sounded over the speakers, “Any chance you’ll be docking soon? Got a priority message coming in from the Illusive Prick.”

Jane rolled her eyes, “We’ll be docking shortly. Have the shuttlebay prepped for us.”

“You got it Commander.”

-+-+-+-+-

 

Things on the Normandy started moving faster and faster. The format of the ground team shifted to include Garrus more often than not but the results were tangible. Morale and mission efficacy went through the roof. 

Soon the team was whole, all  12 members and all were loyal to the cause. Everyone had put their differences aside, even Tali and the newest member the Geth called Legion. Even Miranda and Jack.. Shepard and Vakarian, an unbeatable team. 

They had stood on a derelict Reaper. Fought against and destroyed the heretic Geth. The only step left now was to destroy the Collectors. After the crew was captured which the ground team had been enjoying one final night off before the final push their timeline had sped up. They’d made for the relay immediately. 

By some miracle they managed to all survive the mission. A destroyed Collector base left in their wake. Along with a destroyed relationship with Cerberus. 

It wasn’t until the Commander was contacted by Admiral Hackett that things started to go south again. 300 000 batarians dead, the reapers delayed but not gone, Shepard imprisoned. There was only one thing left for Garrus to do, he finally went home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for sticking with me!
> 
> Final fanfiction recommendation: Symbiosis by Mordinette. http://archiveofourown.org/works/544367 . Thane/Garrus/Fshep because sometimes plant spores make people do crazy things.


End file.
